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Old 01-27-04, 04:25 PM
waywardclam waywardclam is offline
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Financial abyss (rant)

So I'm feeling overwhelmed by my inability to cope financially.

My wife has a good paying full time job, PLUS a part time job. I have two part time jobs, both of which have crappy hours and essentially minimum wage.

I wouldn't feel bad about this except that we have about $13000 in debt that is my fault - student loans, which paid for my education which I dropped out of due to ADD.

Because I haven't been able to remember to pay the student loan payments, and often haven't been able to, they have gone to collections and ruined my credit rating.

Now I can't get another student loan, so I can't go back to school.

Since I can't go back to school, I can't get a high paying job to pay down my student loan.

The only high paying jobs available to someone with my lack of experience are intolerable to me (i.e. tree planting, high pressure sales, etc.), and I can honestly say that most of the reason for that is my ADD.

I also can't get a full time job at minimum wage, because then we need a babysitter, which is so *******g expensive these days that I'd be losing money overall.

And we can't get daycare because I don't have a full time weekday job. And I can't get a full time weekday job, because I don't have daycare...

Now perhaps drugs or psychotherapy or neurofeedback might "cure" my symptoms enough for me to work at one of these jobs--but I can't afford any of these "cures"! Even the Wellbutrin I am taking now seems to do little for me, and it drains too much $ out of our accounts...

So I sit here, scraping by, eating out of dented cans from the food bank my parents run, while my poor wife is working herself into the ground to try and support the family.

This is why I so desperately want to finish a novel. It seems to me like one of the few things that could theoretically end this downward spiral I am in. An advance would go a long ways to destroying our debt, and if I became successful, then neither of us would have to work as hard, or perhaps not at all...

It's a slim hope. But it's all I have to work with right now, other than lottery tickets.

Of course, this doesn't pay the bills in the meantime, nor does it satisfy the collection agencies that are getting more and more aggressive. I also suspect my wife has panic disorder. If they get her on the phone, or if she opens an aggressive letter from one of them, that will set her off...

And in the meantime we are setting a horrible example for our boy, and are unable to give him the special care he needs as an ADD child. As far as I am concerned, he NEEDS to be in martial arts right now. But its another $100 a month that we can't spend when we struggle to pay the rent every month.

We can't move anywhere cheaper--we're damn lucky to be where we are today. To find a cheaper place we'd have to be in a closet with a bathroom.

Our car insurance is about to skyrocket.

We could give up the Internet, or cable TV. We will probably have to do just that. But I HATE to think what life is going to be like around here for me and my ADD child if neither of us can watch TV or go on the Internet.

Now I can't imagine I am the only one in this sort of situation. In fact, I KNOW I am not, because I help out at my parents' food bank, and people there have bigger families, poorer conditions to live in, more bills, more kids, one or both parents unemployed, medical bills....

WHY doesn't our society find more ways to help people get out of these downward spirals?

I know that if I had a decent high paying job, I could find a way to keep it, pay my debts down, pay taxes responsibly, and find more time and money to give to charity...

I have brilliant ideas and contributions I could make, were I an executive somewhere. I could save companies millions, and make them millions more. But because I am trapped in this downward spiral I will never be given the chance to ever see these ideas come to fruition.

And even given all this... I think I could still succeed at writing, or something else, relatively quickly. But my family and my problems demand so much of my time and attention that all that is left over is an hour or two every day. I can get around that by not sleeping, but that only puts off the inevitable...

And all of this increases the pressure slowly... until I screw up at work... screw up at home... screw up my hobbies...

Which increases the pressure slowly...

Ad nauseum

Ad infinitum.

I don't want to bore or depress anyone. And I am not looking for advice here. But several people asked me if I wanted someone to ***** at and let off all of my steam.

So here it is.
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Old 01-27-04, 04:43 PM
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Old 01-27-04, 04:52 PM
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Hang in there Clam. I have been there before. Do not have great advice. I do agree that to much emmphasis is pllaced on education that is irrelevent. Sending good vibes your way.
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Old 01-27-04, 09:25 PM
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Hey Paul,

I have a student loan too - about $11,000 I owe and hubby owes about $8,000. Finished the degree but couldn't get a job from it.

Hubby works full time. I'm struggling to work 8 hours a week so I can understand your feelings of worthlessness. I was raised to believe that worthiness came from how much you can contribute financially.

I can't work full time coz of the day care situation too - but I don't think i could cope working full time either.

Hubby took over the budget (as well as working full time, teaching karate, training twice a week, looking after the two German Shepherds, helping me with the housework and doing some major contruction in the garden). He's so competent at everything and I feel so damn useless next to him. Sometimes I scratch my head and wonder why he picked me but he see's something in me which I don't.
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Old 01-27-04, 09:53 PM
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Quote:
But I HATE to think what life is going to be like around here for me and my ADD child if neither of us can watch TV or go on the Internet.
Actually I have heard that people with ADD should limit their tv and internet time I have definatly noticed an improvement in myself since we got rid of tv we still watch videos on occasion but we don"t get any channels

HTH
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Old 01-27-04, 10:07 PM
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we have satalite tv with all the channels and I bet I dont watch 2 Hous a week of tv(unless MASH happens to be on)

My internet is 98 % ADDforums and email

Best medicine I have found for helping me to feel like I belong somewhere
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Old 01-27-04, 10:27 PM
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Paul

A year ago I was sitting where you are now.

I dont know what you think about driving but I tell you why I drive truck and what the good points and bad points are

Good points
very easy to make 50-60 grand a year
very easy work just drive and watch the scenery
alone most of the time
really enjoy the quality time when you do get home
can write your novel as you drive by dictating it into a tape recorder

Your a canadian so unemployment will help you get your licence if you know the rules

Bad Points
4 wheelers (cars)
work straight 5-6 days a week 1 day off
thats all I can think of

Feel free to quetion me at any time if you so desire

where you live I imagine there is many truck driving oppertunities

Garry
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Old 01-27-04, 11:15 PM
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pembroke is just really nicepembroke is just really nicepembroke is just really nicepembroke is just really nice
ummm....trucking - my husband did it the first years of our married life. he was never home and when he was, he slept.
granted, for a while, it might work.
rental properties....we went from bankruptcy to owning a building in 3 years, owning 2 buildings in 5 years. sold the one, paid off a lot.
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Old 01-28-04, 12:22 AM
waywardclam waywardclam is offline
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Bad point - No driver's license.

Never had one in my life. For a variety of ADD reasons.

Too expensive now for me to get training, pay increased insurance, etc...
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Old 01-28-04, 02:09 AM
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no driver's liscense?!?!!??!?!

just kidding - my grandma never had one becuse she was such a bad driver (appearantly everyone was afraid to ride with her). Also my dad didn't get his until he was 24 or 25... my mom taught him how to drive and he's STILL not very good.

paul, i've been thinking about your situation; it's very tough. i think it's stupid too that the system puts so much emphasis on education.

i definately don't think you should get rid of the internet!!! (bad you for even considering it!!! i would hate to see you leave!!) but i agree about the tv. i used to watch some tv in high school but didn't bring one to college and i havent' missed it AT ALL. honestly i was really surprised! my roommate this year has a tv and we got really cheap cable by splitting with the other 10 people in our house, but i never turn it on. i think i've seen one movie so far this year, and one or two shows becuase she was watching it.

you might be surprised yourself if you decide to try cutting it. obviously it's your choice though!! i know how KIDS can be about things they want... (i threw some temper tantrums myself not very long ago... )

btw i'm glad you're ranting!! it's good to get things off your chest - definately better than bottling it up, plus we want to share in your troubles because we CARE about you!!

good luck!! i'll try thinking of some good jobs
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Old 01-28-04, 07:05 AM
waywardclam waywardclam is offline
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Thanks all for the support.

Am in discussions with the wife about whether to keep TV or not. But it's only one of the cards in an entire deck of issues, if you see what I mean...
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Old 01-28-04, 07:13 AM
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No drivers licence kills that posibility
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Old 01-28-04, 12:19 PM
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When I am in a downward spiral (and when the lottery fantasy is over) I find it helpful to remember that you can only solve problem at a time. I does help to start with the small ones such as cable/no cable. Once you are in a problem solving upswing, then you can think about tackling such things as job dissatisfaction, crushing debt, etc...

BTW I used to freak out all the time when the bill collectors (or shakedown artists as I prefer to call them) would call. Easy solution: got rid of home phone (.: phone bill). Not a joke. I got a cell phone. I wanted one for emergencies anyway and as I am not one for yakking away the hours on the horn, my minutes stay pretty low. Added bonus: my mother in law does not have my number.

Now I know you said you are not looking for advice on this, and I tried to restrain myself, I really did, but everyone else started posting, so....


Rant away!
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Old 01-28-04, 10:28 PM
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Paul, you're right, tv is only one teeny thing in a whole pile...

I know this problaby isn't much help, but think of all the things you DO have!!

your wife obviously loves you - she hasn't given up on you yet. your son is also there for you. even if you were kicked out onto the street and were begging for change, at least you have people to love.

You do have a home which is YOURS.. you havne't resorted to the street yet!! which is good becuase it's probly pretty cold up there in thunder bay right now...

You have a brain and your sanity. You also obviously have a good sense of humor! at least they can't take that away from you!!

Have you ever read "the Jungle" by upton sinclair? I read that earlier this year and it really made me see some things I'd never realized (about people and the resilience of man)
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Old 01-28-04, 11:50 PM
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Hi Paul,

You need to distractions of the TV and internet to escape from the reality of life. Whilst it is supposed to be better for ADD people to spend less time on such things, when everything is going badly is probably not the best time to make that kind of lifestyle change.

On the drivers licence thing - where I live you can be taught how to drive by anyone whose had their licence for more than (can't remember how many) years. Is it the same where you are? Sometimes driving can offer a different kind of 'space'. When I get really upset, I turn up the stereo in the car and sing really loudly (coz no-one else can hear) and sometimes that helps.
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