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Old 10-03-18, 03:08 PM
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is it possible that I may not have ADD?

In my childhood up to my early thirties, where I am now, I have had all the symptoms of ADD in my life. Pretty strong, there is no denying there.

However, I notice that I am getting control, as I write in my other thread. I am rising above myself. Part of this is that I understand my patterns of behavior and my own needs well enough to divise and maintain a strategy to overcome my issues and grow.

I notice that a lot of my issues were because of my fear, my lack of realism, my inflated expectations, but at the same time my lack of confidence and because I was stuck in chaos all the time and never saw a way out, my desire to help others and save the world (placing a huge burden on me) and that was always just fighting or surviving, hardly ever relaxing. I did not face my real, inner issues.

Now that things are changing and that I do face this, could my difficulty to concentrate, prioritize, organize and my restlessness be explained differently - not with an ADD diagnosis, but because of getting stuck in an unhealthy self-image, unhelpful beliefs and self-destructive patterns?

I don't know. The truth may lie somewhere in the middle. My life history has definitely made my ADD-like symptoms stronger, and it does not help that modern society also boosts ADD-like traits. Having some control over my life makes me confident that my symptoms will become less over time, perhaps much less.

I am looking forward to reading your opinion about this.
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Old 10-03-18, 04:43 PM
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Re: is it possible that I may not have ADD?

Interesting question! By unhealthy self-image, is that like saying you believed some negative things have been said about ADD people and internalized it? I did to a limited degree. I was lucky my parents didn't seem to blame me too much for my short-comings. But I knew something was wrong with me and the lack of knowing what always bothered me. All those decades, not knowing, just trying to be okay. I didn't suspect until my 50's when I finally read about ADHD, that it's not just kids who are hyper in school. Knowledge is powerful. Still struggling with those self-destructive patterns. Maybe I should say self-sabotaging powers, since I never destroyed my real self. Thank goodness I didn't.
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Old 10-03-18, 06:24 PM
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Re: is it possible that I may not have ADD?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacksper View Post
In my childhood up to my early thirties, where I am now, I have had all the symptoms of ADD in my life. Pretty strong, there is no denying there.

However, I notice that I am getting control, as I write in my other thread. I am rising above myself. Part of this is that I understand my patterns of behavior and my own needs well enough to divise and maintain a strategy to overcome my issues and grow.

I notice that a lot of my issues were because of my fear, my lack of realism, my inflated expectations, but at the same time my lack of confidence and because I was stuck in chaos all the time and never saw a way out, my desire to help others and save the world (placing a huge burden on me) and that was always just fighting or surviving, hardly ever relaxing. I did not face my real, inner issues.

Now that things are changing and that I do face this, could my difficulty to concentrate, prioritize, organize and my restlessness be explained differently - not with an ADD diagnosis, but because of getting stuck in an unhealthy self-image, unhelpful beliefs and self-destructive patterns?

I don't know. The truth may lie somewhere in the middle. My life history has definitely made my ADD-like symptoms stronger, and it does not help that modern society also boosts ADD-like traits. Having some control over my life makes me confident that my symptoms will become less over time, perhaps much less.

I am looking forward to reading your opinion about this.



As we wrestle with ADHD several things happen.
1) We may gain real mastery of at least some of our symptoms. Apparently 5% grow out of it completely and the mainstream scientists do not know why.
The reason I engaged meditation so strongly is that I saw it could be re-framed as an advanced attention training school. In fact it does a bit more than that- it helps us break down some of our dysfunctional ideas-- which is what Im coming to.


ADHD is often described as a disorder of self regulation- and although the mainstream ADHD practitioners have not paid much attention to this the evidence for dysregulation of the autonomic nervous system in ADHD is clear cut.


This is really important as the information coming back from the body created by our state of autonomic activation is what creates our emotional state, our facial microexpressions and governs most of our social interactions. If that system is not in balance it is hard to pay attention ad study, we look like trouble waiting to happen, and we misjudge the intentions of others.

No matter how hard we try we cant beat those issues at school according to the system of teaching that we are exposed to - unless you are lucky enough to go to a Steiner School. The same thing happens with social interactions.

Predictably enough that builds up negative self image, isolationism and suspicion of other people. "This person makes me angry"- one of the most common delusions you will ever hear. "That person does not have control of your wiring. You do, or you should do if the previous generation had been able to figure this one out and not blinded by the rhetoric of its self discipline model.

So: IMHO, getting stuck in an unhealthy self-image, unhelpful beliefs and self-destructive patterns is secondary to the ADHD. There are plenty of psychotherapists who support that understanding.

Now as I said - ADHD is a real physiological problem, and if you can access a practitioner of functional neurology who is on the cutting edge of this problem they will be able to do a physical examination that shows those problems.

One of them is ill coordinated eye movements. I presenting the evidence for that as I get my database tidy enough. However- my ADHD got worse as my eyesight worsened in early middle age. It is also worse when my spine is unstable.

Equally, you may be under more pressure at work or home, and have less time for self care. That will worsen the ADHD.

Finally, this physical basis for ADHD is often forgotten or ignored- as a result of the dad weight of old science done it the time when we knew little neurology. However the main autonomic problem- overactivity of the stress part of the system, and underactivity of the relaxation part-- has been associated for decades in the medical literature with high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity, osteoporosis, heart failure- all the big killers.


I was diagnosed in 2008, and this dawned on me in 2009-- so I have focussed most of my attention now. At my worst 12 months ago I was having huge spikes in blood pressure (240/170), terrible brain fog, sweating on one side of my body.

I have only just passed the point where I am sure I have it under good and rapidly improving control.
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Last edited by namazu; 10-03-18 at 08:20 PM.. Reason: Religious discussion is prohibited outside of Meditation &Spirituality section.
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Old 10-03-18, 11:29 PM
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Re: is it possible that I may not have ADD?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacksper View Post
In my childhood up to my early thirties, where I am now, I have had all the symptoms of ADD in my life. Pretty strong, there is no denying there.

However, I notice that I am getting control, as I write in my other thread. I am rising above myself. Part of this is that I understand my patterns of behavior and my own needs well enough to divise and maintain a strategy to overcome my issues and grow.

I notice that a lot of my issues were because of my fear, my lack of realism, my inflated expectations, but at the same time my lack of confidence and because I was stuck in chaos all the time and never saw a way out, my desire to help others and save the world (placing a huge burden on me) and that was always just fighting or surviving, hardly ever relaxing. I did not face my real, inner issues.

Now that things are changing and that I do face this, could my difficulty to concentrate, prioritize, organize and my restlessness be explained differently - not with an ADD diagnosis, but because of getting stuck in an unhealthy self-image, unhelpful beliefs and self-destructive patterns?

I don't know. The truth may lie somewhere in the middle. My life history has definitely made my ADD-like symptoms stronger, and it does not help that modern society also boosts ADD-like traits. Having some control over my life makes me confident that my symptoms will become less over time, perhaps much less.

I am looking forward to reading your opinion about this.
there is a group of symptoms that occur with adhd frequently its not a diagnosis

rejection sensitivity dyshphoria

you seem to hav had issues like it,, so its an ADHD thing

I have it severe enough where I meet criteria of a personality disorder from it (avoidant personality)
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Old 10-03-18, 11:54 PM
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Re: is it possible that I may not have ADD?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacksper View Post
I notice that a lot of my issues were because of my fear, my lack of realism, my inflated expectations, but at the same time my lack of confidence and because I was stuck in chaos all the time and never saw a way out, my desire to help others and save the world (placing a huge burden on me) and that was always just fighting or surviving, hardly ever relaxing. I did not face my real, inner issues.
Did you experience these issues as a four year old? If not, then a neurodevelopmental disorder (like ADHD) is probably a simpler explanation.
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Old 10-04-18, 08:50 AM
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Re: is it possible that I may not have ADD?

I hesitate to say you grew out of adhd but sometimes as we get older our symptoms change or in some cases become less severe.
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Old 10-05-18, 04:25 AM
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Re: is it possible that I may not have ADD?

I have always had the symptoms of ADD, my life experience and my behavior are very typical for an ADD person.

That said, you may wonder: why do you question your diagnosis then?

Well, I don't see it as a binary thing, that either I have it or I don't.

But beliefs are powerful, and I don't like to believe about myself that I can't do something. I don't want to adopt this fixed mindset. I want to believe that I can grow.

And I see that now: I see that I behave and think differently and am capable of much more then I could dare to have dreamed a few years ago. Heck, I grow and learn every day and, even though I encounter temporary roadblocks, I manage to get past everything and rise above it.

In some areas I do a lot better then my friends. In other areas (such as becoming and staying organized) I have to invest quite a lot of energy to make progress (but I do).

However, I also don't want to have false hope. I can't change everything about how my brain works, and I am certain that I at least have some clear ADD traits and that they are there to stay, even if I learn to cope with it very well, and even if some areas of my brain do grow and adapt, not everything can change (and it doesn't have to).

I wish I could let someone do a brain scan or some other physical measurements, to determine whether I have ADD or not (or what else is atypical about me). However, I don't know if there are reliable ways of diagnosing using these techniques, a few years ago when I was diagnosed there wasn't.
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Old 10-05-18, 09:06 AM
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Re: is it possible that I may not have ADD?

Quote:
Originally Posted by daveddd View Post
there is a group of symptoms that occur with adhd frequently its not a diagnosis

rejection sensitivity dyshphoria

you seem to hav had issues like it,, so its an ADHD thing

I have it severe enough where I meet criteria of a personality disorder from it (avoidant personality)
That's interesting. Tbh, I'd wondered if you had bipolar disorder or some other comorbid that explained your mood, energy, and self-esteem swings Jacksper.

I've done fine in my life at times like you. Even during the fine times, my symptoms never really went away. I just found ways to work around them or my environment changed to better accommodate me.

Like I have always been extremely inattentive with things I'm not extremely interested in. That hasn't changed. But back when I was in college, I was much more disinterested in my classes than the occasion class I took while working. So I could better pay attention cause I started being more interested in classes but had I not been more interested, it would have been then same (and actually worse cause I think my symptoms have actually gotten stronger with age).

Do you think your environment has changed, your happiness level has changed, or something else has changed that just makes your symptoms less noticeable?

It is really hard for me to believe people get over ADHD with time completely but if they say that's the case, maybe it happened with you too.

Also, I always imagined you were a genius. And I imagined geniuses to have constantly working minds that obsess over thoughts. Productive geniuses like say Einstein obsessed over productive thoughts while those that developed mental illnesses ruminated obsessively over negative thoughts. So the thought of you just being a tormented genius instead of having ADHD had crossed my mind briefly before.

Anyway, I could be saying a bunch of crap cause I certainly don't know anything about what I'm talking about right now.
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