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Adult Diagnosis & Treatment This forum is for the discussion of issues related to the diagnosis of AD/HD |
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#106
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.
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I know many people who do not appear to have ADHD who are abundantly loaded with drive, ambition and complex-problem solving ability. Thanks WMM |
#107
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.
I was just talking about emotional phases of ADD on another thread. Though Im not newly diagnosed..as I was diagnosed 4 years ago...I went through all of that. I get sucked into the grief cycle allot, which is kinda where I am at now. My children are so overwhelming! I just want to get back to where I was a month ago when I had all the answers and everything was so clear. I hate how my thoughts fog over....
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#108
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.
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But with all that said, I know I gained empathy, compassion, and understanding for my fellow human beings that I wouldn't have been able if I'd been "flawless" or "normal". The traits I cursed became the traits that transformed me into something with substance. I met some of the most beautiful people on the journey, including on this forum. I got to know who my true friends were- the few people that stood by me when I hadn't been diagnosed, when I was on the bottom of the world. These few gave me a new love and gratitude and appreciation. My disabilities in some ways have become the tool that I believe was used to make me a better person on the inside. My disabilities are actually what led me to notice my greatest blessings, strengths, and traits. It led me to professional organizing, something I love dearly. It made me start college later in life, which employers may not like, but professors sure do. I appreciate college in a way now that my teenage brain never could have. I contribute more at 35 to a college classroom than I ever could have at 18. When many people are settled into a sort of rut of routine by my age, every day is still an adventure for me. I get to mingle with bright and energetic young minds in class. I've experienced the awesome joy of being a phoenix who rose from the ashes. I see Rocky Balboa knocked down, attempt to drag himself up before the count of ten is up, nearly run out of time before winning that championship- and I know what that winning feels like. It's the feeling of being truly alive, of being the underdog who overcame odds people said I couldn't rise above, ones that even I didn't know if I'd conquer. As Linda Eder beautifully sang, "My hands have touched the gold." To think the victory is undeserved, out of reach forever, utterly lost...then to get that prize- what could be more exciting and wondrous? My disabilities and struggles held me back in some ways- but they were not lost years. Maybe I was meant to be held back, like a fine wine needing the extra years to develop to its best. Of course I worry about money and practical things sometimes, but ultimately I am grateful to be where I am today. Those are lost years only if I see them as having no value. Instead I choose to see them as having infinite value, years that seemed torturous and unfruitful at the time, but actually were developing an inner beauty which only comes through overcoming sorrows and allowing oneself to be humbled by them. If they made me a better individual, if they were part of some greater plan benefiting more than just myself, if they broke down my ego a bit and built love for others...I gladly accept the silent years. I get to be one of the pioneers that are attempting to break new ground in a stale American collegiate and corporate system by being an older - but wiser - adult student. I get to break new ground. I get to write my own little page of history with the realization I'm in uncharted territory. I get to say, "I have disabilities, employers. However, I am not inferior for having them. I can give you traits someone who does not have to work through or around these limitations never could. I may be unconventional, I may seem to be a risk...but I am worth taking a chance on. I have tricks up my sleeve for solving problems and fixing what seems impossible, solutions that no person who didn't have to struggle like this could ever provide you!" Maybe if I get really lucky, I can be a trailblazer. I can set a new standard somewhere of how we're treated on the job or in the world. Not "tolerated", not beings needing "fixing", not throwaways or misfits- but individuals who think and work outside the box. The very things companies try to deaden in people - their individual traits and particular working styles - could be what revitalizes our stale, stagnant economy. Homogeneity is overrated. If the world at large harnessed the brains, humor, passion, love, and wisdom I see within this forum alone...businesses and other enterprises could completely turn around! If I get the chance, maybe I can help break down that wall of shame still hovering over these disabilities in college and the workplace, make it easier for those who come after me. I want to get to old age, look back and say, "I may not have had a great start in life, but I sure had a wonderful finish!"
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Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary. - Oscar Wilde |
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#109
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.
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#110
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.
Occasionally I will realize I am in some stage of grieving my diagnosis (5 years later), but honestly, most days I am more grateful to possess a greater understanding of myself, and what I can choose to do to better meet my needs and have a better quality of life, as opposed to wandering, wounded and lost. The situation is what it is, and I accept that. I choose to move forward, because I’ve tried every other option and they are all painful and not life-affirming.
That said, there’s another side to it. I’ve grieved enough in my life already. ADHD? Join the queue of things I wish were otherwise, and I’ll have time for you after I’m dead. |
#111
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.
Thank you for posting this!!
I just sent it to my family, because they still don't think anything is wrong with me. I went through a pretty bad grieving process while also grieving my past relationship. I didn't realize what was a matter with me until my ex had broken up with me. I am still coping/learning more about myself, but I am still shocked at how so much of my life, who I am, little things I do on a day to day basis or struggle with is attained to my Adult ADD. My ex didn't see it, and refused to acknowledge it--but now I am on a road to better myself. I still have moments where I daydream about a day where I will be fully independent, able to handle all tasks that I struggle with on a day to day basis. But I know that it's unattainable. I am truly shocked i made it this far to tell you the truth! But I am working towards better the weaknesses of how I live, to be a more complete person. I will never be perfect....but I can at least get better at some of my weaknesses. |
#112
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.
I'm learning about grief. And anger. I’ve had ADHD for fifty years. It was diagnosed six months ago. Fifty years of this crap! Fifty years of stumbling through a life in which my own thoughts look like bright lights and shadows in a thick fog over a landscape of gummy worms and spaghetti. In a couple of weeks I’ll be 58 years old. That’s pushing sixty for crying out loud and I feel like an angst-ridden teenager! It’s ridiculous. I’m embarrassed to be alive.
My efforts to keep people at arms length have been hugely successful. My attempts at communication with others are either impulsive and obnoxious or strangely incomprehensible. And I guess that’s ok since I become terribly uncomfortable when anyone shows an interest in me. I mostly keep my mouth shut because I can’t stand “that look.” That look that always follows my saying something that doesn’t make sense, something that begins as a lucid thought but gets somehow scrambled before it reaches my lips. The look that says, “Uh... what?” You know the look, don’t you? “Could you please say that again - in English?” or “Do your keepers know you’re out running around loose?” Maybe you haven’t seen “the look.” Count your blessings. It can make your heart turn to jelly and your soul wither. I’m supposed to be working right now. I’ve tried all day and there’s just no use. Strattera worked for a while and then stopped. Last week Adderall was helpful. The past couple of days it has only helped me focus on my complete lack of focus and I’m sick of it. There. I’m through now. Thanks for letting me rant. When I go off like that on my wife it kind of scares her and makes her want to cheer me up or give me a pep talk. Please, no pep talks. I know my situation isn’t hopeless and I look forward to learning what I can about how to deal with this disorder between my ears. For now I just wanted to talk to someone who knows how it feels. |
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to George S For This Useful Post: | ||
aeon (11-01-15), Delphine (11-01-15), Fuzzy12 (10-30-15), Little Missy (11-02-15), Matador (11-02-15), Pilgrim (11-01-15), stef (11-01-15), winter_fey (11-01-17) |
#113
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.
Must say I think I've worked out the exact time I could have started ADD treatment.
I think if one can deal with the depression the rest will fall into place. |
#114
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.
Wow i relate to some of this! Will post later today
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#115
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.
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I don't have the anger you mention nor as much the communication problems, except for the “strangely incomprehensible” sometimes. I’m not diagnosed and I was just so vastly relieved, when I read about ADHD completely by chance that THERE IS A REASON for my poor working memory, confusion and as you brilliantly wrote “bright lights and shadows in a thick fog over a landscape of gummy worms and spaghetti”. I’m not doing things to secretly sabotage everything or hurt or disappoint people! But yes I understand and especially “that look”. that look has plagued me my entire life, from preschool until probably yesterday afternoon (I was trying to explain details of how the Royals won the world series to my adult son and got all mixed up). It wasn’t a nasty look just kind of “mom wtf” and if everyone were as kind as my son my life would be much, much easier. And see even now as I type this I am thinking wow that was absolutely awesome how the Royals won the world series, ETC ETC. You are not alone! |
#116
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.
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Actually, it has been so long now that I choose to grieve for what could have been had I not gotten treatment. ![]()
__________________
The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you are uncool ~ Lester Bangs And in the end, the love you take; is equal to the love you make...Beatles Abbey Road 1969 |
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Pilgrim (11-02-15) |
#117
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.
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Then I remember the nervous depression, mentally becoming unable to cope and people wiping me from the map. Then I get on my knees and thank the lord. I always feel better after this. It seems like I've got to run myself through this little scenario relatively often. Unless I'm really adsorbed by something. Haha |
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Little Missy (11-02-15) |
#118
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.
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__________________
The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you are uncool ~ Lester Bangs And in the end, the love you take; is equal to the love you make...Beatles Abbey Road 1969 |
#119
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.
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#120
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.
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I also know that you don't always feel exactly how you felt while posting that. Not every single minute of every single day. Just that sometimes, it gets on top of you and you just have to say to out loud to people who get it! (Like us). It's frustrating to deal with ADHD in a world of people that largely don't have to deal with this or have much understanding. Sometimes we have to let it out - vent and call it as it is, today. You didn't make it to here in life without getting lots of things right; we all know that too. "That look" just reminds me these days that I need to keep away from those types... these people with their boastful, achievement-focussed, ego-based personas leading their show.... and refocus on genuine people who don't enjoy making others uncomfortable. The question that keeps me going every morning is.... now that I know, how do I want to manage my life from here? |
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