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  #1  
Old 03-04-14, 02:10 PM
Mcgregger44 Mcgregger44 is offline
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Questioning Life

(Before you read this, if you even do, please note I may negatively portray and question religion and for that I apologize in advance, if you have a problem with that, I suggest you skip over this thread, Thank You)

The statement could be made that I hit a roadblock. Two feet of snow, with another 48 expected. The hiatus from life had its ups and downs. I mean what 20 year old wouldn’t want to live rent less, unemployed, and in a moderate warm home? That aside, what 20 year old would want to have to take 7 different pills throughout the day to keep his head on back-assward? It was like trying to save the Titanic’s passengers with a dozen poorly constructed lifeboats. Life sucked.


It wasn’t about a girl, heck, girl problems resolved themselves nearly half a decade ago. I was financially stable—or at least as stable as a 20 year old gets. It was something more. Something that couldn’t be solved with a bag of cash or handful of roses. It was something deep.


As a child I was bitterly honest, yet too shy to reveal my feelings. I watched the world silently avoiding any starting position, preferring the binoculars over the batter’s box. I was curious and stubborn. I wanted things immediately, instant gratification which gave way to fluent masturbation. Another unnecessary distraction, yet it was decided that it was relevant and necessary for the typical collegiate student.


I seldom broke the law for I was more interested in why there were laws. An easy answer came after a cigarette or two at the local park. “What if there were no laws?” thought I as countless others do from time to time. There would be chaos, yet precedented uncivility. We would forfeit our right as leads of the natural world resulting in an every primate for himself world. Then another drag, and another thought “Is that how fragile our society and collective mindsets really are? Are laws the only thing keeping us ‘human’ and not animals?” The answer surely surprised me, as a park official motioned to the “No Smoking sign”.


“Why me? What chose me to be in this body, this life?” asked myself as another answered “Oh it’s god of course, we are born to praise his work so we can achieve eternal happiness in heaven” as another interjected “We are born again and again until we reach perfection and nirvana”. The answers fluttered something in my breastplate at the arrogance and their “matter of fact” tones. “Oh so you must have spoken with god, the creator of the known and unknown, master of the universe and all that is and ever will be? Oh no? It must be the books you read, copyright 4000 b.c.e. which informed you.” Correct me if I’m wrong but didn’t the majority of the earth’s population at that time believe the world was flat and the sun revolved around the earth? So, then it just be mere coincidence that this narcissistic state of mind happened to churn out “facts” about us being chosen and/or meant to be.


My point is if you roll a thousand sided die and ended up with a face up 443, it is not because 443 was chosen, it was because some number had to remain face up—which HAPPENED to be 443. This metaphor is similar to the way I see my life and all life on earth for that matter. In a nearly infinite universe, with nearly infinite matter, it is only a matter of time until the right particles collide forming simple structures and eventually life. Someone had to take the place in my body, and it just happened to be me.


For myself, questions and proposed answers never end like time. Unfortunately more often than fortunately, the answers I suggest are more down to earth than Chris Rock. I suffered and still do from the “Curious Cat Syndrome” and have dug myself into a hole deeper than the typical nine to five worker does. In a way, I regret ever challenging the rules and the known but apologies and regrets don’t halt thoughts. To completely sound cliché, I have become my own worst enemy.


This leads me to finding meaning and purpose. Outside of supernatural, alien like god creatures, what is the purpose to life? Us humans, or animals which we really are, have found meaning in mostly everything and anything in our daily lives yet at the end of the day, few think, and even fewer know “What am I doing?” Towels are meant for drying, cars are meant to be driven, and humans are meant to…umm


As soon as I passed up religion, which I truly did give an intellectual chance, besides instant hedonistic pleasure, what are we doing? It appears we are just getting by, killing time, falsifying hope, and dying with each breath we take. Call me a pessimist but I feel as though I have never seen the world in a clearer lens. Trillions of stars in a galaxy, one of trillions (which we know of), and scientists still can’t say for sure whether our life isn’t just a video game that a bored alien is playing. Perhaps we’re not even that important, maybe our universe is inside of an “atom” in a much larger galaxy, hidden away in the corners of a giant beings closet.


It’s quite puzzling and mind numbing to wonder if the solipsists are correct. Or even if our brains are in a vat probed and poked to mimic sensations which we recognize as daily life. The glitch to the knowledge, the un-entanglement is somewhere but I fear we would have a better life if we stopped the wondering or searching and took time to enjoy the ride. Anything and everything is possible, yet impossible in my eyes.


Countless theories race through my conscious like what if life itself is a result of a highly hallucinogenic drug we ingested just minutes ago. The drug might block previous memories forging a new reality starting from birth, ending in death. And in our world, we are unaware of any sensations or notions from our drugged alter/ego, constantly riding the wave of our projected life.


The search for meaning is a deep and for me, somewhat depressing. Once you light a fire, it’s hard to put the flame back in the match. For that reason, I truly envy (and apologize for any unfair judgments) whom believe, whom trust, and whom follow the laws of any/every god. The path must be wondrous, warm and somewhat at ease, always a prayer away from an answer. For me, it’s a lonely journey for truth and absolute knowledge that cannot be objected or questioned leaving me in a very awkward state. If I were to ever come across a magic lamp, my sole wish would be to be young and innocent again. Smart enough to get by, but wise enough to know some things were just not meant to be questioned. For ignorance is true bliss, and some questions are better off left unasked.
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  #2  
Old 03-04-14, 02:43 PM
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Re: Questioning Life

I can relate. I feel quite similar. I've always wanted to know the meaning (not just some makeshift, working meaning but the absolute meaning) of life, the universe, everything and not finding it, not even getting closer to it has always hugely troubled me. I too sometimes envy those that have got faith, some kind of belief, to hang on or to anchor them.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Mcgregger44 View Post
(I seldom broke the law for I was more interested in why there were laws. An easy answer came after a cigarette or two at the local park. “What if there were no laws?” thought I as countless others do from time to time. There would be chaos, yet precedented uncivility. We would forfeit our right as leads of the natural world resulting in an every primate for himself world. Then another drag, and another thought “Is that how fragile our society and collective mindsets really are? Are laws the only thing keeping us ‘human’ and not animals?” The answer surely surprised me, as a park official motioned to the “No Smoking sign”.


Well, the animal (non-human) kingdom has rules too. It just seems that non-human animals are a lot better at following laws without questioning them. If they don't they probably don't survive for very long. So, I don't think, it's laws that make us uniquely human. On the contrary. We seem to be one of the few animals that have managed to look beyond our instincts and to question everything.

Quote:
My point is if you roll a thousand sided die and ended up with a face up 443, it is not because 443 was chosen, it was because some number had to remain face up—which HAPPENED to be 443. This metaphor is similar to the way I see my life and all life on earth for that matter. In a nearly infinite universe, with nearly infinite matter, it is only a matter of time until the right particles collide forming simple structures and eventually life. Someone had to take the place in my body, and it just happened to be me.
I guess, this is how I see it too...


Quote:

This leads me to finding meaning and purpose. Outside of supernatural, alien like god creatures, what is the purpose to life? Us humans, or animals which we really are, have found meaning in mostly everything and anything in our daily lives yet at the end of the day, few think, and even fewer know “What am I doing?” Towels are meant for drying, cars are meant to be driven, and humans are meant to…umm

As soon as I passed up religion, which I truly did give an intellectual chance, besides instant hedonistic pleasure, what are we doing? It appears we are just getting by, killing time, falsifying hope, and dying with each breath we take. Call me a pessimist but I feel as though I have never seen the world in a clearer lens. Trillions of stars in a galaxy, one of trillions (which we know of), and scientists still can’t say for sure whether our life isn’t just a video game that a bored alien is playing. Perhaps we’re not even that important, maybe our universe is inside of an “atom” in a much larger galaxy, hidden away in the corners of a giant beings closet.
Possible and with the infinite number of possibilities is there even a chance to find out which possibility might be the truth..if there is anything like a truth at all?

Quote:
It’s quite puzzling and mind numbing to wonder if the solipsists are correct. Or even if our brains are in a vat probed and poked to mimic sensations which we recognize as daily life. The glitch to the knowledge, the un-entanglement is somewhere but I fear we would have a better life if we stopped the wondering or searching and took time to enjoy the ride. Anything and everything is possible, yet impossible in my eyes.
Probably though some people seem to be better at wondering and searching while they are enjoying the ride.

When I was younger the fact that anything and everything is possible filled me with some sort of excitement. A good curiosity. And I also found a certain freedom in the thought that nothing mattered or that since we probably would never know what matters, in practice, nothing really does matter. If truly nothing matters, you've got no boundaries, no limits. You can truly do whatever you want. Or you can do what you don't want and that's fine as well. Everything is fine.

But then I think, I'd prefer knowing that there is something that matters and that there is something I should want and strive for. I've realised that total but meaningless freedom gets boring with time.

I'm sorry, I don't think, I've got anything helpful to say really. I haven't found a solution to this yet. I haven't found any meaning and I haven't found a way to accept that I probably never will. Over the years I have found things that do matter to me, not in an absolute way, but in a small, trivial and yet very real way. Mostly in a painful way but then I've realised that any emotion, even negative ones are better than feeling empty.

Like you said, once you start questioning and looking for answers, it's pretty much impossible to stop. Maybe the only way to deal with this is just not to stop questioning and searching. I mean, you never know, you might find some meaning somehow, somewhere and till then, the world and life is a pretty cool place to be. Not always a pleasant place, rarely a meaningful place, but at least with so many unknowns, it's interesting....
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Old 03-04-14, 02:51 PM
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Re: Questioning Life

I do agree with you when you say there ARE endless possibilities as well. I don't know, I seriously do wish I could go back to the Santa Claus believing, eternal heaven after life notion. At the same time though, without a life after life scenario, it makes it all the more reason to love every moment you have living. But then I get to the "Why" phase again lol
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Old 03-04-14, 02:56 PM
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Re: Questioning Life

It is fascinating to see that you are on the exact same voyage of discovery I have been on all my life.

Always keep asking questions.
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Old 03-04-14, 02:58 PM
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Re: Questioning Life

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I do agree with you when you say there ARE endless possibilities as well. I don't know, I seriously do wish I could go back to the Santa Claus believing, eternal heaven after life notion. At the same time though, without a life after life scenario, it makes it all the more reason to love every moment you have living. But then I get to the "Why" phase again lol
Yes, me too.

There are some moments though, usually when my senses are having an extreme aesthetic experience of some sort, when suddenly "why" doesn't matter anymore and the only thing that matters is that moment and the beauty around me. E.g. when I'm somewhere beautiful, like in the mountains, or listening to beautiful music..

I've just replied to your BP II thread. Do you feel that when you are hypomanic or euphoric that somehow the need for meaning reduces or that things suddenly seem to make a bit more sense?
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Old 03-04-14, 03:26 PM
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Re: Questioning Life

Do you read a lot of Nietzsche?
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Old 03-04-14, 06:45 PM
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Re: Questioning Life

Why do people always assume that atheists are nihilists and fans of Nietsche? Sometimes we just enjoy life without having to impart meaning into every darn thing. Things just are, and that's fine.
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Old 03-04-14, 07:45 PM
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Re: Questioning Life

But deep down, don't you ever wonder if there's a wizard behind the curtain? A puppeteer above the strings?
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Old 03-04-14, 08:01 PM
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Re: Questioning Life

Nope. Never. No need to.
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Old 03-05-14, 02:13 AM
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Re: Questioning Life

I truly envy your mindset. (not sarcasm)
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Old 03-05-14, 03:18 AM
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Re: Questioning Life

For me, shifting my attention from "the meaning" to "some meanings" makes a big difference in my comfort level, if not in my understanding.
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Old 03-05-14, 02:06 PM
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Re: Questioning Life

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 View Post
I can relate. I feel quite similar. I've always wanted to know the meaning (not just some makeshift, working meaning but the absolute meaning) of life, the universe, everything and not finding it, not even getting closer to it has always hugely troubled me. I too sometimes envy those that have got faith, some kind of belief, to hang on or to anchor them.

Possible and with the infinite number of possibilities is there even a chance to find out which possibility might be the truth..if there is anything like a truth at all?

Like you said, once you start questioning and looking for answers, it's pretty much impossible to stop. Maybe the only way to deal with this is just not to stop questioning and searching. I mean, you never know, you might find some meaning somehow, somewhere and till then, the world and life is a pretty cool place to be. Not always a pleasant place, rarely a meaningful place, but at least with so many unknowns, it's interesting.... [/font][/size]
I fully believe that there is a purpose/meaning to life and everything that is on the earth and in the universe. And I have gained that knowledge for myself after asking questions and praying to God and then studying it all out. That was the only way I gained the knowledge that I now have today and I know that you can learn of this truth for yourself.
I believe in a Plan of Happiness, or Plan of Salvation, that answers questions about where we came from, why we are here and where we're going. And I know that it is true. I have done the homework and thought about it and have felt that 'click' that it is true.


I feel that everyone should continue to ask questions because that is how we start our learning process. We have a question and want an answer. So then of course we break out the books, or google, and we start looking for answers. And sometimes we find them quickly and then others take time but the answer is always out there. I wanted to share this blog with ya'll http://goo.gl/CLY28e and it talks about why we sometimes don't get answers immediately.
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Old 03-05-14, 05:09 PM
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Re: Questioning Life

If you make your own meaning, then the expectations and alternatives are clear and attainable. Rewards and consequences are understandable and directly connected to your thoughts and actions, so you can keep what works or discard what doesn't before it becomes irreversible.
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Old 03-05-14, 05:33 PM
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Re: Questioning Life

I'm right there with you , McGreggor. Reading this thread made the song Dust in the Wind run on loops in my head. I think this way a lot, especially when I'm wondering what the heck all the suffering is for.

Then I wonder...if our "creator" made us so we can learn lessons, then why didn't our creator just create a person who is perfect?

So many questions, so little time.

The main thing that works for me is appreciating the moment for what it is. Whether just observing the beauty in that moment, or meditating, experiencing the senses, whatever. Assuming I can find something good in the moment .

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Old 03-05-14, 10:31 PM
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Re: Questioning Life

My creators are my mom and dad, and since they weren't perfect, I don't expect to be perfect myself.
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