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  #16  
Old 12-15-09, 12:53 PM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

This is a relatively recent prejudice. Historically it was not an uncommon occurrence. There was a 12 year age gap between my maternal grandparents -- no one remarked on it then...

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Originally Posted by Kiddder View Post
and negative ideas regarding age difference when associated to relationships is as American as apple studdel.....er....pie.....
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  #17  
Old 12-15-09, 12:57 PM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

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Originally Posted by Jbastille View Post
I heard this formula somewhere ..guy's age divided by 2 plus 7 years = lowest age of girl they should date
Yeah well that formula maybe works but at a certain point it still means your dating someone your dads age..
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  #18  
Old 12-15-09, 01:00 PM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

And your point is? The same goes for you cougar!

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Originally Posted by ginniebean View Post
Yeah well that formula maybe works but at a certain point it still means your dating someone your dads age..
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  #19  
Old 12-15-09, 01:12 PM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

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Originally Posted by Retromancer View Post
This is a relatively recent prejudice. Historically it was not an uncommon occurrence. There was a 12 year age gap between my maternal grandparents -- no one remarked on it then...
...hence the notion...."good ole days"?

Hey....it's all personal....if an age gap, whether man or woman is older, whether cougar or codger.....if it creeps you out.....cool.....or uncool...take your pick.....no ones obligated and I have no interest to debate anyone into changing their mind.......honestly....I have no idea what I would discuss with any woman under 35.....we would argue constantly because I missed her last tweet or twitter or whatever or because I made insensative comment "Twilight" movie is the same rehashed teen love story going all the way back to Bill Shakespeares Romeo and Juliet.....just with Bram Stoker twist......age can be a huge barrier....if you ever hope to have compatability based on perspective.....but thats just my perspective
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  #20  
Old 12-15-09, 01:16 PM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

Hmm I wouldn't be surprised to find out there are a fair number of ADD "cougars" out there... Anyone want to start a group -- or at least a thread?
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  #21  
Old 12-15-09, 01:17 PM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

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Originally Posted by formax View Post
I have trouble with this an related posts. Where some one asks as to one should/could/would date a person:
- with a certain age
- who (doesn't) have AD(H)D
- has a moustache
- hates lichi's
- ...

I don't mean to ridicule this thread I just want to express my concern about the question being asked.


If you look at threads about relationships between ADD and non ADD you'll see that some work and some don't. Some relationships between people liking lichi's and disliking lichi's work and some don't.

I'm just saying don't make decisions based on false believes. I've seen so many people constrict their opportunities and happiness in life only by thinking 'I'll probably don't like it so I won't even bother to try'.

EDIT: As I was typing some responses were posted and they only confirm my view on false believes and misconceptions

For the record, I'm not fond of lichee's. Kidder they're a small fruit that kinda looks like an eyeball when you peel them.

I think it's a perfectly legitimate to field a question regarding NT/ADHD relationships because these relationships do bring with them common issues. Understanding that can make a big difference.



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And your point is? The same goes for you cougar!

I already knock time off for good behaviour (mine) so that puts my range starting at about 12.. not legal. haha
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  #22  
Old 12-15-09, 01:21 PM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

Don't get me started about "twilight moms"!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiddder View Post
or because I made insensative comment "Twilight" movie is the same rehashed teen love story going all the way back to Bill Shakespeares Romeo and Juliet.....just with Bram Stoker twist
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  #23  
Old 12-15-09, 01:27 PM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

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Originally Posted by Retromancer View Post
Hmm I wouldn't be surprised to find out there are a fair number of ADD "cougars" out there... Anyone want to start a group -- or at least a thread?
hmmmm.....retromancer, are you showing an appreciation for more worldly women of....um ....the world? Sorry, there is no way to refer to a womans age that is not gonna offend someone.....worldly was best I could do short of opening online thesaurus......and even then I prolly would of blown it with something like.....ripe? See, I was wise not to open thesaurus....(patting myself on back triumphantly)

Just pullin ur chain RM......
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  #24  
Old 12-15-09, 01:31 PM
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Re: Dating and how to get me some action

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Originally Posted by Retromancer View Post
Hmm I wouldn't be surprised to find out there are a fair number of ADD "cougars" out there... Anyone want to start a group -- or at least a thread?

Slick trolling move too!
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  #25  
Old 12-15-09, 01:31 PM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

Care to step in Ginnie?

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Originally Posted by Kiddder View Post
hmmmm.....retromancer, are you showing an appreciation for more worldly women of....um ....the world? Sorry, there is no way to refer to a womans age that is not gonna offend someone.....worldly was best I could do short of opening online thesaurus......and even then I prolly would of blown it with something like.....ripe? See, I was wise not to open thesaurus....(patting myself on back triumphantly)
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  #26  
Old 12-15-09, 01:49 PM
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ok who gave Retro 20$ to see if he could make me rant

I know it was one of those inattentives.. stef?? is that you?

There is such a thing as coffee for a morning jolt.

*shakes fist*
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  #27  
Old 12-15-09, 03:19 PM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

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Originally Posted by Retromancer View Post
With our slow rate of maturing I would not be surprised to find that "age gap" relationships are more common with we ADDers...
Excuse me for not being able to grasp the elaborate statistical analysis you have laid out before me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Retromancer View Post
Second, it not all about you! I was thinking statistically. If ADDers have a statistically slower rate of maturing -- as studies indicate -- then "age gap" relationships may be more common. It sure merits research
First, I never said it was about me, I merely stated that more often then not half-facts or misconceptions are stated or quoted to make a case.

Most of the studies conducted on that matter relate to the maturing of children between the ages of 6 and 12. Recent studies concluded there was a 2,5 year delay ( or 'gap') in the maturing of a adhd brain versus a non adhd brain.

So to connect that fact to ADDers being more likely to hookup with partners of different ages is silly.

If not, allow me to conclude :

If ADDers have a statistically slower rate of maturing -- as studies indicate -- then orange being your favourite colour is more likely.
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  #28  
Old 12-15-09, 04:02 PM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

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Originally Posted by Crazygirl79 View Post
...another woman I knew dated an older guy was considering leaving because she wanted children and eventually marriage and he wanted no part of any of it as he'd been there and done it before but how fair was that on her?
In this case.. it's not a matter of fairness... she wants children and marriage he does not. It's not that he is keeping something from her, it that they desire different things. Realizing that and making the decision to stay or go is the best thing to do rather than that person trying to talk the other into something as important as these two issues... children and marriage.

Anyway... I relate to this thread very well... I have been in three relationships where my girlfriend/partner/wife has been older than me.

I lived with a woman 9 years older than me, who had two children too old for me to have fathered.

I married a woman who was 5 years older than me (I think she still is... )

I am involved with a woman now who is 7 year older than I. Splitting the difference I suppose.

I have been seriously involved with two women who were my age, but those didn't last as long as the three I mention above.

Am I looking for my 'Mommy'? eeewwwwwww.... CREEPY (that's what my daughter would say anyway... lol ).

Part of me says, "considering that statistically, males tend to die younger than females, I'm just hedging my bets"

Another part of me just finds older women attractive.
Of course, since I am on the threshold of 50 myself , older women are getting closer to being Senior Citizens... which when I think about it and consider that most times I still feel like I'm in my 20's (or at least act like it), kinda creeps me out... no offense to any 'Silver' Cougars out there in the audience!

On an almost serious note, though, I do realize that there is a high level of excitement in the older women I have dated/loved, when we initially get together.
It's exciting to act like love-struck teenagers again, and perhaps a younger man fits the bill for that sort of experience with older women.

I have found women my age (any time probably since I was in my mid-20's) to be more interested in establishing their careers, driven to reach those goals of a mature person... a home, family, etc., while I've attempted to remain at arm's length with those things.

I've been extremely happy being a parent, but it has been as fun as it has partly because I still have that child-like behavior about me.

Whoa... am I getting off topic again?

I can't imagine dating a woman who more than 7 or so years older than me.
Then again, I cannot imagine myself attempting to date a woman who is more than a few years younger than me... at least with any thought of making a long-term commitment with her.

I think dating a woman younger, even within 3 or so years of me + or _, would put me in the position of being seen as the stalwart of maturity... which may be nigh on impossible in this lifetime!

I think the problems I have with older women might be mostly about the expectation of me maturing to their age after the care-free feeling wears off. Settling down... that's the term I've heard before.

I cannot imagine what it means to 'settle down'. I just can't seem to grasp the concept of slowing down and retiring... 'acting my age'.
I'm just too hyper.

And that, my friends, just doesn't go over well with a woman who desires stability, consistency, financial security.
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  #29  
Old 12-15-09, 04:05 PM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

I'll pick a different fight......besides....hey I like oranges....just the fruit...ya know...not the color......did I agree or disgree with anyone? Maybe I should seek a sweet sexy brain......right.....its clear now.....but clearly one that has...matured exponentially at a comparative rate in......I'm gonna need a calculator again aren't I? Sigh.....
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Old 12-15-09, 05:36 PM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

My first husband was 5.5 years older than me but at times, it seemed like he was a million years older than me... the longer we stayed together, the more he thought because he was older than me, the more he felt he knew about the world around us...we divorced but that was not the reason for our divorce....

My current husband is chronologically 8 years and 11 months older (I turned 44 last month and he turned 53 yesterday) than me but probably due to the fact that he had a "challenging childhood" and was always younger and smaller than his classmates, he related better to younger people. I am the one who has dx'ed ADD but we both believe he has it too but he feels he can continue to overcompensate for it but I could not.

My point? It is not always about the chronological years apart that you are but rather your maturity and emotional compatibility. He and I are on the same emotional level and my strengths compliment his weaknesses and vice versa. Also, there are some people who are very "old" for their age or very "young" for their age.

My husband and I were friends for three and a half years before we became a couple. I never cared about his age before we started dating... I did know of his birthday and probably saw the year because I was his secretary but didn't pay attention to it. He never did nor does he ever do or say anything that would make me feel inferior because of my age. We may not have all of the same memories about childhood television but that's okay.

There are some people who are "old" at their age and there are some who are "young" at their age. I consider my husband to be "a young 53 year old man". (My ex was an old man...) I never would have thought of being with a man who was nearly 9 years older than me because many of those in that age bracket, whom I have had contact with, all seemed "old" for their age.

Just look for someone whom you are comfortable and compatible with and don't give in to what others say about the age difference!
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