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  #31  
Old 12-15-09, 06:11 PM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

Why is that silly? Ones neurology has an impact on every aspect of their life. Why not ones choice of a mate? Consider it an intuitive hunch that needs to be empirically proved -- or disproved.

Quote:
Originally Posted by formax View Post
Recent studies concluded there was a 2,5 year delay ( or 'gap') in the maturing of a adhd brain versus a non adhd brain.

So to connect that fact to ADDers being more likely to hookup with partners of different ages is silly.
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  #32  
Old 12-15-09, 06:54 PM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

Empirically prove love...compatability......observation from who's perspective.....or more importantly what constitutes "proof"?

This is an interesting topic......I know I could go back and see OP.....but doesn't matter, thanks OP!

I think more relationships fail that are based on predertimined social accepted norms of what is an accepted match.....age, race, economic background, religion, life goals.....they fail because people change....and because the basic foundation the union was built on was unstable to start with.....not intentional.....just unavoidable.

I remember sitting at a Bennigans many years ago and discussing compatability and ideals and marriage and goals with my X......wow....were we some optomistic dreamers.....even though we thought we covered all bases the one we never saw coming was the 18wheeler of unavoidable outside influence barreling down on us that ultimately brought out our differences in dealing with change......we had many, most things in common, all "empirical" evidence supported high chances of success......the thing about science and more so about human relationships.....and even moooore so with male - female relationships is whether you can face outside influences of change as a unit, as a team, you come together or you become more distant at every challenge......most (divorce rate 50%+) cannot come together and that is data, not observation.

So....honestly the whole arguement is moot.....doesn't matter at all, age, compatability profiles, interests, tastes, agendas, or anything else...what matters is how your relationship responds to outside, unavoidable change....does it bring you closer or divide you.....and that can never be predicted.

Now that I have solved that life dilemma.....whats next...world peace....hunger....global warming....or maybe why the Jonas Brothers are so annoyingly popular?

It's a crap shoot....ya takes your chances and spin the wheel.....bottom line relationships take hard work, commitment and perseverence by both parties....unless your French then all 3 parties. ....no offense stef
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  #33  
Old 12-15-09, 07:08 PM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

Quote:
Originally Posted by Retromancer View Post
Why is that silly? Ones neurology has an impact on every aspect of their life. Why not ones choice of a mate? Consider it an intuitive hunch that needs to be empirically proved -- or disproved.
Because you are comparing maturing, in children between the ages of 6 to 12, with being mature.

Maturing in this sense means the development of the brain and associated functions, in ADDers executive functioning seems to be set back a little causing many of the known symptoms.

This process however has nothing to do with what was referred to as 'a mature partner'.

And yes it is silly! Just because that study has something to do with adders and age difference does not mean it has any relevance to the point you're trying to make.

And before I get any reactions I'm not picking a fight, just stating facts.

All too often do I see people referring to ADD or any other disorder as a likely cause of their problems, when they are not. Everyone has been down the road where you think 'hey this could be caused by my add, damn you add for setting me back!' only to realise some time later it's a common problem and not at all related. I'm not at all saying we don't have problems, but it's easy to write anything that goes wrong/different off to add.
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  #34  
Old 12-15-09, 09:23 PM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

Hmmmmm suppose I'll put my 2 cents in..... given that Sandy4597 is probably having a chuckle wondering if I'll respond to this thread!

I've dated many women and married one... some a bit older, a few a bit younger.... generally my Adderyness messed things up, including the marriage... they were conventional girls/women looking for a conventional guy.....

So I'd kinda given up on the relationship thing.... to the extent of suddenly realising I was mainly hanging around with lesbians....

wooow was that a surprise....

then I fell in with a (much) younger woman.... lets just say I was already in the world of work when she became more than a twinkle in the eye..... so she's outside the divide by 2 add 7 rule

we hit it off rather well (to the point of being called "exquisitely compatible" by a mutual friend) ... I wasn't looking for a "relationship" and neither was she so we just hung out together for a while....and reluctantly went our separate ways when time was called by her visa expiring.

Now I'm just back from hanging out with her again...... travelling across the States for 6 weeks.

it's all rather fun.... the age thing doesn't matter at all..... apart from my facial muscles getting achey from my permanent grin... and maybe a certain apprehension when I was introduced to her parents...!

suddenly I'm looking forward to the rest of life.....!

kilted
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  #35  
Old 12-15-09, 10:30 PM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

Firstly this thread has NOTHING to do with a childs maturity and secondly this thread is NOT ADHD/ADD specific but is a GENERAL topic which ANYONE ADD OR NON ADD can express their views and experiences. So to those who have gone off topic please get back on it and kindly stay on it if you don't mind.
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  #36  
Old 12-15-09, 11:18 PM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jbastille View Post
I heard this formula somewhere ..guy's age divided by 2 plus 7 years = lowest age of girl they should date

Hahaha!!! That's the "Rule of Cougarism"

According to that, my 37 year old self could hook up with any guy 25 and older without it being "cougarish". Actually, til you turn 40, you're a "puma". So, "puma-ish" LOL

The oldest guy I ever dated was 10 years older than me. The youngest was maybe 3 years younger.

My husband is 7 years older.

I'm the ADHD-er. He is not.
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  #37  
Old 12-15-09, 11:19 PM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

As it's often said, the best ones are gay!

Quote:
Originally Posted by kilted_scotsman View Post
.... to the extent of suddenly realising I was mainly hanging around with lesbians....
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  #38  
Old 12-15-09, 11:29 PM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

Sorry but you cannot fence off areas in your life and say well ADD cannot have an impact on this. ADD is a neurologically based disorder, almost by definition it is going to have an impact on nearly every area of your life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by formax View Post
Because you are comparing maturing, in children between the ages of 6 to 12, with being mature.

Maturing in this sense means the development of the brain and associated functions, in ADDers executive functioning seems to be set back a little causing many of the known symptoms.

This process however has nothing to do with what was referred to as 'a mature partner'.

And yes it is silly! Just because that study has something to do with adders and age difference does not mean it has any relevance to the point you're trying to make.

And before I get any reactions I'm not picking a fight, just stating facts.

All too often do I see people referring to ADD or any other disorder as a likely cause of their problems, when they are not. Everyone has been down the road where you think 'hey this could be caused by my add, damn you add for setting me back!' only to realise some time later it's a common problem and not at all related. I'm not at all saying we don't have problems, but it's easy to write anything that goes wrong/different off to add.
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  #39  
Old 12-16-09, 02:14 AM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

There is a hell- a very real hell that goes with being in a relationship with a man who is older. They might just die on you.

Granted, car accident, unforseen whatever, etc. From a statistical perspective, there is validity in what I say.

I think that I would have a difficult time relating to someone who only understands Vietnam from a historical perspective. I would equally have a difficult time with someone who wasn't broadminded enough to understand the compassion of x-hibit.

I have been with older men and I have been with younger men. At the end of the day, I really recall that I have been with INTELLIGENT men who accepted and valued me for the me that I am.
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  #40  
Old 12-16-09, 02:25 AM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

Ignoring all the derailment above...

Age is just a number. The important thing is that you're both at the same point in your life's journey, and that you're both on the same journey.
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  #41  
Old 12-16-09, 04:03 AM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

DRIVER!!! Finally someone UNDERSTANDS what I was asking, thank you for your intellient post, I mean that!
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  #42  
Old 12-16-09, 04:34 AM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

Um Selena, look above ^ :

Relationships & Social Issues
This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazygirl79 View Post
Firstly this thread has NOTHING to do with a childs maturity and secondly this thread is NOT ADHD/ADD specific but is a GENERAL topic which ANYONE ADD OR NON ADD can express their views and experiences. So to those who have gone off topic please get back on it and kindly stay on it if you don't mind.
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  #43  
Old 12-16-09, 04:38 AM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

Or at least sharing the same bus seat...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Driver View Post
The important thing is that you're both at the same point in your life's journey...
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  #44  
Old 12-16-09, 05:11 AM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

I'm well aware of what this section is, I'm not blind and I can read!! Whilst the question applies to ADDers it's not about the disorder itself but more about relationships with significant age differences and many ADDers have been and are in these types of relationships. With that said NT's are also welcome to express their views and experience their views and experiences on this thread if they wish to do so. I give Driver credit where it's due because he read, UNDERSTOOD and answered the question accordingly and what he said made a lot of sense unlike the majority of the other posters who got defensive or ridiculed and derailed the thread therefore not really contributing anything of value or substance. Now I hopes others can give some decent imput.
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  #45  
Old 12-16-09, 01:54 PM
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Re: Dating and Age Differences

MODERATOR'S NOTE:

Let us ALL kindly remember that we will address one another with respect, kay?

What some may think of as non-responsive, others may see as being an answer based on what they read and what they understood. We are, after all, mostly ADHDers here and read things based on our own comprehension.
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