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Old 02-15-11, 07:33 AM
Celeste Celeste is offline
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Other people touching/moving stuff

I hope I'm posting this in the correct forum...

I've always had this problem with people touching and/or moving my things. It started when I was young. I would freak out when my friends touched my things without asking.

I'm still like that, especially with children. They tend to pick up my stuff without asking. That's one of the reasons I'm not too fond of children. But to be honest, I have this problem with anyone (except people who are very close to me, like my mum), so it's not just children.

I told my mum I'm going to set strict rules for people entering my apartment (am currently looking for one, but still live with my parents), but this will ultimately result in people staying away from me. That is not exactly what I want either.

I'm wondering if anyone else is having similar problems? Does anyone know what this could be? Or does anyone have any tips?

Thanks!
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Old 02-15-11, 07:43 AM
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Re: Other people touching/moving stuff

I have this quite strongly too. Even if its a mess, everything in my home and my car is where I remember it to be. If someone starts moving it around every semblance of control I have left is going down the drain.
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Old 02-18-11, 08:30 AM
Celeste Celeste is offline
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Re: Other people touching/moving stuff

Phew. It's good to know I'm not the only one with that problem. How do you cope with it?

I think the only person I can control is myself, so I have to learn to deal with other people touching my stuff. The problem is that it is my property, so I like to decide what I want to happen to it.
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Old 02-18-11, 08:55 AM
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Re: Other people touching/moving stuff

This is a classic manifestation of OCD.

I'm not saying you have OCD. I can't diagnose you. But I can tell you that the pattern does seem to fit perfectly into the OCD model:
obsession: having your things placed in the right place ("right place" is defined by you)

obsession-based anxiety: builds when people move your things out of your "right place" to the point where it interferes with your social engagement (e.g. you'd prefer to avoid kids altogether); probably often manifests as irritability and frustration

compulsion to alleviate obsession-based anxiety: intentionally avoiding related situations that could make you anxious and/or "fixing" your things once they've been moved/touched
Clearly this bothers you. You also recognize that this habit can (and does) leave you ostracized, which is something you don't want. That means this pattern of yours is dysfunctional enough to fit into the model of a disorder.

Hence OCD.

Tips? There are many ways to approach OCD. So far, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) has been a powerful and effective mechanism for me to handle my own OCD. It takes time and effort to get the hang of it, but once you do, it's really liberating.

Good luck!
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Old 02-18-11, 09:03 AM
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Re: Other people touching/moving stuff

Yup. I can control it though. But when I'm relaxed, I just go for it.
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Old 02-18-11, 09:35 AM
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Re: Other people touching/moving stuff

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bezuidenthustra View Post
This is a classic manifestation of OCD.

I'm not saying you have OCD. I can't diagnose you. But I can tell you that the pattern does seem to fit perfectly into the OCD model:
obsession: having your things placed in the right place ("right place" is defined by you)

obsession-based anxiety: builds when people move your things out of your "right place" to the point where it interferes with your social engagement (e.g. you'd prefer to avoid kids altogether); probably often manifests as irritability and frustration

compulsion to alleviate obsession-based anxiety: intentionally avoiding related situations that could make you anxious and/or "fixing" your things once they've been moved/touched
Clearly this bothers you. You also recognize that this habit can (and does) leave you ostracized, which is something you don't want. That means this pattern of yours is dysfunctional enough to fit into the model of a disorder.

Hence OCD.

Tips? There are many ways to approach OCD. So far, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) has been a powerful and effective mechanism for me to handle my own OCD. It takes time and effort to get the hang of it, but once you do, it's really liberating.

Good luck!
Thanks! I thought about that, but is that enough to be diagnosed with OCD?

I've had this problem since I was younger. My mum always taught me that I had to ask other kids if I could play with/touch their toys and that they needed to ask me if they could play with mine. But other kids never learnt to do that and started playing with my toys without my permission. I got really upset and in the end my mum had to call their parents and ask them to come pick them up.

So something like that does count as an obsession? I thought that meant it's something that controls your life, something you can't stop thinking about.

It's not like I have a specific place I put my things. If, for instance, I put a book on my desk, it's not a big deal if someone else puts that same book on a shelf.

I'm currently looking for an apartment and am worried my brothers' kids will make a mess of my house. I'd hate it if they spilled food/drink over the floor/furniture.
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Old 02-18-11, 09:48 AM
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Re: Other people touching/moving stuff

Quote:
Originally Posted by Celeste View Post
Thanks! I thought about that, but is that enough to be diagnosed with OCD?

I've had this problem since I was younger. My mum always taught me that I had to ask other kids if I could play with/touch their toys and that they needed to ask me if they could play with mine. But other kids never learnt to do that and started playing with my toys without my permission. I got really upset and in the end my mum had to call their parents and ask them to come pick them up.

So something like that does count as an obsession? I thought that meant it's something that controls your life, something you can't stop thinking about.

It's not like I have a specific place I put my things. If, for instance, I put a book on my desk, it's not a big deal if someone else puts that same book on a shelf.

I'm currently looking for an apartment and am worried my brothers' kids will make a mess of my house. I'd hate it if they spilled food/drink over the floor/furniture.
Yes, that's definitely obsessive behavior. Obsessions don't have to be things you can't stop thinking about -- they can simply be things about which you are very rigid and demanding, typically making rules that everyone has to abide by otherwise it makes you uncomfortable (causes anxiety). And obsessions don't control your life, compulsions do. And your compulsions are strong enough to control your behavior around other people, so they're probably enough to indicate OCD (IMHO). But just because it's OCD doesn't mean it's enough of a problem to demand extensive treatment.

As an anxiety disorder, OCD lies on a spectrum. Almost everyone has an obsession or two. Out of that number, a minority are compelled to act on those obsessions because of the anxiety they cause. And among those people, an even smaller number have such major compulsions that they cause dysfunction and are therefore consistent with a disorder. So that's already a very small percentage of humanity. And an even smaller percentage are so dysfunctional that their OCD could be considered severe.

Even if you do have OCD, if this is your only manifestation, it's probably not too big of a deal. Still worth trying coping mechanisms if it's causing you trouble, but nothing to lose sleep over, since it's probably not severe.
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Old 02-18-11, 10:18 AM
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Re: Other people touching/moving stuff

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bezuidenthustra View Post
Yes, that's definitely obsessive behavior. Obsessions don't have to be things you can't stop thinking about -- they can simply be things about which you are very rigid and demanding, typically making rules that everyone has to abide by otherwise it makes you uncomfortable (causes anxiety). And obsessions don't control your life, compulsions do. And your compulsions are strong enough to control your behavior around other people, so they're probably enough to indicate OCD (IMHO). But just because it's OCD doesn't mean it's enough of a problem to demand extensive treatment.

As an anxiety disorder, OCD lies on a spectrum. Almost everyone has an obsession or two. Out of that number, a minority are compelled to act on those obsessions because of the anxiety they cause. And among those people, an even smaller number have such major compulsions that they cause dysfunction and are therefore consistent with a disorder. So that's already a very small percentage of humanity. And an even smaller percentage are so dysfunctional that their OCD could be considered severe.

Even if you do have OCD, if this is your only manifestation, it's probably not too big of a deal. Still worth trying coping mechanisms if it's causing you trouble, but nothing to lose sleep over, since it's probably not severe.
Thank you! I'll definitely mention my concerns to my therapist (I've only met her once).

It does bother me a lot, and I'm pretty sure the problems would only get worse once I move out, so I think it's good to mention it now.

I used to think this had something to do with my Borderline (as therapists mentioned that), but I'm not sure about that.
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Old 02-18-11, 01:33 PM
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Re: Other people touching/moving stuff

Quote:
Originally Posted by Celeste View Post
Thank you! I'll definitely mention my concerns to my therapist (I've only met her once).

It does bother me a lot, and I'm pretty sure the problems would only get worse once I move out, so I think it's good to mention it now.

I used to think this had something to do with my Borderline (as therapists mentioned that), but I'm not sure about that.
I wouldn't be surprised if you did have OCD and it was connected to BPD. There's a thread that runs through both: black-and-white thinking. (Well, there are probably more threads, but that's one that's obvious.) This is typical of BPD, and those types of thought patterns predispose you to rigid and obsessive behavior, which is the start of the OCD "cycle".
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Old 02-21-11, 08:27 AM
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Re: Other people touching/moving stuff

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bezuidenthustra View Post
I wouldn't be surprised if you did have OCD and it was connected to BPD. There's a thread that runs through both: black-and-white thinking. (Well, there are probably more threads, but that's one that's obvious.) This is typical of BPD, and those types of thought patterns predispose you to rigid and obsessive behavior, which is the start of the OCD "cycle".
Hm, that's interesting. Thank you.

I know my BPD symptoms were probably caused by the ADD, so it could be the other way around and if I do have OCD, it might look like the symptoms were caused by BPD, but they might have been OCD instead.

Wow, that is actually quite confronting.
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Old 01-20-18, 02:20 AM
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Re: Other people touching/moving stuff

My mom recently bought me an Xbox one s one of the newer xboxes out and it was something that I had wanted in so, so long, and I couldn't wait to open it but I was saving it for a good time. And then one time when I wasn't at home she thought go ahead and play on it so she went and opened the box of it like nothing was wrong, then when I got home I found it lying around and it had so much dust on it I could tell she didn't look after it and that she thought it wasn't a big deal but I was so furious but I was trying so hard not to rip her head off. And then I told her that I didn't want it anymore and that she could feel free to do whatever she wanted because it just had no value to me whatsoever after that. She thinks just because she buys me something it's practically hers so I thought what was the point of having it if my mom thinks she can do whatever she wants with it. It is a struggle that I have had for a long time growing up and I just have to go with it.
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Old 03-18-18, 05:41 PM
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Re: Other people touching/moving stuff

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My mom recently bought me an Xbox one s one of the newer xboxes out and it was something that I had wanted in so, so long, and I couldn't wait to open it but I was saving it for a good time. And then one time when I wasn't at home she thought go ahead and play on it so she went and opened the box of it like nothing was wrong, then when I got home I found it lying around and it had so much dust on it I could tell she didn't look after it and that she thought it wasn't a big deal but I was so furious but I was trying so hard not to rip her head off. And then I told her that I didn't want it anymore and that she could feel free to do whatever she wanted because it just had no value to me whatsoever after that. She thinks just because she buys me something it's practically hers so I thought what was the point of having it if my mom thinks she can do whatever she wants with it. It is a struggle that I have had for a long time growing up and I just have to go with it.
What do you mean you just have to go with it?

It doesn't sound like your mom had any bad intentions, even though you interpreted it as such. Why did you want an X box? I assume you wanted to play with it, which is something you can definitely still do. I understand it can be very frustrating when someone messes with your stuff, but it can be helpful to look at it from their point of view. I don't know how long you left it in the box, but you said there was already dust on it, which doesn't happen over night. Maybe she honestly thought you didn't want it anymore? Try to explain your side to her, but give her time to respond and offer a solution as well. Also, it might be a solution if you buy what you want yourself (that's what I did).
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Old 03-19-18, 11:22 AM
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Re: Other people touching/moving stuff

I just don't like people touching my stuff because if it gets moved, I can't find it!
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