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General Parenting Issues The purpose of this forum is to discuss general parenting issues related to children with AD/HD(ADD & ADHD)

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Old 03-19-18, 10:23 AM
Traceyj30 Traceyj30 is offline
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Innapropriate sexual language in teenager

Hi. Im new and would really appreciate any advice.

My son is 13, soon to be 14, and has ADHD. Hes also very immature for his age. Recently Ive been getting a lot of phone calls from his school as hes been using innapropriate sexual language towards girls in his classes. Hes always had problems with appropriate behaviour and boundaries but it just seems to be getting worse.

Has anyone ever been through anything like this and could offer some advice? Is this part of the impulsive side of his ADHD?
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Old 03-19-18, 03:55 PM
susanv1994 susanv1994 is offline
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Re: Innapropriate sexual language in teenager

A few questions Have you had the "talk" with him? Through my experience as a substitute teacher in the middle school setting, it is my experience that many teenage boys make inappropriate sexual comments. Recently, society has become more aware of this behavior. This means that children with a history of inappropriate behavior are watched. My guess is there are other students making similar comments with calls made home.
Perhaps you can go to CHADD's website. They are an excellent resource for people of all ages with ADHD.

Last edited by namazu; 03-20-18 at 01:14 AM.. Reason: removed broken link
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Old 03-20-18, 04:58 AM
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Re: Innapropriate sexual language in teenager

I think its important to address this asap because inappropriate behavior thats not addressed can easily become adopted behaviors that seem ok, allowed or not harmful. I would definitely not want him labeled as a sexual harrasser but if he keeps this up, right or wrong he will be. I would have a very frank discussion about each and every thing he has said, what he thinks it means and where he heard it. I would correct him about what these things mean. You will have to go out of your comfort zone for this one, and make sure you are able to not judge him when you have this talk. The idea is to find out what he knows about what he is saying and to find out how he learned about it and find out who else is saying it. Beyond that he needs to be schooled on empathy and how it affects these girls. He needs to understand the #MeToo movement if need be. He needs to understand that women are not objects or open to sexual comments just because he thinks its not a big deal. More importantly he needs to understand that what he is doing could be considered criminal in nature and that he could get in a lot more trouble over it.
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Old 03-20-18, 07:51 AM
Caco3girl Caco3girl is offline
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Re: Innapropriate sexual language in teenager

While I think you have gotten good advice above, I'm a bit different. I would say:
1. Who the heck do you think you are that is okay to say these things about other peoples sister's and daughters?

2. Do you think it's okay for people to say that kind of stuff about me? Why not? I have boobs, is it okay for the bank teller to comment on them?

3. Will you think it is funny when one of these girls presses charges and you are in jail for sexual harassment, and expelled from school?

4. No, not EVERYONE is doing it, and I am not everyone's mother I am YOUR mother and I care that YOU are doing and saying these things! I raised you better than this!

5. i understand you are getting older. You might be cursing with your friends, as long as no adult hears it that is fine. But it is NEVER okay to talk bad about someone else, or comment on their looks, especially when they have done nothing to you and it could be VERY unwanted attention that could get you in a LOT of trouble!!!

6. If I get another phone call about this I will be very upset, BEYOND, upset, am I making myself clear? This is your only warning about this type of thing, make SURE you don't do this again!
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Old 03-21-18, 06:03 AM
Traceyj30 Traceyj30 is offline
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Re: Innapropriate sexual language in teenager

Thanks for the replies.

Caco3girl that is pretty much exactly how I have been dealing with it although it’s usually with girls who have been bullying him, verbally or physically, in which case I’ve told him to speak with his guidance teacher rather than reacting with innapropriate language which results in him being the one in trouble. I continually stress how serious it is and how much trouble he will be in if the police become involved. I also remind him daily about appropriate and innapropriate behaviour.

Sarahsweets that’s good advice. I normally just go on about how and why it’s not appropriate to speak like that but I will try talking to him about where he heard it, what he thinks it means and why he said it although I usually just get “I don’t know” as an answer. I will also discuss the #metoo movement with him.

Susanv1994, I’ve spoke to him about puberty and the changes to his body but not so much about sex. I will try to discuss this more with him, as uncomfortable as it may be.

I’ve also phoned his psychologist for an appointment to discuss things with her.
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Old 04-25-18, 12:22 AM
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Re: Innapropriate sexual language in teenager

These kind of acts could be developed so I think it would be better to consult this to a psychiatrist as soon as possible.
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