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Non-ADD Partner Support This is a support forum for non-ADD partners, spouses, and significant others offering feedback from both the ADD and non-ADD perspectives

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Old 05-20-05, 10:31 PM
Bonkers Bonkers is offline
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What a great thread! Hurray! I'm not alone in my torment.

I can certainly identify with what you are all feeling. However, I must have a high tollerance for frustration. I think that I can put up with the mess, the disoganization and the insecurity (and all of its related symptoms). Having said this, I'm totally hurt, frustrated and angry that my wife (undiagnosed ADD) won't even allow the discussion of her seeking help. I'm trying to stand by my wife but there is only so much selfishness that a "friend" can take.

What I'd like to ask you all is if this impervious wall is just something unique to my wife or is this a common defence in ADDer?

Thanks
Bonkers

Last edited by Wheezie; 05-24-05 at 05:53 PM.. Reason: ... oops ... my bad... i didn't edit, just hit the wrong little button....
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Old 05-24-05, 05:59 PM
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Wheezie Wheezie is offline
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Hey Bonkers,

Great username. Welcome.

I hope you find the support you're looking for in this little corner of ADDF.

In my experience Denial is one of the stages an ADDer has to work through when facing a diagnosis. Sometimes, it's hard and scarey to face a change. Especially when so much of what is known about ADD are the negative aspects of the disorder.

The wall won't come down until your wife is ready to start taking it down. The hardest part is waiting for her to take that step.

Brick by brick,

Wheezie
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Old 06-17-05, 05:54 AM
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ladyjocelynne ladyjocelynne is offline
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Bonkers,

For what this is worth: I don't think of myself as someone who goes through denial per se. Yet as I consider this question I remember some things. For instance when I was in college, a professor I admired died of aids. I actually forgot this information a few times. ( and i don't think it was the add) I just didn't really remember it until I was ready to deal with it. I only mention this instance b/c it is so bizarre and to make a point that it is hard to say how the heart/mind will deal with some information. As far as add goes, I "discovered" I had add three times before I was ready to deal with it. And there was at least a year lapse in between the 2nd and 3rd "discovery". All that to say this: She might need some more time...
As an add aside, the quality in friends that has been most healing to me is patience/looooooooooooonnnng fuses . . . . .my heart goes out to you. . . hang in there
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Old 06-17-05, 11:33 AM
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crime_scene crime_scene is offline
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I"ve read numerous places about the grieving process, and it always seems to me that this would have a bearing when confronting something like the recognition that one has ADD.

I agree with you ladyjocelynne, you can only deal with it when you are ready. Sometimes, it can take a long time.
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