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  #61  
Old 07-31-17, 11:25 PM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

I took Adderall xr after decades of denying my ADD. Costs ...career and relationships. This is due to the peculiar psychopathology in American culture. Guns, bazookas tanks...YES. Drink and Drive...Go for it! Adderall ? Medical marijuana? NOOOOO. This pathology has gotten into the minds of lesser medical practitioners as well as physicians, who should know better. ADD and age related dysfunctional neurochemistry must be aggressively treated by Adderall and other psychostimulants. Anything short is malpractice and tantamount to murder.

Last edited by anonymouslyadd; 08-01-17 at 12:07 AM.. Reason: Removed religious reference...
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  #62  
Old 08-02-17, 10:02 AM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

Was diagnosed initially around 24, have been on and off adderall since (both IR and XR, and usually 'off' due to lack of insurance). I seem to build tolerances to the meds in any case, and have spent the past 8 months voluntarily off. Not only were the side effects far too harsh (couldn't sleep and major sexual issues), but never felt comfortable that my prescribing 'nurse' actually knew what she was doing. I've been searching for a local expert ever since, but most seem to be prescription mills.

Should add that I just turned 50. Looking back, ADD (inattentive) has wrecked havoc over all aspects of my life. Meds helped some areas, but destroyed others. But should note, there's also the factor of how I grew up. Parent's never instilled a proper study/work ethic, and have never been able to develop one on my own. So now I'm 50 in a crappy job, financially hurting, and more of a loner (a few good friends, but tend to spend far too much time alone...).

Didn't intend to be a total downer. Looking back I made so many mistakes...huge ones, and paying for them now, and no idea how I get out of eating cat food when I'm elderly.....
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  #63  
Old 08-02-17, 06:01 PM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

Just learned to suppress it better, which brings its own set of problems, worse for me than the living with the condition, better than people walking all over me? Strangely yes, short term pleasure of not being an idiot, it's total cost.
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  #64  
Old 11-09-17, 06:28 PM
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Smile Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

Well let's see....Right now I take it day by day. This year has been a wash with a ton of misfortune so hopefully next year will be better. Since I now have to go to mexico for my prescription Vyvanse and Adderall I guess having new adventures is making life interesting. Every time my mind attempts to think of something depressing or stressful or any past event that gives me stress, I just refocus my thoughts elsewhere. Whether reading the bible or watching my favorite show, I make myself not dwell so much on the negative and look for positive things. Being off my meds since june, Everybody including myself can see the negative impact not having my meds can affect the way I conduct my work and my life. However I look at it as a challenge to overcome the ADHD day by day.
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  #65  
Old 11-11-17, 08:05 AM
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Smile Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

Greetings,

Wow, there is a ton of helpful advice here. I'm not sure I can add anything, and of course I'm going to speak from my own experience.

Here's a list I wish I had read when I was growing up (I was only diagnosed in my late 20's and I'm 43 now). It's not really a list list, but three core points that only later on I came to appreciate as key for my healing and growth as a human being and a man, a husband and dad who struggles with mental illness.

1. Never stop researching medication. This means developing a thick skin when it comes to physicians mistakes - the impact of these mistakes and society's stigmatisation of ADHD treatment. If a drug doesn't work or works against you - tick it off the list and try to move on.

2. Find a way to understand everything you think and believe. I found this the single most powerful tool after medication. Medication will open the doors for new patterns of behaviour to be laid down (especially if you only find therapy in your later life). For new ways of seeing the world and experiencing yourself. But without a sincere and genuine way of investigating my thinking - I would not be able to evolve in terms of healing. By ''understand'' I'm referring to a deep and genuine empathy and insight-driven orientation towards circumstances and people (including your own behaviour) that previously caused you great frustration and even heartache.

3. The spin off of point number 2 may sound a little paradoxical or counterintuitive or just plain silly....BUT, the reality is - and I speak from my experience - ADHD as an experience for ME (and I assume every human being who has the diagnosis), is spectacularly (not used carelessly) UNIQUE. This is the real adventure gentlemen! This is the game changer. I discovered I had it - [not only ADHD proper, but also comorbid generalised anxiety disorder (GAD) and OCD (F42.0 Predominantly Obsessional Thoughts Or Ruminations)] but that this didn't have to have any prognostic value. By using a well documented system of self inquiry (point #2) I came to understand deeply that it was and always will be the MAN (not the diagnosis) that matters, and that this man can live a rich, joy-filled and prosperous life.

Best wishes,

Nic
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Self-realization is the sweetest thing. It shows us how we are fully responsible for ourselves, and that is where we find our freedom. Byron Katie
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  #66  
Old 11-26-17, 11:07 PM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

Messed up that I thought ADHD was a dumb diagnosis for kids that want to be rebellious. Then when a co-worker had the courage to tell me that I have ADHD, my thoughts have changed.

It will be going on a year now finding out that I have this crap. It is good finding out because I have put so much money into books on subconscious mind reprogramming, NLP, hypnosis reprogramming. I could write a book on all that stuff (of course non of that stuff worked to help me).

The good thing is that I enjoy researching things, so this is just a new subject that I can invest in. It just sucks to know that all my ill traits are due to the way my brain is formed.

Since I lost another job (one out of many the last twenty years) I feel like really giving up. Especially from the research that this is normal for individuals like us. I am also scared since at this age with the many job lost in the last couple of years that I will be homeless (looks horrible on he resume). Also, knowing that I don't produce as much dopamine like others, it is hard to not be depressed on many days looking for work. And not having people by your side is also depressing. (So many have walked out of my life because they think I enjoy being irresponsible and falling on my butt financially).

Crazy that our brain is kind of outdated for the way things are now. From research, we have the hunter gather type brain that worked well in those days of old. But in this modernized, industrial, corporate world you need to be able to focus and be long term goal oriented. Which I am very goal oriented, it is just after three days, that goal disappears and I am thinking about something else. I also hate how I am in my brain so much. Don't know if it is from the many mistakes, and ridicule from others, or if it is part of the ADD (not really ADHD, but they lump it all together now).

Sorry, just wanted to vent. My other three letters previous were a lot longer, so I made sure this one was a little shorter.

Much luck to the many that are finding out in their forties that they have ADHD. I hope you have good people around you that will be patient with your challenge. I didn't, and really want to give up because of it, but have to keep going on since I don't believe there is anything after this life.
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  #67  
Old 12-01-17, 12:18 PM
Mark Rinze Mark Rinze is offline
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

Quote:
Originally Posted by rwk901 View Post
Im new to forumn and am glad i saw this post cause this is where im at.. i had alcohol issues as soon as i hit my teens as things got harder i found drugs in my 20's... ive never stopped fighting and in the past that has felt like a curse... in my fight to fiure out what the hell was wrong with me i saw a specialist at 30 and was diagnosed with adhd tried meds for a while but the info and support wasnt there.. have lived a roller coaster trying to be normal and to get ahead...Im trained in a good feild and have lost many a good jobs.. now im 41 now.. last year i was done hopless,shutdown was done i went to a dual diagnosis free place here in vancouver.. i lucked out i was telling my counsellour i wanted to try and deal with the add because i had no other answers ... i lucked out he also had add and was educated on it. i started on ritalin a drug that i had learnt over the years was horrible and was actually against myself .. but like i said i was done and willing to try anything... i started on a low dose for a week and felt odd and not much improvement my DR increase the dose and bamn it was like someone turned the lights on. everything was better.. i could focus i could see what i was doing and was able to work on changing it.. sadly after 4 months if gotten used to them and they dont apear to have any affect. so for the last 2 months ive stepped back to where i was and it scares me everything is falling apart again. Im starting my new meds tomorrow and im hoping the lights will come on... Adhd is fun. im reminded every day of the things i never had and the things ive lost the anxiety depression and having the world poop on me.. The fact i got counselling while on meds has left a positive affect im not done and as usual i wont quit fighting. I know what im fighting and i have answers i can make changes and it isnt easy.. even if the meds dont take there are skills i can learn to have a good life... Ive dumped my job im tryen to dump all the crap people and society dump on me .. i dont care.. i only care about me and what makes me happy and i have to work on those things find what some of those things are im starting over because ive done this add thing for 41 years and it was hell..and i may be sitting in it again but i have hope and im not going to stay here... im sorry for the rant but it felt good


point is get help.. see a real professional dr who specializes in add reach out'..

apparently my new joy is "the secondary condition of ADD" which is common in adult adhd because weve gone so long untreated not knowing and have a load of baggage. from thinking and being told were stupid from continuous failure.. in my next life i dont want money i want a wife and kids and i just wanna be happy

anyways i want to delete this but im not going to.. hope it makes some sense
I'm new too and many similarities between us I was diagnosed at 56 and 16 yrs sober in AA now 68 and struggling with the loss of time looking for tools I put down I 6 acres in north Thailand I work from sun up to sun down every day, Always have, luckily for Me Baggage gets unloaded In AA , but that doesn't help with my innatentiveness and lack of focus etc etc I read other people's stories and feel like I've found relief , problem shared problem halved thanks for your post Mark
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  #68  
Old 12-13-17, 02:25 PM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

Congrats on 16 years. Many of my friends are sober now.
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  #69  
Old 12-15-17, 03:40 PM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

I have to use my smart phone and put everything in it. I have a spot for my keys and always do a double check before leaving the house. If a chore was nearly done or iffy on weather or not I should start it (washing dishes, mowing lawn, vacuuming) I just go ahead and start and finish it. I have to remind myself that people aren't going slow all the time. I'm just being impatient.
I am on Strattera
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Old 12-20-17, 08:51 AM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

Hello everybody,

I am 47. I guess it's not so easy to answer this question - clearly the question is very meaningful and important to many.

I wish I had some answers, any, that could help. All I can give is deep empathy for the people here, and their struggles.

i never had anyone or anything to blame my failures on - which isn't very helpful if you don't succeed.

The worst part of my situation is that I'm just smart enough under optimal conditions (or chemical combinations) to be dumb enough to dream, too "smart" to settle for average.

If I were just a bit less intelligent, or if there weren't amphetamines to make my brain function, I'd been so happy making a family and working a labor intensive, meaningless job - and enjoy a love-filled life with my own family. In your 40s - having no children nor wife, is when a man truly realizes the extent to which he has failed, how much of a fool he is.

I have worked most every waking hour for 27 years, overusing or misdirecting my energy, so my dad or someone I love will believe that I truly tried and don't wish to be lazy.

It is a good bet that I will continue to fail as hard as I possibly can, until I die.
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  #71  
Old 12-20-17, 09:13 AM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mind_in_rx View Post
Greetings,

Wow, there is a ton of helpful advice here. I'm not sure I can add anything, and of course I'm going to speak from my own experience.

Here's a list I wish I had read when I was growing up (I was only diagnosed in my late 20's and I'm 43 now). It's not really a list list, but three core points that only later on I came to appreciate as key for my healing and growth as a human being and a man, a husband and dad who struggles with mental illness.

1. Never stop researching medication. This means developing a thick skin when it comes to physicians mistakes - the impact of these mistakes and society's stigmatisation of ADHD treatment. If a drug doesn't work or works against you - tick it off the list and try to move on.

2. Find a way to understand everything you think and believe. I found this the single most powerful tool after medication. Medication will open the doors for new patterns of behaviour to be laid down (especially if you only find therapy in your later life). For new ways of seeing the world and experiencing yourself. But without a sincere and genuine way of investigating my thinking - I would not be able to evolve in terms of healing. By ''understand'' I'm referring to a deep and genuine empathy and insight-driven orientation towards circumstances and people (including your own behaviour) that previously caused you great frustration and even heartache.

3. The spin off of point number 2 may sound a little paradoxical or counterintuitive or just plain silly....BUT, the reality is - and I speak from my experience - ADHD as an experience for ME (and I assume every human being who has the diagnosis), is spectacularly (not used carelessly) UNIQUE. This is the real adventure gentlemen! This is the game changer. I discovered I had it - [not only ADHD proper, but also comorbid generalised anxiety disorder (GAD) and OCD (F42.0 Predominantly Obsessional Thoughts Or Ruminations)] but that this didn't have to have any prognostic value. By using a well documented system of self inquiry (point #2) I came to understand deeply that it was and always will be the MAN (not the diagnosis) that matters, and that this man can live a rich, joy-filled and prosperous life.

Best wishes,

Nic
I appreciate the optimism of your message, but realisticly - most of us have to eat and pay for a roof over our head, this is the rub, and such things do not magically accompany optimism.

I think optimism is valuable, keeps us wanting to live, so forgive me if I am being overtly cynical, ... I guess I'm saying that after people have had ADHD to forty or beyond, the damage and problems can be a little beyond that which a happy go lucky change in mood can solve.
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  #72  
Old 12-24-17, 04:16 PM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

I'm currently riding out the last six months of my 30's, about to "crest the hill," so to speak. I've been diagnosed for just over two years but I've always suspected something was different about me. There is some great advice in this thread!

For me, I try to read or research as much as I can to better understand my situation so as to not only manage my condition but also to learn and grow every day, to be a better person than I was the day before. The struggle is very real, and some days are harder than others to stay motivated, but just knowing that my issues have a cause and having the ability to address the root of that cause with medication and increased awareness of self and purpose help me to live most of my days to the fullest.
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  #73  
Old 02-19-18, 12:04 PM
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Re: how do guys cope with ADHD in their 40s?

I am 40 and have just been diagnosed 6 months ago. I am scared a bit as I had a lot of releationships but none of them lasted to get married and have children. Now that I am 40 my friend all have houses and families and while those are living standard happy lives I notice how I struggle more and more with things like being shy within a group of people I don't know, in front of women I don't know but I would like to know etc. So basically the skillset necessary to establish a framework for a family is one of the things I get worse and worse. Despite having good feedback I just don't feel comfortable. Well I finished uni and have a phd (must have been hyperfocussing for that I suppose) I find work pretty easy but keeping the job seems hard. I hope the meds will help there as well. Apart from that I am really happy to finally know what is gouing on so I can understand my life and start living (at least I try)
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