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  #376  
Old 06-05-18, 12:16 PM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part V

17:15 and still haven't got out of bed. I'd be as well just laying here until I wither away as there's just nothing else.
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  #377  
Old 06-05-18, 04:40 PM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part V

So tired of making the same few mistakes, over and over:
not even looking at lists
not setting reminders to leave work on time (otherwise i work straight past 7:00)
it's like I can actually do things now - but I still don't do them...
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  #378  
Old 06-05-18, 04:54 PM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part V

so, fraser, i got put on a treatment order (medication monitoring, specifically, and daily check in) in lieu of IP.

i have eight days max so it really doesn't matter. the whole thing is, yes, i skimmed some, but i also have untreated adhd and i also just missed some doses. so they can come watch me take my meds. whatever. this is a hopeless situation. nobody thinks about what happens when she finds me one of these days. this can't happen. and i can prevent it.
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  #379  
Old 06-05-18, 05:19 PM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part V

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Originally Posted by peripatetic View Post
so, fraser, i got put on a treatment order (medication monitoring, specifically, and daily check in) in lieu of IP.

i have eight days max so it really doesn't matter. the whole thing is, yes, i skimmed some, but i also have untreated adhd and i also just missed some doses. so they can come watch me take my meds. whatever. this is a hopeless situation. nobody thinks about what happens when she finds me one of these days. this can't happen. and i can prevent it.

What was your reasoning for skipping or skimming on certain medications? Have you been experiencing bad side effects? If so, have you explained these side effects to them?


No situation is hopeless Peri. It may feel that way inside, but it's never hopeless. Never ever give up on yourself. You're so much more to people than I think you realize.
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  #380  
Old 06-05-18, 05:36 PM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part V

i gained some weight recently. and i had gotten them increased recently because of the whole spleen thing... not all got increased, but the clozaril did. it's amazing i haven't gained weight before but now i'm starting to and i can't have that. i'm terrified.

my psychiatrist suggested switching up physical activity and he said i could always try a modified diet of some sort. i eat pretty clean already though.
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  #381  
Old 06-05-18, 05:41 PM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part V

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Originally Posted by peripatetic View Post
i gained some weight recently. and i had gotten them increased recently because of the whole spleen thing... not all got increased, but the clozaril did. it's amazing i haven't gained weight before but now i'm starting to and i can't have that. i'm terrified.

my psychiatrist suggested switching up physical activity and he said i could always try a modified diet of some sort. i eat pretty clean already though.

Are you really gaining that much weight though? Perhaps (and I don't mean this in an offensive way) you're getting a bit paranoid, just like you were with the spleen thing?


I recall you mentioning before that you've always been relatively underweight. If you have gained a little weight, is that really such a bad thing?

It may not be anywhere near as bad as you're believing it to be.
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  #382  
Old 06-05-18, 08:47 PM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part V

I'm at 127, so yes. And I know I'm chronically underweight but that's just my frame. I'm not paranoid.
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  #383  
Old 06-05-18, 08:58 PM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part V

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I'm at 127, so yes. And I know I'm chronically underweight but that's just my frame. I'm not paranoid.

You're like my dads fiancée. She is around the same weight and is convinced she is over, no matter how many times she's told she's all skin and bones.


I think you're being far too harsh on your own self image. But that's something I can understand, as I have a very negative self image myself and won't listen to what anybody else tells me.
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  #384  
Old 06-05-18, 09:09 PM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part V

my weight's really not the most pressing issue, it's just why i skimmed some.

i don't even know why i'm dancing around it. i can't let her find me having cut myself open or something. i have to protect her. all the signs are saying my birthday is an end point. i can't get to that or she'll be ruined.

but i do hear what you're saying. it's not that i have a bad self image around my weight, but i seriously don't want to get fat. i'm tall so i admit it would take a fair amount to get me overweight, but that's how that happens, right?
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  #385  
Old 06-05-18, 10:10 PM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part V

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Originally Posted by peripatetic View Post
my weight's really not the most pressing issue, it's just why i skimmed some.

i don't even know why i'm dancing around it. i can't let her find me having cut myself open or something. i have to protect her. all the signs are saying my birthday is an end point. i can't get to that or she'll be ruined.

but i do hear what you're saying. it's not that i have a bad self image around my weight, but i seriously don't want to get fat. i'm tall so i admit it would take a fair amount to get me overweight, but that's how that happens, right?

What signs are you referring to? From what I can gather, it's all coming from your own mind, as opposed to anything outwith yourself. You need to seperate what's going on inside your mind to what's going on outside it. Don't be fooled by what you think. Take a step outside of yourself and view the world with complete neutrality.


Putting on weight doesn't make people overweight. Putting on too much weight does. If you're tall and only weigh around 9 stone, then putting on a little weight isn't something you should be concerned about at all. I'd be more concerned if you weren't putting any weight on.
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  #386  
Old 06-05-18, 11:28 PM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part V

Nothing feels right today. I feel...I don't know what it is. I don't feel sick, but I feel unwell for sure. And It's more emotional based than physical.
And I'm SO run down and tired and it seems unlikely cause I've been over sleeping like crazy the last few days.
It's like...if only I could burst through this exhaustion...I could get things done and be happy again.

And...I've been skipping my mood stabilizers for the millionth time, so I know darn well what's going on. I know...I can feel you all rolling your eyes at me and thinking about how much of an idiot I am.
I don't know why I keep stopping them. I know better.
I'll start taking them again.

And I miss my mom.

Nothing feels right. The world doesn't make sense today. Everything feels fake. I just want to go to sleep.
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  #387  
Old 06-06-18, 01:17 AM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part V

I managed to avoid hurting myself last night despite replaying Ebonys last few days over and over in my head trying to think of anything more i could have done to save her.

expecting everyone to get angry now
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  #388  
Old 06-06-18, 01:18 AM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part V

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I managed to avoid hurting myself last night despite replaying Ebonys last few days over and over in my head trying to think of anything more i could have done to save her.

expecting everyone to get angry now
Angry? No way -- that's great!

I'm glad you were able to avoid hurting yourself last night.

Sending good thoughts your way...
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  #389  
Old 06-06-18, 01:25 AM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part V

s peri, psycho and namsy
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  #390  
Old 06-06-18, 05:34 AM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part V

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I managed to avoid hurting myself last night despite replaying Ebonys last few days over and over in my head trying to think of anything more i could have done to save her.

expecting everyone to get angry now

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