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Old 12-01-17, 05:56 PM
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Thumbs down On a dating downer again

I don't know what's wrong with me. (Well actually I do), but I just don't know how to fix these wrongs about myself. It really impacts my ability to meet women in the dating world.

I end up throwing myself in too deep too quickly and suddenly that girl that was interested in me 5 minutes ago no longer wants to respond. It always starts off as a bit of fun, but then I run out of ideas to keep things interesting, so I end up talking too much about myself and my flaws, which seems to be an instant no no which I can't seem to avoid.

I always convince myself that "this one is different, this girl will just like and accept me for all that I am", but it's just me lying to myself every single time.

27 and i've never had a single date. A few phone numbers and a few text message exchanges is as far as i'll ever get. I'm just too damn flawed.
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Old 12-01-17, 06:10 PM
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Re: On a dating downer again

I know the feeling, Fraser
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Old 12-01-17, 06:23 PM
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Re: On a dating downer again

What flaws do you talk about? What's the last thing that you said before she disappeared?
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Old 12-01-17, 06:27 PM
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Re: On a dating downer again

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What flaws do you talk about? What's the last thing that you said before she disappeared?
I'm not just talking about one person in particular, i'm talking about every single instance.

It can be something stupid like "How was your day?". That's an instant no response right there, because it's such a boring thing to say and women probably get asked that at least 50 times a day from many different guys.

I can't be consistently entertaining and funny all of the time. So as soon as the fun guy factor wears off, so does my connection with that person.
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Old 12-01-17, 06:29 PM
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Re: On a dating downer again

The online dating world sounds very tough.
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Old 12-01-17, 06:31 PM
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Re: On a dating downer again

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The online dating world sounds very tough.
Other guys seem to manage just fine though. So i'm clearly just weak.
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Old 12-02-17, 12:07 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

My advice for online dating success: don't be a guy

Cynical and redundant, maybe, but oh-so-true pretty much
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Old 12-02-17, 01:00 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

I can't imagine it was because of your how was your day comment. No one can come up with witty comments constantly and you already hooked her in with the cheese line.

I was watching a youtube video on the messages that couples sent when they first started messaging each other through online dating. Boy were their conversations dry. I think you are actually way ahead of the curve when it comes to being able to come up with interesting comments.

What other flaws did you mention and did you mention your flaws in what way did you mention your flaws? Like did you sound really hard on yourself, we're your flaws mentioned with humor? Did you go on and on about them? What were the last things you spoke to her about?
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Old 12-02-17, 05:45 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

Pretty is as pretty does. Thats what my grandpa always told me.
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Old 12-02-17, 06:40 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

I make the mistake of telling them that I ramble on too much (which I do). I just don't know when to put the phone down and keep them waiting for a while. I always feel the urge to respond back as soon as possible. I think it's just poor impulse control. I'm far too impatient to play the waiting game.
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Old 12-02-17, 10:42 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

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Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 View Post
I make the mistake of telling them that I ramble on too much (which I do). I just don't know when to put the phone down and keep them waiting for a while. I always feel the urge to respond back as soon as possible. I think it's just poor impulse control. I'm far too impatient to play the waiting game.
I don't get it. They want you to play the waiting game with them? Sometimes I get replies back right away, other times it takes a little while and I know he's busy. Same with me, if I'm busy or formulating an answer, it might take a little while. But I don't wait on purpose, just to keep them waiting.
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Old 12-02-17, 10:46 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

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I don't get it. They want you to play the waiting game with them? Sometimes I get replies back right away, other times it takes a little while and I know he's is busy. Same with me, if I'm busy or formulating an answer, it might take a little while. But I don't wait on purpose, just to keep them waiting.
Well it seems that way. Because the responses just come to an abrupt end and the only conclusion that I can draw from that is that i'm saying too much too quickly.

I think women like an element of "mystery" about the man they're talking to and if he tells her too many things about himself, then that feeling of mysteriousness quickly dies out. I think that's where i'm going wrong. I give them my life story too quickly, so they figure out that i'm really not all that interesting and not worth another second of their time.
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Old 12-02-17, 10:57 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

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Well it seems that way. Because the responses just come to an abrupt end and the only conclusion that I can draw from that is that i'm saying too much too quickly.

I think women like an element of "mystery" about the man they're talking to and if he tells her too many things about himself, then that feeling of mysteriousness quickly dies out. I think that's where i'm going wrong. I give them my life story too quickly, so they figure out that i'm really not all that interesting and not worth another second of their time.
Well, that concept is foreign to me. I want to know everything right away, they can't tell me enough and I have to try to keep myself from prying too much. I can't be the only one, lol.
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Old 12-03-17, 12:46 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

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Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 View Post
I make the mistake of telling them that I ramble on too much (which I do). I just don't know when to put the phone down and keep them waiting for a while. I always feel the urge to respond back as soon as possible. I think it's just poor impulse control. I'm far too impatient to play the waiting game.
I already have given my 2 cents on all this stuff before (or 4 cents, or 400) but if I was going to switch for a moment to the optimistic side, I'll tell you the few things I learned about this stuff that almost (but not quite) yielded positive results back when I was trying online stuff.

The first thing I had to learn after many quick rejections on various platforms, was always to expect the worst and expect you will not and cannot meet any women. Some don't like this train of thought for various reasons but it was in a sense a way to trick myself to keep going while diminishing the blow of rejection. If you already KNOW (or believe) it will fall through, it's not as bad when it does. If it does turn out good, it's an unexpected bonus.

The other thing is to find some way to be a "sidewinder." A couple of times when there was a lot of interest on the other side, it came from my writing an unusual profile or ad; one time it was from writing an ad where I literally asked "what am I doing wrong?" where I explained I could not keep a conversation going, and wondered what the problem was, etc. This goes against common sense--basically, complaining and asking for help--but the thing is an honest conversation about something else takes pressure off, allows you to get to know the person if the off-topic conversation goes well.
Now I did not actually meet that woman but I had some form of communication with her for months, I'm quite certain I could have met her; our style of writing clicked really well.

And actually I do agree about the waiting game somewhat, whether or not you're busy, it may be a good thing to appear as if you are. It seemed to work better for me doing it that way. I think answering too fast may seem a bit needy or something.
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Old 12-02-17, 08:09 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

I also want someone I can get emotionally involved with. But I find as soon as I show the slightest hint of any emotion, they're running for the hills. Am I supposed to act cold and reserved? Because I just can't do that.
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