I left my son at home this morning without a ride to school

[Lunacie]

Originally Posted by Caco3girl

Lunacie, I think we are crossing wavelengths or something. I'm saying get him up and stand there until he gets into the shower. And I'm saying Do NOT get him breakfast in bed.

ADHD is a serious condition, it can affect many things in a persons life. However, I am not seeing how ADHD is the cause of a person needing to be in bed for 20-60 minutes.

In this case the dad can't get the kid out of bed, dressed, and on his way to school. That's not ADHD that is a kid being a kid. Had the dad said "My son gets up fine but picking out his clothes seems to take 60 minutes"....that is for sure ADHD. This is a kid not wanting to get out of bed and start the day....like 99% of kids do across the US.

All teens go through this phase of sleeping late ... but not all of their parents
have to walk them to the shower and stand outside the door until they know
a shower is actually happening. That's adhd.

If that works for you and your teen, that's great. If getting the kid breakfast
and meds to get them awake and going in the morning works for them, that's
great too.

Parenting is difficult. Parenting teens is way difficult. Parenting teens with adhd
is even more difficult. The last thing we need is judgment from other parents
that we're "spoiling our kid."


My adhd granddaughter didn't want to oversleep and be late for school ... but
nothing she tried, nothing we tried, seemed to get her awake and going. She
has severe adhd. She is beyond motivated, and gets herself to work now, is
even working two jobs. I guess she grew out of that phase.

[mildadhd]

Originally Posted by Lunacie

..I've seen many recommendations for setting an alarm to take meds, go back
to sleep for another half an hour, then have an alarm for getting up once the
meds have kicked in. Seems to work better.

But ... the meds can interfere with appetite so getting some breakfast along
with meds sounds like a good idea.

Thanks

I never thought of that before.

I usually take medication when I am suppose to get up in the morning.

And I’ve tried taking medication an hour earlier in the morning and go back to sleep.

I find it worked great when I took the medication and went back to sleep. (I usually got up within a hour or so.)

But I felt the days were cut short, when I took medication and went back to sleep?

So I take medication when I wake up.






M

[aeon]

Originally Posted by Lunacie

All teens go through this phase of sleeping late ...

Given that teenagers need 8 to 10 hours of sleep per night, and that adolescence causes a shift of the sleep cycle so as to result in later falling asleep and later waking from sleep, it makes sense.


Cheers,
Ian

[Caco3girl]

Originally Posted by Lunacie

All teens go through this phase of sleeping late ... but not all of their parents
have to walk them to the shower and stand outside the door until they know
a shower is actually happening. That's adhd.

If that works for you and your teen, that's great. If getting the kid breakfast
and meds to get them awake and going in the morning works for them, that's
great too.

Parenting is difficult. Parenting teens is way difficult. Parenting teens with adhd
is even more difficult. The last thing we need is judgment from other parents
that we're "spoiling our kid."


My adhd granddaughter didn't want to oversleep and be late for school ... but
nothing she tried, nothing we tried, seemed to get her awake and going. She
has severe adhd. She is beyond motivated, and gets herself to work now, is
even working two jobs. I guess she grew out of that phase.

While I can very much agree that ADHD kids don't want to have these problems, how we set them up to adjust to these problems can be a long term issue for them. That is the definition of spoiled, "harm the character of (a child) by being too lenient or indulgent".

[Lunacie]

Originally Posted by Caco3girl

While I can very much agree that ADHD kids don't want to have these problems, how we set them up to adjust to these problems can be a long term issue for them. That is the definition of spoiled, "harm the character of (a child) by being too lenient or indulgent".

Yes, we want to do everything we can to encourage the child with adhd to be
self-reliant.

Why is bad to help a child get started in the morning by giving them breakfast
and meds ... but it's not bad to oversee them taking a shower, standing right
outside the door because they aren't able to be self-reliant enough to do it on
their own?

Why is one bad and the other isn't?

[mildadhd]

Originally Posted by Caco3girl

While I can very much agree that ADHD kids don't want to have these problems, how we set them up to adjust to these problems can be a long term issue for them. That is the definition of spoiled, "harm the character of (a child) by being too lenient or indulgent".

What do you think the long term effects of giving my son one cup (250 ml) of orange juice at 5:30 AM, and setting the alarm for 6:00 AM to wake him up again in case he falls asleep during the weekdays will be?









mildadhd

[mildadhd]

I just asked my son.

And he said the sugar in the orange juice helps wakes him up.

He wondered if some eggs, with his orange juice, might also give him a little more long term energy throughout the day?









mildadhd

[Lee-Yen]

Difference between not wanting to do a thing, and not being able to is a big one, but it's very tricky and hard to differentiate, even for someone struggling with it.

Originally Posted by Caco3girl

I don't get the idea of leaving a kid in bed to wake up slowly for 20, 30, 60 minutes....who gets that in the real world? Why set a kid up to a pattern like that?

I am not a parent, but here's my 2 cents from personal experience: since i can remember, waking up and getting ready for the world was a problem. Specifically since waking up (becoming conscious), takes 20min of internal battle just to sit on the side of the bed a gather your senses for a minute, figure out which way is up, before you can dress up, wash up, and then at least 30min of controlled contemplation (because there's a new thought every 2 seconds, like someone else is switching between 200 different news stations, each story is interesting, but doesn't lead anywhere because "next channel/next news") before being able tackling anything except the morning routine, and that just takes time. Meds help, if i took them day before, getting up is slightly easier, and necessary morning routine time is shorter.

But my point is, if getting up in the morning is an issue due to ADHD, no amount of "training" will create a "habbit" of not "sleeping in", that's why it's called an issue, you need to work with it, not against it (that can only make it worse), if you (your kid) need to be up-and-at'em at 7:00, waking up at 6:30 won't do, at least 6:00 is necessary, maybe even 5:30 (depending on the severity of the issue or morning routine time needed), so if it takes you 60min after an alarm to get up, then that's how it is, fighting against such an issue usually just makes it worse, work with it, not against it.

Hope it helps, best of luck.

[CharlesH]

"Self-discipline" is not going to fix a teenager's ADHD-related issues with sleep. Neither will parental nagging. What is needed is strategic change in the environment/structure/routine to trick the ADHD mind into a better sleep pattern.

[Caco3girl]

Originally Posted by Lunacie

Yes, we want to do everything we can to encourage the child with adhd to be
self-reliant.

Why is bad to help a child get started in the morning by giving them breakfast
and meds ... but it's not bad to oversee them taking a shower, standing right
outside the door because they aren't able to be self-reliant enough to do it on
their own?

Why is one bad and the other isn't?

I didn't say you stand there for the entire shower. I use to stand there and wait for the water to go on, if it didn't happen within about 2 minutes then I would knock, then it would go on. I would then continue on with my morning, then knock again later for a 10 minute warning.

I did the shower thing when he was 6, he's now 15 and when I come to his room to wake him up he gets up and into the shower without prompting. On mornings he sets his own alarm he follows the same pattern, get out of bed, stumble to the shower. I leave the house right after i wake him up now, and 99% of the time he makes the bus just fine.

I taught him a pattern of behavior that he can do now, in 5 years, in 10 years..etc, to get himself ready for the day because it only involves HIM. Lunacie asked why is one bad and the other isn't? You are either preparing your kid for something they can do themselves, or you are providing a crutch that can and will disappear when they are on their own. That's why I think one is preferable to the other, however, bringing your kid breakfast isn't child abuse or anything. I'm just very pro on the "figure out what you need to do, in order to get around your ADHD issue".

[Lunacie]

Originally Posted by Caco3girl

I didn't say you stand there for the entire shower. I use to stand there and wait for the water to go on, if it didn't happen within about 2 minutes then I would knock, then it would go on. I would then continue on with my morning, then knock again later for a 10 minute warning.

I did the shower thing when he was 6, he's now 15 and when I come to his room to wake him up he gets up and into the shower without prompting. On mornings he sets his own alarm he follows the same pattern, get out of bed, stumble to the shower. I leave the house right after i wake him up now, and 99% of the time he makes the bus just fine.

I taught him a pattern of behavior that he can do now, in 5 years, in 10 years..etc, to get himself ready for the day because it only involves HIM. Lunacie asked why is one bad and the other isn't? You are either preparing your kid for something they can do themselves, or you are providing a crutch that can and will disappear when they are on their own. That's why I think one is preferable to the other, however, bringing your kid breakfast isn't child abuse or anything. I'm just very pro on the "figure out what you need to do, in order to get around your ADHD issue".

Okay, you didn't say that you stood there the whole time, monitoring him.
But you didn't say you left and came back. Sorry I didn't infer that.

What Fraser was suggesting was taking some breakfast and meds to the kid
and letting him go back to sleep for 30 minutes ... until the meds kick in.

The meds tend to squash the appetite so this way the kid gets some food in
him before starting his day. He wasn't suggesting letting the kid sleep until
he wants to get up.