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  #61  
Old 05-11-11, 12:30 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

Oh wow...I had no idea. I am so sorry for your loss, peri, and for the loss of him.

Situations like this are so sad. Sometimes there's just nothing that anyone can do, no matter how good the doctors or how supportive the loved ones.

((((((hugs)))))))
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  #62  
Old 05-11-11, 12:50 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

Love the card, BouCoup!
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  #63  
Old 05-11-11, 01:27 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

Quote:
Originally Posted by demfabbones View Post
Situations like this are so sad. Sometimes there's just nothing that anyone can do, no matter how good the doctors or how supportive the loved ones.

((((((hugs)))))))

*so* true.

that he felt loved and trusted and understood and less alone was all i could do and my greatest wish. that it happened was amazing in itself; feeling that connectedness to him is beyond my wildest imagination.
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  #64  
Old 05-11-11, 01:46 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

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Originally Posted by peripatetic View Post
*so* true.

that he felt loved and trusted and understood and less alone was all i could do and my greatest wish. that it happened was amazing in itself; feeling that connectedness to him is beyond my wildest imagination.
That is an amazing gift.
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  #65  
Old 05-11-11, 01:54 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

Quote:
Originally Posted by peripatetic View Post
*so* true.

that he felt loved and trusted and understood and less alone was all i could do and my greatest wish. that it happened was amazing in itself; feeling that connectedness to him is beyond my wildest imagination.
Dear Peri, I know exactly what you mean. And I know that you have been a wonderful beautiful star to light his life.
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  #66  
Old 05-11-11, 02:18 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

I'm addressing this post directly to Esh, I'm not sure why. Maybe because it stills feels unbelievable that he's gone.

Shane,

I have not written anything for so long, because.... anything I could say... I fear.... would not be enough, would be a disservice to the totality of the person that you were, a disservice even to the "part" of you I've known in this relatively short time and limited capacity of "online friend"...

I LOVED playing the games with you. I LOVED the games you made, you were brilliant, gifted. I haven't laughed as much, as genuinely, as heartily, in YEARS, as I did during the times we ran around together on the boards...

But there was the other side of you too, the side that suffered, suffered more than I or most anyone else can even begin to imagine. Yet you prevailed. You've been sick for three times as long as I have, and significantly more severely... the fact that you made it this far is, and always will be, a testament to your strength. You are, as far as I am concerned, a HERO. As much as I, and I'm sure all of us, want to believe that you could have gone on, I know that what you were going through was just too much, and as another has said, it's been a miracle that you stayed with us this long.

Esh, you once claimed a sense of identity with me and Rebelyell... something which meant a lot to me... and as I continue along this journey called Life, when times get bad, and they will get bad, I will remember you, and your strength in the face of such profound suffering, and (I hope) it will give ME the fortitude to make it through the ups and downs of this horrible illness called bipolar disorder.

I regret never having the honour of meeting you in person. You were a spiritual man, I am not - and it's a testament to the man that you were, that so many here on ADDF, from such divergent backgrounds and ideological persuasions, loved you and considered you a friend - but in any case, if you were right, perhaps we shall meet, some day in some way. And believe me, this is one of those times I want with all my heart to believe. And if not, you will ALWAYS live on, in the minds and hearts of those who knew you.

Goodbye Neo.

-- "Cipher"

-----------------------

Peri, dear peri...

There's nothing I can say except that there is quite literally NO ONE ELSE IN THIS WORLD better than you for Esh, or anyone, to have had "by their side" during the last months of their lives. Shane, and indeed all of us who know you, are lucky to have you.
Be strong.
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  #67  
Old 05-11-11, 04:47 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

Please dont take his stuff down for some of us would still like to hear what he has to say and maybe go back an reminisce and thats all we have at this point.How old was he by the way?
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  #68  
Old 05-11-11, 04:51 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

Rebelyell,

He would have been 38 on June 21st.

A bipolar Gemini, like me.
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  #69  
Old 05-11-11, 05:02 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

My candle burns at both ends
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends -
It gives a lovely light.

Esh-ey, no?
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  #70  
Old 05-11-11, 05:39 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

I don't possess the eloquence to write anything very profound, but what I can say comes from my heart. Like abi, I didn't post earlier because it was beyond me.

I haven't had many people in my life I would call true friends, but Shane is one. He is one of my best friends. He could see past my facade, and I could see past his. I feel so blessed to have had the time I did with him. He changed my life, and I don't use those words lightly.

I won't forget what you taught me Shaney. I love you sweet boy, and I miss you dearly. Until we meet again, "I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)."

Peri, how can I express my gratitude for what you did for this sweet soul? You were his home, and his happiness. You gave me the opportunity to be with him a little longer. Thank you.

I have to post this quote again to honor your goodness and true nature:

"Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away."

You exemplified this daily in your special relationship with Shane, and indeed with me also. I love you. You are truly admirable and I'm so grateful to have you in my life to look up to.
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  #71  
Old 05-11-11, 05:39 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

Peri, if youre there look back onpage 12 when Esh bless him ,was giving us our free horoscope reading. He gave me Mariah Carey Hero, because i was going through so much crap, i'm sorrry i dont know how to copy it and it made me cry so much because it meant so much .I give it back to you because its for you, hugs
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  #72  
Old 05-11-11, 05:40 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

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Originally Posted by Sandy4957 View Post
Love the card, BouCoup!
It's my nerdy way of tipping my hat and giving him a sendoff all at once.
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Old 05-11-11, 05:48 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

I like people who tell it like it is,dont sugar coat crap or lie that was esh. Wow Im 36 he wasnt much older then me.6 years ago I came very very close to ending it and most days Im glad I didnt.its not a good feeling when you shutdown mentally and are so alone and just had enough and dont feel loved and are in physical pain.desperate times=desperate situations and ideas that are sometimes very hard to shake or snap out of.Some days I still cant ge tout of bed because Im too depressed to function.GOd forbid if my meds stop working I pray it doesnt.
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  #74  
Old 05-11-11, 07:07 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

I always get a lump in my throat and my eyes start to get foggy when I see this thread.
It's automatic.

Hey Esh, Man you were the energy in here. You wrote the most inspiring words.
I liked your philosophy. You are the rebel.

Where ever you are, I hope you're having a great time. I'll see you there one day.

Sincerely,
Nate.
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  #75  
Old 05-11-11, 07:13 PM
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Re: eshperiful...in memoriam

no Im the rebel JK.I think this place has lost alot of energy and is almost dead w out Esh.Its just starting to get back to decent now last few months,at least we have me an abi to terrorize and pillage yall I cant believe this is affecting me this bad because aside from here I barely knew the guy and since hearing of his passing Ive been sad and ****ed offteary eyed crybaby right now)
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