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  #1  
Old 03-01-13, 01:49 PM
VeryTired VeryTired is offline
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a whole thread about movie watching and tv

Hi, friends--

I have been reading along elsewhere and saw a conversation emerging about movie-watching for couples. I thought maybe we could expand it to a whole thread of its own, because it's something I have been wondering about for a while. I'd love to hear other people's experiences.

My partner, who has ADHD, finds it hard to watch tv with me. He talks constantly over the tv, often at length about matters he knows a huge amount about. Usually it's not that it's uninteresting, it's more that I can't pay attention to the live person and the tv at the same time. This is stressful for me, and makes him feel silenced. It's also that I am not a fan of 'conversations' where one person downloads huge amounts of info to the other who says nothing. My partner happily says that this is his idea of a great conversation--though I seldom find him in the listening role, so it may be that he just needs to say what's on his mind.

This used to make me crazy. It is very uncomfortable for me, but I also thought it was behavior universally understood as being rude. I have learned not to leap to that conclusion, and to see it as an ADHD symptom, but we have basically stopped every watching tv together, which is a pity.

Also, sometimes when I am watching tv by myself, my partner will come into the room, pick up the remote, and change channels to something he wants to watch without saying anything to me. I always find that shocking and uncomfortable, almost violent in a way. But he obviously sees nothing problematic about it. Typically he'll do it for a while, then suddenly stop, and leave the room, with his preferred program still on as he walks away.

Often we find a movie on tv that we want to see, or bring home a DVD from the library, it turns out that he loses interest in it after 45 minutes or so. Usually he says he's tired and goes to bed, but quite often he then doesn't go to sleep, but starts playing on the computer or reading, or gets up again and wanders around the house. So it seems more to me as if he cannot concentrate on movies after his medication wears off in the evening. This has become so frustrating that we've stopped trying to do it, so I haven't had a chance to ask him if he's just not able to concentrate, but looking back, it sure seems as if that might have been true.

When we do go to a movie at a theater, the problems we have at home seem to disappear. We don't go unless it's something we really want to see (because it's expensive), but I don't think that's why it's better. I think the more stimulating format of the big screen, and the lessened distractions of the darkened room, without gadgets, etc available--and maybe even the presence of other attentive people in the audience--and other things like that seem to make it suddenly possible for him to concentrate and enjoy the movie.

I'd like to know more about how other people experience this, and figure out what's going on with us. Too many things have become distancing, or make barriers between us, so we have very few common activities and shared experiences now. It's sad, and not good for us. But his trying to each something when he doesn't feel he can and my being pressured by his distraction aren't good, either.
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Old 03-01-13, 02:18 PM
SquarePeg SquarePeg is offline
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Re: a whole thread about movie watching and tv

My and my two teenagers have adhd. Unless Iīm absolutely riveted to something on tv I will get up every 20 minutes or so and do something else. This drives my family crazy. Plus I have to comment on things that I think are unrealistic or just because I disagree. Again they all say "please just shut up and watch it".

I canīt help it, I want to discuss it but I donīt want a one sided conversation, I want feedback, but because they remain silent I shut up.

I donīt like going to the cinema, I find it hard to sit still for so long. Itīs difficult to find a film that interests us all. Me and my husband often like the same films but for different reasons. I like dialogue and as soon as there is fighting, action etc I get up to make tea, and then my husband makes a cup of tea when the fighting has finished.

I think we made more of an effort to be interested in otherīs interests when we met 20 years ago. I would go and watch him play rugby. Well I didnīt actually watch just had drinks with the other girlfriends, so now without the social aspect I donīt want to watch it on TV.

My kids are on their phones whilst watching tv is on and it drives me mad, I like to sit and watch tv together and eat popcorn.
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Old 03-01-13, 02:48 PM
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Re: a whole thread about movie watching and tv

regarding changing tv channels and the remote...at least for me...the remote is an extension of my husbands' penis...dont touch it unless you know what to do with it.
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Old 03-01-13, 05:06 PM
kilted_scotsman kilted_scotsman is offline
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Re: a whole thread about movie watching and tv

Different families have different ways of using the TV.

Some families have the TV on permanently, they're not actually watching it, but it's there and becomes the focus of individual members attention in a random way.

In this kind of family TV culture changing channels without asking is often the norm... no one's really watching so it doesn't matter... and the rare times someone is, they'll object, loudly and vociferously.

Going to see a film is obviously a different thing.... it's an "event".... the screen is not wallpaper for other family interactions. Plus there's a general wider culture of not talking through films and it's more difficult to walk around/change the channel!

Someone from this kind of family won't have the slightest thought about changing channel or talking throughout a programme.

so sometimes it's not the ADD.... it's just the environment someone grew up in.

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Old 03-03-13, 02:09 AM
TLCisaQT TLCisaQT is offline
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Re: a whole thread about movie watching and tv

My child with ADHD has yet to sit through a full movie at the theatre, so we rarely go. My husband with ADHD likes going to the theatre to watch movies BUT it's the people at the movies that he detests because if anyone is noisy there or rude or talks, it distracts him and he ultimately focuses on that over enjoying the movie. Also at home, he cannot watch a movie on TV with the kids around because he prefers to watch TV/Movies in COMPLETE silence or he's grumpy
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Old 03-09-13, 04:07 PM
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Re: a whole thread about movie watching and tv

I find it kinda funny a lot of the non-ADD people I know are the ones that talk over/during TV shows and movies versus those who actually have ADD/ADHD. If I'm watching something (as someone with ADD) I am hyperfocused on that completely. If I'm disinterested in whats on the TV, I'll be on my computer or ipad or phone doing something else and sort of half-watching.

My mom absolutely detests and gets raging mad at people who talk in movie theatres, so from a young age I was never allowed to do that (because she was always mad all the time anyway). If I was taken to a movie that bored me I fell asleep (and I found out last year, I still will fall asleep!!) I have only every whispered to someone DURING a show if it was some kind of movie I had to explain something going on to the person I was with (like my grandpa with star wars III), but I try to avoid that as much as possible (and if I can, sit away from people).

I'm sure I've talked to people trying to watch something on TV, but I don't think that's a general habit of ADD/ADHD people. Plenty of non-ADDers still will talk over the TV if they want to tell you something and don't care about interrupting your show P: Thank goodness for DVR, these days.
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Old 03-11-13, 12:21 PM
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Re: a whole thread about movie watching and tv

My husband certainly can't sit still for anything on tv or at a theater. At home he has to get up and get something to eat or drink or just walk around. At the theater he's good for about an hour but then has to go out to the lobby to get something to eat or just get up to go out and walk around. At home he will do the same things as OP's husband. Talk very loudly over the tv, even when he pitched a fit because I didn't pause it for him so he could see it. Then I start it up when he is finally ready and he'll immediately start talking about something unrelated or one of the cats will hop up on his lap and he'll ooh and aah over that and talk to it and not hear the program anyway. It's extremely frustrating because he'll see I'm only half listening to what he's saying while trying to hear the tv and he'll go "fine whatever!" and sit there in a huff.
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Old 03-11-13, 12:53 PM
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Re: a whole thread about movie watching and tv

I can't sit for very long either so I tend to avoid movies. Most of them bore me as well. There are very, very few movies that I actually like and can manage to sit through. At home I tend to make little comments throughout a movie or program but my NT husband does the same (well, he talks at length about his tangents ) .

Watching a movie in the theatre is becoming more and more of an ordeal for me, especially now that movies are longer than 90 min. I get very restless and uncomfortable and extremely bored. I usually start checking my mobile and sighing heavily, which annoys my husband to no end. My usual comment after every movie is "It was way too long".
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Old 03-11-13, 11:34 PM
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Re: a whole thread about movie watching and tv

Fuzzy, thanks so much for the reply. This really gives me a picture of what it's like for you. It seems as though this is just too hard for a lot of people, which sort of surprised me to learn. I guess I had expected to hear more about how hyperfocus could pull people into movies, but apparently not.

My partner seems to watch tv and movies completely differently from how I do, and our experiences when we do this together are clearly divergent. The more I come to question what normal is, the more I realize how many different ways there are to be. It's getting kind of exhausting, trying to figure out where all the differences fall, but it's always good to find a little more insight.
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