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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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  #31  
Old 03-14-17, 06:59 PM
Johnny Slick Johnny Slick is offline
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Re: My oversensivity is ruining my relationships :(

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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
If anything, being oversensitive can make you more prone to putting up with abuse. You are too busy trying to figure out what qualifies as something to really be upset about vs. what is just something kind of usual or normal, and then when you combine that with the self doubt and shame over being sensitive- would make you likely to take abuse because of the uncertainty of the whole situation.
Yeah, totally, 100% this. If you've been around someone who abuses you emotionally, one thing that absolutely comes along with that is that they reject you when you say that they're being mean to you. If that person is your parent, a lot of the time all you have left when you leave the house is how you feel and so without that grounding in what is abusive/mean and what isn't, you wind up accepting straight-up meanness while simultaneously being ****** off at people who didn't actually mean to be mean to you because something in your own history makes you think it was mean.

I mean, I'm not surprised at how this originated but it's still an excellent point that I wanted to back up.
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  #32  
Old 03-15-17, 02:38 PM
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Re: My oversensivity is ruining my relationships :(

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Originally Posted by unstableAngel View Post
In response to hubby's abuse issue....occationally i say nothing cause it merely escalates the situation and he doesnt hear me anyways. Also, as i have bi polar as well when i'm depressed i feel nothing...i know im being disrespected (to put it mildly) but too depressed to care.
Oh -- one of those husbands, isn't he? His ears are stuffed so he's not listening very well, and when you tell him to no longer do something because it bothers you, he keeps on doing it! And he escalates! How does he make ends meet?

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Originally Posted by unstableAngel View Post
so called friends ask "how are you" but don't wanna hear how you really are, they expect fine. When i have told them honestly, it's obvious they didn't really want to know.
Haha! Clap clap! I urge anyone with social anxiety to read this comment. And to think you should envy these people for their social skills! Laughable

Last edited by namazu; 03-15-17 at 03:52 PM..
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  #33  
Old 03-18-17, 08:42 PM
madhadder madhadder is offline
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Re: My oversensivity is ruining my relationships :(

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Originally Posted by Johnny Slick View Post
Yeah, totally, 100% this. If you've been around someone who abuses you emotionally, one thing that absolutely comes along with that is that they reject you when you say that they're being mean to you. If that person is your parent, a lot of the time all you have left when you leave the house is how you feel and so without that grounding in what is abusive/mean and what isn't, you wind up accepting straight-up meanness while simultaneously being ****** off at people who didn't actually mean to be mean to you because something in your own history makes you think it was mean.

I mean, I'm not surprised at how this originated but it's still an excellent point that I wanted to back up.

I agree with agreeing with this also. It's easy to stay and listen to verbal abuse of someone you love because there are so many ways you can justify it in your head.. such as 'he really loves me and doesn't mean it' 'he will change' 'he's just in a bad mood' or even worse 'what he says must be right, he is the one that lives with me.. puts up with me.. I best believe what he says' Then you take all those reasoning's that you convince yourself to believe and become overly sensitive to anything anyone else says.

I forget who mentioned it and I'm rusty on MB how-tos so I can't remember how to double quote.....but I also agree that you also spend so much time trying to figure out of you're being overly sensitive, not sensitive enough or if whomever is saying whatever they're saying has a point that you should pay attention to. That alone can make you feel a little batty and cause you to be overly sensitive and read into anything that is being said. That can hurt relationships with even the longest of friends, especially when you're reading into something that you know in your heart the person has said meaning no harm. You still react in a way that may be overly sensitive because of all those justifications mentioned above that are floating around in your head.
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  #34  
Old 03-18-17, 09:13 PM
dvdnvwls dvdnvwls is offline
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Re: My oversensivity is ruining my relationships :(

It is good to justify a loved one's behaviour. Until it's not.

It takes courage and clear thinking, to start looking differently at the actions of a person who's close to you. Being accepted as who I am doesn't mean being accepted forever without question. When you're sure that my behaviour is going to continue in a way that you can't accept, that means you must stop accepting me.

Not accepting me - I mean sending me away or leaving me - is far better than trying to pretend you'll accept me as soon as I magically transform into someone else.

It can hurt, but not as badly as living a lie hurts. (Where the lie is "He'll change this time, I just know it.")
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  #35  
Old Today, 09:53 AM
icantbelive93 icantbelive93 is offline
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Re: My oversensivity is ruining my relationships :(

Being very sensitive sucks what has helped me is realizing that I also can be insensitive or say/do something that possibily could come across as hurtfull. However, that is not my intention and I definietly don't want to be hurtfull to others. This helped me realize we all do things that might be interpreted as mean/hurtfull when it really isn't like that. Maybe the peron is going through something, is stressed, is distracted, is hurting themselves. I know for me if i'm really stressed I'm more "b*tchy but not cause I want to hurt someone but cause I'm so stressed and selfinvolved I just impulsivily do/say something. I hope what I wrote makes sense and helps
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