Today I am grateful for... (Part II)

[Adenosine]

Originally Posted by anonymouslyadd

You've been doing so well! I'm proud of you.

Thanks.

I used to get mad at myself for being depressed. Even when I did something good, I wouldn't let myself feel proud of it, because I thought I was failing to be strong or cheerful enough. Somehow that was a bigger strike than real, concrete success.

I'm not exactly sure where I got that idea, but once I dropped it, it was a fairly straight shot forward.

[midnightstar]

Tigger coming onto my lap for a kiss, cuddle and snooze <3

[aeon]

Through her words and the sound of her voice, my sweetie was able to calm me and soothe me when my mind had gone into worst-case scenario rumination.

I'm grateful for that for a few reasons.

I never got that as a child, or was taught how to do it, so I'm kinda crap at doing it for myself.

As an adult, no one ever did it either, and perhaps that was because they didn't know how, didn't understand me, or didn't really care.

So someone doing that for me when no one else could or would, and I wasn't able to do it for myself...it seems like magic.

But it's not magic...that's what being loved feels like.

That someone would love me enough to do what I couldn't do for myself when I was in need...I'm grateful beyond my ability to understand or express for that.

And I felt scared about saying I was scared, because a long time ago I learned to not share how I felt, because it would be used to shame me and manipulate me.

But it was OK to say that I was scared.

That's all new to me and I can't even describe how it feels.

But I am so, so grateful.


Learning,
Ian

[Hermus]

Originally Posted by aeon

Through her words and the sound of her voice, my sweetie was able to calm me and soothe me when my mind had gone into worst-case scenario rumination.

I'm grateful for that for a few reasons.

I never got that as a child, or was taught how to do it, so I'm kinda crap at doing it for myself.

As an adult, no one ever did it either, and perhaps that was because they didn't know how, didn't understand me, or didn't really care.

So someone doing that for me when no one else could or would, and I wasn't able to do it for myself...it seems like magic.

But it's not magic...that's what being loved feels like.

That someone would love me enough to do what I couldn't do for myself when I was in need...I'm grateful beyond my ability to understand or express for that.

And I felt scared about saying I was scared, because a long time ago I learned to not share how I felt, because it would be used to shame me and manipulate me.

But it was OK to say that I was scared.

That's all new to me and I can't even describe how it feels.

But I am so, so grateful.


Learning,
Ian

Very relatable, Ian. When we haven't learned to speak out and haven't been soothed as a child it's very difficult to do that for ourselves. From what you've shared on this forum you've gotten quite far in learning that. I'm learning it now and hope to be in the place you are now in some years time.

[psychopathetic]

Today is the best day I've had in a VERY long time. Everything's just clicked into place for me. I've caught up on sleep/feel rested, can feel my meds doing their thing (I usually don't get much from my adderall anymore), my sugar levels (diabetes)...at least for today...are where they should be...and my mood is just where I like it. Not manic, not low, but just at the upper middle...the sweet spot where I just feel chill. Like everything's just okay and I can really sit back and relax .

(((((((Today)))))))

[Fuzzy12]

Good to gear you had a good day. ((((((Psycho 's day)))))

[BellaVita]

I got to play a hard game of snowball fetch with my dog.

We got lots of snow here.

I just so love the snow.

[psychopathetic]

A friend reaching out to me on these forums and sending me a nice pm. It just really meant a lot to me.
<3

[BellaVita]

Had to take a drive out in the blizzard, some of the worst snow I've ever driven in – OK I didn't drive but I don't know what to call it when you are riding as a passenger.

Anyway, really glad we made it home safely.

[psychopathetic]

I can't believe how solid my sugar levels have become. I only check twice a day...once in the morning (fasting) and once in the evening 2-3 hours after eating.

My 7 day average is 130! I don't know what my 14 day average is, as I just recently got more test strips.

My doctor wants my fasting sugar levels to be between 90 on the low end, and 160 on the high end. In reality that should be 70-140...but I've been dealing with such high levels (250+) for such a long period of time, he's giving me a little wiggle room.

It's to a point now that I need to start being a whole lot more careful with my insulin. I use to pump tons of it into myself during meals...but I may need to cut back now and see how that goes.
As far as I understand things...at least in the short term...it's better to be hyper (high) than hypo (low).

I'm just thrilled to see these numbers though! It took an entire shift in my eating habits to see these numbers...and though it wasn't intentionally to lower my sugar levels...seeing how normal my levels have become, is sure giving me a ton of motivation to continue doing what I'm doing (knowing full well that there's still TONS of improvements in my eating I can make yet).

[BellaVita]

I love my teammate, my husband.

[psychopathetic]

Had the best day I've had in awhile. My sleeping issues are driving me nuts!
However, I was awake today enough to get some reading done in a book I'm nearly finished with (less than 75 pages to go!), go hang with my parents for a bit, and got some board games in (well...just 1). Teaching myself a new game I've been really wanting to play, but have been too tired to.
Oh, I also organized some clutter next to my bed as well .

Lol...isn't my life thrilling?
I try not to think about how dull I am lol...it's not something I'm proud of.

[aeon]

I did reconciliation and financial forensics for 24 hours straight without the use of additional chemistry, and I kicked booty.

I even finally figured out (and zeroed out) the cluster**** of 4 months wanton destruction I inherited when I took this job.


Well-Chuffed,
Ian

[Wuvmy3kitties]

Coming home to 3 kitties who love me, on a day when I see other ppl getting flowers, candy, and other Valentines day stuff. That's why I "wuvmy3kitties"!

[psychopathetic]

Originally Posted by aeon

I did reconciliation and financial forensics for 24 hours straight without the use of additional chemistry, and I kicked booty.

I even finally figured out (and zeroed out) the cluster**** of 4 months wanton destruction I inherited when I took this job.


Well-Chuffed,
Ian

I have no idea what you said.
But I like it!