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  #1621  
Old 02-15-17, 05:06 AM
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Re: Today I am grateful for... (Part II)

Man!

So I was worried my sugars were going to be high today...as not only did I have a large dinner compared to what I've been having (a foot long subway sandwich)...but I was dumb enough to have a little debbie cookie bar. Only they're one of my favorite junk food snacks in the world...so I can't stop at just 1 and had 2.

So I just checked my numbers...I wanted to check them a few hours after my meal but I fell asleep, so it's been closer to 5 or 6 hours now...

But my sugar level is 122.

That's AWESOME! Exactly where they should be!

I don't know. I've only started taking my sugars again for 9 days now, and I continue to be shocked at how well they've become!
In these 9 days, I've only had 1 single high reading. The rest have been in my target zones.

Right now my averages are:
133 Fasting (4+ hours after my last meal), with a total of 12 tests
150 2-3 hours after eating (I usually only eat 1 meal a day) with a total of 6 tests
138 Over all average with a total of 18 tests

It just amazes me how well my numbers have been. I've been in the 200-300+ ranges for SO long!
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  #1622  
Old 02-16-17, 10:54 PM
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Re: Today I am grateful for... (Part II)

Way to go psycho!!

My mom has diabetes and she's had to really watch her sugars too (she's 87). Hers has been in the 120s and 130s too, they were previously 160s, 170s and up. She also now walks 15 minutes a day and I think that's a tremendous help.
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  #1623  
Old 02-17-17, 12:55 AM
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Re: Today I am grateful for... (Part II)

Thanks Wub Wuvs . Grats to your mom too! I think it's amazing she's taking walks each day!

-------

I'm grateful for a lot of things today.

My apartment.
Living alone.
Decent weather.
Fast as heck internet.
My fan that blows on me and provides me with it's super soothing white noise.
A tender heart.
The tender heart of others.
Not over eating lately.
All my meds.
The fact I'm so committed to actually taking my meds.
My beautiful Middle-Of-February Christmas Tree
The sleep I'm getting (even though I'm not exactly happy with my current sleeping schedule).
The freedom I have.
The idea that my future is still open to me.

So many things.
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  #1624  
Old 02-19-17, 12:59 AM
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Re: Today I am grateful for... (Part II)

Dang my new internet is fast!
I've now had it for 8 days, and I'm just thrilled with it.
My computer is my main form of entertainment. I don't use televisions (though I do own 2 very nice ones) and don't play video games...so having a decent computer with decent internet is a pretty high priority of mine.

Why'd it take me so long to switch from DSL to cable? I finally made the decision this month because I think my DSL provider started to throttle my connection (slow it down on purpose)...I couldn't watch youtube videos in HD, downloading movies was a chore cause not only did they take forever, but I couldn't surf the internet while downloading (surfing would come to a crawl) and stream other tv shows and such was a serious pain too.

Now my internet just freaking soars with ease. Everything I throw at it. Download multiple movies at the same time? Sure! Download them while watching a youtube video in 4k? haha...heck yeah!
And movies download in 5-7 minutes. They use to take me about an hour on good days with DSL.
I have my youtube video playback settings set to automatic...and now all my videos automatically start playing at the highest quality available for that particular video (usually 1080p HD)...and there's absolutely no buffer time...I click on the video and it immediately starts. It's just amazing.

And this is all through wifi! Lord only knows what I could do if I hooked up directly to my modem with a cable! haha it'd probably be so fast it'd blow my mind

I'm just thrilled. I guess I just needed to come and brag lols.
It's fun when you get new shiny toys that are cooler than any other toy you've previously owned .
I'm enjoying the heck out of this for now. I'm going to be a bit sad when the newness of this wears off and I forget how exciting it was at first lol. When it becomes normal to me and something I take for granted.

The internet has suddenly become much more fun for me!
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  #1625  
Old 02-19-17, 01:08 AM
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Re: Today I am grateful for... (Part II)

Also, today ended up being a really nice day.

Thought my parents weren't going to watch a couple of boys they watch on saturdays cause my mom's been pretty sick...but they decided to anyhow.
So I went over at 9 in the morning to help out (and I love hanging with these kids when I can)...and let my mom and dad go lay back down for a few hours.
And I had them cook lunch with me again. Cooking takes more time with their help...I have to pre-prepare things before hand...but boy do they love helping! Especially the younger brother. He was so proud of himself for making some mac'n'cheese today lol .

And yeah...it's just been a nice day I guess. I've been a bit tired this evening, but not too bad really. I should have a nice night's sleep I'm hoping.
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  #1626  
Old 02-20-17, 11:22 AM
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Re: Today I am grateful for... (Part II)

My future is actually feeling like it's starting to open up to me again.

I'm moving slowly, but I have been making improvements with my health over the last couple of months (taking ALL my pills, my diabetes, my eating habits)...and I'm still open to the idea of further improvements here sooner than later (have I mentioned I move slowly? lol...I'm like a sloth in so many ways).

And you know? The best thing is that I have a real goal in my future. I've been goalless for months now, so it's really nice to actually have something to strive towards now.

So yeah, not sure why I'm feeling so good about this this morning...but I am.

I see my pill doc today. I always enjoy my visits with her...and I do want to discuss with her possible changes I'd like to make with my adderall.
Then I see my health doc on friday, and I'm quite looking forward to that...I can feel I've lost a bit of weight (I can feel it in my shirts!) and I can't wait to talk to him about my lowering blood sugar levels and how they've not been spiking now for the past 3 weeks.

Oh and my support group tomorrow. I skipped last week, so am really looking forward to seeing them this week again. Catching up. I'm absolutely an introvert and I often feel drained after spending time with people...but for some reason it's very often the exact opposite with this particular group. They don't drain me, but rather recharge me. I so often leave that group feeling better than when I came.

Sorry for the long ramble.
Things are just looking up and open for me right now. Not something I've felt in quite a few months.
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  #1627  
Old 02-20-17, 02:02 PM
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Re: Today I am grateful for... (Part II)

A customer is treating me today to a lunch of Jimmy Johns!

Italian Night Club
  • no lettuce
  • xtra onion
  • xtra oregano
  • xtra tomato
  • xtra vito

Nomnom,
Ian
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  #1628  
Old 02-22-17, 04:55 AM
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Re: Today I am grateful for... (Part II)

I've been getting these fleeting moments of bliss. I don't know where they're coming from, but they're dang near euphoric.
It's possible that my thyroid meds are already starting to work a bit...which may (or may not? I've no idea TBH) causing it.

But it's so nice. I'll be sitting here and just suddenly feel very good. Very content. Happy (but not giddy).
Love. That's the word for it! I'm feeling love! At nothing in particular...or maybe it's the love for my life in a very broad and general sense if it is something "particular".

And again...I don't know why...but I'm taking further strides in self-forgiveness towards myself all the sudden again. I've been so cold to myself for so many years...but damn, I've really been having some very warm loving feeling towards myself sometimes lately.
Like just tonight I was thinking about how genuinely empathetic I can be of others. And it's a lovely thing. It's a beautiful thing.
And how horrible of a person can I really be if I can experience such beautiful empathy towards people?
I don't believe you can be an actively horrible person and experience the levels and depths of the empathy I experience.

I have made horrible choices in my life. I was once a very different person than I am today.
But dang, that feels like many life times ago. I've greatly punished myself day in and day out over and over for years on end for the choices I made.

I think I'm moving into a period of my life where I'm getting close to accepting that it's okay for me to move on from this. To maybe not forgive all the choices I made...but to forgive 'me'.
To accept that damn it...I went from a very broken person during those times, but am continuing to develop into a very kind, loving man.

I'll never truly move on in my life...never be able to hold onto success or contentment...as long as I let my hatred for my past me drag me down.
I want to release myself from this chain. Maybe it's time I stop punishing myself. The person I've become is very much so worth love and kindness.

...
lol, maybe all the meds I'm now taking are starting to make me loose my marbles. Maybe that's it!

...bliss. It just washed over me right here right now again. Love.

lol what is wrong with me? I think I'm losing my mind!
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  #1629  
Old 02-28-17, 04:42 PM
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Re: Today I am grateful for... (Part II)

Everyone but especially mil being so nice and supportive about fuzzling hitting her head and trying very hard to make me feel better and less guilty.

Please remind me the next time I go off on a rant about mil.
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  #1630  
Old 02-28-17, 05:40 PM
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Re: Today I am grateful for... (Part II)

Having the courage to choose my own recovery over trying to fix someone else.
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  #1631  
Old 03-03-17, 07:30 PM
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Re: Today I am grateful for... (Part II)

For the first time in about 5 years I met up with my sister. She's dominating, the older one. I don't deal well with authority and never really got one with each other. But we're growing up and we met for lunch when she passed through London.

Awaiting her bf we actually connected as I opened up, more sincere than I've ever been. Teasing is one thing when you ignore if there's very intimate personal reasons behind scenarios. And I opened up as to how things where for me, and reasons for failing, choices I had to make. And also that often sacrificing pride was one thing, but how excruciating I find it for having to give up a job and consequentially be financially dependent on my parents at my age. I don't find add being a handicap - once channelled the qualities outshine the flaws in my humble opinion.

Usually she would judge, but I took the time to inform her about the reasons and feelings behind... and we've interacted as human beings. It felt like brother and sister. Not perfect, but that's a childish fairy-tale delusion that distorts and deceives the complex reality which has more shades than 'positive'. Grown up both I see. I love her.
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  #1632  
Old 03-07-17, 12:55 PM
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Re: Today I am grateful for... (Part II)

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  #1633  
Old 03-10-17, 02:01 PM
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Re: Today I am grateful for... (Part II)

Today I am grateful that I work for a supervisor who is a human being.

For over 27 years I worked for an old fashioned stingy boss, and then when he retired worked for a miserable, nitpicky, controlling, uncaring boss. Last year I finally changed jobs and have the most friendly, helpful, sincere and funny boss I have ever had. I truly enjoy my job nowadays, and that's something I couldn't say for a long time.
God is good!
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Old 03-12-17, 07:54 AM
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Re: Today I am grateful for... (Part II)

My life that is so amazing I can hardly believe it, my husband who loves me so, and self acceptance and love.
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  #1635  
Old 03-12-17, 08:25 AM
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Re: Today I am grateful for... (Part II)

The progress in my recovery
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