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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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Old 08-03-04, 09:41 AM
MikeM MikeM is offline
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How to improve family life in the midst of total disorganization?

Hi all:

I'm struggling with the total chaos of my family life. Both me and my wife score off the charts on the self-test ADHD surveys we've found on the web. Neither of us has been professionally diagnosed, but it seems obvious we're affected by this.

I have trouble finishing projects, and have to force myself to get things done. I have managed to be productive, run a successful business, and cope from day to day, but I have to constantly battle with myself to finish things.

My wife seems to be having more trouble. She constantly loses things - keys wallet, credit cards, bills, checks, money, student papers, work papers, etc. She'll do a weeks worth of grocery shopping, then leave the full shopping cart in the parking lot and drive away without it. Just getting ready for work becomes a major, stressfull episode, involving the whole family (we have two children, aged 8 and 5).

Today, for example, she got up at 6:00 (work starts at 9:00), woke everybody up while throwing clean laundry around looking for something to wear (it never gets put away), stomped around yelling that she couldn't find her keys (right on the counter in plain sight), demanded that I help her print out an email, complained that the house is a mess (it always is), and proceeded to dictate to me everything I should be doing with the kids all day (it's my turn to watch them today). She left, but came back because she forgot the checkbook (I had to find it for her). She left again, but had to come back for her parking pass (I had to find it). She left again, but called me on the cellphone to complain about a student.

When she's finally gone, I'm totally drained, and the kids are all upset. Then my stuff kicks in, and I have no desire to acomplish anything. She, on the other hand, gets more and more stressed until she ends up getting drunk in the afternoon two or three days a week.

She now has three rooms in the house totally upside down, while she paints the ceiling and walls. Uncovered paint cans, hardened brushes and rollers are in a pile, and there are paint stains on clothes, cabinets, and carpets in un-related areas. She still hasn't finished the bathroom she began painting three years ago.

As you might guess, I have no idea how to deal with this. Our family life is a shambles, and there's no end in sight. I simply don't know where to begin.

I'm not expecting any miracles from anybody here, just a place where I can vent a bit, and learn some tips on how I can improve maybe one piece of this mess.

Thanks all for listening.
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Old 08-03-04, 01:45 PM
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jaimegerise jaimegerise is offline
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Oh man.....that sounds like me at the worst time of my life a while back...argorama. I am sure that it's rough on you.

Maybe a good start is to sit and have a heart to heart with her that things can't continue like this and that y'all would probably need to really start implementing a plan to get things more organized (Not just THINK about it, but actually DO it...I know I've been there ). There's many books and websites out there to help get things organized. Here's some links to other threads here that have info that might help you out.....

http://www.addforums.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=129
http://www.addforums.com/forums/show...hlight=flylady
http://www.addforums.com/forums/show...hlight=flylady
http://www.addforums.com/forums/show...hlight=flylady

Hope this helps start you off, and I am sure you'll only learn more as you visit the forums. Also, if you are certain that you and/or wife may have ADD, start learning all that you can about it. The more you know, the better equipt you will be to handle things, not just your home disorganization. You CAN conquer the chaos in your life, ADD or not. Good luck to you both!
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Old 08-03-04, 01:50 PM
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Perfectly said Jaime, and welcome Mike. Glad you're here. There's tons of info. I home school 3 kids and yeah, I know about being disorganized. Get help fast, divvy up the chores. Best wishes and look forward to talking in the future.
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