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Old 03-05-19, 04:32 AM
Drogheda98 Drogheda98 is offline
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something just happened and I'm trying to figure a puzzle out

sorry if I'm posting in the wrong forum but, damn.

after the last projection in therapy my therapist said to get to work and wright, so I am, he also said in first *and* third person(*in a bit*). I'll relate neurosis, which is the core of the complex, when you have neurosis you find the inner two year old, the *stuff* that was buried and you can also see in another post were I found my inner two year old cause wrighting is the pathway of the brain (in therapy my therapist said to something at the end of my projections, to connect the dots all through the past 4 years has been odd to say the least)

a funny thing just happened.(third person) my dog wanted in my parents room, he was whimpering at the door , they didn't want him in, my dog whimpered some more and this guy was unneasy about the situation, so this guy opened the door and instead of saying (projection, what I should of said) , can't you guys hear the cries of the dog, this guy said "the dog wants in, please let him in"

they didn't want him in, instead they forced him out.

this guy and the dog went into this guy's room, this guy was furious, the only time this guy has really shown real anger in a long time and displaced it onto the ground, the house shock. one of em went ouside to look in the window of this guys room that is open to look in instead of coming to knock on the door to ask how this guy was. instead one of em came in and took the dog away.

heh, when I was looking up the myth of Perseus I uncovered a book called Perseus, the boy who grew up thinking he was a dog. (a crystalized thought and I don't know what the pshychological phenominon is but like, *attaching a thought to a thought* somehow brings more clarity to myself.

after calming down (*really the first time I've been mad in a long time*) I went in my parents room and asked about my first dog.

I got him when I was 2 years old, god I loved *that dog*(an echo from therapy) we were inseperable, we did everything together, a cocker spaniel in my research I uncovered this "“How will I ever help to cure this patient? He or she really needs help.” There are so many things that are taking place in the clinical exchange, either explicitly or implicitly, that we can never give an adequate answer to that question. Why some patients with severe deficits, i.e., childhood trauma improve and others with a seemingly less traumatic past don’t, is a puzzle that often confounds me. An answer, a piece of that puzzle that is often found is the following: that there must have been some person, object, or selfobject experience from the past that the patient had that gave the patient a sense of self that could be characterized as having a feeling of coherence or wholeness. The three major selfobject transferences that Kohut differentiated in his lifetime and the many others that have been theorized since his death are examples of just such experiences.

just the memory of that dog , I need to look up more descriptive ways of emotions but these feels I'm feeling, I never said goodbuy to him cause I was always to scared of death to. boxes keep coming up , bubbling up, in therapy and elsewere like now and I could never piece together why, we buried that dog in the backyard along with all the other animals that meant so much to me in boxes, in the back yard(holy crap my therapist said something about a cemetary.)

Perseus, the boy who grew up thinking he was a dog

when I asked my mother about when we got my dog she said " oh we kept him in a box and I remember keeping the box between *you two*, I asked " who again? , cause I always called my parents "you two"(echo), she ment me and my brother.

I'v heard my mother say to watson "your like a little kid dressed in a dog costume" , I've often heard her chase after watson saying "were are you going" I also remember her saying one night at a resteraunt "I wonder what happened to that kid, could you(I think directed at me) handle these two things.

whenever I say something positive for everyone envolved in my family, be it my brother or sister or dad or mom, they always say "tell watson he is a good boy"

Persius, the boy who grew up thinking he was a dog. I have my first dogs colar, his chain, wrapped around me, my actual first object was my first dog, and I think by using third person I figured out the trauma. holy crap my therapist is good, I'll parse this together in the follow up
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Old 03-05-19, 05:20 AM
Drogheda98 Drogheda98 is offline
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Re: something just happened and I'm trying to figure a puzzle out

Quote:
Originally Posted by Drogheda98 View Post
sorry if I'm posting in the wrong forum but, damn.

(first person) when I was a child I wanted in my parents room, I was whimpering at the door , they didn't want me in, I whimpered some more and my brother was unneasy about the situation, so my father opened the door and instead of saying (projection, what I should of said) , can't you mom and you dad here the cries of me, my brother said "your son wants in, please let him in"

they didn't want me in, instead they forced me out of their minds.

my brother and the infant me went into my brothers room, my brother was furious, the only time my brother had really shown real anger in a long time and displaced it onto the door (there is a dent on a door were my brother punched it), the house shock. one of em went ouside to look in the window of my brothers room that is open to look in instead of coming to knock on the door to ask how my brother was. instead one of em came in and took me away.

*attachment theory somehow brings more clarity to myself.

after calming down (*really the first time I've been mad in a long time*) I went in my parents room and asked about myself.

I got him when I was 2 years old, god I loved *that dog*(an echo from therapy) we were inseperable, we did everything together, a cocker spaniel in my research I uncovered this "“How will I ever help to cure this patient? He or she really needs help.” There are so many things that are taking place in the clinical exchange, either explicitly or implicitly, that we can never give an adequate answer to that question. Why some patients with severe deficits, i.e., childhood trauma improve and others with a seemingly less traumatic past don’t, is a puzzle that often confounds me. An answer, a piece of that puzzle that is often found is the following: that there must have been some person, object, or selfobject experience from the past that the patient had that gave the patient a sense of self that could be characterized as having a feeling of coherence or wholeness. The three major selfobject transferences that Kohut differentiated in his lifetime and the many others that have been theorized since his death are examples of just such experiences.

just the memory of that dog , I need to look up more descriptive ways of emotions but these feels I'm feeling, I never said goodbuy to him cause I was always to scared of death to. boxes keep coming up , bubbling up, in therapy and elsewere like now and I could never piece together why, we buried that dog in the backyard along with all the other animals that meant so much to me in boxes, in the back yard(holy crap my therapist said something about a cemetary.)

Perseus, the boy who grew up thinking he was a dog

when I asked my mother about when we got my dog she said " oh we kept him in a box and I remember keeping the box between *you two*, I asked " who again? , cause I always called my parents "you two"(echo), she ment me and my brother.

I'v heard my mother say to watson "your like a little kid dressed in a dog costume" , I've often heard her chase after watson saying "were are you going" I also remember her saying one night at a resteraunt "I wonder what happened to that kid, could you(I think directed at me) handle these two things.

whenever I say something positive for everyone envolved in my family, be it my brother or sister or dad or mom, they always say "tell watson he is a good boy"
My brother and I were inseperable, we did everything together and I looked up to him, cause he looked out for me and saw me when no one else would. the two of us, I would sleep in his room, we had bunkbeds, it was nice. the two of us, when he went off to college I cried for I don't know how long, he was my hero (lots of memories surfacing) I wanted to be him so I took up the guitar when he stopped playing, and I've never looked back at that decision (I was always musical, played the trumpet in band, would sing a lot when I was young). every week when he calls I almost wait for him to call

what actually happened is what really just happened in the post above, however, third person is the only way I could understand what happened when I was so small and end this cycle(part of the mirror theory is that by stage 5 is when the true ego emerges, I'm hedging a guess that the process is to reintegrate the mirror process that was denied, the neurosis is to get in touch with feelings which is why I had it engrained in me that everyone comes from a good place in therapy, so I would come from a good place without a true mother reflection be it adhd or DID from drugs or whatever, I blame no one as to not have black or white thinking so I can speak from the heart)

my mom, mixed me up with the dog and so did I my first dog, the times I spent with my brother, now that I know how to talk to people and not reflect but at the same time know how to self reflect,

you always lead from the heart in whatever you do, my advice to everyone. the next wrighting I have to do privately on my own, to break the attachment and move on with my life. and then morne my beloved pets like I couldn't do before, and morne my uncle, the catalyst of me going to therapy.
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