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Old 03-15-19, 07:18 AM
Drogheda98 Drogheda98 is offline
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Location: Harrison, Arkansas,
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I am king Oedipus(not really). I don't know were to put this but an up to date accoun

kind of long, sorry, but what I've "conected" in connecting the dots is mindboggling and wanted to share and and am "linear phaseing" it through my mind through wrighting. therapy is... a trip. my therapist knows I have a good long term memory and can connect the dots really well, I *think* we started transference last session (the reason is because I actually know what transference actually means). way back when I said something about watching a lot of jordan peterson and that he(peterson) said people who watch him are open minded. that started a diologe back then

at the end of last session he referenced that(well in the envelope of the session). it's not about the concept open minded, but the references in memory from therapy and outside of therapy, that was like, 2 years ago, then that memory fired off a memory from a 1 prior, to 2 years in the future (from then) to back when I was 10 and so on

below my writing I'll link to a psychology today article. I riddled the riddle of the sphinx when I was like 10 playing d&d, like, the real one (it's not the 4 legs 2 legs 3 legs, kind of, but strikingly different). I now know that when we were talking about frued my therapist was insestant that he got a lot of stuff wrong, cause dealing with me,, the complex that relates to me is the oedepul one (which frued got wrong and jung and peterson (that's another link) got right, why the hero's journey resognated with me back when (and still does, planning on writing a book) and my own blueprint of the superego was in fact something called the chaotic seeker. in fact, my therapist is a lot like a riddle meister and I'm guessing is because people under the complex are phenomenal at riddles (cause I don't know how any other therapy session goes, only my own).

I wrote in one of my posts here that it seems that no one in my family "see's me", par the course for the complex, in fact, exactly as described. in the play, oedepus is left for dead by his parents, an echo back from a session in the past (and you know, the message in the post

"Oedipus was given by his mother Jocasta to a shepherd, with instructions that he be cast away to perish. In other words: she abandoned her infant son to die. Discovered by another shepherd on a mountainside"

ya, this is were things get strange. I have a 15 year acting carrier as, an actor at the outdoor drama called the shephard of the hills, in it, I played the ghost
(the haunting story of Oedipus so in the the article), a mountain "spirit", I just can't get away from the thought of plateus allegory of the cave (something we talked in therapy about a lot) and the various myths (especially narc and echo, echo was a mountain nymph and through my own scouring the myth of Perseus is exactly that, Perseus was the mountain nymph)

but it get's stranger. not ONLY was the shepherd in the play my friend and redeemer, the actual person who PLAYED the shepherd was my best friend who, studied psychology, in fact, it seemed he was the only one who got me (those words have been floating around my mind). he was a guy I wouldn't just self reflect off of and I think HE KNEW and helped me, I need to wright him a card (not one of those cards, a heartwarming one) cause I quite the show this year. when I talked about the subconcious without knowing it (you know, the inner realm) he encouraged me.

in the myth oedepus was found by (and I haven't actually read the myth itself, just cliff-notes but damn) oedepus was founded by Polybus after being cast out, when I was around the age of 6 one of my *best* friends mothers I remember saying " if I didn't have a mom she would be it", looking back I actually didn't care for the *best* friend much and always wondered why I stuck around. bu wait, theirs more.

" the Oracle at Delphi" the myth says when oedepus was a young man, "young" in the complex really has several different flavors. one of the places I went to on the trip last summer was the garden of the gods. I think the oracle is really two fold through, one my therapist who guided me to take up the phalic symbol of the camera (the extension of self which was the first really the first enlightenment for depression) that in turn, photography was something my mother was really keen on (that memory links me back to another that I won't expound on) and if namuza(sp, heh) is reading, that's why he said to do the thing. the other one was someone I actually encountered at the garden of the gods (before I figured out projections I projected what she said onto my therapist, however, my Debit/credit card is of that sight and whenever I look at it I'm always reminded of what she said) what she said to me was (without projection) what am I waiting for, I told my therapist about this and looking back, he was intrigued.

the sleeping with the parents is something frued just got completely wrong. I'm hedging a guess that sense I have a pretty good intuition, that is why I liked jung far better than frued. but that could be heindseit. jung is just more creative so fits my style better so it could just be that.

but wait, it get's wierder.

Oedipus was rudely accosted on the road from Delphi to Thebes by the herald of a man in a carriage. Oedipus struck down the driver and then dueled with and killed his boss—whom he didn’t know was Laius, his biological father.

metaphorically speaking, those places could be like anywhere for anyone in the complex. and thus is were things get really bizzare.

for me, one of the myths that constituted my inner "super ego" was the myth of thesius. when I told my shephard friend that I was taking a trip and it was like "an entire continent over their" I wasn't talking of an actual local, I was talking about actually intering the subconscious, the labyrinth (and ya I got some stories about that)

in the myth of thesius he voluntarily got in a boat (capsule, something) with 7 brohers or 7 sisters. when I got to colorodo (the place that was over their and like an entirely different continent) the car I wanted to rent, which was supposed to be available in full stock, wasn't. instead the guy gave me at a great discount a suberu outback (suberu get's it's insignia from the constellation of the pledius, the 7 sisters)

however, before that, I hailed a cab at the the airport, he called me boss in which I replied I'm no one's boss) an echo about judgment and the super ego from therapy, I am no ones boss, the ego can't be. I got in a really bad fight with the cabby when we got to the dealership.

I believe that the ingrainment of everyone comes from a good place no matter if it's my own parents that never "saw me" , to both love them, do the thought experiment/writing (that I sent you namu) and move through them (as well with the entire family) is what prevents jacosta (wife of the same behaviors as my mothers). cause we become what we hate, loving everyone simply for being a human being, I think, erases fate. I think "jokosta" will be a lady with kids of her own and not a carbon copy, I think thats the fate of my complex, I might not be able to reproduce (39, clocks ticking).

had to wright this down so I could store it in memory somewere to pop up were it's needed
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