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Old 09-14-04, 07:28 PM
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Thumbs up 10 Things Adults with ADD Would like their Partners to Know

I found this on about.com and really liked it. Hope others find it useful also.

10 Things Adults with ADD Would Like Their Partners To Know

From Eileen Bailey,Your Guide to Attention Deficit Disorder.

1) I am a person, I have feelings, the capacity to give and receive love, and I yearn for compassion, understanding and caring in my life, just as you do. My thinking process and my learning style may be different, but that does not change my emotional needs.

2) Remember to find joy in my uniqueness.

3) Never assume that a careless word was intentional until you talk it over with me.

4) Take the time to learn as much as you can about ADD. Learning about it validates me.

5) Acknowledge my positive attributes and strengths and don't dwell on my faults and shortcomings.

6) I have ADD, I cannot get over it or get rid of it. I can, however, learn to manage symptoms of it. Some days I will be better at this than others.

7) I do not use ADD as an excuse.

8) ADD can cause me to be distracted. If you have something important to discuss, please save it for a time when distractions are at a minimum. Sit down with me, turn off the TV, make sure the kids are in bed.

9) Affirm that I am loveable and you love me in spite of my faults.

10) Because I have ADD, don't conclude that all relationship problems are my fault. Acknowledge your responsibilities for relationship difficulties and take corrective action
20 More Things Adults with ADD Would Like Their Partners To Know

From Eileen Bailey,Your Guide to Attention Deficit Disorder.

Submitted by members
  • There is no correlation between ADHD and intelligence!
  • I am not selfish or lazy.
  • I may have to take notes, and if I write something that's irrelevant to the discussion, it's because I want to get it out of my brain so it doesn't distract me from what you're saying.
  • I'm not deliberately misunderstanding you. I do tend to latch on to a picture of what you're saying, and it can be wrong. If I ask interminable questions, it's because I want to be sure I get what you're saying. It's a sign of respect for you.
  • If I'm out of order, just tell me that. I get conclusions mixed in with facts easily, and with a little patience, we can work out what needs to come first, middle, and last.
  • I want my partner to allow me to win (Don't focus on what I did not get done or what I did incorrectly, look for what I have completed and accomplished and ignore the rest.)
  • Have the patience to allow me to learn what they are trying to teach.
  • You are one of the people who sustain me, and quirks or no quirks.. I have every intention of meeting your needs.
  • I try. Even if it looks like I'm not. I am also as tired of failures (maybe more) than you are. Just remember I try.
  • I am frustrated with my abhorent short term memory.
  • I prefer to refer to ADD as "Multi Focal Cognition" a term that better describes my drifting thoughts and tanganteal conversations.
  • The answer to the question: "Why can't you just get your act together and do things like normal people?" is: "Normal is a selection on a washing machine, imagine how boring we'd all be if we were all normal."
  • ADD is not something that gets "cured," but that gets treated and something that one lives with every day.
  • I will probably always forget thing, lose things, miss details and have difficulty paying attention. Some days will be better than others.
  • We think a little different, just as it is tough to understand how we think in your mind, so it is with us to understand how your mind "works". It doesn't make us stupid or uncaring, just different!
  • No two ADDers' symptoms and main problems are going to be exactly alike,
  • No one ADDer is going to be exactly the same in magnitude of problems from day to day.
  • Never forget that we're in this "together", to support, teach and learn from one another, always remembering that we all have challenges to conquer and we need to keep a positive attitude in meeting our challenges.
  • This is not anyone's fault, it just "is".
  • Accept me for who I am and relish my uniqueness.

Last edited by moxee33; 09-14-04 at 07:31 PM.. Reason: more to add
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  #2  
Old 09-14-04, 07:51 PM
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Excellent Article
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Old 09-14-04, 09:01 PM
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Amen plus 10 characters
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Old 09-14-04, 10:18 PM
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i for one am glad im not "normal". instead im living proof that special ed dudes can make it ok in the world.
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Old 09-15-04, 10:59 AM
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I am also living proof of that, hypergeek

And yes, excellent article.
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Old 06-06-07, 11:56 AM
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Thank you. I needed a good way to express this to my wife. This does the trick, and reminds me to be gentle with myself also.
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Old 06-06-07, 12:07 PM
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This is excellent.

Thanks
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Old 06-07-07, 08:27 AM
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To read something about yourself...i found it quite emotional...but THANKS.


people like you to find the time to show others is really cool.
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Old 06-07-07, 02:54 PM
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Excellent Article
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Old 06-08-07, 07:36 AM
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Wow... Been reading this board allot tonight and allot of this stuff hits reallly close to home.

Thanks!

-Tim aka Korsow
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Old 06-11-07, 08:12 PM
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Great article but I really don't have the time or patience to deal with Non ADD partners or sitting around discussing the in's and out's of ADHD because half of the time they still look at me as if they don't know what I'm on about!!

Selena
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Old 06-29-07, 09:21 PM
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So true. I enjoyed reading it. If only everyone could see it.
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Old 06-02-08, 09:06 PM
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Re: 10 Things Adults with ADD Would like their Partners to Know

thanks so much for that article! it almost made me cry. my diagnosis is impending and my family doesn't know yet, but when i decide to tell them... this will be given to them...

thanks!
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Old 06-02-08, 09:12 PM
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Re: 10 Things Adults with ADD Would like their Partners to Know

Fantastic is all I can say. It really hits home
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Old 06-02-08, 11:38 PM
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Thumbs up Re: 10 Things Adults with ADD Would like their Partners to Know

Wow! I like this... Thank you for posting these. I'm saving these (copy/pasted into MS Word doc and saved them for future reference... hope I remember to print them)

Quote:
Originally Posted by moxee33 View Post
I found this on about.com and really liked it. Hope others find it useful also.

10 Things Adults with ADD Would Like Their Partners To Know

From Eileen Bailey,Your Guide to Attention Deficit Disorder.

1) I am a person, I have feelings, the capacity to give and receive love, and I yearn for compassion, understanding and caring in my life, just as you do. My thinking process and my learning style may be different, but that does not change my emotional needs.

2) Remember to find joy in my uniqueness.

3) Never assume that a careless word was intentional until you talk it over with me.

4) Take the time to learn as much as you can about ADD. Learning about it validates me.

5) Acknowledge my positive attributes and strengths and don't dwell on my faults and shortcomings.

6) I have ADD, I cannot get over it or get rid of it. I can, however, learn to manage symptoms of it. Some days I will be better at this than others.

7) I do not use ADD as an excuse.

8) ADD can cause me to be distracted. If you have something important to discuss, please save it for a time when distractions are at a minimum. Sit down with me, turn off the TV, make sure the kids are in bed.

9) Affirm that I am loveable and you love me in spite of my faults.

10) Because I have ADD, don't conclude that all relationship problems are my fault. Acknowledge your responsibilities for relationship difficulties and take corrective action
20 More Things Adults with ADD Would Like Their Partners To Know

From Eileen Bailey,Your Guide to Attention Deficit Disorder.

Submitted by members
  • There is no correlation between ADHD and intelligence!
  • I am not selfish or lazy.
  • I may have to take notes, and if I write something that's irrelevant to the discussion, it's because I want to get it out of my brain so it doesn't distract me from what you're saying.
  • I'm not deliberately misunderstanding you. I do tend to latch on to a picture of what you're saying, and it can be wrong. If I ask interminable questions, it's because I want to be sure I get what you're saying. It's a sign of respect for you.
  • If I'm out of order, just tell me that. I get conclusions mixed in with facts easily, and with a little patience, we can work out what needs to come first, middle, and last.
  • I want my partner to allow me to win (Don't focus on what I did not get done or what I did incorrectly, look for what I have completed and accomplished and ignore the rest.)
  • Have the patience to allow me to learn what they are trying to teach.
  • You are one of the people who sustain me, and quirks or no quirks.. I have every intention of meeting your needs.
  • I try. Even if it looks like I'm not. I am also as tired of failures (maybe more) than you are. Just remember I try.
  • I am frustrated with my abhorent short term memory.
  • I prefer to refer to ADD as "Multi Focal Cognition" a term that better describes my drifting thoughts and tanganteal conversations.
  • The answer to the question: "Why can't you just get your act together and do things like normal people?" is: "Normal is a selection on a washing machine, imagine how boring we'd all be if we were all normal."
  • ADD is not something that gets "cured," but that gets treated and something that one lives with every day.
  • I will probably always forget thing, lose things, miss details and have difficulty paying attention. Some days will be better than others.
  • We think a little different, just as it is tough to understand how we think in your mind, so it is with us to understand how your mind "works". It doesn't make us stupid or uncaring, just different!
  • No two ADDers' symptoms and main problems are going to be exactly alike,
  • No one ADDer is going to be exactly the same in magnitude of problems from day to day.
  • Never forget that we're in this "together", to support, teach and learn from one another, always remembering that we all have challenges to conquer and we need to keep a positive attitude in meeting our challenges.
  • This is not anyone's fault, it just "is".
  • Accept me for who I am and relish my uniqueness.
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