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  #31  
Old 08-05-08, 03:15 PM
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Re: Do you tell people you have ADD?

I wanted to add this... sometimes when I admit that I have it or that I am having trouble paying attention or getting work done... people can give really good advice with an easier way to pay attention that they do,like taking notes of everything the teacher said so if you get lost in the discussion you can revert back,<---I know with meds I still had to do that. Sometimes they give me pointers with something I don't understand and it becomes much less of a nuisance to them if they know you have ADD ha..... in general I think they have much more patience, but it has to be patience that they are willing to give.


Also it really helps talking about even problems that you might think are ADD and hearing from others that you're just the same as them (in some respect) and that you're not always alone.
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  #32  
Old 08-05-08, 03:43 PM
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Re: Do you tell people you have ADD?

It was weird, it was such a revelation to finally be diagnosed that for the first, say, two or three weeks after my diagnosis I wanted to tell damn near anyone I could find about it.

But my enthusiasm waned pretty quickly (for telling people and for the diagnosis generally ) as the initial excitement wore off and I had to actually, y'know, deal with how to manage my condition. So now I'll reveal it to people I have to - for instance we hired a new secretary and I explained to her what I would need from her because there were some things I just am not good at - but for the most part I don't advertise it.

And, yes, I did get the occasional "don't we all" comment.
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  #33  
Old 08-06-08, 12:51 AM
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Re: Do you tell people you have ADD?

This is interesting enough to make me log in again LOL...

My parents don't even know cause every time it comes up in conversation, it is the "you don't have it, you were just lazy" attitude.

I have told some of my past bosses about it just to make a point. The last time I told them about it was when they were talking about some kid who was a "trouble maker" and they did the "well you know he has ADD" thing. Now, i was a prized employee who eventually took my bosses job when she left and I just had to ask if they put all of us ADD-ers in the same boat as trouble makers..... no one knew that i had ADD. At least it shut them up for a while.

I don't think I would ever tell my current boss that I am adhd because I don't think she could handle it. I have the feeling that it would change the employee/boss relationship that we have and not in a good way.
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  #34  
Old 08-06-08, 08:17 AM
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Re: Do you tell people you have ADD?

My parents don't know either..and they would never believe it.
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Old 08-06-08, 10:17 AM
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Re: Do you tell people you have ADD?

Sorry, this became longer than I wanted it to, and I even still want to write more, but I'll stop now never the less.

I've tried highlighting key sentences so those of you who can't or don't want to read the whole thing may be able to retract the gist of it all if you want it.

Well...I just recently (within the past year I think) found out that I have ADD, but I've been officially boink for more than ten years now, and I've had a few misDxs before things fell into place when I came across the possibility of me having ADD.
(Oh, and I should mention my ADD comes with one or more "sideorders")

It only takes one or max two meetings in less than ideal settings for people to discover that I am disabled in some way, and if they show signs of confusedness or being puzzled with me but don't know what to say (actually happens a lot) I sometimes want to tell even people I don't know very well just to relieve the pressure.

And sometimes in the past I've done that, but it almost always backfires on me in some way.

Most times, people are positive about it though - BUT!
Then comes that tidal wave of questions and theories, all those mostly thoughtless and/or ignorant suggestions how to deal with it, the long stories about the people they know that have the kid who's ADHD and the halfsister's cousins uncle who's schizophrenic and has a hat made of aluminum foil but besides from that is doing just dandy and, and, and...and that's really not partytalk, is it? Or work talk...or...

Then there are the belittlers, but these I don't tell myself.
These are always like, girlfriend's husbands or something whom my gfs have told about me. And they meet me at a party, and then when they're a bit drunk, they pull me aside to tell me that I'm completely normal, that I'm making too big a deal of my problems. Basically telling me that I'm lazy, immature, irresponsible, have low morals, might be manipulative and is obviously spoiled and "babyfied" by everyone who know me, and allthough they can easily understand that that might be cozy and convenient and all, they really think I need to grow up now.
It feels good to be a grown up and a mature person, I should try it at thank them later...
Well of course they don't use those words, but...you know?
It usually happens if they meet me for the first time or maybe second.
Usually at a party or something, when I'm good, happy, well rested, prepared for having people around me, and they themselves are just a bit tipsy.

The fact that I'm not below average intelligence, I'm somewhat well-read and I'm usually pretty good around people (it takes a huge bite out of my mental reserves, but nobody except people who know me really well sees that) seems to make people think that I can't be disabled in any way.

Because to qualify for the term "disabled" you have to be at least a bit dense if not downright stupid, right?

Back to the point:

People whom I've told about my ADD discovery:

Parents
(I have THE BEST parents! Sorry for boasting, but reading you guys' posts makes me fell SO GRATEFUL! I'd never have pulled through untill this point without them - the fact that you guys are where you are now in your lives tells me that you must KICK ***! Seriously!)

All friends
(I don't have a lot, but those I do know and respect me - ALL me)

The closest thing I have to a boss and 3-4 colleagues
(because we were friends first)

Hmmm - so I've told a lot of people about the "Answer to Me being Me", actually.
But they all knew about my disability and have for 5-10 years - it's just that they have the name for it (as I do) now.


Old aquaintances and even more new ones I don't tell - I'm not as open to "new" people about my general condition as I was earlier in life.

I'm still earnest, though. (Too much so?)
If people ask directly, I tell, because I'm so uncomfortable lying, eventhough sometimes I just KNOW beforehand that I should lie to protect myself.

I still need to come up with a way to deal with strangers and people who really don't need to know my issues, because unfortunately I'm so off that I often find myself in a situation that needs explaining.

Thanks Scotman, I think you may have given me a bit to work with on that point.
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  #36  
Old 08-06-08, 11:28 AM
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Re: Do you tell people you have ADD?

Capes WOULD be very COOL !!!

I was diagnosed almost a year ago now. It was like the end of August '07, so I just think of it as September. It took me until the end of December to tell my mom and dad. I told my closest friend in January. I told a handful more of my friends a couple months ago.

My sister still doesn't know. I'm close with my cousins, but still haven't told them. I haven't told ALL my friends yet ...

It's hard. It shouldn't be, but it is.

I'm trying to get an adhd website going to bring awareness, and also to serve as a place for information and entertainment for adders, but ... that means going public.

So ... eventually I have to let everyone know.

I've written stuff on there that nobody knows about me ... until now (or at least until they learn about the website). It's been a good source of therapy for me so far. I get to be creative, talk about the things on my mind, be open ... and it's forcing me to stop hiding under a rock and go public about who I really am (and about the adhd too).

The common response I've received after disclosing my adhd so far have been mostly disinterest and the "excuses" blah, blah, blah ... The disinterest bugs me. Sure, those who seem disinterested don't hold it against me, or look at me different, or anything bad ... it's just that I'd like to talk about it with some of them.

With my parents, it brings home a lot of the past and puts it in a new light. My father was diagnosed with cancer back in January, and I feel my adhd diagnosis is a good opportunity for us to shine a new light on our past relationship, and allow us to get closer (before it's too late). Especially in this situation, the adhd ISN'T about me, it's about US.

And my best friend is the perfect person to help me with things, such as positive reinforcement, keep me on track, talk through things, etc ... heck, we were hanging out in his garage one day (not long after my diagnosis, but before I told him), and a commercial about a study on adult adhd for a local college came on the radio, and as sincere as can be, he told me I should look into it, or at least go look into the possibility that I have adhd.

But ever since I told him of my diagnosis ... if I bring it up, the topic quickly gets swept under the rug and shifted to something else.

Telling people is hard.

Maybe it's hard for others to hear about it too. Maybe they just don't know how to react. It's not just adders who get uncomfortable in social/personal situations. We ALL do.

It's weird how tough relationships can be, isn't it?

PS - I know there's the "disability" protections and what not, but I recommend NOT telling your boss or co-workers, unless you truly believe you're in a friendly environment. Work is work. It's none of their business. And if you work in a corporate environment, just like high school, this type of information can come back and bite you!
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  #37  
Old 08-06-08, 11:44 AM
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Re: Do you tell people you have ADD?

Obviously, my wife knows. I've also told my parents and one brother, primarily because I think that my one brother and father have it too. They weren't very accepting of it as a possibility, it was probably not something they wanted to hear. Oh well, that's not my problem.

Anyway, I tell nobody else. I figure that a lot of people in the world are stupid, and they love to go the easiest route which is to react purely on whatever the media has fed them. I was once the same way regarding ADD, not understanding what it really was. People are judgemental and typically don't understand much outside of their own realm. So, if need be, I tell people that I have a neurological disorder that affects the way I think and act. "Neurological disorder" sounds serious enough yet vague enough to merit serious attention from others. ADD is something that a lot of people think is a joke.

I want to tell everyone that I know, as I'm very honest and open about my life, but I see the potential for harm in doing so, so I leave it alone as much as possible.
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  #38  
Old 08-06-08, 07:19 PM
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Re: Do you tell people you have ADD?

Just direct family here. I am careful at work to hide it. Not because I am ashamed of what I am, but because I don't want to be unfairly judged. If you tell people there are tigers they are going to see tigers wether they are there or not.
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  #39  
Old 08-07-08, 12:29 AM
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Re: Do you tell people you have ADD?

My mom knows, because she's ADD herself. I'm estranged from my father, who is a narcissistic personality and thinks I'm just an awful and ungrateful little brat. I told him and he didn't believe me

It's amazing though--the people you'd think wouldn't understand at all are sometimes the most understanding. My 80 year old grandfather was wonderful about it. He wrote me a letter saying that he thought I was incredibly strong and that now I could realize my full potential. A manager at work, who I told because I was having a lot of trouble maintaining a work schedule along with my finals, opened up to me about her own struggles with depression and anxiety, and I found out that a friend of mine, who is a very high academic achiever but hasn't seen her bedroom floor in years, has ADD herself--she's been on Ritalin for ten years, but doesn't tell many people out of shame.
I don't tell people unless I think they need to know or deserve to know because I let them down in some way connected to the ADD. I wish I could be more open about it, but so many people aren't receptive to that.
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Old 08-07-08, 01:21 AM
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Re: Do you tell people you have ADD?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mykill View Post
Awesome. Do you have a cape? We should get capes.
I have a cape and you're free to borrow it if you like. I don't use it since I had a hissy fit and stormed out of my AD&D group.

Back to the thread...no I don't tell anybody, it's none of their business
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Old 08-07-08, 02:04 AM
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Re: Do you tell people you have ADD?

My husband, son, parents and my sisters and brother know that I have ADD. But, I don't know about my in-laws. I don't know if my husband has told them or not. Probably no need until I start blabbing nonstop... and other peculiar things that I do (unknowingly at the time) around others. I've asked him once and he said no. Then I asked: "Why, are you embarrassed or ashamed of my ADD???" Because it's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm not mentally retarded... So I don't know if he has told them or not. I think I may have told one or two of his cousins, but I don't remember. I don't want to now, because if I already told them they'd think I was making excuses and looking for pity (which I'm not).

Of course I tell my instructors after I tell the counselor in our Support Services at the college where I've been attending - they need to know (besides my hearing impairment). Because I have to sit up front.. even though some instructors don't save me a seat, while others do. I've told most of my instructors that I have ADD because it's the reason why I had been late.. most of my instructors (except one or two) understood and accommodated my tardiness by allowing me to take my tests and final after class or with another class.

And I will tell others (Our pastor and his wife) and close friends because I trust them and know they'll understand.. and they do.

Oh, and when I told my mom and sisters, they said... "Yeah, we knew that"... I thought (didn't say it out loud, we were in a restaurant): why didn't they tell me??? But I guess they didn't want me to feel bad... I might have. They may not have known what I should do for it when they suspected that I had some kind of problem. So, I guess it was better that I suspected it myself and sought help.
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  #42  
Old 08-07-08, 06:16 AM
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Re: Do you tell people you have ADD?

My problem is that in my impulsivity, I just start talking about it to people. I don't really mean to tell them all about it, but I do.

I even found out my massage therapists teen daughter has it, and is on vyvanse too and doing really well.
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  #43  
Old 08-08-08, 12:20 AM
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Re: Do you tell people you have ADD?

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Originally Posted by curseandablessi View Post
My problem is that in my impulsivity, I just start talking about it to people. I don't really mean to tell them all about it, but I do.

I even found out my massage therapists teen daughter has it, and is on vyvanse too and doing really well.
Sometimes I do tell strangers... sometimes that's best. But if they act like I'm a pest, I'll shut myself up.
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Old 08-08-08, 12:40 AM
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Re: Do you tell people you have ADD?

Don't have to. They see my cape, and they just know.
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Old 08-08-08, 12:50 AM
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Thumbs up Re: Do you tell people you have ADD?

Quote:
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Don't have to. They see my cape, and they just know.
LOL - I can just picture it!
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