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  #61  
Old 06-18-09, 07:10 AM
Crazygirl79 Crazygirl79 is offline
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Here are some important ones!!

1: Don't make jokes about the ADHD...it annoys me!
2: Don't ask questions such as 'how does ADD affect your sex life' etc
3: Don't treat me like an idiot...I'm not without intelligence
4: Don't treat me like I'm some freak...I am still human
5: Don't yell at me when you have trouble understanding me
6: Don't be violent towards me..I will have you charged with assault next time!!
7: Don't drink alcohol around me...I will simply refuse to deal with you on any level whilst you're drunk
8: Don't send mixed signals or subtle..I either won't understand or I'll miss them
9: Don't EVER try to push me into something I don't want to do...I will make things difficult..purposely!
10: Don't EVER badmouth my friends or family based on rumour, assumption or when you have NO grounds at all
11: Don't waste my time with sh*t..in fact don't waste my time at all
12: Don't pretend to like me if you don't like me...just p*ss off and don't waste my time or energy, I hate fakes!
13: Don't say you going to do something and not tell me if you change your mind...I need to know!
14: Don't bother me if I'm in sensory overload...I will let you know when that's happening



1: Do treat me as an equal
2: Do love and accept me as I am
3: Do take an interest in what I do
4: Do understand that I'm trying to be the best I can
5: Do be my friend...I need all the friends in the world
6: Do be patient...I'm not always on the same planet
7: Do laugh with me not at me
8: Do understand that I can be a little weird and crazy sometimes...I'm harmless overall
9: Do understand that hope is maybe all I have left...we all need something to keep us going
10: Do treat me with respect and I will do the same for you
11: Do be considerate and I will return the favour ten fold
12: Do be loyal...I can be fiercely loyal back
13: Do make the effort to know me before passing judgement
14: Do have a sense of humour.. you're gonna need it around me!

I think everyone has a different list of 'Do's and Don't' in regards to their ADD/ADHD and everyone copes differently with it and everyone's life is different but there's one things that's the same...we'll all human and we have a right to be treated with love and respect and we have a right to be accepted as we are warts and all.

Selena

Last edited by Crazygirl79; 06-18-09 at 07:34 AM..
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  #62  
Old 06-18-09, 07:19 AM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Don't say are you even listening to me? When its obvious our minds aren't in that room let alone the country
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  #63  
Old 06-18-09, 07:52 AM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Don't ask me what rubbish am i watching on the tele-I'M NOT WATCHING IT.
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  #64  
Old 06-18-09, 09:55 AM
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Talking Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

I really enjoyed that
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  #65  
Old 06-18-09, 11:10 AM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

i am 'special'......but not in that stupid voice!
i am 'mad'......but not insaine!
i do have trouble communicating......but not within myself!
i am thick skinned......but not thick!
i am clever.......but not all the time!
i am stupid.......but not all the time!
i am all the time.....''.......................!''
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  #66  
Old 06-18-09, 11:35 AM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Do decide to play soccer with me!!! (as I do like friends!)
Dont get mad when I zone out and forget to kick the ball sometimes
Do laugh at my jokes even if I don't know i made them
Dont laugh at me for things I cant control and poke fun at my faults
Do love me for who I am and what im good at
Don't try and change me
Do know the once I am your friend i really try to keep it that way
Dont take the majority of my sarcastic comments to heart
Do accept my apologys
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Last edited by Skybunny; 06-18-09 at 11:37 AM.. Reason: I double typed a sentence!
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  #67  
Old 06-18-09, 02:00 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Love this thread! While I don't agree with 100% of the comments, (I'm a social butterfly and love meeting new people), I love how close this is and how many times I smiled at the lines and thought "yep.... better write that one down".

<3's all!
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  #68  
Old 06-18-09, 04:51 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Quote:
Originally Posted by doiadhd View Post
Don't ask me what rubbish am i watching on the tele-I'M NOT WATCHING IT.
currently *not* watching some movie with Jean-claude Vandamme....

how about: "please reply to my lame attempts to join your NT conversation instead of looking at me like that!"
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  #69  
Old 06-18-09, 09:15 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Thats one VERY important DON'T....DO NOT try to change me as I won't change, in fact DON'T try to change anyone as it's not your right!

Selena
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  #70  
Old 06-25-09, 11:00 AM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

When I say that i'm hungry and need to eat, I need to eat. Now. Not in three hours when you finally get hungry. And no I don't care what's on the menu at the closest and fastest option. Nor do I wish to engaged into a lengthy discussion as to what I'm in the mood for or drive around to 17 different locales. Whatever is in front of me will be fine. Why the F%^* are you still reading this?!? Let's eat! My brain is running on fumes and is about to crash land into a crowded church! And it's Sunday!

DON'T try to talk about anything important, potentially emotional, or even the least bit negative when I'm in this condition. It won't end well for anyone. If alcohol is involved, think Chernobyl.

DO learn to recognize this condition and that I may need you to take control for the next 10-15 minutes. Once I've scarfed something down, even if it was a $25 dollar, 3 time reheated greasy cheesburger that may have actually been horsemeat and some soggy fries and had a few minutes to digest it, then you can get back to how you're not OK with something I did three months, 2 weeks, 5 days, 2 hrs, and 17 minutes ago.
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  #71  
Old 06-25-09, 12:52 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Do realize that if I'm not paying attention to you, I'm still happy to have you around.

Do take the time to find out where someone's "recharge zone/retreat/inner sanctum" is, and stay the heck out if you haven't been invited in there. There's a reason it's usually so messy - it's the outward extension of our interior selves. You wouldn't want someone just charging into your brain, would you?

Do understand that external stimuli that impose an involuntary routine are going to be a major source of irritation (I've been having to give a friend rides to work, and while I'm happy to help, it still ****es me off), and that while we will do our best in the end, that doesn't mean we can really control being annoyed by it - simply don't talk then and wait for the thundershower to pass.

Don't try to impose hierarchy upon us - unless we're at the top, and even then, most of us won't lord it over our subordinates. It's what you do to catch our attention that counts, not your place in the ladder. Trying to be dominant will only cause passive aggression at best, outright conflict at worst. "Could you do me a favor?" will always work better than commands.

Do understand that a seemingly random and tangential statement may not be that at all - rather than smirking, just ask where the logic came from. Usually, we just skipped a few steps in our head, and we'll have no problem repeating it out loud, even if the end product is completely different due to thoroughness.

But most importantly -

Don't excuse every behavior out of us that is bothering you, or is out of line with society's expectations. It's still the non-ADHDer's world, and we've still got to make our way through it. Unsolicited advice, while usually rebuffed in a harsh manner, is still often internalized if the message is a sound one. Just realize that there's a right way to do it, and that credibility is a big issue - we do not tolerate hypocrites well.
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  #72  
Old 06-25-09, 09:40 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Quote:
Originally Posted by lateralthinker View Post
When I say that i'm hungry and need to eat, I need to eat. Now. Not in three hours when you finally get hungry. And no I don't care what's on the menu at the closest and fastest option. Nor do I wish to engaged into a lengthy discussion as to what I'm in the mood for or drive around to 17 different locales. Whatever is in front of me will be fine. Why the F%^* are you still reading this?!? Let's eat! My brain is running on fumes and is about to crash land into a crowded church! And it's Sunday!

DON'T try to talk about anything important, potentially emotional, or even the least bit negative when I'm in this condition. It won't end well for anyone. If alcohol is involved, think Chernobyl.

DO learn to recognize this condition and that I may need you to take control for the next 10-15 minutes. Once I've scarfed something down, even if it was a $25 dollar, 3 time reheated greasy cheesburger that may have actually been horsemeat and some soggy fries and had a few minutes to digest it, then you can get back to how you're not OK with something I did three months, 2 weeks, 5 days, 2 hrs, and 17 minutes ago.
The same can be pretty much said when I need to visit the little boys room because nature's calling; Don't ask me to hold it in, I've been doing that for the last hour!
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  #73  
Old 06-25-09, 11:33 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Quote:
Originally Posted by Driver View Post
The same can be pretty much said when I need to visit the little boys room because nature's calling; Don't ask me to hold it in, I've been doing that for the last hour!
My wife still doesn't understand that I hold my pee until the last second because I've either forgotten I had to pee or I had to many "important" things going on around me to waste my time whizzing.
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  #74  
Old 06-25-09, 11:42 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Stop asking me if I am nervous when I get a little fidgety.

Stop commenting that my med isn't working at 11pm, when I take it at 9am and it only lasts 12 hours maximum.
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Old 07-08-09, 01:19 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Thank you all ADDer's for this thread. As a non-adder, I have read several books, come to this forum and try to do all I can to adjust and accept the differences between myself and the ADDer's that I love. I still have made some of the mistakes (out of love). It is difficult adjusting from what was "OK" or asked of me yesterday, may not be OK today and there is just no way of knowing until you have committed the infraction. The list of "don'ts" is very helpful but please know that it is difficult for us on the other side of the wonderfully unique brain of our beloved ADDer.

As hard as I have tried, and perhaps too hard, the differences between myself and my add'er has created a wide, deep separation between us. I went back and re-read "the book" and reminded myself of why I was experiencing the "changes". He has made a HUGE change in his life and he needs time to adjust and manage it. This may or may not lead to a call one day wanting to give it another try. I hope I am still waiting, I may not be.

He is an amazing, talented, funny, exciting, compassionate (sometimes), smart, spontaneous, brave ( he challenges himself way more that I do), adventurous, creative, charismatic man. He is a wonderful (now single) father, to his ADD children who are also a combination of all of the above.

Yes, he experiences all or many of the things on the "list" and struggles everyday to get even 2 of the 10 must-do's for the day completed. With all of that, he has nothing left for a relationship even if I do most of the work at it, which I am willing to do. I would rather live my life in "chaos" with him and his family, then a lifetime of boring! I am grateful forever, that he is in my life at all, even if we are "just friends".

For all of you with ADD that got to the end of this post, thank you! I appreciate you sticking to it for me.
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