Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

[Driver]

Do-nots:

• When I've lost control of my emotions, don't use that time to lecture me about the inappropriateness of my emotions for the situation. I'm well aware that I'm being overly emotional. Don't lecture me to control it either, I'm doing the best I can. Just leave me alone and I'll regain control soon enough.
  • If I'm angry: do not pick a fight or start an argument, it will not end well.
• If I'm running late, don't use that time to lecture me about always running late, instead, do something useful like find me a pair of socks and find the car keys.
• Don't move things from their 'home' around the house, especially my keys, wallet and phone - I don't like wasting time looking for things when I'm prolly already running late.
• Don't interfere with my morning routine without prior consultation. In the morning I'm running on autopilot, muscle memory etc. I can't think on the go.
• If I'm tired, don't ask me to do anything that requires thinking. The best I can manage is autopilot.

[RMBADHD]

Right on with the parenting statement! We understand our kids better and find our children more interesting than any adult we've ever met in our lives.
ADHD is a sign of high intellect...its your brains way of searching for stimulation it sees as interesting and not elementary, or without usefulness or purpose.

[Mickster]

* Don't be angry at me for not calling back sooner. Its hard enough to try to find the phone in this mess, let alone remembering who I dialed when you answer "hello" and then trying to maintain a conversation while looking out he window at the cars driving by, wondering why the silver one flashed his lights and was it at me or someone else driving too fast and didnt they see the speed limit sign or was it not replaced after that drunk driver knocked it down that one night that the full moon was up an orange one at that like a pumpkin only without a stem like the ones at the store last halloween when I dreesd like frankenstein and drank gin and tonic with...who is this?

[Zacker]

Originally Posted by meadd823

My home does not resemble a petting zoo because I am irresponsible, I have taken in those creatures others have thrown away, abused or neglected.


Oh and if pet hair on your clothing is a problem by all means stay off the furniture!!

Awesome!

[Zacker]

well this thread was definitely written by adults so alot of this stuff may not pertain to a child.. Well i should say some of it might not. the main thing is that everyone who suffers with this (ADHD) is affected differently. While some of these do pertain to your kid.. do not take these as gospel truths. You are on the right track though.. remember all these do's and donts arent ment as stead fast rules to living or knowing someone with adhd,,, imagine being expected to follow, obey and live be these rules?? youd need to be a saint! read through and see if anything looks or sounds familliar in your son. It will just give you something to think about, like the one about not liking to be interupted while doing something.. that one fits me to a tee... i absolutly hate when im doing something and now i have to stop to concentrate on someone elses story or problem or answere a phone or question..lol And nyes, that is an ADHD issue for me.. not just an attitude issue.
Hope this helps some.
Good luck!

[RedHairedWitch]

NEVER, ever call me nasty names or such things like "Your other child", Lazy, stupid, slow, retard, motor mouth etc

Even if you are so frustrated that I forgot to buy milk for the millionth time you could scream, it is nothing compared to the wound such words makes on my self worth.

If you love someone, you don't call them names.

[ADDLADY]

This is the first time I've ever been on this site and when I read your posting, I thought these are my words exactly. I absolutely HATE uninvited/unexpected company. I even have difficulty with expected company, but at least I have some time to prepare myself. I have lost friendships because I HATE talking on the telephone. When I do have a conversation, I find myself constantly interrupting the other person because I need to say my thought IMMEDIATELY before I forget it!! I also can't listen to others talking about what they did every minute of the previous day! I've never been diagnosed and I guess I have learned to live with the symptoms all these years with constant list making, planning in advance for absolutely everything, but it's nice to hear that I'm not crazy. Thanks for sharing.

[ADHDTigger]

Originally Posted by ADDLADY

This is the first time I've ever been on this site and when I read your posting, I thought these are my words exactly. I absolutely HATE uninvited/unexpected company. I even have difficulty with expected company, but at least I have some time to prepare myself. I have lost friendships because I HATE talking on the telephone. When I do have a conversation, I find myself constantly interrupting the other person because I need to say my thought IMMEDIATELY before I forget it!! I also can't listen to others talking about what they did every minute of the previous day! I've never been diagnosed and I guess I have learned to live with the symptoms all these years with constant list making, planning in advance for absolutely everything, but it's nice to hear that I'm not crazy. Thanks for sharing.

Welcome to the world of the understanding and caring people. I am so very happy to meet you. You aren't crazy. I promise.

[crazycat1990]

I actually don't mind unexpected company but it does depend.

Or maybe it's becaue I'm only 19 and living at home with my mum. But if she said that someone was coming over in a few minutes' time, I wouldn't mind, sometimes I get happy and excited.
But I guess if I had my own place where I was responsible for everything (terrifying thought!) and someone turned up unexpectedly I'd be pretty stressed out!!

And if my boyfriend finished work and called me, asking if I wanted to go over to his and stay over...I'd say no because it's the evening and I'm happy and settled. But sometimes when that happens he says I'm not spontaneous enough!! Which annoys me because I can be and like I said, sometimes unexpected things cheer me up. But at 5:30 in the evening being asked to travel over an hour to see him for a few hours, sleep (etc ) and then go home early in the morning (cos he's working)...no one would do that, I'm sure! Money, not worth the small amount of time, plus I couldn't just leave at that time, I'd have to pack a few overnight things, then there's the train times...arrgh!

Anyway, the thing I came here to add was...

I'm impulsive, ok? Sometimes it results in me doing things. But sometimes when I go to do it, I then start changing my mind. For example (and this is something that happened the other day)...I saw some 2 for 1 deals at our local supermarket on their website. Then a few days later me and my mum went, and when I actually looked at the items in the deal I thought "Is there enough room in the freezer? Isn't this a bit greedy? What ice cream flavours shall I get, cos I don't know if mum wants any or not. Arrgh! And the offer on Pepsi is more money than I thought! OMG hang do I even have enough money for what I already have in my basket?!?!" Plus the pressure of time, the noise, trolleys everywhere, people trying to get things off shelves while I stand there confused as hell...
So if I take a while in a shop and it's busy...consider what may be going through my head please

[Zacker]

I dont mind company much but whats funny is I think the house is clean but then while talking or what ever during the course of the evening, Ill notice dirt, dust, dog / cat fur, a sock or hand prints on the glass doors..lol I also dont like knowing what Ill be doing, If i go to work and my boos runs down my day like: "ok, first you need to rebuild this pump, then we have 25 2" valves that need switches installed, then we are getting a shipment of Actuators in that youll have to put into stock, then some cases of cord sets should come in via UPS.. " it just makes me mental.. i cant take it. lol My wife does it too sometimes, she'll run down the list for the weekend on friday night and it will put me through the roof.. So Id say, "Dont inform me of what im to do, give me my projects one at a time so I dont spend time thinking about it all.

[Retromancer]

Keep it simple I say. Just tell me where to go and who I have to kill -- oops, I mean who is interviewing me...

Originally Posted by Zacker

I dont mind company much but whats funny is I think the house is clean but then while talking or what ever during the course of the evening, Ill notice dirt, dust, dog / cat fur, a sock or hand prints on the glass doors..lol I also dont like knowing what Ill be doing, If i go to work and my boos runs down my day like: "ok, first you need to rebuild this pump, then we have 25 2" valves that need switches installed, then we are getting a shipment of Actuators in that youll have to put into stock, then some cases of cord sets should come in via UPS.. " it just makes me mental.. i cant take it. lol My wife does it too sometimes, she'll run down the list for the weekend on friday night and it will put me through the roof.. So Id say, "Dont inform me of what im to do, give me my projects one at a time so I dont spend time thinking about it all.

[Sandy4957]

Please do not ask me what I have planned for the day. Whatever the plan is, odds are that I'll forget it before I can execute it.

[Retromancer]

I can see you would have had difficulties in the CIA. There you are expected to forget after you have executed the plan ... or somebody.

Originally Posted by Sandy4957

Please do not ask me what I have planned for the day. Whatever the plan is, odds are that I'll forget it before I can execute it.

[Zacker]

LOL... Another one is, Please dont expect me to always finish my thou....oh look, shiney!

[Blood-Phoenix]

Understand that Neuro Typical people designed this world for Neuro Typical people. I am at a significant disadvantage, and will often suffer from much frustration, anxiety, anger and hopelessness at trying to function is a NT world.

First of all, thank you for this post in general.

Second, thank you in particular for this wonderful "label". I saw you use the abbreviation NT, and wondered what it meant. Theres something amazingly liberating or empowering (for me anyway) about being able to stick a label on the people who've been labeling me! Prior to your introducing me to this phrase, I had to be content to call them "mundanes".

I also love this because its so technical and scientific sounding...so that we can properly acknowledge that the poor things have a "Disorder" - not being wired like us! (Reminds me of a comment my therapist made... that if there was a higher percentage of ADDers - or maybe just more diagnosed - people like her would be the ones seen as "different").

This designation "Neuro Typical" is especially appropriate for my own experience of life, because ADD is just one of the many ways in which my brain is put together differently than the "mass of humanity". In fact, sometimes it seems like the only thing my brain has in common with most peoples' is that its in a human body.