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  #121  
Old 11-23-09, 05:33 PM
LisaJW LisaJW is offline
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

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Originally Posted by Retromancer View Post
Keep it simple I say. Just tell me where to go and who I have to kill -- oops, I mean who is interviewing me...

LMAO too funny.
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  #122  
Old 11-23-09, 06:26 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Don't treat me like I'm a superhero after I've told you; then later put me under a microscope and analyze every mistake or mishap and lecture me about them.
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  #123  
Old 11-26-09, 02:04 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

If you are a close friend or family member, please don't be offended when I don't return your call, can't spend an hour on the phone with you, or forget to send you a thank you note. I assure you I love you, I appriciate you and would love nothing more than to chat for hours. I simply can't.
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  #124  
Old 11-26-09, 06:20 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Never assume I don't understand - I've already explored it from every conceivable angle before you finish telling me...
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  #125  
Old 12-13-09, 04:05 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

heres my favorite

"If Im Starring at nothing dont ask me if im ok, of course im ok im not dead am i"
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  #126  
Old 12-15-09, 02:32 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

I could go on thanking each person for their incredible post but instead, I will just take the time to thank each person before me, for taking the time to write what they had to say...they ALL have been very helpful! Thank you!!!
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  #127  
Old 12-15-09, 07:50 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Dont pledge a frat with a motto "details are our way of life", especially if they're just trying to find small details and punish you for screwing up...
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  #128  
Old 12-17-09, 01:43 AM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

I spent most of my life fighting my issues, ignorant of AD/HD and thinking I was a bad person for not having the will to overcome my weaknesses. To paraphrase Sean Connery: ďFor thirty years Iíve been at war. A war with no battles, no monumentsÖonly casualties.Ē My war was a futile internal struggle with no foreseeable end. The casualties were the relationships that suffered and my ever declining self-esteem.

I defy almost all forms of authority at the drop of a hat. Want to get me to do the opposite of something? Then deny me the right to do it. I hate cops, judges, government, bosses, bureaucrats, corporate stooges, city councils, lawyers, doctors, religion, intolerant ********, and any other form of authority (official or self-appointed) that tries to hang itself over me. I am a rebel at heart, and if I am not openly defying authority, I can assure you I am doing my best to secretly undermine it.

Please, please, oh Jesus H, PLEASE donít interrupt me when I am Ďin the zoneí on something. Do you have any idea how hard it is to draw in that kind of hyperfocus? Do you have any idea how infrequent it happens? Stay the hell away until it gives out on itís own!

Iím sorry I drew silly cartoons all over my class assignment or the meeting notes. I have to do something with my hands and wandering thoughts while you force me to sit still and take this boring ****!

Memory and priorities (for me) are a very strange phenomenon that comes and goes. I donít really forget everything. What happens is my brain feels like it stores and accesses information at random. I will remember where I put my keys without thinking about it, but I only have a few seconds to act on that knowledge. If I delay for even a few seconds I will lose the memory again. At any one time, memories and priorities are popping in and out of my mind like this. They are coming and going and I have no say in the matter. Itís like a massive four-way stop and no one is yielding the right of way. The cars are just coming and going at all times and I hope I can catch the important ones as they go by.

Please understand that when it does not look like I am trying very hard at something, I usually am. Having the failings of AD/HD is often highly embarrassing. For example: When I zone out in the middle of a conversation, there is often a super-feint voice screaming at me from across the expanse of my consciousness, telling me to refocus. My will is trying to hear that voice, but my mind is in such a thick haze that it is difficult to do so. I need to lock onto that voice to clear my mind (kind of like a joining of desire and will), but I often canít. At the same time, my stress levels are rising, because I know I have to form and deliver a thoughtful response to what I am being told from the person talking to me, and I know Iím not hearing a thing they are saying.

I am not lazy. When I am standing around at work or killing off an entire day at home, it is not because I enjoy doing so. I dare say that wasting potential is one of the biggest heart-breakers for those of us with AD/HD, and we do A LOT of it. Those of us that battle this condition want to succeed just as much as you do. We all want to be just as useful and productive as most every other human being does. If you see me in this aimless state, I just need a little redirection is all. Give me a gentle nudge to refocus my mind. Suggest a couple of things for me to do. If itís more than one or two items, remind me I do better when I write them down on a list. I want to do my best just like everyone else.

Without structure, people with AD/HD tend to be aimless. If you invite me over to work on your deck and drink some beers, Iíll come. But when you hand me a hammer and say, ďletís get to work,Ē I wonít know what to do. Iíll dilly-dally. Iíll pace around, maybe drive a nail here and there and then sit down. Iíll drink half a beer then pick up a plank and hand it to you. Then maybe Iíll drive another nail or pace around some more. Whatís going on here is my mind has become overwhelmed. When you said, ďletís get to work,Ē I looked around and took in the enormity and complexity of the project. I saw stacks of planks, boxes of nails, and a tin full of screws. I saw all kinds of tools. I saw paint, and beer, and sandwiches, and power cords, and the plans you sketched out on a napkin the week before, and my brain basically shut itself down. People with AD/HD have difficulty prioritizing tasks, and when you give us too many in an unstructured form we get confusedóour brains overload and we become aimless. We need focus and structure.

Please get to the point when you are conversing with me. The more you drone on, the more you will lose me. While this may be true of almost everyone, it is especially true for those with AD/HD. You have about two sentences before I become bored. I have little control over this. If I try to force myself to be attentive to your drawn out dialogue, my mind will try even harder to disconnect and slip back into nothingsville. As with many aspects of AD/HD, a battle of ĎMy Will vs. The Syndromeí is almost completely pointless hereóAD/HD usually wins.

I am not being inattentive on purpose. I did not forget your birthday because I donít love you. I am not zoning out as you talk to me because I am an uncaring *******. My mind simply slips away of itís own accord. Sometimes I can jar it back into the world, but most of the time I am completely unaware it is happening until after I have offended the other party. People who understand what is happening to me use simple and caring cues to bring me back to them. Those that donít understand say, ďUh, hello? Are you gonna talk to me, or should I just go?Ē

I will purposefully disengage from large gatherings for a time. Donít think of me as rude if I walk out of a party or meeting just to be alone for a little while. Please try to be understanding if you come over to my house for a visit and I had to go up to my room for a short bit. Itís not that I donít want to be there or be around you, itís just that my social anxiety has hit a high and now I need to calm it down. There was too much stress in thereótoo many people, and now my chest is tight, my heart is drumming, and I am on the verge of a panic attack. And worse, I felt totally out of place the entire time I was around everyone, like some kind of alien stuck on a foreign planet. No matter how comfortable or welcome you try to make me feel, I will still feel this way. Just let me be and eventually Iíll wander back in.

As a survivor of intense child abuse, I can tell you first hand that the popular opinion of the ignorant masses that "all these so-called AD/HD kids really need is stronger corporal punishment," is false. Excessive whipping across a bare back with a leather strap (until you almost pass out) does nothing to improve the childís mental condtion. In fact, many studies are proving that abused and neglected children with AD/HD have even more problems with the syndrome as they become adults.
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  #129  
Old 12-17-09, 01:43 AM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

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Originally Posted by ToadysFroggy View Post
I could go on thanking each person for their incredible post but instead, I will just take the time to thank each person before me, for taking the time to write what they had to say...they ALL have been very helpful! Thank you!!!
True dat. GREAT thread!
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  #130  
Old 12-17-09, 01:54 AM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

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Originally Posted by AliKatski View Post
Never assume I don't understand - I've already explored it from every conceivable angle before you finish telling me...

Oh, thank you for this one. I am often in the position of having to patiently wait while people run thru the list of options and then patiently explain why they aren't suitable.
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  #131  
Old 12-18-09, 10:55 AM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Great topic you've made here; Redhairedwitch! I'm going to print this out and give it to my friends.
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  #132  
Old 12-27-09, 10:49 AM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

This

Is

Simply

Beautiful



Thank you!
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  #133  
Old 12-27-09, 11:48 AM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Priceless!

I'm compiling the list here at home. THEN, I'm going to ask my mother to proofread it for me. She loves finding errors, correcting me, she'll JUMP at the chance. Then, if I'm REALLY lucky...

She'll finally get the freaking point! *grin*

I laughed, I cried, I smiled, I sighed.

This is one of the best threads I've ever seen on any forum, EVER.

Thank you SO much!
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  #134  
Old 12-27-09, 12:47 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Don't tell me why, who, when and what ifs. Just tell me what you want me to do in one sentance please!
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  #135  
Old 12-27-09, 09:07 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

I don't mind if you joke about your problems/diagnoses, but don't try to make light of mine while you're at it.
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