How to Spot an Abuser on Your First Date

[studenttwo1]

I found this very interesting. Once you know the signs, you can just go by a gut feeling and know how to avoid these type of people. But, one has to remember there are different types of abuse: psychological, physical, emotional. Some are harder to spot than others. Even if the guy down't seem physically abusive, does not mean he automatically a good person.
Been through these experiences,
It is good to see people talking about them.

[Jewelz81]

I think I have come to realize the past 2 years I've spent in a rather dysfunctional relationship.. May qualify as an emotional/verbal abuse situation ... he's never at all physically hurt me..
We were kind of on again off again.. We've now spent 2 years in a dysfunctional "thing" ..Never serious by means ..

He has never hurt me physically at all.. just a lot of negative comments, talking to me like I'm stupid and I don't know a single thing in the world ( despite me having more post high school education) & a lot of criticism. He has this way of telling me things I feel like he's ordering me around .. when we first met I was lot more feisty & talked about him not being disrespectful like that. He never thought it was a problem he thought that's the way it was supposed to be between men and women. because I was supposed to be the **woman listening & not questioning the man **)

This summer, for financial reasons, we agreed to live together.
At first we were doing good, not really arguing like we did before.. Our arguments we had were sometimes over our different beliefs & ideas .. we both want to be right .. other fights were just stupid things.

The past month I started to wonder if his behavior that shows such a lack of respect for me.. verbal criticism.. the emotional garbage I end up feeling .. qualifies as abuse.

He definitely never pressured me to be serious at all.. but he definitely pressured me for sex shortly after we first met.. I was turning him down the first few weeks we were dating, and he would get upset like a child not getting what he wanted.. .. I should have gotten out before anything else happened.
I just kept ignoring all of the little bad things

[Shlovies]

Thank you for posting some of your life experiences. We go through things that lead us to even better life circumstances in the future... Perhaps this is what life is all about... living and learning!

Creating a positive and caring relationship with our selves is premiere here. Just think about what you want from a relationship with a guy. What is it he gives you that you can't provide? Is it attention? Is it gifts? Is it a home that is better than you would have otherwise? Does he tell you better things to eat? Does he have a better plan for you than you do?

Understanding the answer to these questions can help us to better understand why we believe at the time, we "need" (achem) a boyfriend, if in fact that is the case.

What if we treated ourselves better than anyone else can treat us at the time? Would you choose someone then because of how they treat you or just because they are fun to be around or a good team mate?

Just some questions to think about.

Be well and congratulations on being more aware in life.


Shlovies

[helpmestudy29]

How much do you think ADD and ADHD play into narcissistic behavior? I read somewhere that people who suffer from these behavioral disorders tend to be seen by others as narcissistic when really they are suffering from ADD and ADHD.... Maybe it is contributing to some misunderstanding.

[dvdnvwls]

Originally Posted by helpmestudy29

How much do you think ADD and ADHD play into narcissistic behavior? I read somewhere that people who suffer from these behavioral disorders tend to be seen by others as narcissistic when really they are suffering from ADD and ADHD.... Maybe it is contributing to some misunderstanding.

Hadn't heard anyone say that.

Have heard someone say that ADHDers often make excellent victims for narcissists though.

I must seem weird sometimes, but I don't think seeming narcissistic is part of it. I hope not.

[Sir5r1]

Originally Posted by dvdnvwls

Hadn't heard anyone say that.

Have heard someone say that ADHDers often make excellent victims for narcissists though.

I must seem weird sometimes, but I don't think seeming narcissistic is part of it. I hope not.

Since we aren't very observant we miss the subtle signs of abusers early on. Remember, they're on their best behavior early in relationships. I think we are perfect targets for many of the cluster B personality disorders.