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Anxiety Disorders, OCD & PTSD A forum to discuss Anxiety, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Panic Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Simple Phobias, and Social Anxiety Disorder

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Old 06-26-13, 04:33 AM
Greeenie Greeenie is offline
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Support for ADD/OCD/General Anxiety and Social Anxiety as well as Sleep Paralysis

Hi everyone! I have visited this website actually many times before when looking up add/addhd or ocd related topics and I actually finally decided to register. I am a very happy person but I often feel unrelatable and that I 'can't do anything right' even though I constantly try my hardest. I feel like many people do not really understand how I think or how I function. My family has known that I have ADD since I was little and looking back, it was apparent. I would look at someone but not hear anything they were saying and I would only comprehend partial sentences. Reading comprehensions in the younger grades (1st through 3rd mostly) were extremely hard for me. Anything to do with paying attention mainly was very hard for me. In the past year, I was also diagnosed with OCD, General anxiety, social anxiety, and parasomnia? (I get frequent sleep paralysis episodes, sometimes multiple times per night).

My OCD was also apparent from a young age. I remember from a very early age that I felt the need to do certain things because I feared irrational consequences if I didn't. I mainly remember in third grade that I HAD to do everything in patterns. I wasn't sure what, but I knew something was abnormal and I remember going to a dumb doctor and asking him if it was normal and he laughed at me and thought it was cute or something....but I did not share that same humor -___-. It consumed my life. I grew out of that stage a little bit but I noticed that I had multiple stages as I grew older, but I never quite knew that I was having all of these thoughts because I had OCD. Currently, I am OCD about certain things and I do have a few rituals but its not too bad. What really gets me though is that I often ruminate about past social issues that occurred sometimes as far back as middle school. Not only will I think about these memories but I will feel a deep sense of anger towards myself. Recently it has been escalating to where I feel intense thoughts of thinking that I deserve to die because of them or I imagine myself cutting myself or cutting of my hand and sometimes I will catch myself ruminating and physically hitting my wrist...these memories are not even that horrible but I just can't seem to let a lot of them go and I can't seem to allow myself to not beat myself up about them.

Also I always had sleeping problems my whole life. Ever since I was young, I could not get to sleep for hours...even if I was laying in a dark room for hours. My brain was just to overactive. When I was about 15 years old I began to get sleep paralysis. It would get so bad that it would occur multiple times a night. Sleep paralysis is usually uncommon so for those who might not know what sleep paralysis is, it is when you awake from sleep and your eyes are open but your mind is still in a dream-like state, therefore you can still see things (hallucinate) like you can in dreams. Since your body is not yet awake either, you cannot move or speak and you feel like you are being held down. I did sometimes hallucinate with this as well. My hallucinations made me believe that my episodes were due to being possessed. I once even hallucinated a spirit sitting on top of me and laughing at me and trying to punch and hit me. I developed irrational fears about evil spirits and would have intense fear of sleeping. I would also sometimes astro project. Interestingly enough, I did have one sleep paralysis that included Angels and was extremely positive.

When I saw a psychologist in the past year, she prescribed me Lexapro 10mg....I gave it 2 months. I have also been prescribed various ADD medications in the past couple years (first being prescribed when I was 18....2 years ago as I am now 20) but am now prescribed vyvanse 40mg. I haven't actually taken it for at least a month though because ive come to realize, and it was confirmed by my psychologist, that stimulants increase my anxiety levels. I only take my vyvanse when necessary. When I took the Lexapro and started to feel results, my irrational sleep fears when away, but I was also sleeping at my boyfriends during the time. I started Lexapro in March but after 2 months I felt emotionless and especially combined with my vyvanse I felt like a robot and had no feelings, I just did.
Anyway, I joined this site because hopefully I can hear others peoples experiences too and know that I am not just some weird freak of nature lol. I live with my mom and my sister who both do not have ADD and it is sometimes hard for them to understand me. They are supportive but they just don't understand most of the time. I really do try to be the perfect daughter or sister but it really is not that simple. But I do try.
I think my biggest problem is self love and accepting who I am. Ever since I was in grade school I can remember teachers getting so mad and frustrated with me and I didn't understand why. I also had some issues with my father which effected my self-worth greatly as well. I am smart and when I apply myself I can achieve great things but people just don't believe in me because they think I am 'stupid' or an 'airhead' because I forget things and doze off often. Despite what people think, I am going to college and am determined to make a good career.

To conclude, I am sorry for the rambling, it just feels good to explain how I feel since I do not like to talk to people about any of this. It just doesn't feel right to bother others with my problems but that's why there's designated forums like this I suppose.
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Old 06-26-13, 04:43 AM
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Re: Support for ADD/OCD/General Anxiety and Social Anxiety as well as Sleep Paralysis

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Old 06-26-13, 04:55 AM
Greeenie Greeenie is offline
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Re: Support for ADD/OCD/General Anxiety and Social Anxiety as well as Sleep Paralysis

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Old 06-26-13, 06:55 AM
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Re: Support for ADD/OCD/General Anxiety and Social Anxiety as well as Sleep Paralysis

RE: the sleep paralyisis: Have you ever had a sleep study done? My husband is narcoleptic and believe it or not sleep paralysis is very common with narolepsy.
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Old 06-26-13, 08:08 AM
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Re: Support for ADD/OCD/General Anxiety and Social Anxiety as well as Sleep Paralysis

Hi and welcome. I had sleep paralysis only for a few months before my "breakdown". It was the worst thing ever, I hated it. The feelings of overwhelming helplessness. I could hear someone coming up the stairs and couldnīt scream or move.

Have you tried a different med for ADHD? Does it make you anxious as soon as it kicks in or just when itīs wearing off? If you could get a more suitable med, it would be good for you as you know you are a lot smarter than you can demonstrate.

Psycotherapy for 2 years really helped me accept myself totally. I was only diagnosed with ADHD last year and had therapy nearly 25 years ago.

I always thought the OCD type ritual behaviour you describe was pretty standard for kids, itīs a way of keeping the world safe and secure. Itīs when it continues, or worsens and affects daily life that it can become a real problem.
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