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Women with ADD/ADHD This forum is for women to discuss issues related to being a woman with AD/HD.

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  #31  
Old 04-29-14, 02:09 AM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

I'm better than I used to be. I don't know if meds changed it. I just have memory trouble, so I write everything down. Sometimes I have a lot to say, sometimes I don't. If I don't find some one fun and interesting enough, won't likely last. I guess I'm good with the people I mesh with.
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  #32  
Old 04-29-14, 09:28 PM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

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Originally Posted by mrs. dobbs View Post

Grasshoppe: When others seek you out for friendship are you interested in them? What happens when you end up not liking somebody? And the kind of people you seek out friendship with-- are they someone you like or respect in some way? Do you have mutual interests?
When others seek you out for friendship are you interested in them?
Hard to say, it doesn't happen too often. I have one good friend who's always interested in hanging out, to the point that it's odd to me. She's great though.

What happens when you end up not liking somebody?
I'm not sure what you mean...

And the kind of people you seek out friendship with-- are they someone you like or respect in some way? Do you have mutual interests?Yes I guess I either like them or see potential to do so. But I'm not really sure about the answer to the second question.
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  #33  
Old 04-30-14, 12:32 AM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

I wish I had a friend or aquintance take a chance on me and ask me to hang out and do something cool and fun
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  #34  
Old 05-01-14, 03:30 AM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

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Originally Posted by Greengrasshoppe View Post

What happens when you end up not liking somebody?
I'm not sure what you mean...
Say that someone wants to be friends with you, seeks you out. You give it a go. Then you realize that you find it tedious or otherwise unpleasant. What happens next?

And as for mutual interests, do you ever find people who are interested in the same things as you? So that you don't have to worry so much on personal chemistry, being socially smooth or whatever. You can enjoy focusing on an external subject together. Doing something together.
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  #35  
Old 05-01-14, 03:42 AM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

Some of these responses have reminded of some more things that cause trouble with me and friend making:

- I don't have 'normal' reactions to things so that really throws people off
- I don't know what to say
- My efforts to say the right thing, flop
- I laugh at inappropriate things
- I don't fully comprehend what is being said
- Or laugh at intended jokes (I mean, I smile and say 'hah yeah' because I care about the person, but find constant joking extremely tedious... I love natural belly laughs.)
- I don't have the social tools for graceful exits
- I don't have the recall for tactful responses
- My reaction is all over my face
- I am easily bored... not just spacing out on convo, but actively trying to escape the situation.
- The impulsive speech, interrupting, overenthusiasm, etc.
- My quirks make me feel super weird
- The whole thing is too much effort
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  #36  
Old 05-01-14, 08:50 AM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

Sad to say, I can make friends, just can't keep them.

In fact, I am struggling at this time with the potential loss of two long time friends. I had to move to Mexico due to the US economy and it seems that "out of sight, out of mind" is the attitude my family and friends have taken.

Now, it's me who writes emails, who makes the phone calls. This is the point at which I throw in the towel because i do not know how to survive this type of change. The attitude I get from them is it's not convenient to be my friend since I do not live close by anymore.

In fact, I was just thinking that I have been on ADDF longer than any other online activity. Sad to say, too, that I have said more here than I would ever have said to my friends because most of my family and friends want everything to be nice. In fact, after my last medical issue, bad back, my family and friends assume (want) I will just recover and be my merry self. They can not deal with the fact that I have trouble walking now.

I feel like humans are like ants, once a nest mate does not return to the nest, they are "gone and forgotten."

I had thought when I got older that I would have a more sympathetic understanding of humans instead I have a more cynical and unsympathetic attitude towards what it means to be human. Humans have turned out to be very disappointing.
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  #37  
Old 05-01-14, 01:10 PM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrs. dobbs View Post
Some of these responses have reminded of some more things that cause trouble with me and friend making:

- I don't have 'normal' reactions to things so that really throws people off
- I don't know what to say
- My efforts to say the right thing, flop
- I laugh at inappropriate things
- I don't fully comprehend what is being said
- Or laugh at intended jokes (I mean, I smile and say 'hah yeah' because I care about the person, but find constant joking extremely tedious... I love natural belly laughs.)
- I don't have the social tools for graceful exits
- I don't have the recall for tactful responses
- My reaction is all over my face
- I am easily bored... not just spacing out on convo, but actively trying to escape the situation.
- The impulsive speech, interrupting, overenthusiasm, etc.
- My quirks make me feel super weird
- The whole thing is too much effort
The above is pretty much why I'm not quick to make friends. For a couple years I went out of my way to be witty and fun at group camping events. Poeple sent me Chrstmas cards and letters. I even promised one girl I would go to her house and ride one of her horses which I never did. moral of the story I took on more than I could handle by being someone I'm not. End of the story I dissapointed a lot of poeple.

Even here I feel stupid posting because I afraid someone will make fun of me so mostly I just read, The wounds from being bullied in school still break open and bleed once in a while. That may also be part of the reason I'm not too social.

Last edited by Goofycook; 05-01-14 at 01:16 PM.. Reason: Errors
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  #38  
Old 05-01-14, 02:36 PM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

WOW -- GoofyCOOK --- may I just be harsh for one moment? (you'll have 30 min' to ask I edit... I think...)

Quote:
Even here I feel stupid posting because I afraid someone will make fun of me so mostly I just read,
Since I can emphasize with a LOT of what you wrote - does that make me stupid??
That's kind of offensive !
Do you make fun of my posts which you emphasize with?

Also, isn't that a bit selfish - that I share stuff (do it for both my benefit AND yours) and you don't? you'd deny us interesting thoughts and perspectives?

It's NOT highschool where people may have been afraid of being different. It's a forum DEDICATED to ADHD'ers -- Why do you want to throw us back into comformity, rigid behavioral standards

(ok, except for the "going out of my way" part... would never work for me; being me - people initially really like IRL)

---- rant done ----
by the way -- I feel silly chasing mrsD + continuously telling her how much I feel the same (except for no toot in my life yet)
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  #39  
Old 05-01-14, 02:53 PM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

I have been given the good grace to be a people person. For some reason I just tend to get along with people and people tend to like me for the most part. Well, most of my professors disliked me but that's about the only group of people that do not like me.
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  #40  
Old 05-02-14, 01:13 AM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

No friends.

Don't worry, though. It really is not you. It sure as hell wasn't me, because there's a lot of people in my nursing school I want to be friends with but want nothing to do with me or talk to me and then decide unilaterally that I'm unbearable. Idk.
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  #41  
Old 05-02-14, 05:45 AM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Goofycook View Post
For a couple years I went out of my way to be witty and fun at group camping events. Poeple sent me Chrstmas cards and letters. I even promised one girl I would go to her house and ride one of her horses which I never did. moral of the story I took on more than I could handle by being someone I'm not.


YES. Exactly. Exactlyyyyyyyy.



It doesn't even cross my mind to make mean-sprited fun of anyone who posts here... I know the old wounds are hard... it is hard to trust that people can be supportive. I feel appreciative, empathetic, caring feelings and like people here and it doesn't cross my mind to put anyone down.
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Last edited by mrs. dobbs; 05-02-14 at 06:06 AM..
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  #42  
Old 05-02-14, 05:56 AM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tryn-optmsm View Post
by the way -- I feel silly chasing mrsD + continuously telling her how much I feel the same (except for no toot in my life yet)
Chase away! You are great company.

Do you want a toot toot? They are lil sunshines! You can take a toot toot in, or grow your own! I have to say that as much as they are the center of everything that's good in the world being a mom with ADHD is a helluva time!!
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  #43  
Old 05-02-14, 10:41 AM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

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Originally Posted by Axmann View Post
No friends.

Don't worry, though. It really is not you. It sure as hell wasn't me, because there's a lot of people in my nursing school I want to be friends with but want nothing to do with me or talk to me and then decide unilaterally that I'm unbearable. Idk.
^This is very true and important! Sometimes you're just simply unlucky and end up surrounded by pricks. There are places (companies, departments, classes etc) that either draw toxic people or a bunch of them managed to get together and bully everyone nice into leaving. So you can easily end up with a group where everyone sucks!
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Old 05-02-14, 12:29 PM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

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^This is very true and important! Sometimes you're just simply unlucky and end up surrounded by pricks. There are places (companies, departments, classes etc) that either draw toxic people or a bunch of them managed to get together and bully everyone nice into leaving. So you can easily end up with a group where everyone sucks!
Corina... I read some of the stuff you write about your coworkers and I muse out loud to myself .... how does she survive a group of people like that??
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Old 05-02-14, 03:39 PM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

What type of ADHD are you? Hyperactive? Sometimes I noticed that others get either annoyed by or scared off by the hyperactive types. The inattentive types can seem too introverted or come off as if they do not care. I am combined type and I go back and forth between the two but try to stay stable. I think I put on a good front of having it all together and don't let even my very close friends see how much I suffer. I've had the same maybe 4 friends forever. They each have their own issues with anxiety, family/social problems anyway so I think they are understanding to some things that others might not be.

I can make new friends easily but choose not to because I get overwhelmed and I need my downtime too. There are times when I feel like no one is around and I want to do lots of things with them and other times when I don't want to deal with anyone. I don't go out of my way to join groups of any kind. I do not like the commitment.

Is your supervisor very confident? That attracts a lot of people. People like others who are positive and funny and have a lot going. Like a challenge to get to know them. If they sense any insecurities in someone they get turned away by it. They almost look down on you like a weakness. I realized that about 7 years ago. I was super insecure and also just a mess internally/mentally. I changed a lot of things and started being more on time for things and more open to things and positive. This helped a lot and people gravitated to me. Also people who are socially akward are not fun to be around. It's hard to know how people really perceive us. We have this idea about how we are and it doesn't always line up with what we are projecting.
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