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  #46  
Old 05-02-14, 04:40 PM
Goofycook Goofycook is offline
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Thumbs up Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunlovinlady View Post
What type of ADHD are you? Hyperactive? Sometimes I noticed that others get either annoyed by or scared off by the hyperactive types. The inattentive types can seem too introverted or come off as if they do not care. I am combined type and I go back and forth between the two but try to stay stable
I realized that about 7 years ago. I was super insecure and also just a mess internally/mentally. I changed a lot of things and started being more on time for things and more open to things and positive. This helped a lot and people gravitated to me. Also people who are socially akward are not fun to be around. It's hard to know how people really perceive us. We have this idea about how we are and it doesn't always line up with what we are projecting.
Being combined myself really does make me go back and forth and other times when I don't want to deal with anyone. I don't go out of my way to join groups of any kind. I do not like the commitment.
but I definitely need my down time to cuddle with my pets who don't say a word and Ive gotten away from making promises I cant keep
I found the rest to be true also.
BTW Mr. I forgot what your name is I will try to post more. Everyday I become a little more comfortable with myself but I also have major setbacks so as I sometimes say "I'm a work in progres so cut me some slack" Rome wasn't built in a day

Last edited by Goofycook; 05-02-14 at 04:48 PM.. Reason: Haven't quite got a handle on doing the quote thing. Im bsically computor illitirate
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  #47  
Old 05-02-14, 06:59 PM
Greengrasshoppe Greengrasshoppe is offline
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

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Originally Posted by mrs. dobbs View Post
Say that someone wants to be friends with you, seeks you out. You give it a go. Then you realize that you find it tedious or otherwise unpleasant. What happens next?
Hmmm tbh in this case in the past I've just continued to hang out with the person out of desperation. I realize this is very unfair to the other person, especially since it's probably obvious to them that I don't really want to be there.

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Originally Posted by mrs. dobbs View Post
And as for mutual interests, do you ever find people who are interested in the same things as you? So that you don't have to worry so much on personal chemistry, being socially smooth or whatever. You can enjoy focusing on an external subject together. Doing something together.
Not really! My interests are not terribly common among the people near me. Maybe I should try harder to seek people out who have the same interests as me. Good point.
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  #48  
Old 05-03-14, 10:53 AM
Goofycook Goofycook is offline
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

out of my desperation for friends I've made some pretty toxic ones along the way. They probaly kept me around just so would someone they could make fun of, use and all the other things toxic powple do to you
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  #49  
Old 05-03-14, 02:06 PM
tryn-optmsm tryn-optmsm is offline
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

Goofy ....

Toxic friends:

1) I made one of those 2.5 yrs ago when I REALLY didn't like myself (working on liking/forgiving myself for being stuck for so long)

2) Sometimes, when I'm in a bad mood, I hate everyone - even friends who only have the VERY BEST of intentions . . . I try not to be too mean, 'cause back in the day - I was proven wrong + lost some really good ones

3) They're my friends' because they want "amusement" in their life --- was [u]sometime[u] indicative of my [u]own[u] personal insecurities (compliments - 'oh they're just trying to be nice'. . .)

(((((Goofy)))))
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  #50  
Old 05-14-14, 01:25 PM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

When I was a kid/young adult, I easily made friends. Lots of them were long(ish) distance friends, so we didn't have a chance to see each other daily & get on each other's nerves. Since I've been an adult, it is much harder to make friends. Now most of my friends I met because we have children the same ages.

I've lost one friend because of my very poor memory. I was in a dark place, her little girl was very attached to my little girl, and in my own fog, I just FORGOT about her kid's birthday party. I didn't want to hurt her or her little girl, I just totally forgot. I don't have any ill feelings toward her, but now I realize that that episode was part of my ADD thing.
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  #51  
Old 06-15-14, 07:56 PM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

I actually don't like 80% of people. I find them dumb, superficial or just pain boring. My weirdness actually draws people to me, so I never have to find people to be friends with. My problem is that I get bored easily with people around me, so I lose interest in their friendship and feel like they have nothing good to offer.

But that wasn't always the case. When I was depressed and had low self-esteem, people don't know how to deal with that. I was hungry for social agnowledgement and people to love me. I always felt guilty that I wasn't good enough. I would push people away, because the burden of the friendship was too hard on me. I felt so terribly responsible for any little thing that didn't go as planned. I would cancel appointments if I thought I was going to be late. I was never good enough, but in the end, neither were they. They didnt help in in times of need, but they couldn't either. I now know that there was nothing these people could have done for me that would have made any difference for the state I was in. I was a complete mess and looking for them to save me was hopeless and impossible. Now I actually avoid unhappy people with low-selfesteem. Mainly because I have no clue how to respond to them. Yes, I have been there, but people with low self-esteem are not really responsive to compliments and good intentions. Like I said, good intentions didn't help me at all, and depressive people are not much fun to hang with. (no suicide pun intended) It brings me down when people keep dragging the conversation down or always stating negative things. I can be pretty dark, but I don't express hopelessness. No one can effectively respond to that. It makes me hopeless aswell and that's not helping anyone.

Yes, there are weird people that are generally not so socially gifted or easily accepted by the majority. But Weird attracks weird, so just join a club or something for that weird thing that you like. Your difficulty making friends most likely has nothing to do with your personality, but your attitude or self-esteem. Honestly, it might be a cliché but it is Hard to love someone who doesn't love themselfs. I know from first-hand experience. I don't blame anyone for leaving me. I now experience how hard it is with a depressed boyfriend.

Personally, I have a hard time keeping friends, because I forget about them and I am extreemly allergic to clingy people. Also I have a hard time dealing with people I have hurt, so I usually avoid them. I feel guilty sometimes, but I have learned that it is part of me and I have to find people who can accept that. I am very loyal, just not very punctual or attentive.

I have 4 good / great friends that I see about once a month and even though I'd like to see them more, I'm fine with this right now. Everyone is just very busy with college etc. I also have more male friends, we have more in common usually. I'm rude and very blunt. I'm not very secretive about my intentions like women typically are. I'm honest and straight-forward. I like to talk about sex and I use my sexuality to engage in conversations. In the past it was my identity, now it is just a part of it. I'm not a slag, I think sexuality is a normal thing to talk about and for people (men and women) who don;t think so, I'd like to provoke them. Shock the women and lure in the men. It's just a fun game to me. Women usually don't get me and find me highly intimidating. Some men do find me intimidating aswell, but they have this idea that females have to be submissive and act like virgins.

To me, the best friendships are based on some kind of strong foundation: mutual weirdness, seksual attraction, an intense passion you both share ,deep respect for each other or a simple facination for the fact the other keeps suprising you. I never had a good friend because 'we are alike' or 'because they are nice'. Sure you won't discover your 'foundation' at first sight, but in the end, that is what ties me to these people and we end up being friends.

I suppose I am a bit selfish, but I think friendships are like love. The harder you look, the harder it is to find. When you stop looking, it finds you.
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  #52  
Old 06-15-14, 08:16 PM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

I'm with try and herose on there thinking,it's been and still has been a real struggle for me..what are your interests grasshopper?
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  #53  
Old 06-20-14, 04:10 PM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

Want friends. Don't have any. I'm too weird for the typical person. Perhaps a counselor, therapist, minister etc... could be my friend. They could be themselves. Maybe I would be comfortable enough to be authentic. Considering they understand symptoms and such, they may find me interesting.

Being social makes me tired, but it would be nice to meet up with a friend once a week:-)
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  #54  
Old 06-26-14, 10:16 PM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

I think it's the problem of living inside your own head. Plus most people with ADD begin to have anxiety over it, especially once diagnosed. Once you start talking and acting in a way to try to 'fix' how you think someone may be perceiving you, you come off as fake. That's what i noticed i do, i'm me at first then i change to be accommodating in fear i'll lose friends because i seem 'outrageous' or a 'spazz'. But it seems like ADD or not keeping friends is a problem of people when they get older
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Old 06-27-14, 07:53 AM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

I have a horrible issue with timing communication. There is like a delay in processing what I want to say and because of that I always talk at the same time as others because I can gauge what is an appropriate amount of time to pause between exchanges. Also this causes major issues with the phone. Me and my husband even still have issues.

The flip side (equally terrible) is when I am able to catch something, I sometimes explode with so much enthusiasm and complete loss of volume control. I end up scaring the #*@! out of everyone around me and it's embarrassing. In groups, I'm so quiet, with trying to follow conversation that people get creep out because sometimes obvious I'm really trying to process the information.

I would creep me out. lol
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  #56  
Old 06-27-14, 08:56 AM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

Lots of the same problems as others here. I also noticed or realized I do t follow through much on friendships. I feel like I am always so busy and rushed I keep putting off contacting friends (also, a bit of anxiety talking on the phone) but I put it off then feel like it's been to long and it trails off.
I am making a concerted effort to follow up with people. Calling people to ask how they are ect. I don't like having people over becuase my house is messy but perhaps meeting places....
I learned a mom I know wrote a book, so I read it and let her know I enjoyed it. She asked me to review it on Amazon..... Have not gotten to that yet. But I did block it onto my to do list.
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Old 07-06-14, 07:31 PM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

My whole life I had a hard time making friends. I think its because I stick up for myself/ opinionated and some of my friends at that moment respect that, but I think for them it gets tiring after awhile.

I also feel like I find things in people that get me agitated and I go off of that feeling a lot. Most of the time I can look past that, but other times I don't. So I end up being passive aggressive and lose friends in the process. I push people away
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Old 07-14-14, 01:18 PM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

I don't have a problem (partly because I'm more of a withdrawn person, and don't particularly miss anyone's company if they exit from my life. but I tend to welcome them back if our paths crosses again)
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Old 07-14-14, 02:21 PM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

I have trouble keeping friends. I tend to speak my mind which offends people. Or people don't understand me and take things the wrong way. I have some friends but not many new ones. Also body language and facial expressions are a mystery to me and I think people are always mad.
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Old 07-14-14, 09:33 PM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

I have a very hard time with making friends, I am very selective in who I want to associate myself with, call me a paranoid weirdo but I totally feel like everyone is out to get me even though I know that thought is completely unreasonable but i tend to befriend people who are like me and also have things in common with me. I lose friends because of lack of communication, I get jealous cuz I am not smart enough and I cause problems then the person is out of my life and at the moment I am so happy for that, but in the long run I was shallow to be so low. Anyways I am now on a good anti depressant viibryd and I am more positive and not so negative yay me
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