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Women with ADD/ADHD This forum is for women to discuss issues related to being a woman with AD/HD.

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  #76  
Old 12-30-15, 05:47 PM
loverainbow loverainbow is offline
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

The only set of friends I have are the kids whom I grow up with. Almost like, to many memories to spare but more than often it's all just a bunch of nothingness when we talk. I bailed out a lot from seeing them, last minute. I went missing a lot. It took me days even weeks to reply to calls/text to hang out. I forgot their birthdays. I can't think of the reason why they put up with it. I don't think we would hang out if we just meet now as an adult.
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  #77  
Old 12-30-15, 07:11 PM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

I always joke that "I don't deserve friends".... and I'm not sure if people realise how serious I am about that!!

I never really forget birthdays.... but I very often buy them a gift the week before, forget to send the card... or get their gift to them on time (could be weeks later)....
Some people get miffed about that, but most find it quirkily endearing. I wish I could get all my ducks in line, but too often I drop the ball.

You'd think such behaviour would have you lose friends, but not always. I forget to phone people back... even when I tell them I'll phone right back... I can be 10 mins late despite my best efforts (I hate that about me)....

It bothers me when people feel we are 'besties' when we've only just met. I like to take my time to get to know people..... but once I'm comfortable with being friends, then I'm loyal and connected and totally 'in', 100% there....as much as I am able (given the above factors).

Other people I know seem to be able to make 'best friends' far more quickly than me. I know they find it odd when I stand back a bit.... but we can only be real, can't we?
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  #78  
Old 01-18-16, 09:04 AM
amelie_melo amelie_melo is offline
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

Hello there!
This is my fist post in this forum so i don't exactly know where to post, but i was feeling helpless the past few days and i decided to search for people that could possibly, in a way, understand me.
I was diagnosed with ADHD when i was 6 years old, but there is a very strong possibility that i still have it cause all the symptoms are still here. I live in Greece and there is absolutely no awareness here for adult ADD/ADHD so it's very hard to find out. Most people think it's not real and that is killing me.
I've always had problems with friendships, although i always think more of the other person and i'm selfless. They seem to get bored and leave.
This period in my life most people tell me all the time that im zoned out, that i don't listen to what they say and that i get so distracted that it's annoying.
It's true that i zone out sometimes, but i always try to listen to them and i don't believe that what they're saying is absolutely accurate.
Only one of my friends believes that i'm right, and he thinks that it's not so much as the other people say it is.
I tried to explain them about my condition with a buzzfeed article with illustrations, that is humorous and the main message is "please understand".
They liked it and they said "that's tottally you". But after MINUTES they were again all like "you're not listening again! stop biting your nails and changing subjects so fast!"
I feel awful. I feel like nobody understands me and i don't know what to do.
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  #79  
Old 01-18-16, 09:08 PM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

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Originally Posted by amelie_melo View Post
Most people think it's not real and that is killing me.
I've always had problems with friendships, although i always think more of the other person and i'm selfless. They seem to get bored and leave.
This period in my life most people tell me all the time that im zoned out, that i don't listen to what they say and that i get so distracted that it's annoying.
It's true that i zone out sometimes, but i always try to listen to them and i don't believe that what they're saying is absolutely accurate.
The reason you have problems with friendships is because the friends you are choosing are jerks. And if you are selfless and they leave it proves that to be true. And being selfless can become toxic.
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  #80  
Old 01-22-16, 03:41 AM
Gryphonfyre Gryphonfyre is offline
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

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The reason you have problems with friendships is because the friends you are choosing are jerks. And if you are selfless and they leave it proves that to be true. And being selfless can become toxic.
That's interesting... I wouldn't consider myself selfless. Actually, when it comes to "friends," I'm not sure what I would consider myself. I do know that I really have just the hardest time making and an even harder time keeping friends. I like to be nice to people. I like to try to make them feel special or cared for or valued/appreciated. I think that comes across as way too much and before I know it, they're nowhere to be found.

For example, I'm an editor, so I have the ability to work at home. That being said, though, I already don't make friends very easy, so the people with whom I come in contact through my work wind up being the recipients all too often, I think. Anyway, the mother of a lady with whom I had just started working had passed and I really felt bad for her. Even though we've had abuse issues, I couldn't imagine the pain of losing my mom. My job requires me to research pretty much everything, so it was nothing, really, for me to find this lady's address and mail her a sympathy card and then find where the funeral was and send flowers. Looking back on it, that does seem pretty stalkerish. I just don't know where that line is, and I feel like I'm constantly wavering all over the line like I'm inebriated.

Also, I came from an abusive home -- won't go into it, as I've been in therapy for years and years, so I don't really have that urge to bring it up in some subconscious way to work through something anymore, but I tell ya, between that back in the day or some other subject or the fact that 99% of the time I simply can't think of anything to say, I just don't really talk anymore. Can't make too many friends if you don't talk.
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  #81  
Old 03-06-16, 10:20 PM
Piccoreo90 Piccoreo90 is offline
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

I realize this thread is super old, but anytime I think about the fact that ADD has more than likely affected my (lack of) friendships, I think back to 9th grade. A friend of mine was complaining about another girl "Omg I hate her". Our other friend asked "Why do you hate her?" I replied, without thinking "She doesn't really hate her, she's just jealous cause she's so pretty." Cause, y'know, teenage girls always say they "hate" someone when they're just jealous, and it kinda annoyed me. It took me half a second to realize what I said, and I tried playing the "just kidding" card. About a week later I lost those two friends.

I will say having ADD can make you (and does, in my case) impulsive, less likely to think before speaking, and at times, very annoying when hyperactivity kicks in.
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  #82  
Old 03-09-16, 03:49 PM
Leigh1865 Leigh1865 is offline
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

This is so ridiculous but part of my problem is, I don't want to ask anyone to do anything because I don't want them to feel obligated to hang out. So I wait to be invited to things but when I make no effort in the friendship/relationship I come off as disinterested. I have one person besides my fiance who I truly consider a friend and she has ADHD, so we seemed to get each other, and she moved out of state so I don't have to make a ton of effort besides texting and a call once a month or so.

Wow, my life sounds depressing. Lol.
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  #83  
Old 03-21-16, 07:29 PM
stride stride is offline
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

Hi new girl here and first thing I wanna say is that I am so relieved that I came to this forum. I too have difficulties in having friends in fact I have difficulties in talking to other people. When I talk to people I feel like smiling and be all nervous and say weird things that pops into NY head. I kind of had difficulties with my speech even when I was young I always gets so nervous and agitated cuz my brain gets information jumbled up that it really affects my speech and when people hear me talking they probably think I am crazy it also does not help the fact that I am fat, unmotivated, and ugly.
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  #84  
Old 03-22-16, 04:35 AM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

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Hi new girl here and first thing I wanna say is that I am so relieved that I came to this forum. I too have difficulties in having friends in fact I have difficulties in talking to other people. When I talk to people I feel like smiling and be all nervous and say weird things that pops into NY head. I kind of had difficulties with my speech even when I was young I always gets so nervous and agitated cuz my brain gets information jumbled up that it really affects my speech and when people hear me talking they probably think I am crazy it also does not help the fact that I am fat, unmotivated, and ugly. :(
I dont think this kind of negative talk is true and I dont think its good for you.
The anxiety you feel...is this something you have seen a doctor about? If not its a good idea. We cant assume we know what others think about us even when we feel uncomfortable. You dont know for sure that friends think youre crazy, unless they have told you- 'Your nuts"

Being as nervous as you are can be associated with adhd but IME its anxiety rearing its ugly head. What kind of treatment are you getting?
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  #85  
Old 03-24-16, 10:57 AM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
I dont think this kind of negative talk is true and I dont think its good for you.
The anxiety you feel...is this something you have seen a doctor about? If not its a good idea. We cant assume we know what others think about us even when we feel uncomfortable. You dont know for sure that friends think youre crazy, unless they have told you- 'Your nuts"

Being as nervous as you are can be associated with adhd but IME its anxiety rearing its ugly head. What kind of treatment are you getting?
Yes its true I frequently feel anxious and its because of my ADHD that I'm like this. And being discourage by my family does not help my condition. As for treatment, my family thinks I should deal with all my problems by myself "because thats supportive they are".
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Old 04-18-16, 09:58 PM
Dianel Dianel is offline
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

I only have a couple friends. For some reason I just don't do well with people. Not good at small talk. I don't have any interest in going out with the few friends I have. It is not depression. Just a total lack of interest in doing anything. When I agree to go somewhere it makes me unconfortable just thinking about having to go.
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  #87  
Old 05-23-16, 05:12 AM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

Extremely long rambly post.......... Gotta go so here is my first draft.

Some interesting posts, here. I can relate to a lot. Two thoughts:

--I am female. I find making new friendships with women much much much more difficult than men. It's easy to be myself with a guy. With a woman, I have much more self-doubt. I'm not sure how to show kindness without feeling weird or awkward. This feeling increases substantially to the degree I have a reciprocal interest in being their friend. I think I almost sort of avoid these potential friends. :/

--On that note, I fear that out of a desire for comfort (???? very unclear here) I attract or make friends with people who in some way other people might disrespect... generally they are intelligent but they'll have some blatant emotional issue (for example) that causes other people to wonder why I might want to be friends with them. Sometimes I wonder that too.... At times I tell myself its because no one else is interested, but I think a more accurate perspective is that I mess up all those friendships that would actually mean something to me. It's like I missed those social skills.. growing up all those years without medication or insight as to why I was so out of sync.

*ramble ramble... >> *
I think part of it is that even though I am very intelligent, I am too awkward/self-conscious to approach people who I might actually be interested in getting to know. I also sort of assume such people aren't interested in me. I am very pleased when I manage to secure a "normal" friend. I don't know if I am just judgemental or what... I am sensitive to what other people think of me in this regard... partly because I also believe that I could enjoy myself more if I had other friends... perhaps that had something to teach me socially or otherwise. I really respect my close friends, but I find it is a hard thing to come by given the sorts of people that come to me and who I manage to be comfortable with enough to have a relaxing conversation.


Can anyone else relate to this? I think I am very kind, very nice to such people.. I will take anyone under my wing. I am attracted to outsiders... I can care very much for them. I will be the friend to a person that doesn't have any friends. I am more or less ok with that but sometimes I see glimpses into the lives of other "normal" people (quote, unquote) and wonder if I'm missing something.
I have a significant amount of close wonderful friends who I truly respect so this is a slight negative exaggeration as to how my life really is. But this becomes an issue whenever I'm acclimating to a new social environment for sure. I'm self-conscious of the fact that I feel more comfortable with people who I can see in some sense are "below" me or who I won't feel self-conscious about being weird around. I don't like saying such and such a person is below me, since that's not accurate. I see it that way because I know getting such a person on my good side wont be hard. (rrrr the way i am speaking here sounds really manipulative... I guess maybe it's just a feeling of confidence... or a feeling of safety.)
And for the rest of them, well, they might be on my good side but it's like a sheer drop off after that because I don't know how to get close or seem to ignore or overlook advances they might have made.

it is a nagging feeling that I'd like to put to rest. Thoughts? Can anyone share this experience?
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  #88  
Old 05-27-16, 03:38 PM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

I definitely have issues with this. I'll make a friend and get so excited about hanging out with them and stuff, but then once I'm not talking to them/actually out doing something with them I get... I don't know, bored? And stop putting effort into maintaining the friendship. I didn't realize I was doing that until pretty recently.
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Old 05-31-16, 08:23 PM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

I'm the same way. I also have a lot of anxiety but I see myself as an introvert that likes to do things (mainly because I crave excitement) but not deal with social situations. I'm super awkard and have a hard time remembering names because my mind races. Its embarrassing.
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Old 06-05-16, 10:05 PM
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Re: Who has trouble making and keeping friends?

I have a stupidly easy time charming people and getting them interested in who I am, but avoid them like the plague when they want to start meeting for coffee and what have you. There's a lot of reasons for it, but really...my routine and sleep has become so important to me, that I'm just not wanting to put out the time for people I don't really know!? Plus...I'm pretty good at stimulating myself when I'm bored, but when you're hankered down with another person and it gets boring..I WANT TO DIE. It's like, I either want to be doing something that is exciting, therapeutic, or intense relaxation. Anything in between and I get antsy. As well I don't follow through with plans. romantic and family obligations fine..but friends, I dunno. Part of me feels like the effort just isn't worth it for friends. I have people I see in work/school/my son's school...and family. That's enough for me. Then there's facebook too.
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