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  #31  
Old 07-09-16, 10:14 PM
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Re: Queer & ADHD-PI

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So what you are saying is, you dont want anyone to respond unless they are ladies/non-men who are attracted to ladies/non-men? When someone posts in the women's section it doesnt meant men cant respond and it doesnt mean that someone who isnt exactly like what the OP describes cant respond. Frankly my feelings are a little hurt that what I had to say was so dismissed and invalidated.

I wasnt trying to pat myself on the back. I was trying to share what I am learning. No, its not a chore but it is hard for me because some of the pronouns can be used in the plural sense, and figuring out the actual grammer part is hard for me.

I shared all of this because you seem to think that I have no knowledge of the LGBTQ issues and how alienating, and lonely they can be for people.
I'm sorry you read my response that way. Please read it over again with the understanding that I was agreeing with what you were saying. The only thing I pointed out was the pronoun thing, and I even said " I'm not saying that's what you're doing, it's just, that's what it sounds like when anyone points out the fact that they're doing what they're already supposed to."

Also, I never said you weren't knowledgeable. I was talking about the first commenters, not you. I know it can be hard, but please read what I say more closely so I don't have to clarify stuff because it irks me to no end (and it can cause hurt feelings)
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  #32  
Old 07-09-16, 10:20 PM
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Re: Queer & ADHD-PI

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Originally Posted by Little Missy View Post
I must be really out of the loop. I have not heard the term 'queer' used since I was in high school.
I use queer for myself because it's easier than listing all my labels. But i strongly advise non-LGBT people to avoid using the word.
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  #33  
Old 07-09-16, 10:24 PM
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Re: Queer & ADHD-PI

God I'm sorry this is just so much more stressful than I wanted it to be. I just wanted similar people to help me with an issue that we've both had to face!!! there is nothing wrong with that!!! if i have a question about history, i go to a history teacher. not a science teacher. if i have a question about being a (mostly) woman wanting to date other (mostly) women, a man's response is going to get me nowhere.
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  #34  
Old 07-10-16, 04:43 AM
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Re: Queer & ADHD-PI

Not saying that julialouise is being transphobic - I don't think that's the case - but I would never cite Dan Savage as a source on what constitutes transphobia. Savage is himself pretty transphobic.
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  #35  
Old 07-11-16, 01:12 AM
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Re: Queer & ADHD-PI

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Originally Posted by Fortune View Post
Not saying that julialouise is being transphobic - I don't think that's the case - but I would never cite Dan Savage as a source on what constitutes transphobia. Savage is himself pretty transphobic.
Not sure where my post went?

Is Savage transphobic? Unfortunately that was the first Dan Savage post I'd read in about a decade. He and most of the sites that carry his columns are banned in the UAE, and I can't remember where I saw this one, but I thought he handled it well.

Frankly, compared to some of the trans-phobic comments I've read, questioning whether you can be in a relationship with someone trans is probably far down the list.

I think the OP's young and, by her own admission not ready for a monogamous relationship, so should enjoy playing the field for awhile. As long as she's open and honest about what she wants from a relationship there's no harm in that.
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  #36  
Old 07-11-16, 11:13 AM
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Re: Queer & ADHD-PI

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Originally Posted by TheFitFatty View Post
Not sure where my post went?

Is Savage transphobic? Unfortunately that was the first Dan Savage post I'd read in about a decade. He and most of the sites that carry his columns are banned in the UAE, and I can't remember where I saw this one, but I thought he handled it well.

Frankly, compared to some of the trans-phobic comments I've read, questioning whether you can be in a relationship with someone trans is probably far down the list.

I think the OP's young and, by her own admission not ready for a monogamous relationship, so should enjoy playing the field for awhile. As long as she's open and honest about what she wants from a relationship there's no harm in that.
Thanks 4 your responses! I just wanna say, a good rule of thumb when trying to figure out what's transphobic or not, is to see what actual trans people are saying, no one else.
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  #37  
Old 07-11-16, 11:26 PM
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Re: Queer & ADHD-PI

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Originally Posted by julialouise View Post
Thanks 4 your responses! I just wanna say, a good rule of thumb when trying to figure out what's transphobic or not, is to see what actual trans people are saying, no one else.
Normally I would do that. But you don't have too many openly trans people in the UAE, and the (one) that I do know from home, doesn't really agree with most other trans people (by her own admission).
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  #38  
Old 07-12-16, 12:05 AM
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Re: Queer & ADHD-PI

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Originally Posted by julialouise View Post
Wow.

Living in the patriarchal US society, there are major implications for being in a heterosexual relationship as a femme-presenting person. There are power imbalances, I have to deal with sexism (benign and full-force) in almost every interaction with a dude. I never generalized men and you two are just picking this out because--- I don't even know!! It obviously seems like you both are people who benefit from a heteronormative society and have never been in a relationship with someone of the same gender, or searched for one. Is bisexuality that confusing to you? Or my desire to experience something I haven't yet, but would like to?. And honestly, so what if I generalize men, especially after so many bad, terrible, and life-threatening situations with them? I just want to date a damn cute girl who has more in common with me than a guy who doesn't understand the first thing about my struggle. Either way, this is all I'm going to say to you because you annoy me and you're making assumptions about me that are very misleading and rude.
This is a very sexist, short-sighted, and bigoted comment. Not everything is due to the patriarchy of society and men bashing us like you did by talking about how privileged we are just further alienates yourself and show the point that you have an axe to grind with men. It's not right, not accurate, and you need to drop it.

Bisexual isn't confusing at all to me in the slightest, neither is your desire, and I respect it. My sexuality doesn't fit in a box either, and I'm not bashing women or men here like you are. I've dated a girl who was pansexual and while confusing I was very supportive the whole way through, but she didn't men bash like you are here.
Generalizing men is what crosses the line. If you're so easily and readily able to generalize men based off of your bad experiences and rely on sexist assumptions about society and label men, who is to say you'll fair any better than women?

You can't insult people because of their gender and label us as benefiting from society or being privileged solely because of the fact we are men. Drop it. I'm all for a civil discussion, but this type of hate speech you are promoting will get you nowhere.
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  #39  
Old 07-12-16, 12:09 AM
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Re: Queer & ADHD-PI

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Originally Posted by Cyllya View Post



Dude, this makes no sense. For one, by this logic, everyone who is straight, gay/lesbian, or even bisexual is inherently bigoted for having their sexual orientation. Second, the OP isn't even in those categories. She's(?) gray-ace/demisexual and attracted to people of all genders, and she's aiming for a relationship with an MTF person despite qualms about possibly having emotional issues with that body type. How the heck is would it even be possible to be less gender-bigoted than that? That is an outright epitome of non-bigotry which the rest of us should look up to as an example.
The attraction is non-bigoted but she's men bashing due to her circumstances, and do to her vehement men bashing and assuming men like myself obviously benefit from societal and that everything has to do with the patriarchy is incredibly sexist, short-sighted, and bigoted. I bolded a quote from her post above, and it is appalling. When she is willing to assume this about men, how is it a leap to assume she may due to the same to women?
I'm all for mutual understanding, giving others the benefit of the doubt, but not when I'm being insultingly labeled for no good reason. All men aren't benefiting from the patriarchy, or heteronormative standards, and generalizing us does like OP does is an incredible disservice.
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  #40  
Old 07-12-16, 02:00 AM
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Re: Queer & ADHD-PI

MODERATOR NOTE: Please be respectful, stay on topic, and avoid political discussions (which are prohibited by ADDF guidelines).

Here's a digest version of the OP:
Quote:
Originally Posted by julialouise
i know that women with ADHD, and maybe ADHD-PI specifically, have trouble interacting with other women, especially neurotypical women. it's hard enough being queer in the dating scene, and even harder being mentally ill and queer.
[...]
are there any other ladies/non-men out there who are also attracted to ladies/non-men? what the hell do you do? are you successful? i'm in college, so i didn't think it would be this hard, but i'm also very picky when looking for partners now. and i'm more interested in being non-monogamous, at least for now.
Thank you.

Last edited by namazu; 07-12-16 at 02:11 AM..
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  #41  
Old 07-12-16, 09:34 AM
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Cool Re: Queer & ADHD-PI

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Originally Posted by TheFitFatty View Post
Normally I would do that. But you don't have too many openly trans people in the UAE, and the (one) that I do know from home, doesn't really agree with most other trans people (by her own admission).
Do you have access to the Internet and other blogs online? That's a very good starting point. B)
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Old 07-13-16, 12:07 AM
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Re: Queer & ADHD-PI

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Originally Posted by julialouise View Post
Do you have access to the Internet and other blogs online? That's a very good starting point. B)
No I don't have access to the internet. I'm communicating on this forum via telekinesis.
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  #43  
Old 07-13-16, 07:12 PM
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Re: Queer & ADHD-PI

Sorry that I disappear from the forums every few days. For some reason, whenever I try to log on to the forums the next day, it gives me the "you don't have access to..." even though I do have access to the forum.

I've been rather quiet responding to the many directions this thread has taken (lots of spiraling into rabbit holes) mostly because there never seems to be enough time in the day or night and also the last thing I sometimes want to do is write and read when I already write and read quite a lot.

As some of you know, I'm getting my PhD. My academic focus (what I research, study, write, publish, speak, and present about) is in feminist/queer rhetorics. As such, I've taught Women's studies classes, Gender studies classes, etc., in addition to what I normally teach, Composition. I research, publish, present academic findings in this area, and I often create professional development workshops for teachers using perspectives in these areas. In truth, this is probably why I have been avoiding engaging in these rabbit holes because this is the work I do for a living.

For individuals who do not identify as feminists or queer (in anyway), you can disregard what I'm about to say. Here it goes:

If one identifies as a feminist (participates in feminist circles, reads feminist literature, practices feminist tenants), then one believes that the personal is political.

To be honest, it does not surprise me that the one who cried "wolf" was a member (privileged by gender) who felt marginalized because of the suggestion (more like fact for me) that men are privileged. Of course, this privilege can be different when one considers race, class, sexual orientation, etc. So, yes, we cannot make the generalization that all men have the same kind of privilege. They do not. But, what we do know, is that any male individual (regardless of ethnicity, race, class, and age) is thought of and interacted very differently than a woman: good or bad.

Another feminist tenant is that feminists believe that all individuals (regardless of gender, race, sexual orientation, etc.) should be treated equally. Of course, as I've already illustrated in my discussion above, this is much easier said than done. I've also seen this just simply look at this thread. Julia, I hear your feminist and queer battle cry. I hear it. I acknowledge it. I empathize with your frustration, aggravation, and rage, and I hope by my listening and acknowledgement you find a way to "raise your consciousness" to quote our feminist founding mothers and fathers (men can be feminists too). But also try to listen to the many women's and men's voices on this forum as well. In fact, I would encourage you to practice Krista Ratcliffe's, a well known feminist in my field, rhetorical listening. Although I'm not going to give you breakdown of all the implications of rhetorical listening, I do want to say that it does mean that you will have to listen even when you don't want to, even when you reject such notions, even when they might incite passion or rage in you. You must listen in order to raise your consciousness. And you must respond respectfully for even when you listen to the things that you don't agree with, you raise your own consciousness. In short, you become empowered.

Which leads me to my final feminist tenant that I would like to talk about. As a feminist, one also empowers other feminists, especially younger feminists. This is part of putting feminism into practice. It does no good to hold all of this knowledge without empowering others. So, I know that this response sounds pretty patronizing and perhaps even might make people feel uncomfortable (which is why I avoid getting all "academy" in the majority of spaces). Even I think to myself, "Geez, Kim." But really, this response comes from a place of feminist and queer love: a place of investing and empowering in feminist and queer individuals.

And, now, my brain is very tired.
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  #44  
Old 07-13-16, 11:16 PM
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Re: Queer & ADHD-PI

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Sorry that I disappear from the forums every few days. For some reason, whenever I try to log on to the forums the next day, it gives me the "you don't have access to..." even though I do have access to the forum.
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Old 07-14-16, 03:25 AM
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Re: Queer & ADHD-PI

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