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  #1  
Old 02-20-06, 06:07 PM
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Making Friends with ADHD -positive article on befriending our ADD/HD

This is a positive article that states:

I have come to believe that the best place to begin developing this skill is with ourselves, but also and possibly even more importantly is developing a sense of friendliness towards our ADHD. I suggest this because ADHD has been our lifelong companion and understanding it is the key to living well with it, and ultimately friendship may well be the best way to build such an understanding.

Please note this article is NOT spiritual or religious in context.

The word 'spirituality' in the title of the article, is the only time it occurs.
I don't have the authority to change the title.


Nova

http://www.succeedingwithadhd.com/in...nds-with-adhd/


ADHD & Spirituality-Making Friends with ADHD
by Gerard Montigny

Coming to grips with ADHD especially as an adult is a complex issue which can be both frightening and painful. There is often a lifetime of experience rooted in failure, isolation, and a profound sense of woundedness. Being diagnosed provides a label and an opportunity for a fresh perspective on the past but in and of itself certainly does nothing to address it. Sometimes diagnosis brings an entirely new self imposed stigma that can often lock people into strong negative feelings towards themselves, or at least the parts they identify with ADHD. This type of negative self perception puts people at risk of becoming engaged in a state of war with themselves, in that they may begin to view their ADHD as an enemy to be eradicated and destroyed. Out of this state of war mentality can arise even more propaganda and prejudice towards aspects of oneself leading to a lack of compassion towards the past, the present, and ones very own biology.

Over the past few years I have moved away from this type of negative self perception towards one of curiosity and friendliness in terms of myself and my ADHD. This is certainly not an attempt to gloss over the serious consequences of my ADHD or its historical impact and impairment on my life but rather a letting go or loosening of unnecessary moralizing with regard to my situation. ADHD is not an evil force trying to destroy my or anybody elseís life, itís simply the natural outcome of an interaction between environmental, psychological, and biological factors. Hatred or a one-sided negative perception of something like ADHD really puts people at a disadvantage in terms of being able to address and manage their symptoms over the long term, because it does not promote a situation where an intimate understanding can be developed.

I personally have come to the conclusion that a certain amount of compassion towards oneself including his or her ADHD is a fundamental requirement in terms of managing this disorders negative impact on life. Compassion is important because out of compassion arises a sense of personal value, and then out of this value arises a belief in ones own potential. Also in being somewhat compassionate towards ones ADHD, anger and fear begin to lose their grip. Once this grip has been loosened itís easier to look into what a personís ADHD is all about and this is where curiosity can arise.

Once fear and anger have been put down and replaced by curiosity, itís easier to lean into ones own ADHD. By leaning into I really mean exploring ADHD in a very personal context, and possibly for the first time in ones life. Being diagnosed as an adult or never having actively tried to manage our ADHD until adulthood probably means many of us, have never actually sat down and taken an honest look at what ADHD means on a deeply personal level. Maybe we have read every book on the topic and have sought out advice from a wide range of professionals working in the field, but many of us have never taken the time to consult with the most important expert on our ADHD and that is ourselves.

Of course curiosity without maturity can be a very dangerous thing, for example take the toddler crawling around exploring the frontiers of his world who comes across an electric socket, and tries to stick his tiny fingers into the little slits and winds up getting zapped. Similar risks are certainly a reality in terms of looking into ones own ADHD, and so itís important not to trick yourself into becoming the only expert and therefore locking out any other sources of information or support. But what I am suggesting is bring yourself into the loop, because ultimately this is your life and you are responsible for what you make of the ADHD diagnosis and its management.

Out of this exploration can come understanding and respect for the way things are, this is not to suggest one should passively tolerate what is considered to be "bad" but rather to clearly see the truth of what is going on, in terms of ADHD and ones life at the present moment. To look deeply into ones symptoms with a friendly curiosity, not because they are loved or that we want to grow and nurture them, but rather because they are part of us and therefore deserve to be understood in a compassionate fashion.

Although I can accept that ADHD is rooted in biological causes and can be a severely debilitating condition, I also strongly believe that many of its associated problems arise from a misunderstanding. This is a misunderstanding between the world and ourselves and more importantly, it is a profound misunderstanding between ourselves and our own minds.

I see a friendship with ones ADHD (on a metaphoric level that is), as being a key to resolving this misunderstanding. I say friendship because friendship allows for the space needed to explore, understand, and resolve many of our problems. It is difficult to gain understanding when you are trying to destroy something you perceive as being purely pathology or negative. Although it may be easy to pound symptoms and tendencies into submission, I believe it ultimately doomed to failure because it will never get to a deeper root understanding of the ADHD experience.

What seems to work best for me and I suspect might also work for many others similar to myself, is engaging in a balanced and appreciative inquiry of my mind, with all of its tendencies both helpful and not so helpful. Looking into my ADHD in a more friendly and open fashion allows me to do so with less fear, and that makes it easier to see things in a clear and relaxed fashion and therefore beyond a depressed or panic based pathology prospective. Doing this allows one to see more than just things which need to be fixed or removed but also helps them to see (maybe for the first time in their lives), some of the gifts that come out of their brain wiring.

Regardless of whether one was diagnosed as a child or in adulthood, many of us have lived a life of fear and pain and may have often been deprived of healthy and nurturing friendships. Therefore it only makes sense that we begin cultivating friendliness because it is a life nutrient many of us are desperately lacking and is something we will need in order to lead happy and whole lives.

I have come to believe that the best place to begin developing this skill is with ourselves, but also and possibly even more importantly is developing a sense of friendliness towards our ADHD. I suggest this because ADHD has been our lifelong companion and understanding it is the key to living well with it, and ultimately friendship may well be the best way to build such an understanding.
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  #2  
Old 02-20-06, 06:09 PM
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Nice post..thanks!
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Old 02-20-06, 06:21 PM
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No Problem..however...
It's a 'collective effort' on here, Kokomo. (0:
If I don't post it...someone else does. (0:


Harmony,
Nova
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Old 02-20-06, 06:22 PM
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Great find! Don't worry... the article is very much appropriate.
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Disclaimer: none of the posts on this forum should be taken as medical advice. Optimally, always seek the opinion of multiple experienced professionals, note any discrepancies, and use your best judgment, as well as research, to determine what is true, untrue, and neither (opinion).
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Old 02-20-06, 06:52 PM
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I love the article!!!!! I think I'm scared to become friends with it for fear it will trick me. I've spent so long beating it down, it may be upset.
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Old 02-20-06, 07:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lettie
I love the article!!!!! I think I'm scared to become friends with it for fear it will trick me. I've spent so long beating it down, it may be upset.
LMAO...that was funny!
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Old 02-20-06, 07:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lettie
... I've spent so long beating it down ...
Your call ... poor memory vs. forgiving nature, either way ... same conclusion
... up on its hind legs demanding attention ... :-)

Behind the ears is a sure-fire approach ...

SB.
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Old 02-20-06, 07:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SB_UK
Your call ... poor memory vs. forgiving nature, either way ... same conclusion
... up on its hind legs demanding attention ... :-)

Behind the ears is a sure-fire approach ...

SB.
HUH???....you're to deep for me. Dumb it down a little for me, I've spent all day with a 3 year old.
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Old 02-20-06, 07:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lettie
HUH???....you're to deep for me. Dumb it down a little for me, I've spent all day with a 3 year old.
I think he means you should shoot it! LOL!
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Old 02-20-06, 07:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kokomo
I think he means you should shoot it! LOL!

Oh...That's funny. I like it. Gotta get my mind out of 3year old mode.
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Old 02-20-06, 07:41 PM
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What an amazingly insightful way to describe your thoughts, Lettie !!!
Have/do you author books?
You definitely have the talent for it..I'm not joking, either
Personification....what a delightful ability !!!

"love the article!!!!! I think I'm scared to become friends with it for fear it will trick me. I've spent so long beating it down, it may be upset."



Namaste,
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Old 02-21-06, 03:02 AM
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Nova, thank you for the compliment. I haven't written anything other than legal papers, and those aren't very interesting. My son, however, seems to have a great talent for the written word. I do get to spin many tales in front of a jury...and I love it, so thank you again. And you, have the wonderful ability to appease and keep the peace.
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Old 02-21-06, 03:49 AM
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Quote:
Your call ... poor memory vs. forgiving nature, either way ... same conclusion
... up on its hind legs demanding attention ... :-)
Behind the ears is a sure-fire approach ...
Whoopsy!!!

Whether one views ADD/ADHD (a doggy in this example) as a
*disorder*
in which one sees memory problems as a part of this issue, or as a
*not a disorder*
in which doggy is seen to have amongst other positive qualities ... a forgiving nature ...
i.e. whether one's doggy has a poor memory or just a lovely lovely temperament ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lettie
I've spent so long beating it down, it may be upset.
... he or she'll forgive any previous indiscretions that you might have aimed at him or her in the past, and will be waiting for you at night (after a hard day with the Judges), up on his or her hind legs, demanding attention.
And from previous experience all dogs like having their ears tickled.
:-)

However ... Kokomo??? ... why ???
Do you have allergy issues?

P.S. My guys are 5 months and 3 years and 2 weeks.

... and welcome to the forum :-)

SB.
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Old 02-21-06, 06:09 AM
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Smile

Quote:
Originally Posted by SB_UK
And from experience all dogs like having their ears tickled

P.S. My guys are 5 months and 3 years and 2 weeks.

... and welcome to the forum :-) SB.
At the risk of repeating myself, and exposing my intelligence......HUH??? I think I must be losing it, because I understood most of that.... Put your 3 year old on to explain the rest...all dogs like having their ears tickled. And, do you have a 3 yr old, a 5 month old, and a 2 week old with the same partner?? If so, that is amazing
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Old 02-21-06, 01:51 PM
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Kokomo...where are you. Translation please.
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