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  #1  
Old 07-19-08, 03:07 PM
phenyl phenyl is offline
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Opioid addiction is hell

My adventure with opiates started with other drugs. In the beginning I was just very interested in psycho pharmacology. My friends became a little concerned with this fascination of mine, but let it be (and rightly so, I mean without people interested in this topic, we'd have no wonderful research on these drugs). I told myself I wouldn't USE, I'd just LEARN. But under the weight of my untreated depression, anxiety and ADHD my resolve began to dissolve. The knowledge that expanded in my mind began to bring about the realization that I could feel better with substances that in my mind "actually worked", not half-*** like SSRIs which did nothing for me.

I became an alcoholic. This lead to damage to my relationship with my family and friends, but especially my family, damage that I fear can never be completely reversed. Over time I was drunk all day and all night, in school and at home, I didn't get drunk at parties - I got drunker. This went on until the end of senior year.

Now lets rewind to late junior year and early senior year - this is when I had my first experiences with Vicodin (hydrocodone). Taking that a few times in school, I realized I liked the buzz MUCH more than alcohol. No hangover, no "come down" (at first), not sedating despite being a depressant... even paradoxically stimulating, probably because opiates stimulate dopamine release like amphetamine but through a different mechanism. They reduce the binding of GABA to GABA interneruons, which normally acts like a brake on dopamine release. With less GABA released to bind to the GABA interneurons, dopamine release soars and saturates the synapses in the mesolimbic pathway.

Around the same time I tried Adderall and noticed it helped me concentrate, something I'd long though I couldn't do and that I was defective because of it. But the doses I tried were too high and gave me anxiety so I stopped taking it at all.

I didn't have a steady supply of opiates at the time so I couldn't become addicted, but in the back of my mind I knew if I ever found a steady source I'd get hooked.

That happened around my graduation from high school. I found a source of opium which contains morphine and codeine. I made a tea out of the opium by dissolving it in water and WOW, it was much stronger then vicodin. I mean, it has morphine in it, of course it's stronger. I would dose, nod all night in a euphoric bliss, and still be high in the morning. Well, this became and everyday thing and a few months later I went through my first withdrawal. I didn't sleep for days, tossed and turned, sweated what felt like all my moisture out, diarrhea, sickly pallor, rolling panic attacks, nausea, all in all horrid. But I went back. Repeat ad nauseaum through my freshman year of college.

During that year, I found a source of OxyContin and supplemented my opium with them. Eventually I used both excessively daily. My tolerance doubled again. Then I used heroin, oxy, and opium interchangeably and gradually noticed I wasn't even getting high for more than like an hour and ran out a lot. I was on the hamster wheel. Finally one night I broke down and confessed to my parents that I couldn't take it any more and I was severely addicted.

My angel of a psychiatrist agreed to taper me instead of just letting me withdrawal with clonidine. I'm on the taper now, down to less than half of the dose of Duragesic he started me on and doing better. I also got diagnosed with ADHD and my other mental ails and got medicated. I still miss them sometimes but try to remember how bad the withdrawal is. I've slipped a few times but I try to be so down on myself that I relapse fully, and that has definitely helped keep them just lapses and not relapses. I'm hopeful, especially now that I have Focalin to treat my ADHD and help the Remeron treat my depression.

Please be careful with opiates. The withdrawal is so horrible, worse than I thought it would be... or maybe I just told myself that. I DON'T think opiates are evil, and I think it's horrible that chronic pain inflicted patients are given a hard time about them, just like ADHD patients with stimulants. CP patients should be given AS MUCH AS THEY NEED TO GET THAT PAIN UNDER CONTROL. it's worth the risk in that case. i even think buprenorphine and tramadol in particular should be considered for treatment resistant depression just like ADHD stimulants are. But unrestrained recreational use of opiates can bite you in the ***. I don't look down on addicts because i know how it is, but I do feel like I should dissuade people who are thinking of tasting them for the first time. Be careful, and good luck to all those who are trying to recover from any addiction, and to anyone trying to treat their mental conditions.

phenyl
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Old 07-19-08, 04:30 PM
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Re: Opioid addiction is hell

addictions are like shades and hues of hell.
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Old 07-19-08, 05:58 PM
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Re: Opioid addiction is hell

Hey there, Phenyl!

Just wanted to let you know that I also know firsthand how disruptive an opiate addiction can be. You are lucky INDEED to have such a psychiatrist. Unbelievable, really!

I didn't have such a helpful doctor or shrink and ended up needing a clinic.

I've recently come across several theories suggesting that opiates/opioids are the ONLY effective treatment for a certain kind of atypical "refractive" depression. (Not sure what "refractive" means here . . . but I believe that was the word used.)


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Old 07-24-08, 03:43 AM
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Re: Opioid addiction is hell

All this and my interest in trying Kratom... I'm an addictive personality... I should not try things that vaguely resemble opiates in effect... and yet, I can't quiet that "curiousity"...
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Old 08-01-08, 12:02 AM
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Re: Opioid addiction is hell

The only drug that has ever helped me out of my depressions is opiates. And i tried just about all of FDA approved drugs. Luckily i found a doctor that is prescribing Subutex and Suboxone (buprenorphine) for my heroin addiction. And is treating my ADD with Dexedrine. I will be trying Dexoxyn next month. With these issues being taken care i have no desire for street drugs. The (buprenorphine) is a great substitute for the heroin. It last all day long. And my tolerance was so high. I could not get a nod on or rush. so i am not missing any thing except all the bad situations you get your self into buy exposing yourself to those activities.
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Old 08-01-08, 10:33 AM
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Re: Opioid addiction is hell

I got a nice smack in the face day before yesterday , realizing that I am not in ANY way cleared of "Addiction" I was fine as long as there was nothing in the house to take...

Now theres 120 10 mg Percocet.
90 5 mg percocet
60 75 Microgram Fentanyl or ( duragesic ) ( I used to F"N CHEW THOSE!!!!)
120 2 mg Xanax
120 10 mg Valium
6 Desoxyn. ( cant tell you where they came from, I could but then id have to kill you)
and what I did last night.... Sick... Actiq™.

Now I have an opiate hangover, w/ an opiate induced Headache, aint that a *****?
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Old 08-01-08, 10:48 AM
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Re: Opioid addiction is hell

My adderall doesnt count as drugs around here as far as im concerned.
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Old 08-07-08, 11:10 AM
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Re: Opioid addiction is hell

Anyone try a rapid detox? They're the ones who DXed my ADD and explained how much I was self-medicating my ADD while also treating my pain. It was a living hell though. I kept getting sick on top of the opiates running my life. All through a doctor as well. Nothing 'bought'.

This is my first day off of Adderall and on Vyvanse. We'll wait and see I suppose.
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Old 08-07-08, 01:45 PM
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Re: Opioid addiction is hell

Hey kiddo! Welcome to ADDForums!

I've only heard HORROR STORIES about rapid detoxes - as well as that they essentially don't work. That you end up going home and suffering PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome) just like those not rapid detoxed - and depending on the type of opioid you're trying to detox from (methadone or any others with a long, long half-life) the REAL w/d's won't actually come on until about a week after taking your last dose. So people trying to do a rapid detox after being on methadone for a bit go home and experience the exact same w/d's that another person on the same amt of methadone for the same amount of time will experience just stopping on their own. ??????

If you've done the rapid detox thing, would you be willing to share your experience with me? Like I said, I've heard some horror stories, but all in all not from too many people. Only like 2 or 3 people I've met who did it and had negative experiences.

Take care,
Sue
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Old 08-12-08, 01:04 PM
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Re: Opioid addiction is hell

I'm with Sue on the rapid detox thing. I've heard it's PAWS hell, and you still have some main withdrawal, just diminished a bit. Any withdrawal is incapacitating, so it's not worth it IMO.

The tried and true way to avoid w/d is to taper, but doing that on your own is unlikely. Having a doctor or other caregiver dose you is the way to do a taper.
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Old 08-27-08, 12:48 AM
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Re: Opioid addiction is hell

Sue mentioned opiates working as antidepressant for refractive? depressives. Not sure what refractive means but I think it means the ppl who don't get help from anything else. I was probably one of those, tried every anti dpresant in the books. Then I hurt my back and viola, my depression was cured. That lead to a three year daily opiate habit that ended with my family basically telling me quit cold turkey or we'll check you in. I quit, the first week was he l l on earth, and it took a month to feel normal again. I still feel sad because I cannot have opiates. I strongly suggest staying away from opiates, however, I WISH that I had stayed at a LOW dose to see if it was sustainable and kept he depression away. My 2 cents anyway.
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Old 09-08-08, 11:18 AM
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Re: Opioid addiction is hell

Sorry for the holy thread necro... BUT:

Go figure. I've had legitimate pain from a pulled tendon/injured wrist, then steroid flareup from the injection (excessive to extreme pain on and off throughout the day and night, affecting sleep), and I was told straight up by a DR I went to see "I'm NOT prescribing you a narcotic, ill give you a NSAID though if you'd like." She was implying that I was displaying drug seeking behavior. Well kind of hard to be faking it when I was misrable and groggy going in because I got 5 hours of sleep combined from the past 2 nights before going there because of it...

Luckily I got a 2nd opinion from a great sports Dr. who prescribed me tramadol (ultram 50mg). Still, who would of thought it's so hard to get medication for when you are actually in pain...
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Old 09-22-08, 09:09 PM
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Re: Opioid addiction is hell

i dont want to even think about opiods. it just makes me want to do it again but my god the withdraws and im only 17years old sad isnt it
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Old 09-22-08, 09:12 PM
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Re: Opioid addiction is hell

opiaets hydrocodone are so good for depression anxiet social anxiety better mood more logical thinking less bordom you do thing that u dont usually do. i wish that they would be classified as antidrepressant drugs.
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