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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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Old 10-15-11, 06:05 PM
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Anyone else read "The ADD Effect On Marriage" by Melissa Orlov?

I just finished it. For those who haven't read it, Orlov is married to a man with ADHD, and as a result nearly ended up divorced. She and her husband turned it around, and she's now a ... relationship coach? Relationship consultant? Anyway, she's spent the past several years working with ADD couples, and gained a lot of insight through that work as well as from her own relationship, about which she is very candid.

I felt like her understanding of ADD far exceeds that of any NT I've ever read. I was also impressed by her insistence that the NT partner shares equal responsibility for the problems in the relationship, even though ADD is usually at the bottom of them. I've read *so many other things* that implicitly lay all of the responsibility on the ADD partner, as if everything would be sunshine and roses if we just "fix ourselves".

Her description of the common ADD relationship dynamic is almost creepy. I mean, I know she's been there, but still ... as I wrote in another post, it's like she's been sitting in my living room taking notes since my partner and I got married. And I guess it's reassuring to know that we're not the only couple who's gotten stuck in the *exact same trap*.

Anyway, I'd love to hear people's thoughts if you've read it.
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Old 10-16-11, 04:25 AM
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Re: Anyone else read "The ADD Effect On Marriage" by Melissa Orlov?

Orlov and Hallowell are non grate here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=KZZUzpnC8Jk
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Old 10-16-11, 12:38 PM
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Re: Anyone else read "The ADD Effect On Marriage" by Melissa Orlov?

She has a website (Voldemort) where she makes clear that she can lift anything posted in the forum there and turn it into a book. Which she did. I understand that she owns a marketing company.

I read the book (borrowed it) , it had lots of neat relationship stuff from her forum. The uundertanding of what ADHD actually IS and the kind of explanations of a disability you'd expect were lacking. It felt like it was sugar coating a neurological disorder. My opinion?? Meh.

I liked Gina Perra's book better, it gets into o explaining the neuroscience more. Doesn't s treat ADHD like something you can overcome if only you loved your spouse more.
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Old 10-23-11, 11:27 AM
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Re: Anyone else read "The ADD Effect On Marriage" by Melissa Orlov?

My ADD husband and I (the non in our family) read it together and got lots of great information from it as to how we were contributing to our issues and also how things that appear on way in our own minds came across entirely differently to our spouses.

I didn't think it claimed you could overcome ADD if you loved your spouse more, but I did think it showed that love is expressed in a variety of ways and you might be missing your mate's expressions if you are locked into only your ideas.

I think it is a great read. Also like her website. When I first found it, it seemed like mostly nons posting over there which might make sense as the nons might realize something is off with their relationship first. I went back after the book came out and there are more ADD mates posting these days.
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Old 11-03-11, 04:42 PM
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Re: Anyone else read "The ADD Effect On Marriage" by Melissa Orlov?

Quote:
Originally Posted by RedHairedWitch View Post
She has a website (Voldemort) where she makes clear that she can lift anything posted in the forum there and turn it into a book. Which she did. I understand that she owns a marketing company.

I read the book (borrowed it) , it had lots of neat relationship stuff from her forum. The uundertanding of what ADHD actually IS and the kind of explanations of a disability you'd expect were lacking. It felt like it was sugar coating a neurological disorder. My opinion?? Meh.

I liked Gina Perra's book better, it gets into o explaining the neuroscience more. Doesn't s treat ADHD like something you can overcome if only you loved your spouse more.
Thanks for your critique of Orlov. I'm also uncomfortable with her marketing of herself and of ADD (as for Hallowell, he's driven me nuts for years). Thanks also recommending Perra's book. I haven't been able to get my hands on it yet, but I'd like to.
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Old 11-04-11, 01:47 PM
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Re: Anyone else read "The ADD Effect On Marriage" by Melissa Orlov?

Many people have found both books helpful. I say read or listen to both books and make your own choice. We should be coming together as a community instead of splintering it.
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Old 11-04-11, 02:00 PM
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Re: Anyone else read "The ADD Effect On Marriage" by Melissa Orlov?

Not worth it.
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