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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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  #16  
Old 11-13-17, 05:53 AM
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Re: I'm so triggered by everything

I'll just say this: I do not think White Owl was marginalizing or attacking people with mental illness with her use of the word crazy. I'd be lying if I said I dont use that word in my life. I use it with friends and family who know me well and I try really hard to use it about only myself. You know how in some cultures amongst themselves they will refer to each other with a slur or slang as a way to take ownership of the slur or take the power out of the slur in a way? Thats how I tend to use it IRL good or bad.

I would say most of the time I dont say "wow she's crazy" or "are you crazy?" more like, "I am crazy today". I say this about myself because I have bipolar among other things and to me, its making something insulting have some humor. I am learning that it can be offensive to the mental health community and I am sure Ive used it here before I knew better. Plus, I dont like making people feel bad. Assuming someone who uses that word is trying to attack or otherwise belittle and entire group of people isnt fair if the person has never been presented with the idea that its offensive. Its better IMO to explain why that word is offensive and ask that person not to say it then assume they meant harm by it.
If someone told me in reference to mental health issues-"you are crazy or nuts" I would be hurt-so here I would have something not so nice to say. But in my own personal life when other people say "traffic was crazy"I let it go because I know they arent saying anything about my mental health and its my choice. If ANYONE told me that its offensive I would immediately apologize and not use it.
I forget exactly what happened but years ago when I was new here, I had a hefty amount of preconceived notions and know-it-all behaviors along with stimulus seeking arguments going on and they were pointed out to me in kind. I got into it with quite a few members and assumed they hated me until I was able to change my thinking. Im actually friends with most of the members I butted heads with now, partly due to making ammends or apologizing because after all, thats all I can do. Part of that was getting sober but most of it was growth and self awareness. Id be lying if I said I maintain that level of knowledge perfectly. My point is, we can point it out to people and give them the benefit of the doubt without making them feel like they were deliberately trying to slam a group of people.
I know I have been guilty of forgetting this is a support forum when things get going and I have to dial back the sarcasm and blunt judgements because not everyone appreciates it or knows me well enough to get that I am joking. My sense of humor is my greatest asset and biggest flaw.
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  #17  
Old 11-14-17, 04:05 PM
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Re: referring to people as "crazy"

i have a lot of thoughts on this and generally on the use of certain terms in the vernacular. i don't know that "crazy" bothers me quite as much as "delusional" or "psychotic" or...so "OCD" ...and some other ones that specifically have to do with my diagnoses that i don't care to elaborate on. the point being: there is something that is supremely invalidating at having these terms used pejoratively against you. and, though i, too, do not believe white owl necessarily intended to be offensive, i find the way the conversation developed above to be ...unfortunate.

i don't think it makes white owl a bad person or anything, and i hope that my elaborating on why i find it offensive is more helpful than chastising, because that's how it's intended to be (helpful).

people have absolutely called me crazy and they didn't mean it in a fun or humourous way. i've also been called "mental" and "certifiable" and a host of other things that are even more, not less, unkind. i can appreciate that those who've not be stigmatised for having mental illness may not see what the problem is. as someone who has been stigmatised in a number of ways, allow me to explain what the issue is as i see it.

it's dehumanising and invalidating. a "crazy" person is an irrational one, someone without credibility, and someone for whom others see selves as in better position to make decisions for than allow the person herself to make decisions.

i do my best to maintain stability at this point in my life, but i have had my issues with medication discontinuation, i've been involuntarily committed several...dozens of...times, i've been "chemically restrained" (forced injections) and i've been court ordered to have depot injections and had mental health workers come to my house daily and watch me take my medication. i know what it is to lose one's freedom...in a lot of ways. so, basic rights, like right to refusal, are denied those deemed "crazy". as are rights to self determination. and when other people start making decisions for you, hearing yourself referred to as "crazy" isn't funny at all.

another thing that this conversation brings to mind is that people often misunderstand having serious mental illness. i have a diagnosis that sounds really bad. i'm not a serial killer. i'm not a mass murderer or an arsonist. but i don't even type it on the open forum because i know the amount of judgment it generates in a lot of people. and i also know that a lot of that comes from people being afraid.

but people call "crazy" and marginalise and dehumanise *me* and in so doing, set me apart as "other". and i'm tired of being "othered" so people can feel better about their own inclusion. when "crazy" is a joke...i'm not laughing. i don't find it funny at all. my mental illness has destroyed huge swathes of my life. and when people refer to themselves as "crazy" i wonder what they really mean. because i know what people have meant when they labeled me with it, and i kinda doubt anyone wants to slap that description on him/herself.

i have fought for over fifteen years to be taken seriously. so when i see that it's humourous to others...i just can't participate in that. but if you really don't want to be offensive, recognise that there are legitimate reasons to be offended at hearing people with mental illness described as "crazy", among other things. because *I* am one of those people. and i've done some regrettable things (though i've never online stalked anyone...that's not really my bag, so to speak), but i'm still a person and i'm not better than anyone else, but i'm also not worse. and those of us with serious mental illness suffer. as much as it may seem to people without, we do. i suffer a lot because of my symptoms. i suffer because of the medications i take to control them. i suffer because of others' ignorance.

and besides all of that, i'm lonely enough...there's no reason to further "other" those of us with serious mental illness. however humourous you find using the word to describe yourself or others, in jest or in frustration, please consider how it's been used to exclude, to stigmatise, to "other", and to deprive of basic human rights.

thank you for reading,
-peri
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  #18  
Old 11-14-17, 05:03 PM
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Re: referring to people as "crazy"

Thank you for sharing, Peri. I certainly never want to offend anyone and it helps to know how others perceive things. It doesn't help that I'm not very good at using the right words to get my point across clearly. I often say things without thinking and then get confused when someone takes it the way I didn't intend, or gets offended by a word or phrase I use.

I guess I've kind of always bought into the stigma surrounding mental illness, as well, and I have come a long way in my understanding, but still have much to learn. Many of the disorders I used to deny the existence of, I now realize have been very prevelant in my life. It has been very humbling and I have become much more accepting and understanding of others. It has been a real learning experience to read about the difficulties of others on this forum. I'm glad you are so open about your struggles. I don't think you're a bad person, far from it.
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  #19  
Old 11-14-17, 05:41 PM
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Re: referring to people as "crazy"

Thanks so much Peri...amen my friend.

Owl, to be fair, I believe there are some stalkers that may suffer from mental illness. To F's point there are stalkers that just feel entitled. They believe, you are mine, you will stay mine and I will make your life a living hell until you relent to me. If I can't have you; no one can have you. Depends on who you talk to as to whether that controlling behavior is indeed a mental disorder. I'm not aware if there has been a consistent diagnosis for said behavior. But I have the same melt down when they tie most of the mass shootings to mental illness...is that really true? Is it easier to tie back to mental illness so society will feel better? Is it easier to call an unfathomable act as crazy? I'm mentally ill, I guess but I don't think I'm evil. And when they tie any disruption in life to a mental condition...I and others cringe. So now people who know I'm bipolar will think I can conduct a mass shooting or some other heinous crime. And if anyone in Hollywood do some messed up stuff...bipolar becomes manic depression...oy.

From what I've read you appear to be a good person and I appreciate your desire to learn. Some lessons can be harder than others and I'm glad that with conflict can come knowledge and power.
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  #20  
Old 11-15-17, 04:53 AM
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Re: referring to people as "crazy"

On the topic of stalking... Had some experiences with this as well.

I don't think it has to be looked at from a mental illness perspective, although it may be a contributing factor.

Stalking is primarily caused by the defense mechanism that covers up a core wound.

Stalking can be a form of denial (the r/s is not over, we are meant for eachother)
Stalking can be a form of revenge (You rejected me, now you will suffer)
Stalking can be a form of attention seeking (I know it's over, just need your attention)
Stalking can be a form of power and control (You can go, but you are still mine!!!)
...

And for the person doing the stalking, it is absolutely normal to behave that way. As that defense mechanism is totally "logical" for them...

Some Mental Illnesses are caused as defense against those core wounds, but that is the only link i see. They just happen to fit in a much much broader category of people suffering from abandonment, self esteem or rejection wounds.
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