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  #31  
Old 07-10-17, 05:58 PM
PolaBear PolaBear is offline
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Re: Bad situation

Think Iv said too much maybe
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  #32  
Old 07-13-17, 11:42 AM
heyabutterfly heyabutterfly is offline
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Re: Bad situation

No you haven't, you have to get it all out in order to feel better and define the problems and confront them head on or with help, And going back to what the others were saying, you should get out of there the situation is getting worse as the days go on, and IT IS HURTING YOU.
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  #33  
Old 07-13-17, 12:56 PM
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Re: Bad situation

Quote:
Originally Posted by heyabutterfly View Post
No you haven't, you have to get it all out in order to feel better and define the problems and confront them head on or with help, And going back to what the others were saying, you should get out of there the situation is getting worse as the days go on, and IT IS HURTING YOU.
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  #34  
Old 07-14-17, 11:41 AM
PolaBear PolaBear is offline
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Re: Bad situation

Ok sootsbeen a while longer, went out a couple days ago so was away from the situation, nobody still talking really, it's actually a better environment that way as there is less commenting, when I came home my mum looked to start an argument, same sentences, said to her how she acts and talks and every answer is a threat or "whataboutary". Dad haven't spoke to in days.

As this was habits that I had noticed or recognised from before iv continued in slow frequency environment, stimulus addicted, no perspective, hard to describe but as its gone on.....

Spending/stimulus

Bought some trainers a few weeks ago (ones i had were falling apart), this though has escalated, looked now at others iv seen, or online shopping, had to drag myself away from the sneaker store instead of buying more, which quickly becomes a situation where everything I see is "in play" to buy, a mindset if been in for most of my life, it's a feeling like "if you just get this or upgrade this you can move forwards" which is crazy, i have a phone bill to pay, car insurance coming soon, car service to pay, yet I'm looking at travel bags, or snacks or t shirts or more trainers etc etc. It becomes more about the stimulus than anything else,though last night after falling into this I told myself to pay my phone bill and did. Then phoned today to sort my car insurance. Still called by those trainers though.

"Interest/attraction"

This one isn't easy to write. Another thing I recognise is something in one way or another I recognise. I have Twitter, and it's kinda random, and came across a girls account that must have been talking about something I was (twitter works like that!). Checked out the girls account and tweets a bit more, and is intelligent, gorgeous, fun, followed by a load of guys trying to hit on her, but yeh, made an impression. Twitter is a different kind of social media cus it kinda levels everything, you just put your thoughts out there, nobody I know or follow on Twitter is someone I know in real life (same as here) and so your vibe kinda attracts your tribe based on what you put out. Situation like that though messes with your mind a bit, have followed her on there, and replied to a few of her tweets, but catching this vibe isn't what I was looking for, and not something that happens in a higher frequency mindset. When I was at school always had "crushes" at one time or another, probably based more on imagination and stimulus (again) than anything based on actions or events. The job situation was a similar thing but then was in a 3 1/2 year relationship where I learned a load about things, and even more so after. Don't even know what I'm saying here but it just becomes an emotional kind of thing, maybe a distraction (right word).
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  #35  
Old 07-14-17, 11:44 AM
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Re: Bad situation

One thing iv know is this stuff is hard to describe when you in the middle of it with no perspective, like iv said a load of times this was ALL THE TIME at one point with nothing other than I feeling of it all being wrong. It's only been rece tky there's been any perspective or understanding at all.
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  #36  
Old 07-14-17, 01:08 PM
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Re: Bad situation

Overthinking and a mess of it right now, maybe it's the creation of a distraction. Not to think about other things?
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  #37  
Old 07-14-17, 01:09 PM
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Re: Bad situation

Don't even know what I'm saying, thinking or typing.
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  #38  
Old 07-14-17, 01:23 PM
PolaBear PolaBear is offline
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Re: Bad situation

It's like my identity is off, no perspective just emotive feeling.
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  #39  
Old 07-14-17, 04:53 PM
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Re: Bad situation

Just all feels a mess right now
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  #40  
Old 07-14-17, 04:59 PM
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Re: Bad situation

s Pola, hope things look up for you soon
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  #41  
Old 07-15-17, 06:34 AM
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Re: Bad situation

Thanks
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  #42  
Old 07-15-17, 12:47 PM
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Re: Bad situation

"U think everything is ok now after your dads results"

"Funny how when u are talking like this you don't do any of your dancing"

"You just sit and take and don't speak to us"

"You speak to the neighbours, are up their ****, don't speak with us though"

"You won't convince me I'm abusive"

These are the ones I remember, typing this as my mum is probably telling my dad a twisted version of everything said. Since the other day we haven't spoken much, and in a load of ways it improves things, my mum cuts down on nasty cus there's no talking, and there is more space, apart from a few questions she's asks, which then grows into constant questions that becomes "you don't speak to us!"

One thing I have to say to all of this is that I'm not perfect, and when there are these type of situations I say things too, just not loaded nasty comments at everything, even said this just when I told her that she won't stop me doing things I want to do or whatever I want (her reply was "I can") and that my dad just sits there allowing her to say all this stuff that if it was said somewhere else nobody else would talk to her either.

What is really is I guess is someone looking to get a reaction, give it to her and she can use it (like the situation with my dad, who she will now say to that I'm saying things about) or saying about the "Stimming" I do and how it's convenient that "you don't do it when you are talking like this", when I am slightly doing these things she just stands there saying "look at yourself" even said that "I have yo put up with all of your "dancing", why should I put up with your not talking". Another thing she likes to use is stuff from the past (school etc) as something to get a reaction, so things I did when I was 5 or something!

As I write this I'm never sure how it comes out here, i just type as I think, and I do have to add the part about me not being whiter than white I guess, but perspective kinda goes.
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  #43  
Old 07-17-17, 05:09 PM
PolaBear PolaBear is offline
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Re: Bad situation

Losing my mind. Know there is a higher level than where I'm at
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  #44  
Old 07-17-17, 09:15 PM
PolaBear PolaBear is offline
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Re: Bad situation

Today things just go into a place where there is some talking again, which after everything is weird because it's as if it didn't matter. This is ALWAYS how it's been and it's like there isn't a closure it's just papered over. Repress rather than an express (though this time I have done on here). Was thinking tonight about the knock on effect this has had on other things, for a long time I thought this was how things were everywhere, knew no different
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  #45  
Old 07-19-17, 07:18 PM
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Re: Bad situation

Hate my thoughts, the habits Iv gotten into, the mindset I'm in (which is nearly depressed), have lost identity, am oversharing as a habit and have no perspective/identity right now. In terms of the mum and Dad situation I barely say anything
to them right now (something that went on for years at one time) and my dad hasn't spoken to me at all or vice versa for nearly two weeks now.
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