Starting a quest to improve my life and go beyond where I have ever been

[Jacksper]

If I take the goal in the title literally, it is quite easy. On average, I am further than I have ever been. Most areas in my life have improved at least a bit over the last years, and some have improved quite drastically. I have a full-time job, bigger house, new city to explore, I am fitter than I have ever been in the last decade, I have good friends. A lot to be thankful for.

Some areas, however, are lagging behind. The common denominator: ADHD. I still find it hard to focus and this is bad for my productivity at work, my home is a mess and I have never kept it clean for more than 2 weeks (which I achieved once, my second-best is a week), I struggle with anxiety, I find it hard to deal with my past failures, my finances are a mess, etc. Everything is at a "survivable" level, but if I don't improve in at least some of these areas then I know that I will suffer the consequences. I may lose my job, I may be unhappy, I may stay alone, I may get further in debt, etc.

So, I thought that I should change it. I think this is a good moment to do that, because 1) I see the need for it, 2) my life is stable right now so I can take my time and 3) I have the income to pay for coaching (it costs 70 euros per hour, but it's definitely a good investment that will repay itself soon, in savings/extra income, but also in better quality of life).

It may sound strange, but I am very happy that I have this opportunity, I wanted to get to this point for years, that is a stable point from where I could get help, without it being a crisis. That means that I can take it really slow, I can work on one or two things at the same time, and not have to take up 10 or more goals because I think my life (/career/studies/reputation) is in mortal danger. It's also great that I am more independent, disciplined and grown up now, I trust that I can get more out of the sessions. I am open to listen to anything, try out anything and I plan to be completely honest in everything.

Next week Tuesday I will have my first session. Preparing for that now by reflecting on what I need and how I want to approach this (but I will also stay open for their suggestions of course). I am also doing something every day to improve my life.

One final thing: I have rarely embraced ADHD as something that I have as much as I have now. I already carry the label for a decade or so, but apparently it has taken me this long to accept it as much as I do now. Though it has caused me this much trouble, I have learned to appreciate it as well and I will approach the coaching sessions with this mindset - I am looking to build a good life and I want to trust in myself that I can do that, even with my brain.

[ToneTone]

Jacksper,

Love the attitude, love the energy, love the focus, love the acceptance of ADHD.

Taking things slowly is SO important and yet SO hard.

Your description of the acceptance of ADHD is great ... That is the diagnosis-acceptance-treatment paradox ... the more we can accept the condition ... the more we can build on it ... try various experiments ... be kind to ourselves ... and minimize the condition ... and live a good life.

Sometimes people get tricked by the word "accept." ... But the way you are using the word--the way I hear it-- is "accept" in the same way someone who is out of shape "accepts" that they are out of shape and will need to gradually increase exercise time ...

I had coaching seven years ago .... and I'm in therapy as we speak. The coaching was excellent. I'm still applying ideas and principles the coach suggested years back.

The more ruthlessly honest about where we are--including all our strengths, weaknesses, habits, quirks, gifts--the better we can create a plan to get to where we want to be.

In my own case, if I don't really face my weaknesses, I don't believe in my strengths.

Good luck ... Update us if you will.

Tone

[someothertime]

your an inspirational soldier jacks.... always nice to read words of your journey.

[kwalk]

You should read this book called The Language of Emotions, I'm reading it now. I have so much anxiety when I go to bed due to some unfortunate events and I have to take meds to sleep. I was able to lower my dose the other night because I worked really hard with the book! It really does help to slow down those anxious thoughts. I hope you like it .

[Jacksper]

Originally Posted by kwalk

You should read this book called The Language of Emotions, I'm reading it now. I have so much anxiety when I go to bed due to some unfortunate events and I have to take meds to sleep. I was able to lower my dose the other night because I worked really hard with the book! It really does help to slow down those anxious thoughts. I hope you like it .

Thanks kwalk - I hope to remember to read that book, it sounds really good. Glad that it helped you!

your an inspirational soldier jacks.... always nice to read words of your journey.

thanks someothertime! Good to have you with me on that journey!

Jacksper,

Love the attitude, love the energy, love the focus, love the acceptance of ADHD.

Taking things slowly is SO important and yet SO hard.

Your description of the acceptance of ADHD is great ... That is the diagnosis-acceptance-treatment paradox ... the more we can accept the condition ... the more we can build on it ... try various experiments ... be kind to ourselves ... and minimize the condition ... and live a good life.

Sometimes people get tricked by the word "accept." ... But the way you are using the word--the way I hear it-- is "accept" in the same way someone who is out of shape "accepts" that they are out of shape and will need to gradually increase exercise time ...

I had coaching seven years ago .... and I'm in therapy as we speak. The coaching was excellent. I'm still applying ideas and principles the coach suggested years back.

The more ruthlessly honest about where we are--including all our strengths, weaknesses, habits, quirks, gifts--the better we can create a plan to get to where we want to be.

In my own case, if I don't really face my weaknesses, I don't believe in my strengths.

Good luck ... Update us if you will.

Tone

Thanks Tone!

Had a good week. Made progress in several areas, especially in my work. Did everything I needed to do this week (for my ongoing projects), and did a good amount of work that I was behind on. There's more of that, but if I manage to make a few more weeks like this then I will have cleared all that work. Then I can focus 100% on my current projects, making my life a lot simpler (these projects are challenging enough in themselves).

One reason that I could do this was because I took it did not want to go too fast. I rested in the evenings, met with some friends then and went to bed early some days. I did not demand myself to finish everything at once, but accepted that it was not possible to clear my complete backlog (even the most urgent ones), but I tried to focus on one project at a time.

Yes, you describe my idea of accepting something well. Accepting something, to me, is more about letting go of some ideal present/past/future that you would have wanted, and instead bring your focus to what is and what realistically could be if you try work with what you have, which could actually be an exciting journey and it could turn out to become great. Or just better. And yeah, sometimes it can't improve, but that's rare.

Interesting to read that you learnt so much from coaching, and that you are still using it. I hope to be able to say the same.

Being ruthlessly honest is something that I am trying to do as much as I can. It's actually the number 1 value that I have right now, not just for moral reasons, but I think it's vital to building a healthy, well-functioning and fulfilling life. Being ruthlessly honest, to me, is not just about "not lying", but it goes much farther than that: I try to find where I am fooling others (consciously or unconsciously) through my actions and behavior, or where I am fooling myself. I do this more than I thought I did, and it's pretty helpful, because as I embrace truth I notice that things heal very quickly every time I uncover an untruthful element in my person.

I will keep. you posted. Thanks a lot for your insightful post!

[Jacksper]

Update: I am actually making progress. Not sure if the coaching is doing that (or me :P), but the idea that I am literally investing in myself is motivating me to tackle some tough issues that I have been procrastinating on and I like that if I fall or face difficult challenges, that I don't have to figure out everything on my own.

What has improved:
- my room has been organized. I started by myself, a friend of mine helped me through the middle part (which was challenging, I felt pretty vulnerable to show my mess to someone).
- my administration and taxes have been organized and I am processing everything now (my friend helped me with that too. felt pretty embarrassed about that, but he loved it, he works in taxes and administration so he loved being able to help someone out with that. So definitely a win-win).
- I was much more productive at work, pretty extreme improvement over the last months. I am also more organized, I communicate better. It's nice to see the potential being unlocked that I always believed to have. I hope to see further growth.
- I could go on, but I should go and sleep.

Thanks for your interest!

[finallyfound10]

I'm following your progress with great interest as I hope to be in a place soon where I'm able to do something similar!

Keep up the great work!! It CAN be done!!

[ToneTone]

Showing the messy room to someone is high level! Celebrate that.

You are rocking ... and I'll give myself a pat ... because I recently had a friend help me do a lot of work in my living space ... But he's done so before ...

Tone