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  #1  
Old 08-29-11, 01:05 PM
FarmWifeGina FarmWifeGina is offline
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Going Completely And Utterly Insane!

Hi all!

So, I'm Gina. I'm a SAHM, 23, married, with 2 kids- a very busy 2.5 year old son and a sweet 6 month old daughter.

I've always had a lot of trouble keeping things cleaned up and organized, despite various attempts at new routines, schedules, etc. I always feel overwhelmed when it comes to housework, so much so that when it gets to a certain point, I just shut down. I feel paralyzed to do any of it and just zone out. I don't know where to start and so I don't. But I HATE it because I hate clutter and definitely have some perfectionistic tendencies as well. I feel like I can only relax and do things I want to do when things around me are cleaned up and organized. It's just that the cleaning up and organizing drives me bonkers. I don't know how to do it right, so I don't know how to even try, so why try to do something that bores me out of my mind. Then, if I do get started with something, I see something else that needs to be done right this minute and go to do that, without finishing the first job. And before I know it, I'm distracted by something else and in the end, no matter how hard I work, NOTHING is accomplished and I feel worse than when I started!

I was always a daydreamer as a kid, and my mom complained constantly of me not seeing things that needed to be done and then doing them.

My brain always seems to be going 100 miles a minute, my thoughts racing from one idea and thought to the next.

I feel like things have really spiraled out of control since DD was born. I want to provide a wonderful, clean, structured lifestyle for my babies and enjoy them and I can't seem to get passed myself, if that makes any sense. I am frustrated beyond belief because I want to enjoy life and do the amazing things I know I can do, but I feel like I can't do that until I'm on top of my housework like a normal person.

We've lived in our current home for over a year and I still have very little decorating done and none of the repainting I want to do- because first I have to get a handle on things so moving furniture and painting doesn't turn into another mess that I can't seem to finish. Which is so frustrating because I have so much I want to do to put my personality into this house and make it mine.

And when all this frustration builds up, I blow off steam, usually by suddenly getting very angry at my poor DH for very minor things.

Between talking with friends and seeing a counselor (for other issues involving a really screwed-up childhood), the possibility of ADD has come up and it really, REALLY makes sense. My counselor has recommended some meds and I'm going to talk to my doctor about a prescription, even though I am generally pretty crunchy granola (both babies were born with nary a drug near me). But I feel like things are so out of control that I need to do something.

It's not just the housework, but I feel like if I can get a handle on the housework, I can conquer other things. There's so many other things I want to do and if I can learn to handle my house and keep it nice, I can do these other things.

I'm a very creative and person, with multiple passions and I want to follow those passions. I love to write. I am a serious amateur photographer who would like to turn that hobby into something that would bring a little money in. I am passionate about physiologically normal childbirth and about women being truly educated about their bodies and their birth choices. I want to become a certified childbirth educator and doula. But before I do all that, I need to take care of my house better because the clutter just makes my mind even more cluttered. And if my mind is cluttered, I can't seem to go after those things I really want to do.

Am I making any sense at all? Or am I just lazy the way my low self esteem tells me I am?
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Old 08-29-11, 03:03 PM
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Re: Going Completely And Utterly Insane!

Welcome!

This may not be helpful, but I think all those other things you listed as important goals are WAY more important than having a clean tidy house! You are not lazy. Say that to yourself about a million times a day until you believe it.

One of the books I read on being organized with ADHD suggested just finding one space in your house, a nook, a small office, anything as long as it can be your space and yours alone. Now empty it of all distractions and keep it that way. I have an office and, while the rest of my house is generally cluttered, I have a no clutter rule there. I don't take anything in there and leave it. Period purges are required, but overall I always have at least one space where I can go to help clear my cluttered mind. It really helps and keeping one space clear is much less overwhelming all of it. That and using a timer to do tasks. Set a time for 10 min or so and clean or whatever like crazy, then stop when it goes off. Amazing what can be done!

Good luck!
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Old 08-29-11, 04:55 PM
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Re: Going Completely And Utterly Insane!

we have a lot in common. De cluttering sounds so simple but....you really need to pare down stuff. Get a pro in to help you fora few days and get MIL or somebody to look after kids. Tell hubby its $$ now or $$$$$ later for his days of missed work while you have an emotional breakdown or worse hiring somebody to take care of them.

you may have to do this every few years.

with all those little ones aroun, makesure you have a small locked room for your creative stuff that you can just leave lying there for when you have time to get back to it. You can use a walk in closet or laundry room if you have to. Cleaning all the time is a soul killer.
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Old 08-29-11, 06:13 PM
FarmWifeGina FarmWifeGina is offline
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Re: Going Completely And Utterly Insane!

The idea of a creative space sounds won.der.fulllllllll!

I've already told DH that we're moving our bedroom down to the bedroom in the basement. It's the largest bedroom in the house and is currently full of junk that needs to gone through and gotten rid of. Of course, that will only happen this winter (I'll explain in a bit).

DH is getting frustrated with the house (and it's not that we have that much stuff, it's just that we have a smallish house and that I can't seem to keep anything put away), but I asked him last night to bide his time until we can both work on getting me into a routine and THEN starting the process of decluttering. I feel like a 5 year old with timers and other adults helping me process what needs to be done, but honestly, it's what I need, I think.

We live in a very rural part of the US (I drive at least 70 miles for groceries) and I highly doubt there are any professional organizers in our small town. Sometimes I wish I still lived near my aunt who SHOULD have her own organizing business. But she's 1600 miles away now. But when I beg and plead, DH is a good cleanup buddy and is better than no one.

But he's also a farmer and we're in the middle of wheat harvest at the moment and he will be busy (his is a 5-9 job, definitely not 9-5) until the ground freezes or the snow falls, whichever comes first.

I feel better today, not quite so panicked. Mostly because of the talk I had with him last night and because of all the ADHD reading I've been doing today and the fact that I've been reflecting and recording my thoughts on my iPhone. DH always says he doesn't know how to help me and I never know what to tell him, but taking notes of random ideas throughout the day to use as a springboard seems to be helping.

Thanks for the welcome! I'm pretty new to the ADHD world and feel as though I have lots to learn!
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Old 08-29-11, 08:52 PM
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Re: Going Completely And Utterly Insane!

and dear child....you have 2 babies.....I mean 2 babies...nbot 2 kids.....they require such huge amounts of time, I am surprised any mother of tiny children get anything done at all ......


other than that, it does sound as if you might very well have ADD......and getting treatment and the scrips you need might be a chore, .....not kidding there, but I hope it all goes easy for you .....


and just keep trying ...not gonna say try harder, I promise ! .....but keep at it ....and really the most important thing is good care of those babies, and feeding a hungry husband.....I spend the winters in Michigan on a 10 acre no longer working farm ......so I kinda relate .....I do see the farmers around us there, and it is never ending during the planting growing, and harvesting season .....


mostly just wanted to say Hi ......and North Dakota ? you guys are brave ! ......
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Old 08-29-11, 09:43 PM
FarmWifeGina FarmWifeGina is offline
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Re: Going Completely And Utterly Insane!

I know I need to go to a psychiatrist and get an official diagnoses, but I don't know where we would find the time or the money for that. Never mind the distance I would have to go for one. I've scored high for it on every internet test I've taken and I'm well aware that those don't compare to the real thing, they just kind of confirm what I feel in my gut. Even though my head and my upbringing just tell me I'm looking for an excuse for my laziness and my lack of motivation and organization. But that doesn't explain the racing mind, the sudden bursts of anger, the grating of the smallest distracting irritations when I'm trying to focus.

I spent my teen years in Michigan on a farm. It's where I used to call home. Now I definitely and gladly call North Dakota home.
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Old 08-29-11, 10:11 PM
FarmWifeGina FarmWifeGina is offline
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Re: Going Completely And Utterly Insane!

Oh, and I feel like part of taking care of my family is having a clean house and some structure to our day. So many other moms seem to be able to do it and I'm just at a loss. I feel like they're going to grow up knowing nothing but chaos!
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Old 09-01-11, 05:12 PM
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Re: Going Completely And Utterly Insane!

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