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Old 11-26-12, 08:58 AM
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Long post...scared..I may go in patient today, voluntarily.

Usually i'm pretty good at posting in the correct section- however I'm so distraught right now I'm just gonna post it here. Mods feel free to move it.

And that's a big "may" go in patient. My last pdoc visit a week ago today, I was in a severe depressive episode that she suggested the in patient program to detox me off all meds ( including benzos, yay!!) and see how I feel and act. She couldn't force me to do it as I did not indicate any suicidal thoughts.

I just can't stand living this way anymore. One of the meds I'm on, lamictal, was wonderful for a while. I didn't have a depressive episode in 5 or some weeks. When i would have a depressive episode, it wouldn't feel 'as bad' as I normally did ( I think with the help of the lamictal) and when I'm not in an episode, I don't feel 'happy or good or I don't even think 'normal'. Just the sick sadness in my stomach is gone on my 'good days'. Anyways the depressive episodes are now up to at least once a week now.

However, the episodes are completely ruining mine and my family's lives. I constantly ruminate and obsess over the past, causing many arguments with my dear boyfriend who always just tries to calm me down and love me through it- but I know it has an effect on him. I'm inattentive to my kids, I lay in bed crying with such an intense rage when I'm not arguing with my family or at work, and can even barely function there. I can't concentrate, my motor skills are slow and I generally just suck at my job.

Today I see the pdoc again. She said she was concerned about the depression and wanted to see me again today, which will have been a week ago. I'm seriously considering when I see her today that I'd like to try the in patient program.

I'm just really afraid as I've never went in patient before, and feel it may be a waste of time, afraid they are just gonna pat me on the back and tell me everything will be fine They really can't change my life, they can't go back and change things for me or heal the awful impairments I have.

I'm just really sick of trying all these meds, either they don't work at all, make me ill or they work for a while then slowly it seems that my body becomes immune to them and they quit working.

Has anyone gone in patient before? What was it like? Was it helpful?
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Old 11-26-12, 09:11 AM
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Re: Long post...scared..I may go in patient today, voluntarily.

My doc never did that with me coz of having a HFA son and no family support but I reckon if I'd been in any other situation it would have happened.

I know it really sucks but try and hang in there. This will pass and in a few years time you'll still struggle but the struggle will be a lot less. Try not to let them pump you full of too much cr@p.

Best things I did were counseling and karate. Counseling to help me make sense of everything and karate to help release all the emotion and to build my confidence and get my anger under control.

I don't know if you have any injuries or anything but if you can, exercise to exhaustion do that coz it will help.
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Old 11-26-12, 09:20 AM
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Re: Long post...scared..I may go in patient today, voluntarily.

((((((((((((((((((RAYE)))))))))))))))))))))



Raye, I've never been an in-patient before but sometimes it seems tempting. I think, more than anything, it's a good opportunity to take some time out from the stresses and problems of daily life and focus on your well-being.

I really don't know anything about it though but I think, it might be worth a try. You can't lose anything, right? I mean, I'm not sure if you can lose anything, actually. Is there a cost involved? Can you take some time off, etc?

Sorry, I'm not helping. Anyway, fingers crossed and huge hugs. We are here for you!!

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Old 11-26-12, 10:28 AM
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Re: Long post...scared..I may go in patient today, voluntarily.

Could be good for you, to take you off meds and start again. To do this you need to be somewhere safe where you can be monitored. Many meds interact and can negate each other or produce unwanted side effects.

Be brave, how scary is continuing to live the way you are at the moment. If you get the opportunity to go in as an inpatient I would be tempted to take up the offer. But then again, Im not you.
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Old 11-26-12, 12:32 PM
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Re: Long post...scared..I may go in patient today, voluntarily.

I've been before and it's not so bad. It's sometimes good to get off all the meds that we keep getting added on to others and start fresh. You'll be in a safe place and the benzo withdrawal can be monitored. You'll have 24 hour care. There may or may not be group sessions you can attend on different topics.

Just know if you check yourself in, you can always check yourself out if it's not the place for you. They can't keep you there unless you're involuntarily committed with a court order. Sometimes it's good just to take a break from your life.

I don't know if you'll get this post before your appointment, but hang in there.

(((huggsss)))
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Old 11-26-12, 06:44 PM
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Re: Long post...scared..I may go in patient today, voluntarily.

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Old 11-26-12, 06:47 PM
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Re: Long post...scared..I may go in patient today, voluntarily.

I've been in multiple times for different reasons.... they have the reputation for being ******* horrible and I experienced the same. Foods awful too. God... its like astronaut mana.... *shutters*

But good luck
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Old 11-26-12, 06:49 PM
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Re: Long post...scared..I may go in patient today, voluntarily.

Also, note that my experiences were terrible because I was FORCED to stay there. Might not be bad if it was voluntary... psychopathic rehab was the worst... Its like /b/ irl. Traumatic.
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Old 11-26-12, 07:27 PM
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Re: Long post...scared..I may go in patient today, voluntarily.

Raye, sometimes that's the only way to get treated seriously. It's not the best way to get treatment, but it might be the way to go so you can be seen by multiple physicians and observed for longer than a 40 minute session. Hang in there - hope you get the help you need. And yeah, this section is a fine place to put this.
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Old 11-28-12, 03:27 AM
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Re: Long post...scared..I may go in patient today, voluntarily.

Thanks to all who replied. I had about a 36 hour stay. I was released because I was not an immediate threat, just severely depressed with feelings of 'being better off dead' but no thoughts/plans on harming myself.

So I was referred to intensive out patient therapy for 2 days a week and one of my meds were changed from risperdal to wellbutrin. The pdoc decided to keep me on meds rather than detox me off them, thinking it would be more beneficial at this stage to keep me on them.

I can say the only 'bad' part of my stay was that my over the counter meds were not in order. I was in pain most of the evening and night and by early morning I had to demand that the nurses have an on call pdoc order them in for me.

But in group therapy I can say there was some people there a lot worse off than I.

I'm glad that they got me in for therapy- had I of tried to do it myself it would have been a 3-4 week wait for my intake appt. They got me in for tomorrow

and to top it off, the place is only a 10 minute drive from my house, where as my last was nearly an hour away and wasn't beneficial to me anyways.
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Old 11-28-12, 03:54 AM
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Re: Long post...scared..I may go in patient today, voluntarily.

I'm happy to see you are on track. That med change just might be a good way to start along with the outpatient work.
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Old 11-28-12, 04:05 AM
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Re: Long post...scared..I may go in patient today, voluntarily.

I didn't see this before, I'm glad you made it through and that it wasn't as bad as you feared. Hugs.
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Old 11-28-12, 09:38 AM
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Re: Long post...scared..I may go in patient today, voluntarily.

Glad to see that it wasnt so bad for you, I hope you continue to do well, well done for being so brave.
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Old 11-28-12, 02:55 PM
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Re: Long post...scared..I may go in patient today, voluntarily.

Sounds like things are going to start changing for the better, Raye. Glad to hear it!
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Old 11-28-12, 04:33 PM
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Re: Long post...scared..I may go in patient today, voluntarily.

Yay, glad to see that things are getting a little better for you, Raye <3
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