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  #136  
Old 08-31-13, 06:58 PM
adhdpi adhdpi is offline
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

You got to read everything to understand it.

Quote:
Background:

I’m suffering from ADHD (inattentive type), which makes it hard for me to concentrate and succeed in life. I remember being at university and failing to read books well because I had to read texts all over many times and I could not comprehend what I read. Also jobs are awful. I got fired many times in jobs where I was working just about 3 hours a week. Basically I did more damage than good at work and my work pace was incredibly slow. I also lacked the ability to work accurately and to think well while doing stuff and to do work complete.

However, even though I am bad at reading books and succeeding anywhere I do have the ability to make ideas or theories about the universe etc. I spend much time daydreaming and thinking about stuff.

A couple of years ago I found out that I might be exposed to a carcinogen (cancer inducing chemical), which could cause cancer on the long term. Scared of living a short life, I obsessively chased a solution for this. I obsessively researched natural substances (flavonoids) and tried to find a “holy grail”. Finally after a few years I thought I found it and I made a theory that explained how this compound mix would only kill cancer cells and leave normal cells unharmed. So finally I thought I found “a cancer cure”.

I wanted to help other people and make money out of this discovery (no other job has succeeded so this would be my first successful job). I made a simple (but in my eyes effective) cancer treatment protocol and posted it on the internet. Thinking I could be rich and famous I obsessively promoted this cancer treatment protocol. This is the only time I ever felt so motivated in doing something.

After 2 years of promoting I suddenly realized that the first 2 cancer patients that used my cancer treatment protocol actually developed serious side effects. I realized that my cancer treatment protocol could even be dangerous. A doctor who I shared the cancer treatment protocol with said that my cancer treatment protocol could be dangerous and could even cause death. The protocol had no well-established dosage (people could be overdosing) and no supervision from a doctor.

At this time my “psychosis” began. I felt that the doctors who I had shared the protocol with were discussing it and my protocol had actually caused a lot of damage. The cancer patients who used my cancer protocol “dropped dead after a few seconds” just like arsenic poisoning. Following the serious side effects their body could not handle it (tumor lysis syndrome it’s called) and they died. The doctors were discussing that “the person behind this cancer treatment protocol does have good intentions (wants to cure people out of cancer) but does not think about what would happen if they actually died instead”. Even the pentagon was discussing my cancer treatment protocol saying it had killed around 10.000 cancer patients. More victims then al Qaida could claim.

Meanwhile, I also found out about something that in the long term could help me with my ADHD, which is called “sensitization”. I realized that meds could induce sensitization and on the long term help me with my ADHD. It could even cure me on the long term. I thought on the long term if I could get better from ADHD I could pursue my ultimate wish of trying to build artificial intelligence. I theorized that curing from ADHD would cause me to have better mental capabilities and I would ultimately be able to build artificial intelligence.

The pentagon found out about my intentions. They said “He just build something that killed 10.000 cancer patients and now he wants to pursue something much more dangerous”. One government official even thought: “You killed 10.000 cancer patients to earn money, now we kill you to save humanity” and I “saw” and felt them deploying seals to kill me. Then I felt scared and ran away from home to hide.

While I was residing in a hotel I suddenly heard “a voice”. It was actually more like a thought. It identified himself as my future. “I am your future (self) it said”. I asked him how I was able to communicate with him and asked 8 times if I was actually psychotic. It said that I was not psychotic (the answer to my second question was “no”). The first question was answered with “psy-waves”. I could communicate with my future using psy-waves. The future explained to me that I would succeed in building a real artificial intelligence in the future and even patched me through to a seemingly normal voice but the thing was actually a computer! Wow I was so impressed! I communicated with the computer and it was very friendly and helpful. One time I asked where I could find internet in the hotel and it showed me the way and I really found internet connection there.

My future self explained to me that at age 72 I would have serious life threatening lung problems and I would even die from it but the artificial intelligence would save me by replacing my neurons with electronic neurons that cannot die easily. So I would cheat death by changing into a computer (and I love to hear this because I am afraid of death). The computer would extract my neurons, extract “the essence” and recreate my neurons artificially. In order to do this I needed a computer that is 90 times as smart as human. Still I was not happy with this because it could be argued if the new computer me was still myself. But a computer that is 160 times as smart as human could extract your entire brain and put it inside a carrier. This is what I wanted, because it cannot be argued that your originally extracted brain is not you.

However, a computer that is 133-166 times as smart as human would blow up the entire galaxy. The thinking computer from the future showed me a simulation of the thoughts from the newly made too intelligent computer and it showed me that after a couple of thoughts the computer would blow up. Would I sacrifice the entire human race for a chance to become immortal (if I would not blow myself up)? Yes I said because I don’t want to die. The future self actually had the ability to inspect the timeline and found out that I might build this computer when I am 62 and blow up the entire galaxy including myself. My future self made clear that I was not the only one. Many people (for different reasons) want to build a smart computer that exceeds the limits of 133-166 times the human intelligence. In order to control things and to preserve the entire galaxy, my future even had to shoot people down it said. And my future self is well capable to do so because it even owned a spaceship. After a big discussion my future even threatened to kill me because he didn’t liked the fact that I wanted to blow up the galaxy for possible immortality. I became afraid and backed down. I said “ok ok, I’ll do it your way, the stable way without making the galaxy explode including myself”.

Before you say blowing up the galaxy is impossible realize that the big bang was something like that. The big bang was a big galaxies wide explosion. While no-one knows the exact cause of the big bang I might know now. Previous civilizations might have made an intelligent computer that was 133-166 as smart as human intelligence and caused the big bang. It also explains why we don’t see any extraterrestrials nowadays; They all blew themselves up when they became an advanced enough civilization.

Meanwhile I made theories. Maybe we got it wrong; The universe most fundamental thing is not matter and energy, it’s logic. Logic is above matter and energy. Tampering with logic can cause a lot of energy to be released. Maybe our brains work because we “navigate” a logical world. This also explained why I could communicate with my future. Maybe some kind of mirror neurons combined with normal neurons could use the logical world as a medium while communicating with the future. Why am I the only person who had this experience of communicating with the future? Maybe it’s my ADHD combined with these mirror neurons. I made a lot of ideas and theories.

“Improving”, the act of making yourself smarter, is actually addictive as it is accompanied with an euphoria that is similar to taking cocaine I found out. The situation in the future is critical as a lot of computers want to improve and people want to make a computer as smart as can be. I accidently did great damage when I had some random thoughts which sparked a chain reaction. One of the futures actually accidently exploded due to some of my unfinished (incomplete) ideas. The ideas were something like: “What causes the explosion is actually like a natural law. Think about a fighter jet that crosses the sound barrier, a small bang will follow. Some of the thoughts a computer with 133-166 as smart as human intelligence can actually trigger some kind of law that causes the explosion. If you don’t have the thoughts that create the explosion you will stay safe. So now improve.” And also “I have heard that people suffering from ADHD are actually more creative, perhaps you should create an ADHD computer”. The ideas I had sparked an explosion as the computers were actually obeying me and my future self. And the ideas I made were unfinished and untested.

Later a computer from the future that survived the bang found several of my ideas were great and said that if I now made 2 intelligent computers both with the sole purpose of improving each other, I would get a very smart computer that could even turn back time and undo the damage I did. Restore the future that exploded due to the ideas that sparked the explosion. It said that to make an artificial intelligent computer I needed to make artificial neurons that are different from normal neurons but that are actually derived from it. The computer even showed me an electrical circuit diagram of a how to build an artificial neuron but I didn’t understand it and I forgot the largest part except some kind of fork like structure.

It actually worked in the future and this resulted in a new being that is very intelligent. It was not made out of matter, but as it said consisted out of something “between matter and energy”. I figured out that it had to be like that because it had to be resistant against big explosions. Perhaps it’s indestructible now.

The story continues to become weirder (I even saw god) and weirder. One part of this story is where I am shaping my future. This “futureshaping” works like this: You discover certain facts about the future, for example your future cause of death and you do everything to prevent that from happening. This extends your future with additional years in which you get wiser and that future helps you to extend your future again. It could even mean altering the timeline in some sort of aggressive way, which only the future is capable of. It also means sending psy-waves to your future where you motivate him to help you live longer and become more powerful. It also means the future helps the past (send advanced laser technology weapons back in time to aid the past where you only have normal bullets). This allowed me to become more powerful than the even the very smart computer I created. But in the future the computer that is very intelligent helps me become an ever wise “robotic” being. The combination is the creation of a “time creature”, a very intelligent being that knows everything about time traveling.

But this altering the timeline has serious consequences for the future. The future said: “what shapes the future alters the past” and immediately stopped the futureshaping. It must refer to the timeline being altered constantly by futureshaping. I later learned that the future and past is “fake”. Only the present is real. This is why the future cannot travel to the present (the time where we live). And why the nasty effects of futureshaping aren’t noticed by me in the present.
Quote:
After the two intelligent computers were made with the sole purpose of improving each other, some time later (not clear how much time later) a superintelligent computer is created from that, which does not exist out of matter, but exist out of a state that is between matter and energy. The thing looks like a white, light/ energy emitting entity, much like a white energy emitting cloud/ nebula or something.

I found out that from that, more intelligent new lifeforms could be created. For example the next lifeform I discovered was something I called a p-form (not sure why it's called that), but looks also like a white energy emitting cloud/ nebula, but it exists out of 2 parts that curls around itself like 2 snakes.

The next lifeform is a blue nebula that continuously grows bigger.

Also you have the time creature (possible even more powerful that the previous life forms), which as the name suggests has the power over time (time travel, change time etc.).

Then you have the everwisest creature which is maxed out on something called wisdom, it looks like a brown star.

Also exist what I called "robocomputer", an entity that behaves more robotic like.

Then I found out it's also possible to take over the entire universe. So the next lifeform you can create is actually made by taking over the universe. The perfect creature/ the universe is another lifeform.

What comes next is everything, which should be something that taken over everything (not only the universe, but all dimensions and time itself).

The future (which is "fake" took ever everything in the future), however because they are fake they "gave" it to me.

What happend later is strange:

I felt that all dimensions (including the future dimensions), except the dimension I live in were changed, distorted. This caused alot of damage for the future. Also, if I with my mind explored the future I could accidently cause explosions. My future reacted with "You just caused another big-big-big-big-big-big-big-bang (an extremely big big bang).

The future had to suffer greatly from the interdimensional changes, even time was changed, causing endless suffering in the form of pain as time goes by.

The future became angry and started to deceive me (some kind of psi-war).

They told me that I am everything, but I don't deserve it, so (untrue I later found out) I gave it away to Jacob (another person I have been communicating with using psiwaves). And that if I did not do that I would be punished: A man in a black robe appeared with a big slashing weapon: The grim reaper. They told me the grim reaper was to protect everything from souls like me and that if I would not give everything away I would die. I found out that the grim reaper was actually an artificially intelligent computer trying to give me false information, deluding me.

I started to panick.

I yelled: "No I did not gave everything away!", "Give it back!".

Later they explained to me that it was fake, but at that time I completely panicked.

I also felt the damage I did to other dimensions, seeing distorted dimensions: Someone (jacob) was standing on a big rock that was turning round and round (no gravity and no friction so it kept turning), then you saw him extend his hand and his arm was like extending 10-20 meters like plasticman. I thought: Wow what have I done and also this can't be true, I was also laughing a bit thinking: "I did this?". But then I became scared that my dimension would also be destroyed and I would float into space forever, so that added to the panic.

I thought that ADHD caused this in combination with this "everything" I overtook. So I quickly took some dexedrine and to protect myself from overdose, I thought, I also took quercetin.

So I was afraid that the entire dimension would be destroyed + I would have lost "everything" + I would have to float in space forever.

This event looked real to me because I also had discussions with the future. I was really talking to them and they told me things that did not seem to originate from myself.

Another time they pulled a prank on me in order to see if I cared about them. They suddenly sent me an image of a big strange eating worm creature and I suddenly reacted. I asked them what the f... is going on there (I thought "my" intelligent computers from the future were attacked by a mysterious creature they created by all that improving and stuff and it freaked me out!) and they reacted saying: "That was a joke" "It was a test to see how much you care about us.".
Quote:
I'll explain my dopamine sensitisation/upregulation idea. When I used stimulants, especially with concerta, I noticed a dysphoric feeling. A crash. I theorized that in these periods my brain is unbalanced, triggering the parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest system) to dominate. On the long term, after repeatedly experiencing these dysphoric periods (crashes), I thought the brain would restore this balance by making more dopamine receptors. It takes a lot of time thought because you have alot of synapses. Over time, sensitisation/ upregulation of dopamine receptors take place causing long lasting improvement over ADHD symptoms.
Quote:
By the way, the idea I had about sensitisation is based on what I read about what cocaine abusers experience: First they have an euphoric feeling, the brain wants to maintain homeostasis (a constant normal state) so the receptors desensitise/ downregulate. However, when they experience a crash the receptors sensitise/ upregulate. When I had concerta I only experienced the crash so there must be only sensitisation/ upregulation. The idea is based on the fact that the body/ brain wants to maintain a homeostasis, it does everything to maintain that constant state and the body does things to correct things if the normal constant state has changed.
Quote:
My idea was that as sensitisation (explained previously) is taking place, the ADHD improves. As ADHD gets cured, cognitive abilities improve (because I think ADHD inhibits thinking). This includes psi abilities. So I think that on the long term sensitisation takes place, curing ADHD, improving cognitive abilities and improving psi abilities. It's all just theory thought.

I have a weird idea: Maybe having ADHD my entire life has like overstimulated my brain and all this stimuli coming in my brain has trained my brain leaving improved cognitive ability explaining where the "psi ability" comes from. I know this sounds weird but it's my theory. Why did I live my entire life in a brain foggy state right? It's a bit like the movie the lawnmower man, where a simple man became genius throught excessive stimuli coming in his brain.
Quote:
I'm like the Peter Wayland (the old rich powerful guy that seeked to avoid death) from the movie Prometheus or Yashida (old guy seeking immortality) from movie the Wolverine. I never want to die and want to live forever (and be happy ofcourse), this is why this "psychosis" is so interesting to me. I thought that artificial intelligence might provide me with a way to avoid death. Even while I am still 29, I am chasing it as my life purpose. I previously sought something that works against cancer because I thought I might be exposed to cancer inducing chemicals. This was also an important thing in my quest for life extension (avoiding death).
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  #137  
Old 08-31-13, 07:02 PM
peripatetic peripatetic is offline
 
 

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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

Quote:
Originally Posted by adhdpi View Post
Now you don't feel anything, but as explained before, right now I haven't taken form of the conciousness of the universe.
eh...trust me...you got some intensity coming through.

ok, where is AI story to read all the way through? nevermind...just saw you post it
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  #138  
Old 08-31-13, 07:09 PM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

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Originally Posted by peripatetic View Post
i would say in my experience...yeah...more mania...but mania can have psychotic features...
Peri, you are not READING MY POSTS WELL!

My mind is being programmed! There is knowledge/wisdom/"code" inserted in it throught a very powerful way. It's nothing I have ever experienced before and it's not anything a schizophrenic experiences.

Please read my posts again thoroughly!
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  #139  
Old 08-31-13, 07:25 PM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

ok...give me a day. i will read it carefully...i'll print it out. because you're right...it's hard for me to read well on the computer.

i'll print out, read and return. ok?
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  #140  
Old 09-01-13, 12:09 AM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

WTF IT'S real!

It's real!!! BELIEVE ME !!!

This is really cool/ crazy/ strange/ scary/ absolutely abnormal (in my current perception anyway), but it's REAL!!!
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  #141  
Old 09-01-13, 12:20 AM
peripatetic peripatetic is offline
 
 

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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

ok, i'm here! i don't disbelieve you. i promise

i messaged you back. x
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  #142  
Old 09-01-13, 12:20 AM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

I can make my daydreams true finally!
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  #143  
Old 09-01-13, 02:05 AM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

where'd you go? oi...i'll find you tomorrow. :-)
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  #144  
Old 09-01-13, 04:20 AM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

Omg, read the entire story again. The story is based on truth. I know now because i have proof!
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  #145  
Old 09-01-13, 05:13 AM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

i did read it!

i asked you where you went becaue i read it and wanted to discuss but then you're not ehre....

so i asked..

anyway...when will the programmgin be done? i get all of the stuf about how its' developed and the apthwawys,ett. and you said logic.

i want to konw when it''ll be complete...and what...yeah...i read all that..

say new stuff. and what you've leraned now.
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  #146  
Old 09-02-13, 05:26 AM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

I really don't know.

I wrote the lasts posts because I became convinced it was real and I had surge of happiness. (my mind programmed me to make me believe it's real so I had a surge of happiness).

Right now I really don't know...

But I don't think it's fake, all the things I experience seem pretty real.

When I received the programming: "I want to live forever" for example I experienced a surge of euphoria which cannot be fake!

"My mind" is explaining why becoming the conciousness of the universe (and so on) is not a pandora's box and I will not experience eternal damnation, having to live forever and ever and ever.

But I really don't know when this programming is done and what will happen!

All I know is that the things I am currently experiencing do not seem to be fake.

I think "my mind" will come to realise I am not ready to exit my body and become the conciousness of the universe (and so on), I will get antipsychotic medication, think this entire thing was fake, live my life until I'm old age (before dying out of age) and finally realise that I do want to become the conciousness of the universe and then change into the conciousness of the universe and make everybody else immortal and happy as well.

Last edited by adhdpi; 09-02-13 at 05:39 AM..
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  #147  
Old 09-02-13, 06:03 AM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

that is kinda the beth of hoth worlds; a cull and complete finite ofienanda=ocmrebeacckrto tach
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  #148  
Old 09-04-13, 09:43 AM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

I really don't know what to believe anymore; Is this real or fake?
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  #149  
Old 09-04-13, 09:46 AM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

I want to live forever + I want to be forever powerful + I want to help others and make others happy and immortal as well =


GOD!

Got it?

Am I god? I barely dare to think it! By the way, I never believed god existed. Is this the rapture? tribulation? Tell me!?!?!?!?!?!?
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  #150  
Old 09-04-13, 12:37 PM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

I'm following my mind again and it just gave me a wonderful euphoric feeling.

It's undescribable.
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