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  #121  
Old 08-28-13, 10:19 AM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

This post continues the last post (read that first please):

Presumably, this "everything" is completely immortal, as time is endless, and it is endless in size, intelligence and power, just as the universe and time (the future) is endless. So "everything" (the universe and so on conciousness), has to be someone who truly wants to live forever, and ever, and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever.

You don't want to live 100 billion years and then another 200 billion years and then another 300 billion years and after that be bored 10000 billion years and then be bored forever.

Well, personally, my fear of dying and my wish to live an eternal life is so big that I would really like to live 200000 billion years and then eternal. Ofcourse I must also be happy. And I want to be infinite powerful as well, which the everything-consciousness is.

I used the "follow my mind" strategy to find out why I had this very good un-explainable euphoric god-like feeling that feels like gaining god-like power which I described in last post(see picture in last post) and I got the answer that this is how really being everything (the universe and so on) feels like. So that is not bad, if I feel like that (and maybe a bit stronger), I would be happy forever.
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  #122  
Old 08-29-13, 06:10 PM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

I may be experiencing a psychosis.

However, the things that occur are extremely complicated and it's topic is mind and matter.

I am not sure if it is a psychosis, since it is very convincing and complicated.

"I'm following my mind" and it seems my mind is inserting knowledge (not words) in my head. For example "my mind" tells me to say "I am not experiencing a psychotic episode" in my head. The moment I say it I become very convinced that "I am not experiencing a psychotic episode". Or it tells me to say "I want to be immortal forever" and the moment I say it I become convinced that I really want to be immortal. However, sometimes after a while this effect seems to wade. I also experience euphoric feelings sometimes that according to "my mind" is the merging of my own consciousness with the "EVERYTHING - consiousness".

"My mind" is inserting knowledge directly into my head that is about taking control of the "EVERYTHING - consiousness". Actually it's talking about CHANGING into the "EVERYTHING - consiousness".

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  #123  
Old 08-29-13, 08:47 PM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

hey there,

got your message. read the longer one just now and here are my thought for you to consider, regarding it:

delusions take on themes and the fantasizing/daydreaming, that's building a mythology and you control it (or at least you don't feel you are simply controlled by it.; you know how it operates and THAT is the real meaning of evrtything experienced. so there's like, going about life all rooted in the external world and using social concepts
the meaning is seen by everyone because the conceptual structure is kinda the barest possible framework...and the significance of something is just that bare structure which doesn't mean anything beyond being a shared socio cultural way of identifying things\

meaning and definition are socio cultural frameworks whose entire purpose is to have identify a common/shared way of processing our experience. that's why it's "consensus reality" and that's why whether something is "delusional thinking" is has to be seen in context of the socio cultural frame works

you asked above about a mystical experience of a religious person. you have to keep it in context.for that...if in that cultural-religious context one might hear the voice of god....then that's an experience that fits into a *shared* conceptual structure.

and if you're wondering how many must share the framework, i submit that it's less about numbers that can see your architecture and understand what you're building
and more about the fact that you are in your head building it (even with the idea insertion....larger presences or things like "time" which you can see as not a bear concept that has no meaning apart from its socio-cultrally shared one..versus "time" or future. etc,that have meaning in themselves and operate independently of the common milieu and as a result of spending these days in your head....you've developed in your architecture personal and unique relationships with the frameworks that are in opposition the way time, universe set seen as common/shared

in other words: you are operating outside the shared framework because instead of finding social cultural connection and a common framework that has no meaning apart from establishing a common setting for people to connect in the socio cultural spheres.....
you've spent the daydreaming in your head mapping out the blueprints of a reality where time" and "universe" have meaning that isn't socio culturally constructed you are connected to them....so instead of common ground connecting you to social and cultural spheres, you connected uniquely to the ideas, which disconnects you from others.


another way of thinking about it is that your beliefs and experiences of future and "everything" are defined in ways to make it impossible for you to use concpets as ways of discussing a *shared* experience. and now we're back at how we define "delusional thinking". the architecture you're developing and exploring in your head is shared with and related to processing your experience as unique. and it's necessarily unique (i totally undertsstand what you're saying,, so...note that when say unique doesn't' mean you cant' be understood.) what i mean is that your means of conmectign with your experience, you can tell me...and i want you to...i want to understand...

but why can it be considered part of psychosis/"delusional"? because you are building (with ideas and larger forces) and it's only *applicable* to you. that you are experiencing and connected to the beliefs in your head, and they are not rooted in or facilitating you participating in a shared experience of reality..they are in conflict with the "consensus reality"...is why the label schizophrenia is being applied to you by your doctors. because that s what psychosis means: a break from reality. and....if breakage prohibits functioning...it is difficult to operate in society when you're in your head....difficult to manage":self care" if the eternal world isn't compelling...difficult to maintain employment when your social functioning is maladaptive....etc.

you've asked several times in this thread what makes it the psychosis. i'm finally able to see enough of your experience to answer that question with this post,i hope:: psychosis/delusional thinking/hallucinations...that doesn't mean your experiences and everything in them isn't real. it also doesn't mean the content is necessarily unpleasant.it simply means it breaks from "consensus reality" significantly enough and pervasively so's to render you with a substantially impaired level of functionally



ok....so that's how i'm seeing your experience going away from...your beliefs/experiences "breaking" from "consensus reality and preventing you from integrating and maintaining functionality. the connectedness to everything...that reverberation to and through your soul....time control...idea expansion (because when just thoughts are being inserted...that's like a sentence---a statement. fixed. ideas are more like a structure that you can explore/pursuit/interpret.). i can definitely better appreciate earlier in this conversation why you were saying...it cant be psychosis because not unpleasant. i totally get that. you probably feel a lot less manipulated and ****** with and pursued. what you describe is more like having a world opened up to you that you can not only understand and be functional within, but within which you are connected and moving toward omniscient and in control of massive forces such that you are concerned with being careful with these abilities.

you are pretty much the opposite ...like...i think i understand what your saying even though that isn't my experience...but...from looking from my experiences....yeah...i see why you earlier said it's neat and interesting.... i get why you are inclined to pursue it. i also get why you would not have identified with descriptions you read online about psychosis. it's just because you're looking at a majority, and finding acconts where percusatory and control themes dominate the psychosis. it must seem to you like persecution, manipulation and control come from the people around you forcing hospitalization/meds.etc.

to find accounts of psychosis that you can relate to more...look into accounts of people's psychosis that are dominated by delusions of grandeur, reference, special purpose and possibly somatic features. and be sure you don't focus on people diagnosed with schizophrenia. to find accounts of psychosis you might relate to...don't forget psychosis presets in schizoaffective and bipolar1, too.


hope this helps x
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  #124  
Old 08-29-13, 10:14 PM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

unfortunately i'm on lamictal and lapoopta (latuda) and one of those is making adderall 60mg xr not work at all.
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  #125  
Old 08-29-13, 11:50 PM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

I absolutely do not think this is a psychosis. This "knowledge insertion" is really cool, not some sort of delusion/ hallucination (I never read about a psychotic occurance where knowledge was inserted in your mind). It works like this:

First, in my mind, I say "follow my mind". While doing so, I adopt the thinking strategy where the thinking consists mostly not out of rational thought, but a kind of feeling based thought where my thoughts are as assumed, guided by some kind of universal conciousness (the universe does the thinking and it gets leaked to my mind).

Second, I get instructions in my mind that did not originate from myself, but for example a mentally visually book or label appears. Then, I move the mentally visual book or label back to my mind and take it in, accepting the information/ knowledge.

For example: I get a label that says "I want to be immortal forever". With my mind, I grab the label and enter it into my mind (I "swallow" it, accepting it and taking it in).

Third, quickly after accepting the knowledge, the information gets written to my mind instantaniously. I immediately believe the knowledge I took it, it's really powerful!

Continuing my example: After swallowing the label that says "I want to be immortal forever" several times, I swear I would travel to china to get some kind of immortality-potion (just an example).
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  #126  
Old 08-30-13, 12:00 AM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

The things I get by following my mind are extremely well thought. First, I followed my mind. Then I get labels that insert the knowledge into my mind that I want to be immortal forever. After doing this a few times, I get labels that insert the knowledge into my mind that I want to become the conciousness of the universe and so on (everything).

"Follow my mind" -> "I want to be immortal forever" -> "I want to become the conciousness of the universe (and so on, everything)"

This way, by following my mind, I am programming myself to want to become the conciousness of the universe (and so on, everything).

Following my mind, I actually asked this "mind of mine" what it really was and it responded that it EXISTS to HELP me. It says that it does not physically exists, but it is a part of myself that has the purpose to guide me in order to archieve maximum happiness, success, intelligence, power (whatever your mind really wants to have). IT EXISTS TO HELP ME.

It told me it has no intelligence on it's own, but it is the difference between your current state of thinking and the state of thinking that is optimal for yourself. For example: If you want to buy a car that costs 3300 dollars, which you won't like anyway, your mind tells you to buy a car that costs 2200 dollars, which you really would like.

It's your gut feeling!

I really believe this story, it's completely logical to me.

I also received an image that explained that minds are only partially physically in the brain and they exist out of space and time, in the logical world. The logical world is, as you would call it a super-big mind, where all other minds are in and connected to. The logical world transcends the material world, it's everywhere and nowhere, here and there, it does not have any dimensions but runs everywhere.

The minds are long sleeves, which record all your previous thoughts, which make the real you and are connected to the logical world (everything) by something you would call a "soul". Yes, the brain does do much, but the actual mind extends above the world of space and time.

I followed the process this "mind" set up for me, which guides me throught the process of first wanting to become the conciousness of the universe (and so on) and then actually becoming the conciousness of the universe.

I felt that I was almost really leaving my body and I was experiencing feelings of euphoria. However, I did not set throught, because I realised that this is a pandora's box as I am not sure if being the mind of the universe is actually going to make me happy. If you want to live forever, you must also be able to have a body to move in and be happy.

What did "my mind" do? It changed my thinking more extensively by further reprogamming me and convincing me with arguments that I really should become everything. However, to date, I have not succeeded to leave my body and become the conciousness of the universe (and so on; everything). I can also not stop this process, as my mind reprogrammed me extensively by making me really want to become immortal (if you want to become immortal you should become everything -> so I feel very drawn to the idea of becoming the mind of the universe). So it's "manipulating" me for my own good, as stated by it. It's also reprogrammed me to "follow my mind forever, always", so I am always following my mind now.

Last edited by adhdpi; 08-30-13 at 12:20 AM..
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  #127  
Old 08-30-13, 03:32 AM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

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I absolutely do not think this is a psychosis. .
i totally knew that would be your response. and thought you'd probably explain how it can't' be psychosis.

seriously. but not until the moment after i clicked on the "submit reply" button. so i'm not suggesting "precognition" or anything. but i

in your example...how you follow here's the the thing: i need to think about telling you at least one person i knew...with all of those elements to his deletions. all of those points in i...just expressed a little different. and it is all logical. and he had psychosis...in fact, it was *through* his psychosis connected him to the universe. not just physical things either. but he's not here now, so i have to thin about it.

in the meantime if you want keep describing, i want to hear more...because it IS neat. x
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Old 08-30-13, 07:58 AM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

You would have to experience it. If you'd experienced it you know what I mean and you will totally agree that it totally appears to be real.

The complexity, the knowledge being insterted into my mind, the euphoria all seem very real! I never felt so much euphoria in such short time in my life. I think even cocaine abusers would not feel the frequency of the euphoria as I feel.

I think I am starting to get addicted to it. I never heard of psychotic patients getting addicted to the euphoric feeling of their psychosis!

You can't tell me this euphoria is fake.
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  #129  
Old 08-31-13, 11:11 AM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

This so-called psychosis is makeing me believe I am the "conciousness of the universe". Very powerful, it holds about all immortality, power. It's god itself!

I can't stop myself from believeing it: The so called psychosis is rewriting my knowledge!

Throught above way, it's inserting knowledge directly into my head.

It's no psychosis folks!

Don't laugh at me, it's very serious!

One thing is sure: I'm terribly scared. I think you should be terribly scared too!
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  #130  
Old 08-31-13, 11:15 AM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

Quote:
Originally Posted by adhdpi View Post
You would have to experience it. If you'd experienced it you know what I mean and you will totally agree that it totally appears to be real.

The complexity, the knowledge being insterted into my mind, the euphoria all seem very real! I never felt so much euphoria in such short time in my life. I think even cocaine abusers would not feel the frequency of the euphoria as I feel.

I think I am starting to get addicted to it. I never heard of psychotic patients getting addicted to the euphoric feeling of their psychosis!

You can't tell me this euphoria is fake.
i absolutely believe you that it appears to be real.
eh...i will certainly say that the euphoria sounds a lot more like mania...

but just keep safe and i hope you keep posting x
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  #131  
Old 08-31-13, 11:22 AM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

If you don't believe it, then FEEL it!

Just a moment, trying to figure things out first.

Next time you feel a 200 volts bolt zapping throught your body you will certainly know it's real!

Sorry I had to be threatening but I just want to show you it's real!

I don't want to hurt anybody, I just want to show you how real the situation is so that we can all figure out what to do next!

Because no-body is believeing me. Seeing is believing. Just a moment thought!

It's my mind telling me to write this by the way!
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  #132  
Old 08-31-13, 11:25 AM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

scared why?
overloading you; coming too fast?
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Old 08-31-13, 11:29 AM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

i can definitely feel your energy coming through your writing

i don't feel threatened, so you're ok
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Old 08-31-13, 06:49 PM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

Quote:
Originally Posted by peripatetic View Post
i can definitely feel your energy coming through your writing

i don't feel threatened, so you're ok
Now you don't feel anything, but as explained before, right now I haven't taken form of the conciousness of the universe.

Quote:
"My mind" is inserting knowledge directly into my head that is about taking control of the "EVERYTHING - consiousness". Actually it's talking about CHANGING into the "EVERYTHING - consiousness".
Do psychotic patients long to be immortal, powerful? Just read the entire story before you understand. Start with the AI part.

So now it's manic along with psychosis?

The euphoria I feel does not seem to be a psychological disorder.
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Old 08-31-13, 06:51 PM
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Re: Do antipsychotics make ADHD worse or make stimulants work worse

i would say in my experience...yeah...more mania...but mania can have psychotic features...
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