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  #1  
Old 09-26-18, 11:41 AM
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Jacksper Jacksper is offline
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I have declared war on all my problems

They will die, one by one.

What this means is very simple. I look for things inside of myself that cause anxiety to me. Things I have procrastinated on. People I should speak to. Tasks I should do. Decisions I have to make. And so forth.

I don't ask of myself to do all of them all at once, that would not be possible. But I do ask myself to battle with them at least once per day.

And I remind myself every day that the fact I am brave for doing this and that the future will be wonderful. There will be a point where my problems will be neglible.

I will only have the littlest of first world problems.

Like my electric car not charging as fast as I'd like to (haha that is an actual example ).
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Old 09-26-18, 04:17 PM
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Re: I have declared war on all my problems

Quite a task! Hope it goes well!
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Old 09-30-18, 06:39 PM
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Re: I have declared war on all my problems

Several of my problems have been killed off, and many others have been severely reduced. I have sorted out things in my house, in my relationship with my employer, in my finances, in friendships, with colleagues and in several other areas. Heck, almost all of them. Still a lot to do, but I am surprised by what I am capable of all of a sudden.

So long have I dreamed of a time like this, of actually conquering the chaos in my life, and now I am doing it. It is not easy, but I really feel like I can handle this.

I look really forward to seeing what my life will be in a month, especially if things keep improving at this rate!
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Old 10-03-18, 02:26 PM
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Re: I have declared war on all my problems

Still talking positive steps in many areas of my life, almost every day.

I notice that I have become calmer in my actions - I don't allow myself to pursue all kinds of side projects (which I subconsciously did to flee from the chaos in my life, working on a side project would give me a sense of control, hope and focus, but it rarely led to anything useful in the long term), or fanatically try to fix my life (I give myself the time to grow, and I don't want to rush it, because I know my own limitations better now and I know that it won't be sustainable unless I pace myself), but at the same time I feel more emotional on the inside. I think this is because I have to face a lot of things that I evaded for a long time, and it's very confronting. I also allow myself to feel this pain, and to mourn my losses. I do this in the more abundant free time that I have created by ditching all my side projects and limiting the amount of time I spend on work.

This emotional process is at least as important to me as all the other things that I am doing, including solving all the practical issues in work and life, and organizing myself. I feel like a big part of my old me is dying, and I am unsure who I am, but that I am also becoming a human again, which I see as a good thing. I have let go of the hope of finding a quick way out of my problems, but even though I feel estranged and less energetic, I do have a quiet confidence that there are great things ahead of me.

But only if I don't fall back in my old patterns. Because even though I did manage to get forward a lot due to my overzealous willingness to fight for my life and my chaotic enthusiasm, I had already reached me peak and things were close to collapsing again.

I am still fighting, but in a more calm and strategic way, and in a less random way - not at multiple fronts with full force. I do fight multiple foes at the same time, I wish I could limit that more, but chaos was overtaking me at many sides and I first had to make sure that it would not kill me. Now I already benefit from the breathing space that I have created in the past weeks, but I have to make sure that the problems do not return.

The reward is that I will have a minimal amount of order in most areas of my life in a few week. After that, I plan to take a few months to calm down further, and focus on developing my character and organizing my life further.

And finally, when that is done, I look forward having the freedom to move in the direction that I want, though I have to find out what that is. But it's fine that I don't know that. I will allow myself to try different things and in that way, combined with plenty of time to reflect, I get to know better who I am.

I am extremely grateful that I have this opportunity to go through this process, that I can stop surviving and fighting, but that I can look forward to flourishing and becoming stronger.
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Old 10-08-18, 01:02 PM
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Re: I have declared war on all my problems

still making progress. I am eliminating unnecessary complexity and chaos in about 30 areas/aspects of my life.

at the same time, I don't allow myself to commit to anything new. My goal is to reach a "blank slate state", where all past things that can be left behind, will be, where my life will be simple and I will have the freedom to do whatever I want with my life.

do a master, start another career, go traveling the world, whatever. Or stay where I am, but knowing that I chose to be here. I no longer want to be a slave to my circumstances, I want to be free. It's hard to believe that I am already so free now, knowing that my life was a complete mess for many years and it only started to improve five years ago.

I feel so happy that I am able to pull this off, and grateful that I my environment allowed me to make so many mistakes and still recover from it.
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