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  #1  
Old 12-15-20, 05:01 AM
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Help. Need perspective

My boss gave me a really bad reference for a promotion. And I mean really bad. As in my best qualities were written up as weaknesses even though there is overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

It was all opinion based, no facts or examples except for one example which never actually occurred. I've worked really hard this year only to be told none of it counts as it's not our regular work even though everyone else applying used the same sorts of examples.

Now I have to go back into the office after receiving that and I feel like what they wrote means that it has passed the point of no return and that me working under them is just not possible any more. I'm on a temporary transfer at the moment thankfully but I still have to sit with my old team. I'm just so mad there is so much I want to say but I know that I have to keep my mouth shut and fight it in writing when the decision makers finally read it and ask me to explain.

I seem to be swinging between being okay and laughing at how stupid and unprofessional their report was and being really angry and feelings of despair.

Yesterday was a good day as they were not in and today was a bad day thankfully I was not working in the office but tomorrow I have to go in and face them and I'm full of anxiety and then anger because I'm anxious. I feel like it's the end of the world and I don't want to give them that much power over me.

I'm not responsible for their behaviour so I know I should not be afraid but I am. I'm scared that people will believe the lies they are telling and not believe me even when I present proof that it's not true.

I'm at a loss as to why this has happened. Surely if they didn't think I should be promoted than they should have written it up better. But what they wrote means that there is zero possibility of any kind of working relationship which means if I don't get promoted all feels lost.

I know I need to change my thinking around this but I need help. I don't want to feel powerless. Help!!
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Old 12-15-20, 10:22 AM
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Re: Help. Need perspective

Unfortunately, what I have done may not help you but it's how I deal with being bullied by a boss at work. I have had 4. For all, once I realized that I could never please them and that they were set on making me miserable, all I could do was head down, do my work to the best of my ability, let others see what I was capable of and thankfully it quickly ended as two, I moved on, one she moved on and the other was demoted. For all 4, their rhetoric at the end didn't damage my reputation or known work ethic. In fact, where I am now, as soon as she left, I was promoted to VP shortly after. What I find interesting is that all were women.

If I were you, I would ignore them, head down, do your job and collect your evidence that what is being said is untrue. If you are doing your job correctly and to your peers satisfaction, the decision makers may reach out to them to get additional info. Make sure those relationships are meaningful and undamaged. If possible, you may want to move on. Heck, if you want to mess with them...go in and be nice, smile, and say GM. Don't let them bring you down.
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Old 12-15-20, 10:26 AM
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Re: Help. Need perspective

Thanks Andi good points.
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Old 12-16-20, 04:51 AM
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Re: Help. Need perspective

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andi View Post
Unfortunately, what I have done may not help you but it's how I deal with being bullied by a boss at work. I have had 4. For all, once I realized that I could never please them and that they were set on making me miserable, all I could do was head down, do my work to the best of my ability, let others see what I was capable of and thankfully it quickly ended as two, I moved on, one she moved on and the other was demoted. For all 4, their rhetoric at the end didn't damage my reputation or known work ethic. In fact, where I am now, as soon as she left, I was promoted to VP shortly after. What I find interesting is that all were women.

If I were you, I would ignore them, head down, do your job and collect your evidence that what is being said is untrue. If you are doing your job correctly and to your peers satisfaction, the decision makers may reach out to them to get additional info. Make sure those relationships are meaningful and undamaged. If possible, you may want to move on. Heck, if you want to mess with them...go in and be nice, smile, and say GM. Don't let them bring you down.

What Andi said.
This is a no win situation and you will continue to be subject to attack no matter what happens.
Collecting evidence is important, as is preserving relationships with other co-workers. Beware of leaving your co-workers in a situation where they have to expose divided loyalties.
You should go through the assessment with a fine tooth comb and pin down all the points where it is wrong.

It is very common to see this sort of thing occur when someone wants to sideline you from the promotion tree, but it is very hard to beat.
Do you think that your boss may have been seduced by a young up and coming worker? That happened twice to a good friend of mine.
Knowing it didn't alter the outcome, but it did make it easier to understand.
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Old 12-16-20, 05:23 AM
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Re: Help. Need perspective

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kunga Dorji View Post
What Andi said.
This is a no win situation and you will continue to be subject to attack no matter what happens.
Collecting evidence is important, as is preserving relationships with other co-workers. Beware of leaving your co-workers in a situation where they have to expose divided loyalties.
You should go through the assessment with a fine tooth comb and pin down all the points where it is wrong.

It is very common to see this sort of thing occur when someone wants to sideline you from the promotion tree, but it is very hard to beat.
Do you think that your boss may have been seduced by a young up and coming worker? That happened twice to a good friend of mine.
Knowing it didn't alter the outcome, but it did make it easier to understand.
I have shown a few co-workers the report and they are really sad when they read it. I have evidence for a right if reply. Frankly I'm considering escalating this for bullying because she's gone full scorched earth.

The reason? She's bitter and twisted and wants to be the manager so she can be in charge and play God. No one from our team gets supported for promotion. No one gets any support to learn the job unless they are a young female. The rest of us are too old. She's my age, divorced and has nothing in her life. Understanding, unfortunately doesn't make me want to hit her with a brick any less
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