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Old 07-09-18, 08:05 PM
Whoseis Whoseis is offline

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Considering quitting adderall

Looking for some objective perspective on my issue. I’ve been taking adderal IR and zoloft’s generic sertraline for the better part of 4 years as well as smoking cigarettes (roughly a pack a day). I was working a crappy slightly above minimum wage job and in December 2017 I had gotten fed up with it and quit and doing so also meant I lost my health insurance. Now I was already feeling depressed at this point in my life with my dead end job and no prospects for a better one, living at my parents, considering going back to college but not very confident about it since I had dropped out before due to poor performance from a lack of focus. Being depressed I wasn’t very on point about taking my sertaline regularly which I know is not good for my emotional health. But losing my health insurance meant a cold turkey stoppage of both drugs and as expected experienced severe withdrawals. I also was forced to quit smoking due to a lack of income. January to February I couldn’t even find the motivation to look for a new job, instead slept 10-15 hours a day and when I was awake I’d just be in bed trying to find something to watch to help me take my thoughts away from depression. I also became suicidal thinking of how while attempting to be a responsible person in my adult life, I have failed miserably up to this point and felt like things would just turn out the same way.

So after suffering through this mental hell for those few months eventually something clicked, that the main reason I’d failed at my goals up to this point is because I chose to fail at them. That I chose to say even subconsciously “It’s okay if I fail because I had x, y, and z as obstacles so it’s understandable”. I realized all of this was a cop-out even though the obstacles were real, I still had the ability within myself to accomplish those goals but I chose to give up.

After this I was feeling so much better. New motivation to see friends, make new goals and a new confidence that I can fight through those obstacles and get what I want in life because at the end of the day it comes down to me doing it or not doing it. It was working great for next 2-3 months, I even had lingering issues on my car that I was ignoring and didn’t know how to go about fixing other than taking it in and studied their parts and fixed them myself which was a behavior I’d sorely been lacking in recent years. Got a new job and was succeeding at that job, found a new career path and a college to study at. I was even working out 3-4 times a week which was something else I hadn’t been doing at all in recent years. And more importantly my emotions were very stable from day to day and I was in an overall good mood. I felt like that debilitating depression I experienced was rock bottom for me and it made me realize what I was doing wrong. A blessing in disguise if you will.

So I got new health insurance of course, and decided to go back to my psych despite some hesitation because part of me wondered if the drugs I was taking played a role in my unmotivated behavior that led up to the extreme depressive episode I had those few months. Also I was worried about them interfering with the new found motivation and drive in life that I had. But I went and he thought it’d be best that I continue taking both sertaline and adderall. A month in and I was noticing differences already; lack of motivation, procrastination, avoidant behavior, lost all motivation to excercise, I even started smoking again smoking more and more the longer I was on them. I talked to him again and he recommended stopping the sertraline, that maybe it had played it’s role and wasn’t necessary anymore. Since I stopped I have felt less emotionally dead inside, but now that I’m only taking adderall my emotions are a roller coaster from day to day. One day I’ll be in a good mood, fairly motivated, but still more lethargic than I was before I started taking my prescriptions again. And some days I am depressed, with hardly any motivation to do anything. Also since I started up again with the scripts my performance at work has gone down considerably, even waking up late and being two hours late. The tardiness I think has been from the insomnia I get at times from the adderall, not being able to sleep and finally falling asleep when I have to be up in 2-4 hours and just turning my alarm off while not even realizing it from being so tired. All of this has got me thinking that I want to stop taking any scripts altogether, that while they helped me fix some mental problems I was having in the past now they’re getting in the way of me achieving my goals and making it that much harder for me to fight through the already present obstacles. Before I started taking them again I felt so clear minded, had a clear vision of what I wanted to do and a plan to do them. Since then my thoughts have been much more clouded, impulsive, and overall I’ve just been less active physically and mentally. Part of me wishes I would have gone with that hesitation I had about going back to my psych and not done it because I feel like now I have to go through the phase of getting back to normal again.
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