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Women with ADD/ADHD This forum is for women to discuss issues related to being a woman with AD/HD.

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Old 09-18-11, 12:59 PM
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Having a bad bad bad day.

Hello all,

I am newly diagnosed and I'm on the lowest dose of Concerta. I don't think it is doing much.

I've been finding out more and more about women with ADHD and I'm very upset.

Right now I'm feeling like this will never get any better. No one will ever understand this or have the patience to listen for me to explain to them. If I try to explain they will think I'm overreacting.

I knew I wasn't doing so well managing my life, but I didn't realize that it was so much easier for everyone else. So I'm pretty much feeling that it is so unfair!

My DH is away at a conference for four days (comes home at 11pm tonight) and so I've been here with the seven year old twins and the three year old. Yeah...so that doesn't help. Can't even cry...gotta hold it all in.

I have a couple of friends but I don't feel like I have any that I could unload this on. I'm not sure DH has the capacity to understand, although he will try and he is unhappy to hear me tell him I'm so unhappy right now. I don't think he has the capacity to support me in this. I'm afraid I'll lose him and seriously, that terrifies me.

The twins had hockey practice this morning and we were rushing and got them headed for the ice. Then one helpful father said jokingly "Look the ____ girls - on time again." It cut me to the bone. I had tried so hard, then just got to the relief part and he gives me that to deal with. Seriously it was practice...and we were about 1 minute late.

Got so much to do today, homework, grocery shopping, baths, feeding kids.

LG
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Old 09-18-11, 01:11 PM
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Re: Having a bad bad bad day.

It's tough when you feel that you have no one to talk to or no where to turn. I think you'll find that you aren't alone. At least not here.

Let me ask you if you've talked to your doc about possible depression/anxiety along with your ADHD? Learning that you have a disorder and not feeling like you can talk about it with anyone who will understand or care can leave you in a dark place. Dealing with three children on your own while your husband is working adds to all that you are feeling and going through.

I don't know that you have depression or anxiety. I can't diagnose you What you are describing here sounds like what I have felt. ADHD and co-morbidity with other disorders is not uncommon.

I would strongly suggest that you talk to your doctor about how you are feeling, what you are dealing with emotionally and your home life. He or she can offer you guidance or treatment, if they feel you need it.

Therapy can be very beneficial as well. An ADHD diagnosis isn't like a diagnosis of strep-throat. You know, take some medication, it will go away and you'll be fine. There is a lot of 'you' to work on. There's also the task of finding the right medication and dose. That's not always a simple task. The medication merry-go-round can leave you feeling frustrated and discouraged. Therapy can help with these things.

Know that this is a place of support, encouragement, knowledge and understanding. Many of us can identify with your pain and struggles.
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Old 09-18-11, 01:16 PM
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Re: Having a bad bad bad day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lightgreen View Post
Hello all,

I am newly diagnosed and I'm on the lowest dose of Concerta. I don't think it is doing much.

I've been finding out more and more about women with ADHD and I'm very upset.

Right now I'm feeling like this will never get any better. No one will ever understand this or have the patience to listen for me to explain to them. If I try to explain they will think I'm overreacting.

I knew I wasn't doing so well managing my life, but I didn't realize that it was so much easier for everyone else. So I'm pretty much feeling that it is so unfair!

My DH is away at a conference for four days (comes home at 11pm tonight) and so I've been here with the seven year old twins and the three year old. Yeah...so that doesn't help. Can't even cry...gotta hold it all in.

I have a couple of friends but I don't feel like I have any that I could unload this on. I'm not sure DH has the capacity to understand, although he will try and he is unhappy to hear me tell him I'm so unhappy right now. I don't think he has the capacity to support me in this. I'm afraid I'll lose him and seriously, that terrifies me.

The twins had hockey practice this morning and we were rushing and got them headed for the ice. Then one helpful father said jokingly "Look the ____ girls - on time again." It cut me to the bone. I had tried so hard, then just got to the relief part and he gives me that to deal with. Seriously it was practice...and we were about 1 minute late.

Got so much to do today, homework, grocery shopping, baths, feeding kids.

LG
Welcome to the forums.

It is hard in the beginning, coming to grips with this diagnosis. People say there is a grieving period that can happen even. The good side of this is that you now know you are NOT lazy, stupid or crazy. You have a developmental disorder. <-- That sucks to hear, huh... its still better than always blaming your self for your shortcomings.

Keep trucking along, keep at it until you find the right dose or med combo. Read all there is to read about ADHD. This will empower you and then you can help your family and others understand better. And please try to not beat your self up too much. You sound like a really good mom and Im sure things will get better for you!
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Old 09-18-11, 01:21 PM
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Re: Having a bad bad bad day.

Why do you think you will lose your husband?
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Old 09-18-11, 01:28 PM
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Re: Having a bad bad bad day.

No libido is the main problem for that.

He hasn't said or done anything to make me think that, so it is likely just paranoia.

I read the above replies and it is making me cry, which I can't do with no one but me here but the kids. I'll be back after they go to bed.

Thank you so much for your support.

I made a note in my calendar to make an appointment with a therapist I've seen before (for depression haha) on Monday. My next appointment with my doctor is Oct 6th. She said to come back in four weeks. Is it OK to call back and say I need to get in sooner? Does it work to go back on antidepressants while trying concerta for the first time (does it make it harder to see if it is working?)

Oh too many tears. gotta go!!
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Old 09-18-11, 01:33 PM
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Re: Having a bad bad bad day.

Hey... stimulants can increase libido in some people. I never tried concerta but adderal really worked for me.
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Old 09-18-11, 01:43 PM
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Re: Having a bad bad bad day.

HUGGS! Yes, I would definitely call your doctor and see if you can get in sooner. A lot of people take add meds along with depression/anxiety meds. I do. Although once I figure out what add med/dosage works that might make the anxiety go away and wouldn't that be great
If you're having negative thoughts like your husband might leave something is definitely off. I'm no expert but can the new medicine be doing this? Does this happen often? I know when I tried Vyvanse for just a few days and on a really low dosage it made me thing negative thoughts like if my husband left me he'd probably be better off with someone else anyways. As soon as I heard myself think that I was calling my dr to switch me back to Adderall!
I have three kids too (4 yr old twins and a 6 mo old) so one day they'll be your kids' age Try to do something to make yourself feel better - hot bath, watch a feel-good movie, something that'll take your mind off of being sad. Good luck to you!
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Old 09-18-11, 01:50 PM
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Re: Having a bad bad bad day.

Also, I don't know your situation but can you get someone to watch the kids so you can get some time to yourself? My husband is also out of town for a few days and usually at the end of his trips is when I start to feel bad - having to take care of three kids without any help can be really draining. Or just vent here Having no support system is hard and you need to unload how you're feeling to someone. If you'd like to PM me I'll listen. I know about the husband not comprehending either and I too haven't told many people in my life about the struggle I've been going through ever since being diagnosed and finding help. It's been emotionally draining. But remember that this isn't the only thing that's going on in your life right now. You're blessed with a husband and three kids and I'm sure you have a lot going for you. So think happy thoughts ))
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Old 09-19-11, 09:24 AM
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Re: Having a bad bad bad day.

Ok so now don't feel so alone.
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Old 09-19-11, 10:14 AM
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Re: Having a bad bad bad day.

Thanks for your replies. There isn't anyone I could get to watch the kids. My MIL was out of town. I have a mental block about calling babysitters. Can't pick up the phone for some reason. I had thought of it.

Grocery shopping was a nightmare. I just can't deal with one kid asking if we can get every single junk food treat we see, one that can't stand still and touching things (I didn't mention that one of the 7 year old twins has ADHD too) and the three year old with a little cart for kids pushing the cart all over the place (I don't think he shows signs of ADHD, but we will be watching). It is like trying to herd cats! I get so snappish with them and I HATE IT!

I am terrified that if I tell my doctor about my awful mood, she will take me off the Concerta. I honestly think that it was finding out so much about ADHD and this grieving process that happens rather than the medication. I need to give the Concerta a try. Don't get me wrong, my doctor seems great. She is very sympathetic and has been to ADHD workshops and has not given me any reason to think she will react. But what if she does??

Put the kids on the bus this morning and unloaded on my husband. He was very sympathetic, but doesn't know how to help. (You know men...you tell them how you feel and they want to fix it. If they can't they don't know what to do about it.) I'm afraid that he won't be able to help because he is very busy with work and his own extracurriculars. He depends on me for the "wife" stuff and that's the stuff I have trouble handling. I do it, but it is very stressful. He has couch potato tendencies when he gets home.

I work four days a week at a professional accounting office. I'm a Corporate Tax Expert with a to do list about 20 years long. I get a lot of respect for my knowledge but I'm a hopeless mess with deadlines and organization. As is typical, I feel no pride in the things I do well because it is all overshadowed with the guilt of being a hopeless mess. I live in constant fear of being discovered. I have a buffer though...my DH is one of the partners here.

I take Wednesdays off because I need the breather. When I came back after my first mat leave, I started here and decided full time was too much. Now I need that day off so much that I always say I'll never go back to five days. Now that I'm aware of the ADHD I know why. I also know why other people don't have a problem with full time.

I hurt my back this morning (to add insult to injury) and my chiropractor's office is closed today. The therapist I was going to make the appointment with is also away today. Is extreme impatience an ADHD thing? I'm going to be high anxiety until I get those appointments set. I haven't called the doctor yet. Having a problem picking up the phone.

Sorry for the long ramble. But your understanding has helped me a lot.

LG
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Old 09-19-11, 10:32 AM
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Re: Having a bad bad bad day.

One more thing to vent about. We have a nanny. I think we are stuck with her. When I was looking for her, we found that most nannies either wanted live in or needed public transportation. I could not deal with a live-in and we are out of reach of public transportation. She is wonderful with the kids. Patient and kind and loving. She is dependable.

However, she is a bit slow and hard to give instructions to. If I tell her I want something changed, or even tell her about a minor schedule change she doesn't respond in a normal way. She doesn't say OK I understand, or that's great or fine or I think you are crazy or anything. She just stares at me. I understand that this is just the way she is, but it is unbearable. It makes me avoid telling her things and procrastinate telling her about a change of schedule.

Also, she tries to organize my mess, but has no organizational skills of her own. So she just MOVES MY STUFF into piles in the corner or downstairs or in our bedroom. I didn't need any help making more PILES! She loses my important paperwork and I have a serious case of "out of sight, out of mind". Seriously, I have something out to take to work or to deal with before I go. Miss ___ comes in the door and poof! It's gone.

Sorry..that's just a vent. I need her for two more years and there isn't anything I can do about her. I've sent a message to a professional organizer. Maybe we can work around the nanny.
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Old 09-19-11, 02:03 PM
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Re: Having a bad bad bad day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lightgreen View Post
I am newly diagnosed and I'm on the lowest dose of Concerta. I don't think it is doing much.


I would see if you can get another type of med.

I'm also trying to avoid the treatment your getting here in Canada. ADHD is debilitating and needs to be treated properly for adults (like the rest of the members of this forum)
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Old 09-19-11, 02:09 PM
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Re: Having a bad bad bad day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lesska22 View Post
I know when I tried Vyvanse for just a few days and on a really low dosage it made me thing negative thoughts like if my husband left me he'd probably be better off with someone else anyways. As soon as I heard myself think that I was calling my dr to switch me back to Adderall! !
HAHAHAHA!!!

You think here in Canada you just can call your doc and make demands on what meds you want to take? LOL!! No way!! God you can't even speak to them on the phone!

God I wish it was that easy to get proper treatment here in Canada. Lol.. Man I see just how easy it in the US.. I'm so jealous of you guys down there.
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Old 09-19-11, 08:36 PM
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Re: Having a bad bad bad day.

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Originally Posted by CrushCrush View Post
HAHAHAHA!!!

You think here in Canada you just can call your doc and make demands on what meds you want to take? LOL!! No way!! God you can't even speak to them on the phone!

God I wish it was that easy to get proper treatment here in Canada. Lol.. Man I see just how easy it in the US.. I'm so jealous of you guys down there.
Well I don't ever get to speak to the dr either but after a few phone calls I eventually get an answer from the front desk lady. The reason he put me on Vyvanse was because I didn't think Adderall was working but after switching realized that it actually was. It was cool that he let me bring in the rest of the prescription ($$ lost for me) and write one out of Adderall. But the next time he mispelled my name and the time after that wrote down wrong dosage. Then he got tired of me calling/coming back to correct stuff and told me maybe I should get a second opinion. So not a really great doc really
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Old 09-19-11, 08:42 PM
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Re: Having a bad bad bad day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lightgreen View Post
One more thing to vent about. We have a nanny. I think we are stuck with her. When I was looking for her, we found that most nannies either wanted live in or needed public transportation. I could not deal with a live-in and we are out of reach of public transportation. She is wonderful with the kids. Patient and kind and loving. She is dependable.

However, she is a bit slow and hard to give instructions to. If I tell her I want something changed, or even tell her about a minor schedule change she doesn't respond in a normal way. She doesn't say OK I understand, or that's great or fine or I think you are crazy or anything. She just stares at me. I understand that this is just the way she is, but it is unbearable. It makes me avoid telling her things and procrastinate telling her about a change of schedule.

Also, she tries to organize my mess, but has no organizational skills of her own. So she just MOVES MY STUFF into piles in the corner or downstairs or in our bedroom. I didn't need any help making more PILES! She loses my important paperwork and I have a serious case of "out of sight, out of mind". Seriously, I have something out to take to work or to deal with before I go. Miss ___ comes in the door and poof! It's gone.

Sorry..that's just a vent. I need her for two more years and there isn't anything I can do about her. I've sent a message to a professional organizer. Maybe we can work around the nanny.

You have a nanny! I'm jealous But isn't she supposed to make your life easier, not complicate it? I'm the same way with my "piles" - I can usually miraculously find things in my piles but if you move it - forget about it. My "piles" is my way of organizing!

Maybe you should sit down and talk to her and go over the things you need to change. And if things don't get better then maybe replace her. I don't know what sources you used to find a nanny but I've found siitercity.com to be good for those services because you can filter what you want and post what you need and the ones who fit the description will respond.
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