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General Parenting Issues The purpose of this forum is to discuss general parenting issues related to children with AD/HD(ADD & ADHD)

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  #1  
Old 10-16-13, 02:55 PM
Kayleea88 Kayleea88 is offline
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How do you handle other parents?

I'm quite new to the whole adhd thing, but I'm finding that peoples' opinions on the subject are quite strong and varied. How do you handle people who say its a made up disease? What about people who say the child just needs more discipline. I've actually heard one mom say that her ds just needs a few good *** whoopings. I feel so bad for that poor child not getting the help he needs. What do you say when people tell you medication is like crack or whatever they say. I know it's not anyone's business how I raise my child and I should probably just tell them that, but I have an awful time biting my tongue. Lol. I look forward to hearing your replies. Thanks!! (sorry of this has been discussed before, I'm new to the board. )
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Old 10-16-13, 04:32 PM
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Re: How do you handle other parents?

Mctavish23 has an excellent post on this subject. It's hard to accept that the opinions of others don't matter. We'd love everyone's approval but at the end of the day we're helping our children, providing what they need, and nothing else matters.
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Originally Posted by Kayleea88 View Post
How do you handle people who say its a made up disease?
It's simply not true. ADHD is the most researched neurological disorder in history and has been observed and studied for over 200 years*. Amphetamine type drugs have been perscribed since the 1930's**.

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What about people who say the child just needs more discipline. I've actually heard one mom say that her ds just needs a few good *** whoopings.
To such a parent, I say good luck! If I cared about the parent or child I might suggest they look into the research relating to the long term emotional, psychological and cognitive effects of corporal punishment.

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What do you say when people tell you medication is like crack or whatever they say.
Mostly I would laugh - profound ignorance is funny. ADHD medications are different molecules from speed, crack or meth. Sudafed (Pseudoephedrine) is much closer to Meth than any medication currently used to treat ADHD and is actually used to make meth. Vicks Antihistamine Inhaler (Levomethamphetamine) is a stereo-isomer of Meth (right-handed molecule). No one complains about those medications!!

So any problem people have with ADHD or it's treatment has nothing to do with similarities between Adderall and so called "street drugs".

I once had someone say, no, I'm an expert in this field - I'm a pharm tech. That's like claiming superiority in a debate about economics because professionally you work a cash-register.

*Palmer ED, Finger S (May 2001). "An early description of ADHD (inattentive subtype): Dr Alexander Crichton and 'Mental restlessness' (1798)". Child and Adolescent Mental Health 6 (2): 66–73. doi:10.1111/1475-3588.0032
** Patrick KS, Straughn AB, Perkins JS, González MA (January 2009). "Evolution of stimulants to treat ADHD: transdermal methylphenidate". Human Psychopharmacology 24 (1): 1–17. doi:10.1002/hup.992. PMC 2629554. PMID 19051222.
Citations obtained from wikipedia which should not be confused with citing wikipedia
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Old 10-16-13, 04:39 PM
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Re: How do you handle other parents?

I don't really have an answer for you, I just wanted to relate that I've been there on both sides of this issue.

Before I had children, I believed that ADHD was not real. I was one of THOSE parents. My neice was diagnosed and I did not have kids yet and believed that she just needed more discipline, more patience, more something. It wasn't until my own son was born that I am willing to admit that I was so wrong. If I could personally go back and apologize to every person I've ever come across, I would.

Having said that, my son has been on and off of medications. I've had people tell me his ADHD "isn't real", "he's such a good kid, I don't know what you're talking about", "he's just energetic". I've also heard the "he's way too young for medicine, how could you do that to him" and "he needs medication and its an injustice not to give it to him, you're not allowing him to live up to his potential".

Mostly, I just nod and bite my tongue. I struggle with my decisions, but in the end I am the only one who knows whats best for him and I reassure myself of that constantly. I see him at his best, and I see him at his worst. I am the only one who sees both of those sides (well, aside from my dh and dd). I will never be able to please everyone, nor do I want to. If I am able to sleep at night thinking I am doing my very best for him, than I take what everyone says with a grain of salt.

Thats really all we can do. If I argue with everyone who has an opinion, I will spend my life arguing.
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Old 10-16-13, 04:43 PM
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Re: How do you handle other parents?

Tell them to f**k off. Stops the conversation dead in its tracks.
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Old 10-16-13, 08:14 PM
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Re: How do you handle other parents?

My standard approach is that I don't discuss my DS with other parents and most of my non-immediate family members. I'm not parenting my child by group consensus, so their opinions aren't relevant.

When that doesn't work and they insist on criticizing me or giving me unsolicited advice I resort to sarahsweets' approach. Well, not really. I usually cross my arms and give them a withering stare until they mumble a half-***** appology and slink away. But I'm thinking **** you.
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Old 10-17-13, 12:42 PM
cillovely cillovely is offline
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Re: How do you handle other parents?

I was very similar to busymomonli, until I had my son I wasn't sure that ADHD was as real as it is. We had nephews in the family who had it, but I never realized the extent of it. I just thought one nephew in particular was lazy and undiciplined. My hubby has it as well, according to his mom he was very hyper and I still see traces of it. He was never diagnosed and just learned how to cope. Now that nephew is an adult and I find myself talking to him about it to get his perspective which can be heartbreaking. Poor kid has other medical issues (severe chrons) and it makes his life hell.

If my son is acting crazy at a playdate, at the park, or waiting for the bus, it's not like I say to the other parents "oh he has ADHD". I, just for lack of a better phrase, "suck it up" and let him be. Which is a wonderful energenic creative loving boy.

And like Ms Mango I rarely talk about it with other parents. Although I am finding as my son gets older more and more Moms like me, with children that are ADHD. I let them admit it first. And it kind of hurts becuase I feel like I'm hiding it like I'm ashamed or something. But this year for the first time I don't feel quite so alone in the parent of an ADHD kid world. My hubby is the one that likes to keep it hidden. Although I agree with keeping it from one couple that we know. Thier kids are perfect and play all sorts of sports and they are just great, blah blah blah. If we ever said our son has ADHD I get the feeling they would be the types who belive ADHD is made up. And I can only imagine what they'd think if they knew we medicated him!

I have had this one mom I know who's son is a year younger than mine start talking to me about her son and how she thinks he has it, she also has it and it was nice to be able to give her advice and to have someone who understands.
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Old 10-17-13, 01:44 PM
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Re: How do you handle other parents?

TY to Steve.

I try and battle ignorance with education. However, the "flip side" is that I also never

give mean / stupid people what they want. As long as I know the answer, and I'm doing

the right thing for the right reason, then I'm not the one with the problem.

Good Luck.

tc

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Old 10-17-13, 02:02 PM
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Re: How do you handle other parents?

I tell them that it's that kind of thinking that allows children and adults to continue to suffer in silence because they think that they are just lazy and stupid.

I tell them to spend a couple of hours with me and then tell me that it is not a real disorder. I'm a walking billboard for AD(H)D and everyone that knows me knows that I live with this disorder and that it is real.

What I don't do is get upset. Not to be mean, but that response is a form of ignorance, and if I got mad every time I interacted with an ignorant person, I would send me entire day mad!

I educate those who will listen and I ignore the ones who won't.

If that doesn't work I follow the advise of sarahsweets!

Thanks for the laugh Sarah, I can always count on you!
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Old 10-17-13, 02:05 PM
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Re: How do you handle other parents?

Agreed. Mostly they don't deserve or get a response.

You hear that nonsense so often like it's scientific fact. For me, and I expect for others, it has helped to have heard a scientific explanation of why it's not true... whether or not we repeat all that in the moment. So if that helps anyone else when they're in that situation, here it is.
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Old 10-17-13, 09:51 PM
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Re: How do you handle other parents?

Thank you all so much for your replies! I really appreciate it!!
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Old 10-21-13, 11:18 PM
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Re: How do you handle other parents?

I don't give any parent who has no clue my attention. Once weird off colored comment and I set them straight and move on. If they continue to try and share their uninformed opnion I don't associate.
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