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Old 09-13-18, 04:53 PM
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psychopathetic psychopathetic is offline
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How do you deal with those who just don't understand?

I was talking to a case manager I work with, and a lady from a group I attend about how I'm really struggling right now in life doing small (and big!) things.
I have a new mattress and box spring that's been sitting in my living room for like 3 weeks now...meanwhile my bed I'm using is horrible...there's a bunch of holes in it and there's a couple of springs now poking through that really hurt when I sit.
And even further how the mattress is starting to fall off my box spring and and so I'm only able to use about half the mattress lol.
Or how I need new tubing for my oxygen (not cpap)...and all I have to do is make a simple call for that.
Or how there's a stupid backpack on my pathway between my bed and bedroom door that I keep walking over...when all it takes is bending down and moving it.
And how I'm having difficulty keeping my place picked up again...or getting my laundry done...just on and on and on.

I explained that I'm not the only person that has these kinds of difficulties...keeping up with all the small things in life...and that I wasn't trying to make an excuse...but I think it's part of my disorder.
I told them that I WANT to do change these things, and I think about them almost daily...and that I'm just not sure why I don't...

My case manager just scoffed very lightly under his breath...got up, and left the room. He didn't say anything as he left...but he didn't need to. I could FEEL his frustration and judgment.
He's VERY much so got an attitude of "just get **** done and stop making excuses". He also use the term "self victimizing" a lot. And he's used that on me quite a lot over the past year. How I self victimize myself...and that's exactly what I think he feels about me right now. How I'm putting myself in these situations and victimizing myself, and also that I just need to stop being so freaking lazy and stop making excuses and just get **** done and taken care of.
I get a very strong feeling from him that he thinks I'm just being stupid and oppositional and childish and spoiled.

And I don't know.
I really feel hurt by it today. Frustrated, angry, sad.
I don't mean to be a bad person. I don't mean to be so f'ing behind in everything...I don't mean to be so f'ing lazy.
And here's this mental health professional that is without saying it out loud...is giving me all these hints that, that's just it...I'm being "bad", and I that I need to learn to behave myself or something.

And...though I don't even really like this guy anymore (I could make a very long thread on all the frustrations I've had wih this guy over he past year.)

But I still feel a desire to please him...to be good enough for him...to be hat 'champ' for him. Like the kinds of things I feel with my dad.

I don't know how to deal with him. I've never dealt with anyone who has been so judging of me...and whether I like it or not, he is a big part of my life for now.

He refuses to try and understand me. He doesn't get it at all.

Or maybe I'm the one in the wrong? Maybe these kinds of things (falling behind on a bunch of simple things in life) isn't a shared thing among those with add?
Am I just making excuses? I'll tell you for dam sure...the whole "Just do it!" and "get your lazy *** up and just do what you need to freaking do!" stuff just does NOT work for me. Is that bad of me? Childish?

I'm very frustrated. I almost felt like crying when he walked out on me. I could feel his eye rolling at me and his disgust in me..

**** him.

How do you deal with a guy like that?

...Thank you for letting me vent.
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