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Old 09-21-10, 02:40 AM
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Husband: wants ADHD risk taking "irresponsible" job, WIFE:wants him to be stable

I just lost my 8th job last week, had it for 2 years, just about my average length of job for past 17 years out of college. At age 40, surely feels so discouraged with so many job changes. Longest one was 4.5 years. Shortest was 9 months.

I cannot see myself in another similar job that I had before (sales person for computer hardware or sales person for financial products). I am so fed up with going around in circle. Self-employment seems to be the way to go. But I have no savings, and my wife is definitely against the idea as I could not even hold a job for long, how can I run a business? Therefore, she wants me to have stable monthly income, even low paying one is fine. She wants consistent income coming in for our 2 small kids of course.

But consistent income job means another job similar to my last ones.. because that's what I can get hired for. And the boredom and lack of variety would kill me and I would end up failing again !

Choice 1: find another same job, keep wife happy, be miserable as my ADHD need variety and fast pace.
Choice 2: figure a business that I like to be in, wife unhappy, no income to start (I have no savings), but gives me the excitement of my own business.

Anyone care to comment ?
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Old 09-21-10, 09:03 AM
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Re: Husband: wants ADHD risk taking "irresponsible" job, WIFE:wants him to be stable

I can understand both points of view. Luckily I'm the wife with ADHD who has a husband who can keep a steady job. What is she doing right now? Can she work?

I think it depends on what kind of business you want to run and if you know what you are getting into. What are you looking to do?
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Old 09-21-10, 11:12 AM
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Re: Husband: wants ADHD risk taking "irresponsible" job, WIFE:wants him to be stable

Quote:
Originally Posted by jake9777 View Post
Choice 1: find another same job, keep wife happy, be miserable as my ADHD need variety and fast pace.
Choice 2: figure a business that I like to be in, wife unhappy, no income to start (I have no savings), but gives me the excitement of my own business.

Anyone care to comment ?
Jake, can you try sending resumes to interesting jobs, just for the heck of it? (Meanwhile wife may be happy you are trying and you are getting some space?)

You still need time to figure out business to be in, huhh? And no savings?
Assuming wife is at home, can she take a part-time job or full-time job?
If she already has those, can she get a raise?
Can you raise money by selling some unnecessary things (agreed with your wife and kids)?

A better option would be to get a 'simple' job and work 'on the side' - I like it how Pamela Slim says 'hustle on the side' - see http://www.escapefromcubiclenation.com/ there are some other cool blogs out there too..

It's not 'either - or' you can do both... (assuming you have energy for it..) It may actually be good to have a job or at least part-time job to give you some structure, and you can do more creative things 'on the side'.. (or discover what you want to do) I took time off for creative and other things and sort of it means lacking structure for getting things done, too many options every day etc.

I live with my parents so costs are minimal - I don't think that's something you may wish to do though!! (Don't recommend it!) Especially if you might be in pursuit of own biz (parents may not understand the concept and may just want one to 'get a job' too!!) And there may be all sorts of intrusions and diversions, like stuff they might need to get done (or yelling while you're on the phone, sigh) etc too.

If you might work from home, kids and wife - or neighbours can be a diversion too, especially if they are lively and/or noisy.. So, would you actually have peace to work on your biz and such? Would you have access to free space locally to work from there, if home is too busy? Things to consider.

And start getting or making some savings!!
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Old 09-21-10, 11:35 AM
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Re: Husband: wants ADHD risk taking "irresponsible" job, WIFE:wants him to be stable

I like the both option. Take the bloody boring job. You're a Daddy, you have to do what you gotta do to bring home the bacon. And work towards getting that self employment happening on evenings and weekends.
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Old 09-21-10, 12:00 PM
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Re: Husband: wants ADHD risk taking "irresponsible" job, WIFE:wants him to be stable

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Originally Posted by RedHairedWitch View Post
I like the both option. Take the bloody boring job. You're a Daddy, you have to do what you gotta do to bring home the bacon. And work towards getting that self employment happening on evenings and weekends.
IMO that's the only way to go... gotta do both, at least for a while (believe me, I'm the same boat... stable and boring that'll kill me, or something I really want to do?). I know where you're coming from.
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Old 09-21-10, 01:08 PM
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Re: Husband: wants ADHD risk taking "irresponsible" job, WIFE:wants him to be stable

You are all correct -- there is no either or, have to do both. But have to find the right combination of it. My wife works part time, if I had my full time job we would be living comfortably with a bit of savings. Her work is always stable, bosses and customers and co-workers all love her. My jobs are always unstable, when bosses hire they think they are so happy for hiring such a smart positive attitude person, 3 months later they regret it.

To the point -- like Layla says, get a "simple" job so that I can get work on my own "fun" stuff on nights and weekends.
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Old 09-22-10, 09:14 AM
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Re: Husband: wants ADHD risk taking "irresponsible" job, WIFE:wants him to be stable

I lost my job yesterday and I feel so depressed. I am going to call a psychiatrist for the first time to see if I have ADD (I definitely have it). I will see if I get medicated. I really need help. This was my first professional job, at 24.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jake9777 View Post
I just lost my 8th job last week, had it for 2 years, just about my average length of job for past 17 years out of college. At age 40, surely feels so discouraged with so many job changes. Longest one was 4.5 years. Shortest was 9 months.

I cannot see myself in another similar job that I had before (sales person for computer hardware or sales person for financial products). I am so fed up with going around in circle. Self-employment seems to be the way to go. But I have no savings, and my wife is definitely against the idea as I could not even hold a job for long, how can I run a business? Therefore, she wants me to have stable monthly income, even low paying one is fine. She wants consistent income coming in for our 2 small kids of course.

But consistent income job means another job similar to my last ones.. because that's what I can get hired for. And the boredom and lack of variety would kill me and I would end up failing again !

Choice 1: find another same job, keep wife happy, be miserable as my ADHD need variety and fast pace.
Choice 2: figure a business that I like to be in, wife unhappy, no income to start (I have no savings), but gives me the excitement of my own business.

Anyone care to comment ?
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Old 09-22-10, 09:18 AM
mariposavioleta mariposavioleta is offline
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Re: Husband: wants ADHD risk taking "irresponsible" job, WIFE:wants him to be stable

I wish I had my own business. I have an online jewelry store at etsy, but to be succesful in an online business you have to be agressive in promotions and persuading people and very talented which I lack. But making and selling jewelry is my dream job but it is just silly. I have 30,000 in college debt, and since I got fired I have to discontinue my hobby, I cannot buy more supplies, which sucks.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Layla771 View Post
Jake, can you try sending resumes to interesting jobs, just for the heck of it? (Meanwhile wife may be happy you are trying and you are getting some space?)

You still need time to figure out business to be in, huhh? And no savings?
Assuming wife is at home, can she take a part-time job or full-time job?
If she already has those, can she get a raise?
Can you raise money by selling some unnecessary things (agreed with your wife and kids)?

A better option would be to get a 'simple' job and work 'on the side' - I like it how Pamela Slim says 'hustle on the side' - see http://www.escapefromcubiclenation.com/ there are some other cool blogs out there too..

It's not 'either - or' you can do both... (assuming you have energy for it..) It may actually be good to have a job or at least part-time job to give you some structure, and you can do more creative things 'on the side'.. (or discover what you want to do) I took time off for creative and other things and sort of it means lacking structure for getting things done, too many options every day etc.

I live with my parents so costs are minimal - I don't think that's something you may wish to do though!! (Don't recommend it!) Especially if you might be in pursuit of own biz (parents may not understand the concept and may just want one to 'get a job' too!!) And there may be all sorts of intrusions and diversions, like stuff they might need to get done (or yelling while you're on the phone, sigh) etc too.

If you might work from home, kids and wife - or neighbours can be a diversion too, especially if they are lively and/or noisy.. So, would you actually have peace to work on your biz and such? Would you have access to free space locally to work from there, if home is too busy? Things to consider.

And start getting or making some savings!!
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Old 09-22-10, 09:21 AM
mariposavioleta mariposavioleta is offline
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Re: Husband: wants ADHD risk taking "irresponsible" job, WIFE:wants him to be stable

Same things happen to me, I give the best impression at first since I am overqualified for the job, I have a bachelor degree, when the others are just trained on the job, but since I have trouble focusing at a thing at once I have issues with people and I people treat me like if I were incapable for the job because they are always looking for flaws and mistakes but they don't look at their mistakes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jake9777 View Post
You are all correct -- there is no either or, have to do both. But have to find the right combination of it. My wife works part time, if I had my full time job we would be living comfortably with a bit of savings. Her work is always stable, bosses and customers and co-workers all love her. My jobs are always unstable, when bosses hire they think they are so happy for hiring such a smart positive attitude person, 3 months later they regret it.

To the point -- like Layla says, get a "simple" job so that I can get work on my own "fun" stuff on nights and weekends.
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Old 09-22-10, 09:33 AM
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Re: Husband: wants ADHD risk taking "irresponsible" job, WIFE:wants him to be stable

I have a stress-free job as a janitor and I cut lawns. I love how this doesn't involve anyone and I get paid to exercise. Start something or dream about something to do in the "NEW ECONOMY" so far I can't figure out how to make money but it sure is fun vlogging and making "choose your own adventure" websites. I even am a Rent-A-Friend but in my little city there are no bites. I think it is just assuring to wifey when she sees hubby busy constructing things. Good luck.
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Old 09-22-10, 09:58 AM
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Re: Husband: wants ADHD risk taking "irresponsible" job, WIFE:wants him to be stable

I am upset. I called a couple of psychiatrists and all have spaces for appointments on October and November and at that time I won't have health insurance

Last edited by Lady Lark; 09-23-10 at 11:13 AM..
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Old 09-24-10, 06:31 PM
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Re: Husband: wants ADHD risk taking "irresponsible" job, WIFE:wants him to be stable

Quote:
Originally Posted by mariposavioleta View Post
I wish I had my own business. I have an online jewelry store at etsy, but to be succesful in an online business you have to be agressive in promotions and persuading people and very talented which I lack. But making and selling jewelry is my dream job but it is just silly. I have 30,000 in college debt, and since I got fired I have to discontinue my hobby, I cannot buy more supplies, which sucks.
Try going to the store where you buy materials wearing your finest creations and maybe they might like'em enough to actually 'buy them back' and use as 'advertisement' for their supplies?

That's what happened to someone who also likes crafting (I read about it at another forum)... She said she only got about the same as she paid for materials, but for that she could get new materials. So, hm?

Or check on free stuff websites.. Or in charity shops and such..
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Old 09-24-10, 06:36 PM
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Re: Husband: wants ADHD risk taking "irresponsible" job, WIFE:wants him to be stable

Quote:
Originally Posted by mariposavioleta View Post
I am upset. I called a couple of psychiatrists and all have spaces for appointments on October and November and at that time I won't have health insurance
Yeah, losing a job can be upsetting.. Especially if it was your first job.. You may feel like your everything depended on it.. At least that's sort of what I felt.. You are still young and it does get easier after a while.. You see that a job is not your whole life.. A job is a job.. It's only a minor part of who you are, the whole is much much more.. (Though it may feel different at the time..) And you've learnt a lot from this experience.. So you can use it when you apply for other jobs or volunteer or whatever you choose to do..

Maybe you could give jewelry making courses or workshops too? Do this with another biz or non-profit? (So you can just handle the hands-on experience?) It might be volunteer position first, or you might get some money, depends.. Some art shops had people giving workshops with supplies too.. Could you look into that? (They advertised themselves, with a flyer, or the person did..)
I've been to a kiddie festival where young people (mostly students) were doing crafts with kids. They were paid, not much, it was something, and they were there lots of hours in the week! (One-week festival) And all materials were provided. Any crafty opportunities where you live? (At least you could get to do the crafts?) Or could a non-profit become interested?

Have you tried doing EFT or TAT yet? There are free pdf manuals online and you can do it for free, to at least minimize the upset and feel better, so you can start constructing more helpful plans for the future etc.

Also, can you check the library and get The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr David Burns for basics of CBT therapy - really recommended!
There are some good books for ADD too!! See if you can find Fidget to Focus etc.

College debt and no job sucks - maybe you can find a better and better paid job though? (That's what happened to a girl I know, and even the people she worked with were better, and her new boss/es too!!)
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Old 10-01-10, 05:34 PM
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Re: Husband: wants ADHD risk taking "irresponsible" job, WIFE:wants him to be stable

Need to vent.... everyone tells me how smart I am. I graduated from one of the top 20 universities in the country, speak 5 languages fluenty, look and act so smart, but always end up in these unemployed situations. 8th job in 17 years, not so bad from looking at what others' have gone through here on the job board, but dang it, my jobs last no more than 2 years. I am so tired at this. At 40, I just want something I can do long term, even for lower wages. So hard, so hard. ADHD is a gift when managed right, it's a curse if you cannot manage it. I am right in the middle of these two categories. My ADHD has made my family of 4 live right above the poverty line, now that I am unemployed, have to make my wife worry without knowing how long this worry will last. Yes I have all these abilities... all these talents... all these education.... this is a curse, I wish there was someone (besides a coach) who can really treat me and turn this thing around.
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Old 10-01-10, 06:36 PM
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Re: Husband: wants ADHD risk taking "irresponsible" job, WIFE:wants him to be stable

Jake, the first thing to do is figure out if there is a common reason for losing jobs. You don't mention your field but you also have to consider that people in an industry will talk. I was in IT for ages and after awhile couldn't go to a new role without running into people I knew.

Once you know the reason you are losing jobs, we can figure out how to counter it. I'll make a bet that whatever the reason(s) is/are, someone here has a similar challenge.
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