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General Parenting Issues The purpose of this forum is to discuss general parenting issues related to children with AD/HD(ADD & ADHD)

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Old 10-19-04, 02:29 PM
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Kylersmom Kylersmom is offline
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Question about Disciplining ADD / ADHD Child

How do I discipline this kid? I have taken away privileges, etc. It doesn't work, when he earns his privileges back, he just loses them again. He is bossy, if I tell him something that he doesn't like he screams at me and calls me an idiot.

Also, how do I get him to sleep?

Help!!
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Old 10-19-04, 02:50 PM
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What do you do when he screams at you and call you an idiot?
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Old 10-19-04, 03:04 PM
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I have been ignoring him
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Old 10-20-04, 11:48 AM
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If you figure it out let me know. I have the same problem with the twins. I tell people there consequences but they don't follow them. They call me names and run out the door. I take the PS away and when I give it back doesn't matter. My kids take clonadine at night to sleep and there is always melatonin, which is over the counter, but talk to the dr. first before anything.
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Old 10-20-04, 04:03 PM
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I have heard that positive reinforcement works better than negative reinforcement with ADHD kids, but have no experience myself, at least not as the "reinforcer".
Rewarding good behaviour vs punishing bad behaviour works better in people with poor impulse control and is also better for self esteem, which is often a problem in ADHD children - and adults.
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Old 10-20-04, 04:12 PM
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Anger and frustration

Anger

I have to share this with everyone. I lost with my eight yr old daughter this morning! She woke up in a decent mood, however, it went downhill fast. She told her daddy that she wished he was dead before he left for work. Then she refused to go and brush her hair and teeth after me asking about 25 times. She just sat in floor and looked at me, even after telling her she would be grounded for 2 days. I have to be at work at 8:00 and it's a 25 minute drive from my house. So, I go after her and she starts running! I had to tackle her on her bed and then she starts screaming to the top of her lungs! I'll do it mommy, I'll do it. How in the world am I suppose to handle this? I am such a great morning person, and I have to deal with this each and every morning. She too has adhd.

Does anyone have any advice for me?
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Old 10-20-04, 04:17 PM
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Oh geesh....no. I wish I did, but that is exactly how Kyler is!! He's so bad that he won't even dress himself!!
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Old 10-23-04, 01:41 PM
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My daughter has GAD as well as ADHD.

The past 2 years have been rough. We have been through a divorce, and moved twice.

Although we are going through a period of calm right now, it has been very stormy in the past. In fact, the worst was long before the breakdown of my marriage. Her mood and behavior had deteriated to the point where she was running through the house screaming that she wanted to get a sword and cut her head off. This is the point that I brought her in, against the wishes of my then husband, for counseling and eventually medication.

Paxil has worked great for her. It has solved the more extreme issues of her behavior, and now she acts more like a regular kid.

Spanking never worked. Taking away toys never worked. Grounding her from priviliges works some of the time, although it seems that the less options she has the calmer and happier she is.

I have found that when I tell her "If you do ___, then you get___" works some of the time.

Consistancy is very important. This is a difficult one for me, because I am a single Mom, have ADHD and lupus. Sometimes when I am tired or sick, she gets away with more than she should.

I have found that the more one-on-one time I spend with her, the better behaved and happier she is. She wants to be held alot, and spend a lot of time cuddling. She got into big trouble at school recently, and it was after I was seperated from her for a week. One-on-one time has become a big priority.

I hope that you are taking care of yourself! This kind of conflict is stressfull and exhausting. In my case, my daughter would pick up on my stress, which made her stress and behavior worse, which made me more stressed, and so on.

What are you doing to take care of yourself?

Traipser
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Old 10-23-04, 05:21 PM
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I posted in the parent section about dealing with children with ODD...again, it is very important to emphasize choice with children, that's the "new thing" in pedagogy. Furthermore, positive reinforcement is ALWAYS preferable to negative reinforcement, and ALWAYS preferable to punishment (those are not the same thing.)

Positive reinforcement is rewarding good behavior with good stimulus, ie, normal rewarding. Example: You cleaned your room, here is a dollar.
Negative reinforcement is rewarding good behavior by REMOVING a negative stimulus. Example: You cleaned your room, now you are ungrounded
Punishment is adding a bad stimulus. Example: You did not clean your room, here is a spanking...

Positive Reinforcement is always most effective...but it has to be a reward for a choice.
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Old 10-23-04, 06:08 PM
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That was nicely stated.
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Old 10-24-04, 07:49 PM
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I try to pick my battles. when they are yelling and screaming, calling me names it is so hard not to get up and whatever, but I don't do that and I hate it cause it seems like I am letting them get away with it, but I have gotten hurt chasing them so I don't do that anymore. Was there anything that triggered it?
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Old 10-28-04, 12:31 PM
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disciplining

Hi,
What I have found that works for my son is positive reinforcement...we have a sticker chart with three stickers for each day, a.m, p.m. and evening. If he cooperates he gets a sticker and at the end of the week if he gets 15 out of the possible 21 stickers he gets a small previously agreed upon reward. We made it 15 out of 21 to allow some room for errors. You have to define what cooperating means, but for us it was not screaming and complying with routines within a reasonable time frame. Once he started taking medication though it has been amazing that he really doesn't need that sticker charts that much. But they are a very effective tool.
Dave
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Old 11-24-04, 06:56 PM
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Hi
My daughter is 8 , she also displays some of this behaviour.She will often call me an idiot if she can't have what she wants ( a word i never use ) . I tend to ignore this , and take it as part of her.It only makes matters worse if i was to make a big thing of it.Strange as this may sound , but have you tried foot massage .I was told about this and it often seems to work , strangely enough.Maybe just as a diversion , but my daughter loves it.
Lisa x
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Old 11-26-04, 12:57 AM
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You're all going to think I'm nuts but I have two words "Dog Training". We used the principles of dog training (which we learned from getting a German SHepherd) on our son who was later diagnosed as autistic. When we spoke to the Autism Association we were told that that is the method that they use. It basically involves:

Short sharp commands when you want an instuction followed (don't give an essay or a lecture. State what you want in a way that you expect it done)

Don't give them the opportunity to get in trouble ( I know my son can't help himself taking things apart so we don't leave him unsupervise where he can do any damage to anything or himself)

Treat your family like a pack and take on the position as leader - you are in charge, not them.

Give logial consequences for behaviour you don't want to see (eg if they make a mess then make them clean it up).

Don't hit or smack. If you need to restrain your child you're better off sitting on them or holding them down.

Don't have unreasonable expectations of their cognative ability.

They will fight these changes but it takes time. It's not much fun but you need to het yourself in a position of control for you to be able to help them with their emotional needs.

Basically, first train them, then teach them to understand and help themselves.

If someone had told me a couple of years ago that doing this would work, I'd have laughed at them but it really does. Be persistant and don't give up. Keep trying coz you love them and they need you to show them how to cope in our society. It's cruel to be kind.
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Old 11-30-04, 10:13 AM
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My daughter's 8. She was never this out of control - but she came close. Be careful with the snuggling alone time - I did the same thing after we moved and my divorce finally became final. It causes MAJOR jealousy problems later when you're ready to move on with your life. Right now you might feel like you never want another relationship but someday you will and that caused me one hell of a headache!!!!! It's been 2 1/2 years now and I still have the "I feel left out" drama occaisionally.

The dog training thing works great! I call it "The Strict Mommy". I'll warn her that if she doesn't stop I'll go back to being the strict mommy. It's exhausting! It's heartbreaking! and after a month (if you can gut it out that long) the difference in her is worth all of the effort.

The other kids...getting the right combination of medications will probably be the best thing you can do. You can't blame yourself because their brain misfires or their chemicals are imbalanced. What you can do is help them to become balanced. In the end the difference is worth the struggle and the tears. Getting your child back is the greatest feeling in the world!
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